Lament of the Slave

Lament of the Slave

by Nirrvash

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

The world is not always as beautiful and forgiving as one would imagine, and Korra Grey, a young florist, who is abducted by a creature of the children's books, finds herself in another world quickly learning that life can be even crueler than she thought.

After more than a year of pain and suffering in the madman's cellar, she gets what she sought the most, freedom. Though changed by cruelty she suffered. Either she learns to live with the mutations or finds a way to reverse them while she struggles to find her own place in a world utterly unknown to her, hunted not only by the nightmares of her past.

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Nirrvash

Nirrvash

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Chapter 1: Escape ago
Chapter 2: More Suffering ago
Chapter 3: Camping ago
Chapter 4: Interrogation ago
Chapter 5: Accommodation ago
Chapter 6: Seeker ago
Chapter 7: Laundry ago
Chapter 8: Charm ago
Chapter 9: Skills ago
Chapter 10: Killed ago
Chapter 11: Small Step ago
Chapter 12: Dummy ago
Chapter 13: A Coward or a Warrior ago
Chapter 14: Librarian ago
Chapter 15: Frustration ago
Chapter 16: Testing ago
Chapter 17: Myths ago
Chapter 18: Florist ago
Chapter 19: Agent? ago
Chapter 20: Distraction ago
Chapter 21: No Sleep ago
Chapter 22: Flesh Wound ago
Chapter 23: Coincidence ago
Chapter 24: Not a Flight ago
Chapter 25: Surrender ago
Chapter 26: Wounded Beasts ago
Chapter 27: Growl ago
Chapter 28: Choices ago
Chapter 29: Hunger ago
Chapter 30: Breakfast ago
Chapter 31: City Lord ago
Chapter 32: Instinct ago
Chapter 33: Offer ago
Chapter 34: Peeping ago
Chapter 35: Leaflet ago
Chapter 36: Claws ago
Chapter 37: Companies ago
Chapter 38: Dark Past ago
Chapter 39: Mess up feelings ago
Chapter 40: Entrance ago
Chapter 41: Roof [Edited] ago
Chapter 42: Newbie ago
Chapter 43: Rolling ago
Chapter 44: Trapped ago
Chapter 45: Speed ago
Chapter 46: Stalls ago
Chapter 47: Chase ago
Chapter 48: Cutthroat ago
Chapter 49: Defiance ago
Chapter 50: Geas ago
Chapter 51: Tough Choice ago
Chapter 52: Talk ago
Chapter 53: Handover ago
Chapter 54: Inferno ago
Chapter 55: Luck ago
Chapter 56: Herding ago
Chapter 57: Back to the Roots ago
Chapter 58: Call ago
Chapter 59: Ritual ago
Chapter 60: Focus ago
Chapter 61: Struggle ago
Chapter 62: Dinner ago
Chapter 63: Lucky Girl ago
Chapter 64: Worries ago
Chapter 65: Resolve ago
Chapter 66: Beast ago
Chapter 67: Master ago
Chapter 68: Liberated ago
Chapter 69: Full Moon ago
Chapter 70: King of the Woods ago
Chapter 71: No Loot ago
Chapter 72: Horse Riding ago
Chapter 73: Miracle ago
Chapter 74: Briefing ago
Chapter 75: Brainstorming ago
Chapter 76: Seal ago
Chapter 77: Ranks ago
Chapter 78: Chick, Tricks and Cry ago
Chapter 79: Thread ago
Chapter 80: Drill ago
Chapter 81: Mysteries ago
Chapter 82: Learning to Crawl ago

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Faeron
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Mature setting with juvenile characters

Reviewed at: Chapter 18: Florist

A good command of the language and a decent setting are the main draws of this story. I like the fairly unique isekai premise and the double-edged "power-ups" that the MC gains, as well.

Unfortunately, the characters are entirely two-dimensional. Evil characters are always bad, good characters are always good, and any neutral character is an extra. The story is honestly an enjoyable read as a slice-of-life without much story progression, but the instant the stakes get raised, the illusion fails. To maintain character believability, there must be some real depth to their thoughts and actions---otherwise the R-rated setting feels inadequately paired with a preteen novel's puppets.

This is meant as editorial suggestions for the author. I'd recommend you pick a maturity level and apply it across the board. I'm sure some readers won't find it to be an issue, but I find it unbearable to be introduced a new "bad guy" at the end of a chapter just to be given a brutal cliffhanger with no foreseeable payoff (beyond the MC getting tortured, enslaved, or otherwise abused in the next chapter) due to the predictably evil dude. 

Thanks for the hard work and otherwise enjoyable read. I hope this is of some value to you.

SFGF
Overall
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          The concept is superb and unique. the worldbuilding is ... I´ll get back to you on that one. The main character is truly taken from an anime/manga in the sense that it is beautifully achieved as unreal and childish. The approach on the character is human enough to a point, in a sense that considers hope beyond the tragedy. If a little slow, to elaborate on that, and with all of my love and encouragement to the author, for I AM trying to help you improve this potentially awesome story, not insult you in any way.

         At some point, the emotional rambling becomes so repetitive that I have to wonder whether if the MC is actually retarded, later in the story i deemed her so. Her choices, opinions, and focus, reactions are so surreal that the whole story is heavily forced. There is always the villain, the hero, and the victim,  evidently the MC is always the victim, but in a real human story, in the real world, there is never such a thing as dark or white, every sapient individual is moved by a mixure of biological, psicological, and economical/polítical motives. Thus every character HAS to become more complex: why help her, why continue to helper despite her brattiness and the need in a medieval society to avoid conflict with higher echelons and to work to eat. I tried, i mean really tried!, but i can't help but feel that the MC actually enjoyed her slavery, is as privileged as one can get but most importantly for the story: SHE DOESN'T ENVOLVE, LEARN FROM HER MISTAKES, bear her traumas ... I would highly recommend on catching up on some articles on the psychological state of kidnaped, raped, torture victims and what they did with their lives, their fears, and resentments. So far all we have seen is "a brat", i mean one of her motives is returning to earth .... a half fox/bird/deer/lion human, how do you think that will go? this is a common mistake of authors in these kinds of novels. "We" as in describing everything in the universe are a byproduct of causality and THEN our choices, thus romanticizing the world and ignoring the causality waves every event our MC is a part in said world, just inhibits it from becoming something more real we can connect with, making a cartoon out of it, whether their absolute ignorance of how rough on the edges society is on underdeveloped countries, lack of historical research, or, well, a complete disregard for how truly medieval societies worked. the end result is a children's story.

 To summarise because i'm getting lazy (sorry) you have a super concept, you need to rewrite it, do a little research here and there, mainly stop thinking of women as entitled "walking damsel in distress syndrome bundles", interview successful badass women, perhaps also a female ex-conn, historical research on medieval societies. Also reading some great post-WWII authors such as ana frank will help you a lot in establishing more realistic archetypes for your characters as well as progressing in your story...

PLEASE DON'T DROP IT, I LOVE THE POTENTIAL YOUR STORY HAS, and sorry if my review might seem a little aggressive, i promise I'm trying to help you

John Dovey
Overall

I'm really enjoying this story. The world building is great as is the character development. There are fairly substantial problems with grammar and spelling with many small mistakes, but it's easy enough to read past those to enjoy the story. I'd recommend running the text through a spellcheck or grammar checker (Google docs or Grammarly for example).

I hope to see many more chapters

relyt118
Overall

Now growth or development, just more of the same.

Reviewed at: Chapter 62: Dinner

720 pages in and there's effectively zero character development.  The world is interesting, and so are some of the characters, but no one's actually learning, growing, or changing perspectives.

The plot boils down to: Author heaps suffering upon Korra.  Korra responds poorly.  Author throws in a paragraph or two about how, no, really, *this* time Korra learned from her mistakes!  Author then proceeds to heap more of the same or similar suffering upon Korra, and Korra continues with the same behaviors and attitudes that served her so poorly previously.  Sure, some of her numbers go up, but that's just empty LitRpg amusement if those changes aren't reflected in the character.

Between the slow pacing, excess fluff, and the MC's repeating of the same or similar mistakes over and over, I'd call this story "Slice-of-Failing-at-Life".

More seriously, it's like someone tried to write an underdog fantasy isekai and drunkenly stumbled a little too close to "psychological thriller" territory, and the end result is a winding story about a traumatized young woman failing to overcome her own difficulties or adapt to her new environment.

vaylent
Overall

I read about 40 pages of this. To be honest, its basically a standard isekai, except for the character's background. You've read this before. On a technical level, though, it's... strange. I honestly can't tell if the author is ESL, or if they intentionally wrote it like this. It kind of reads like a badly translated foreign novel. I'm never sure if it's on purpose or just a failure to communicate l.

