The One Who Rules All Dungeons

The One Who Rules All Dungeons

by Hi_Im_Ren

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Traumatising content

A slow-burning character-focused mix of dungeon core and isekai.

What does it mean to be a dungeon master? Kazuki finds himself in a mysterious world, with a suspicious god standing before him. When asked if he wanted to be a hero, he determined that he didn't want to be told what to do. "If you wish to be your own master, why not be a dungeon master?" The god exclaimed. After passing through a portal, he finds himself summoned by a green-haired elf girl. After taking some pity on her, he decides to become an adventurer to help her. After all, it could help him build his dungeon in the future. 

Please consider reading on https://www.writerofdungeons.com/ to support the author.

New chapters are released on Wednesdays and Saturdays each week.

The art was created by me; I will continue to update it as my art gets better. Check back through previous chapters from time to time.

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  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
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Author
Hi_Im_Ren

Hi_Im_Ren

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drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
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aralbair
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

When you accidentally summon a dungeon master

Reviewed at: 006 - Broken

An engaging, well-paced isekai story. The summoner girl who accidentally summons the MC is very cute, and the MC is a likeable guy who seems like he'll make for a clever dungeon master. Prose flows well.

The author has done a great job of providing the right amount of exposition for you to quickly get your bearings and pique your interest about the unique parts of this world -- the gods, how the dungeons work -- while not wasting time overexplaining familiar tropes like skills and half-elf racism.

Also, nice art! The cover is well done -- it's super recognizable at any zoom. Webcomic when?

Having read a review copy up through Chapter 12, the one thing that I think might turn people away from the story is that the description and first chapter promise dungeon building, but the first arc is a (very enjoyable) adventurer arc. While it's explained clearly and justified plot-wise, people who are here just for dungeon-building based off of the story description may feel bait and switched as the dungeon stuff doesn't crop back up until Chapter 11. One thing that might tide them over is that the MC is very much a dungeon master MC -- he tackles his adventuring objective with a calculating, min-maxing mindset.

Overall, a very comfy story that smoothly transitions between slice-of-life adventuring and darker, more serious events. The world-building so far suggests the dungeon/city-building to come will be well thought out. I can't wait to see what the main dungeon will be like.

Characters

The story focuses on two great characters: the easy-going MC and his easily flustered, barely-getting-by summoner. Their interactions are a lot of fun, and their developing romance is warm and fuzzy. The side characters are present just enough to make the world feel large and lived in, and so far they've mostly played expected roles.

Grammar

The grammar is very good. You'll even find the elusive hyphenated adjectives and semicolons in this story. Only the first chapter suffers from tense-shifting issues, which may be fixed by the time you read this. Only a handful of comma splices in the first 12 chapters.

For the Writer: Writing Critique

Editing and critiquing is my specialty, so here goes. Again, overall I thought the grammar was great, and the prose flowed smoothly. These nitpicky comments, especially the grammar ones, are kind of going beyond the RoyalRoad grammar scale. Hopefully you find some of this helpful!

Grammar

Tense Shifting:

The first chapter slips from the present tense into the past tense several times, which I think is really important to fix because readers could mistakenly think there will be tense-shifting issues throughout the story. Starting with:

He appears to be young with ethereal pale skin as if his body was made of pure light...

That "was" should be "is". A lot of the subsequent "was" in the first chapter should be "is".

Overused Words

There are a lot fewer overused words than most authors on RoyalRoad. The only ones that stood out to me were "quite," "actually," and "very." If you search for those words, almost all of the sentences in which they are used would retain their meaning without them.

For example:

“A wish is quite a common occurrence in stories.”

With the "quite" removed, the sentence has the same meaning and sounds more professional.

Style

There's room for some show-don't-tell comments. For example, in the prologue:

The god's grin had a bit of a mischievous feeling to it. It seems that the god is entertained by our conversation.

The first sentence shows, the second sentence tells. The second sentence is unnecessary. Removing it or replacing it with another sentence showing that the god is entertained would make the writing stronger.

All the character decisions made sense to me except for fighting the boss. It didn't make sense to me why they'd risk such a dangerous fight after repeatedly saying they would be cautious after Kazuki's near-death experience.

I'd also like to recommend using them blue boxes for the longer status windows. I know a lot of RoyalRoad readers eat them up, and even for the general audience I think the longer status windows would be more readable in a table format. Awesome work so far, excited to see where it goes!
Daniel Newwyn
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Lovely light novel style Isekai

Reviewed at: 006 - Broken V1.1

Disclaimer: I received the full copy of the first arc in exchange for a review.

 

The One Who Rules All Dungeons by Ren is a typical isekai story that ticks all the boxes of the genre. Isekai stories often suffer from problem related to power balancing, absurdity of new worlds, buffs given for no reasons etc. This story doesn't have any of that. 

 

The story starts out with a timid girl named Elly summoning a hero to aid her, but instead she only gets. . . the MC, Kazuki. The MC starts out trying to be nonchalant, but then quickly grows protective of the girl who he eventually comes to adore. Through the journey, we get to see slice-of-life events as well as life and death situation. 

