Rise of the Firstborn Mage

by Briizy

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

It began with ice. 

A relentless, bone-chilling tickle of frost that stretched across the lands of Axulran, crawling over the mountain crests and freezing the grassy meadows. Frozen in time, the kingdom fought for political control all across the region of Ellixus, paying no mind to the death and torment they may cause along the way. 

Cateline Bennett, a princess consumed with ice, found herself lost in a foreign kingdom with nothing but her wits to survive. As she explores this unknown land, she unravels her past and discovers that the magic she had concealed for so long could unleash chaos so intense, it could destroy the world as she knew it. 

With her untapped magic and new friends, Cateline must vanquish the enemies that threatened the world of Denzethea as they knew it, else they, and all they knew, would crumble to ruin. 

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Author
Briizy

Briizy

Brianna

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Reviews
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Lordxlaw
Overall

A Promising Start to a Magnificent Tale!

Reviewed at: ~ 1.7 ~ Fears

As stated by the author in the beginning, this story is a rewrite of a prevous work on this site. Unfortunately I didn't get to read the original, so I decided to start with this one instead. So far, the story is excellent. Cateline is an interesting protagonist, the prose is smooth and flows well, and I can already tell the plot will become very gripping in the future. If you have the time, definitely check this story out!

AwakenedMuse
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Overall

This is a fun and interesting story about a princess who finds herself lost and far from home, with no memory of how she got there. She comes from a kingdom that hates and fears magic, and her own magical powers awaken early in the story. She struggles with this as she also struggles to trust and make friends after washing up on the shores of a magical academy. Good start to the story, and I'm hooked. Will be eagerly awaiting more!

Style

The author has a nice, flowing stype. The first few sections are pretty rough - as a writer I have trouble with beginnings too, so I get it. Don't let that stop you! Once the characters are introduced, the story flows very well. 

I do enjoy the maps and character art included at the beginning. Nice touch, and not something I've seen often. 

The word choice is very nice. Very occasionally a word is used incorrectly, but this does not impact the reading experience very much.

Grammar

The story is technically very well written. Spelling is excellent, as are the sentence structure and punctuation throughout. Makes for an easy read. 

Characters

The main character is interesting. I think she could be portrayed stronger, but also learning more about her background, she is certainly conflicted and this comes through. She had a sheltered upbringing, but now that she is out of her father's castle, she is willing to learn and grow as a person. She is a compelling character to follow, and I'm looking forward to watching her growth throughout the tale. 

Verin (hopefully the love interest) is well written. He's charming and complex, a little aloof without being a jerk. That can be a hard line to walk, and I'm glad he doesn't come off as a jackass. 

The other supporting characters seem a little one dimmensional so far, both plucky sidekick types, but I have a feeling they will be further developed once Cateline starts to actually open up and trust them. Plus, what's up with the headmistress anyways?

Read to find out ;)

Eligos
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

I wasn't really quite sure what to expect going in. I've read a lot of “magic school,” stories, and most of them either end up spinning their plotless-wheels endlessly and impotently within the trite and tried confines of the arcane classroom, or devolving into the quasi-shounen mess so many RR stories tend to inevitably veer into.

I'm very happy to report that Rise of the Firstborn Mage is neither. 

The voice is VERY Jane Austen / Charlotte Bronte in the best way. Word choice is excellent, flow and dialogue match up quite well. Better yet, arguably unlike Austen, Briizy is very good at evoking a sense of sensation. The feelings of the protagonist in the midst of a storm in the first chapter is invokes all five senses beautifully and viscerally. 

There's a great sense of world building. Briizy is always throwing in tidbits that make you want to know more, but never enough to fully satisfy the mystery—as it should be—and certainly never enough information to qualify as an info-dump. 

The characters are all interesting and clearly have their own issues and secrets, and I look forward to seeing them fully explored.

There's a lot of withheld and understated  tension for the main character especially, and I can't wait to see where this goes as the story progresses.

Cathal Ashenhand
Overall

Interesting Idea and a Promising Beginning

Reviewed at: ~ 1.5 ~ Bathhouse

Not the kind of thing that I would normally pick up, in all honesty. I'm glad I did. Starting off with the basics, the prose is solid, with a good deal of effort put into the quality of description and grounding the reader in an environment. Sentence structure is a little formulaic in early chapters and easy to predict but this improves as the story moves forward and the author themselves improve.

An early review mentions the concept of 'Jane Eyre goes to Hogwarts' and it's a great elevator pitch for this story. The world-building is solid - things make sense and the world is believable, though early interactions with villagers are a little jarring. This could be something to consider during a redraft but isn't much of an issue on an initial read.

Caterina herself is possibly the weakest part of the story so far. There's little to grab onto in terms of character at the beginning of the tale and whilst again this improves as you read on, with character in particular it's difficult to recover from a slow start. A reader's first impressions of a character are tricky to shake! 

Overall an enjoyable read and a story I'll be keeping a close eye on as it continues to update.

D.C.Veiling
Overall

This review was done at chap 1.13.

 

Up to this chapter, I can recommend the story to everyone.

The writing is generally very well done and appropriate for the setting. I would say the characters are nicely done for the short frame available so I expect they will be awesome in future chapters. 5* on that front.

The story is great, but there isn't too much of it yet, so I place 5* for the available content due to good pacing and foreshadowing that keeps me reading to find out whats cumming next.