Snakefist
Overall

Entertaining but too slow

Reviewed at: Chapter 45: Speed

First thing that I want to get out of the way is the overuse of exclamation marks(!). I don't think that i'll exaggerate when I say that every 5th sentence on average in a conversation has an exclamation mark. Even outside of conversations it's not that better. In my head when someone uses an exclamation mark it's because they shout, or yell, maybe hiss in anger, or yelp in surprise, they can exclaim in fear or pleasure. But that's not the case here. It's especially ridiculous when the characters are having a converstation in a library where one of the main rules of behavior is to stay quiet and you have exclamation marks galore. The only thing that this overuse leads to, is that when character really do exclaim something it doesn't have the same impact because of it.

On to other things, when I say that it's too slow I mean that after 45 chapter or 534 pages I'm still not sure what this story is trying to be. At first I thought it might be a revenge story. A girl gets kidnapped, experimented on, mutated into human-beast hybrid, escapes, and than she uses her newfound power that she got from her torturer, to go back and destroy everyone responsible. It would have been poetic, but it's not what this story is about. Than I thought it might be about a girl lost in a new world and after traumatic experience finally gets her freedom, to try and lead a peaceful life. To heal her mental wounds, make new friendships, to find a place in this new and strange world, to find a home.

And after 45 chapter or 534 pages I'm still not sure what this story is trying to be, because nothing really happend so far. My expectations might have been influenced by Action and Adventure tags, but so far she is as weak now as she was in the first chapter. There are hints about action and adventure but considering the pace so far, it might happen in 3 chapter or it might happen in 30, you can't really know. I gave up on the idea that this is a story about mental healing, friends and friendships because after 45 chapter she is almost in the same spot that she was in chapter one. She knows more people but they are not her friends. There are no meaningful relationships, companionships or any other ships. Some are used as simple exposition dumps, other are as useless towards the plot and the story as ants that we step on without noticing on our way to the car.

Most of the time we are traped in the MCs head while she is telling us how she is scared, angry, distrustful and/or paranoid depending on the situation. But after the third time I think we all got how she feels in her new life. In almost every conversation there are paragraphs on how scared she is, what her life on Earth was like, In almost every situation there are paragraphs on how much she trembles, how her palms are sweaty, knees weak...

In my opinion it would be better after the first few times to just discribe how she walks. Is her head held high, back straight, arms relaxed, tail swooshing behind her without a worry, or is she looking down, hands and wings close to her body, tail wraped around her leg, afraid of getting close to other people. How does she talk to other people, is she maintaining an eye contact or is she looking away, stuttering or talking confidently. Simple and short descriptions like that could convey everything that is repeated in almost every chapter ad nauseam.

The more I read, the more frustrated I got because all of the building blocks for a great story are here, and yet we are getting nowhere. It's like the author is stuck in an ocean with no land in sight, so he picks a random direction and swims but nothing changes. So he picks another direction swinging and trying to prevent inevitable drowning.

These 534 pages are not too bad and maybe when there are another 2000, this novel might actually be worth reading, but considering that so far only a week has passed, i'm not sure that another month is going to change that much and keep the realism that it's trying to create.

I really can't recommend reading this, only read this if you don't mind the glacial pacing. Consider yourselfs warned.

 

zedlor75
Overall

This story gets dark. When the main character feels afraid of something, you know exactly why. As she gets to a betterplace, it means something because that dark past wasn't just "the past", but something we read as it happened, even if relatively briefly. If you're looking for a story of somebody getting out of a dark situation and growing both in power and mentally, this is for you.

All in Vane
Overall

It is too early for an in-depth review, but I like it so far. The mc is interesting and is (not) handling the pretty extreme trauma in a believable way. The world isn’t really fleshed out so far, but it has some interesting cultural aspects. The posting speed is unfortunately quite slow, but there are enough unique aspects to keep me hooked. 

Mago
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

I honestly think this a great story and although there are a few mistakes in grammar here and there they seem to be simple typing mistakes and a very slight lack of depth pertaining others characters expect from Korra (MC) it's emotional development and it's world building is quite good it also has as of now a very well written plot not simply the usual OP MC plot. 

As I have mentioned before, the emotions seem very, how to put it, real, like everyone else Korra has things she fears, she has dreams, she has desires, she has goals (I know is seems to overlap with the dreams but trust me it makes complete sense in the story).

The story is entirely coherent and there doesn't seem to be any plot holes for now.

The story is slower when talking about the MC getting stronger thought I think that it's going to get a bit faster because of what happened in the last chapter but the environment that she is in seem to be in constant change.

Not only do I find this amazing as I have said a few times in the comments section I am expecting this to be an even more amazing story.