 

The thing I like the most about this novel is the chemistry between the two main characters. The way the two interacts, how Elli gets more comfortable around Kazuki (from being timid to being able to scorn him), how the romance starts to bubble, how Kazuki learns his ways in the new world etc. is just the right amount for me.

 

The story is good with slow pacing to build up the interactions between the character. The author chooses a simple voice for this story, which works really well to give it a light novel vibe and help readers get through the slower parts.  

 

The grammar is strong and the punctuation are handled really well, which is something that many writers on RoyalRoad overlook. As other reviewers have pointed out, there are some problems with tense shifts, which is something the author should look at before publishing the whole story.

 

All in all, a great story for anyone who likes Isekai. Definitely recommended!

Sii
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Wholesome, slow burn dungeon core

Reviewed at: 006 - Broken

Overall:

As a disclaimer, this is a part of a review swap between myself and the author. I was provided with a copy of the full first arc so that I would be able to properly form an opinion. 

Overall, I really enjoyed my time reading this lovely story. The author has done a great job of infusing some realism and slice of life heart into the, often, overpowered isekai and dungeon core genres. It's a slow burn, really slow. The MC is only OP in the sense that he's an isekai victim, this time a victim of the lesser known Car-kun. His base level 1 stats are higher than an average level 1's in the world he's been sent to. But that's it, other than his innate class and stats the MC is just an inexperienced noob thrown into a world and told to do some random things. For any prospective reader, do not go in expecting a steep incline as far as the power creep goes.  Instead, go in expecting a whimsical slice-of-life experience with isekai, litRPG, and dungeon core elements woven in. I really enjoyed the pace, it gives you a chance to get to know the MC, his very first friend, and the world bit by bit. I'm eagerly looking forward to the beginning of the next arc. 

Story:

The story is probably my favorite part so far. Or rather, the hint of things to come. While the pacing is slow, languid really, I think the story will benefit from the pacing in the long run. From what I've read so far, as an arc reviewer, I believe the author will be able to mix up the pacing really well so I'm happily looking forward to the developments. While the story bears are pretty much tried and true, the way things are handled make them refreshing and fun. For instance, in chapter 6 the MC ends up getting really hurt in his first encounter with some bandits. And this greatly impacts his mindset later on. I really like this bit, it shows that Kazuki is willing to learn, grow, and adapt. 

Character:

My second favorite aspect only because I have high hopes for the story. Kazuki, as an isekai MC, is NOT your usual MC. He actually has a backbone and proves to be adaptable, malleable, and smart as the story moves along. I know many readers, I'm included, have grown weary of the spineless isekai MC with the underserved harem and I think I can confidently say that's not something to worry about here. Elli fills the role of the sidekick/early love interest very well while proving that she can grow and isn't just a 2d side character. Her interactions with Kazuki, both early on and later on, are pretty believable once you come to understand why she acts the way she does. Overall, I look forward to seeing how Kazuki and Elli grow and how their dynamic will improve as they add more allies. 

Grammar & Style:

I'm going to roll these two into one for the sake of brevity. Personally I'm not the biggest fan of reading from the first person and doubly so for present tense. But I enjoyed my reading experience because the author did a very good job of handling the style. While I did come across some tense problems and a few repetitive, simplistic sentence structure problems, this did not hinder my enjoyment. These are easily fixable with some editing passes and I'll be pointing them out to the author in private. The grammar was spot on and easy to understand. No flowery prose necessary and I think this makes the story as a whole much stronger. 

In closing, I really enjoyed reading this novel. It's a refreshing take on a saturated genre that mixes in slice-of-life really well. I'll be looking forward to how the story and characters develop. 

hmdrake
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Fun Isekai Story with Potential

Reviewed at: 005 - Subpar Shopping Trip

This is a fun little Isekai story with potential, I'm curious to see where it goes. I've read a few chapters ahead of where the story is currently on the website, so I'm reviewing for the first arc.

The characters so far are solid. The MC is a little blase about being in a new world, and a little too willing to get in between a pair of warring gods for my suspension of disbelief, but it's a fairly early part of the story to get things moving. There's a little blurb about it in an early chapter to help explain his reactions, so I can respect that and move on.

There's an interaction with some bandits a little later that hits me wrong, both with the bandit's attitude and the MC's reaction. The bandits came across as a little too generically evil, and I'm not a big fan of that particular trope. As well in that scene, he chooses to stop and check his stats as his health is bleeding out from a skill activation. I think this scene could use a little bit of cleanup to make the characters feel more natural.

 

Grammar-wise, everything is flowing smoothly and I'm not seeing any major issues. There are a few times where the tense slips, which is a little jarring, but overall very well done. There are also a few sentences with some odd structural choices that should probably be addressed in an editing pass.

The style is solid here too. I really enjoy the bits of art interspersed in the story, it adds quite a bit to the experience. The infodumps could have been spread a little more evenly through the story, but I understand wanting to hit the ground running and getting the rules out of the way. The POV's are well done, being very clear and consistent in switching views.

The story is a little generic so far, but in a vein I like. I'm a big fan of dungeon-building stories, and having a character who can both build and adventure is a huge boon to the story growth. I'm looking forward to seeing how this develops.

Overall, I feel that this is a really interesting start to what could be a fun story. I think it would benefit from an editing pass for some minor issues, as well as some character growth, but I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes!