The Strongest Magical Beast

by Rancer

Original HIATUS Action Adventure Comedy Romance Martial Arts
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Sexual Content
You all know all those wuxia and xianxia stuff where most of the MC gets a magical beast as a companion. However, this story will be different as the MC is an animal. Do follow through the story as you find out how an animal from a dirt weak climb up its rank and makes its name as one of the upper echelon in beast rank.

You can also find me at https://rancerqz.wordpress.com/
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  • Pages :
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Author
Rancer

Rancer

Achievements
Word Smith (IV)
Group Leader (III)
I Am Ascending (V)
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Zeratul
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Good Grammar and writing style, but could more story and character development

(Reminder: This was written before the revamp of any chapters happened)

 

I will start off with the points I find good first.

 

Switching a lot between the POV of different characters in a situation even when you did in in a dialogue like in chapter 2 make it a very good read. You also use your grammar well even though you still make some mistakes like in the last chapter (chapter 10). I can understand those faults because there are other stories that have actually worse grammar because they are just beginning writers.

 

The bad parts about your story is that you don’t build it up quite enough. You give empty goals and skip out on a lot of the story that while more annoying can give the readers a better insight on the characters their personalities as well as on the difficulty of cultivation and how they do it. I myself like a lot of Xanxia/Wuxia stories so I find it a bit sad that you don’t explain the method of how they cultivate as well as their feelings and bottlenecks when training as those can be used to make the personality of  the characters clearer as well as providing you with a part of story to make the character grow on you. By leaving those parts out, it is like there are no bottlenecks for the character and the MC doesn’t grow on you because he seems to have little to no hard times while cultivating which would actually make things a more interesting as you can create certain special events that can happen during a bottleneck or when the MC is too weak to oppose certain forces.

 

The 2nd bad part is that you don’t give enough detail to describing the other characters and their personalities through events. While you make good use of switching in POV the side characters as well as the other characters that seem to play a greater role have shallow personalities because of this. e.g. Janel seems to be a slut that would betray her mate if a stronger character would show up. Which gives you totally no reason to have the characters grow on you because they are too shallow. You also do not give a lot of descriptions in how they look even after a time skip where they have gotten more powerful and some may be able to use their human form.

 

The final part I find you can do better is in describing the environment or the surroundings like going to class as you have explained that not all tiger gain their human form at the same cultivation level. How does a class full of tigers look, are there chairs, are there tables, how do the text materials look, how would a tiger use a scroll (I would expect stone tablets but you never even mention how those materials look), Do the tigers sit or do they lay down in class.

 

I hope this review helps to better your story even if you need to rewrite the current chapters to improve it as this story has a lot of potential as it is one of the few where the MC is a beast in a Wuxia/Xanxia setting and it would be a shame if you gave up on it.

FancifulEight
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 I'm sorry, but the idea was interesting, and the rest of the story could be interesting, but I couldn't get past the "Surprisingly, I am much intellectual "(7th paragraph) and whatnot. (That was only one case)

Mwis
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Broken grammar but good story

I may end up sounding like a asshole. This story is good 

, really it is  but the fact that almost every sentence in every chapter is so broken makes  it seems like this was the work of some MAchine translation.i have difficulty reading the chapters and often get confused, more often than not I have to read the same sentence several times and quess what it's that it was supposed to say to understand. It feels like you often place a word in the wrong precens or that you simply forgot or didn't put a word that should have been there. Well except the broken/missing grammar this story has potential and I wil still follow it because of that. Good luck and try to find someone to prof read your chapters.

doomsdaythe4th
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good story, great ideas, work on the grammar please

the story is good and the concept is interesting. However, the grammar makes the story seem like you put it through google translate 4 times before translating it back into English. even the half a star I gave it for grammar is pushing it. I would love to see the early chapters of the story get proofread though, as the grammar is pretty much the only thing wrong with it. but not being able to understand more than 43 words of it in the beginning pretty much turned me off reading the rest of it.

ermine
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Great story!...................

This story is starting out great, and has awesome potential. I can’t wait for more!. great idea and just waiting for more!!!

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smooky
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Not Really good at reviewing

Keep it up:D Love the story hope you wouldn't drop you story in the middle like the others