Mundus Subcavus - or: "Caves are a geomancer's dream, but how do we get back out?"

Mundus Subcavus - or: "Caves are a geomancer's dream, but how do we get back out?"

by the_Enn_Gee

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content

Havellan is an aspiring mage and architect. On the recommendation of his old commander, he joins the Geomancer Professor Ottegar Scutolith on a journey to a volcanic island to investigate its sudden inaction. Together with the Alchemist Anne-Liese, the wilderness guide Beredalion and the Golem Chrysita, they venture deep underground into the completely drained system of magma tubes and chambers. They soon come across a weird phenomenon and in a desperate situation, decide to take a leap of faith further down than they could have ever imagined.

DISCLAIMER: This work is published on RoyalRoad and Inkitt as well as Audiobook on Youtube.

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
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  • Pages :
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the_Enn_Gee

the_Enn_Gee

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Ch 1 - A Favour fulfilled ago
Ch 2 - Departure into the Furrow ago
Ch 3 - Between the Flames ago
Ch 4 - Onto young Land ago
Ch 5 - Ascent to Descent ago
Ch 6 - Slumbering Fire ago
Ch 7 - Worries in the Dark ago
Ch 8 - The longest Fall of my Life ago
Ch 9 - Wandering in Shadows ago
Chapter 10 - On Sunless Shores ago
Chapter 11 - Remnants of Life ago
Chapter 12 - An entire World below the World ago
Chapter 13 - Taken by Surprise ago
Chapter 14 - A treacherous Path ago
Chapter 15 - Arrival in Civilization ago
Chapter 16 - Not a Mother's Worry ago
Chapter 17 - Conspirators to the Princess ago
Chapter 18 - Gathering Intelligence ago
Chapter 19 - A Plan in Motion ago
Chapter 20 - The long Run ago
Chapter 21 - A Meeting in the Wilderness ago
Chapter 22 - The long and fast One ago
Chapter 23 - The City of Slab ago
Chapter 24 - In Custody ago
Chapter 25 - Discussions and Revelations ago
Chapter 26 - Poetry and an old new Friend ago
Chapter 27 - Blind Hope for a Way ago
Chapter 28 - Off the beaten Path ago
Chapter 29 - A Situation dire ago
Chapter 30 - Put to good Use ago
Chapter 31 - Gruelling Work ago
Chapter 32 - Foundations for Futures ago
Chapter 33 - What We leave behind ago
Chapter 34 - Some can climb, Some won't ago

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Stillness
Overall

I want to emphasize that this is reviewing the first two chapters, so I can't say if this story will change for better or worse. I'll start by staying that the writting is pretty good. They style feels a bit stiff like if it were written by old english academics. The grammar is excellent on the other hand. The exposition is rather heavy, I'd add more action to make the scenes more dynamic. The story feels like it has potential to go somewhere interesting, but nothing stands out so far. That is really the main problem, it all feels dull. The main character doesn't seem to have any character. I only know he is a mage in the university army studing to be an architect. Which, now that I look, is told to me in the summary. This story needs a good hook to draw the reader in; if there is, I certainly couldn't tell. Lastly, I know people use similar title styles, but I've never been a fan of needlessly long titles. Anyway, I'd be interested in reading more once this story has been polished a bit, but as of now, it's too boring for me to continue.

Frostman
Overall

I like the vibe of this story.

Both the use of words, storyline, and general writing style is reminicent of old school fantasy litterature.

Think jules verne, journey to the center of the earth, around the earth in 80 days, etc ye'know the classics.

Just with a bit of magic springled in, the read is more "retro inspired" than the actual "classics" in that, and some other, regards "fit for the modern reader"  one might say.

Just really nice read. It's a good throwback feeling

 

MintyMintyMilkTea
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Magic and Science Intersect with Adventure

Reviewed at: Ch 7 - Worries in the Dark

It's still a bit early for me to get a good sense of this story, but so far it's an interesting adventure story with well thought out explanations for this story's natural laws and phenomena. 

Style: This story is written in first-person, which can be difficult to get right. So far I think the author is handling it well. My only quibble is more could be done with this first-person perspective. Right now it could be changed to the third person limited and we wouldn't miss much. Hearing more of the MC's opinions and having a stronger "voice" would help. 
 
Story: I think there's more important story beats coming up, but so far we get to the main premise quickly and know the basic goals of the characters. There's no prolonged info dumping and in the last few chapters there's been decent action. My favorite part has been the scientific explanations of the geology and this world's magic system. I'm looking forward to more.
 
Grammar: The author has a good sense of grammar, but there are a couple of typos and a couple of unclear sentences. Nothing major, just a few edits would help.
 
Character: Again, it's hard to judge with just 7 chapters, but the characters are starting to become more fleshed out. We've got a little bit of backstory and character moments to distinguish the MC, but I still need more to get a better opinion on him. As the story progresses I think we will learn more about the MC and the other characters.
 
Overall, this is a good start. The world is thought-out and the unique perspective on geology and magic is interesting. I'm excited to read more.
Jess D. Astra
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Classic Literature with a modern twist

Reviewed at: Ch 3 - Between the Flames

Style:
This story reads like a classic novel, old English and the likes. The author has a wide vocabulary and uses it in appropriate ways for the setting of the story.
I took some issue with a few of the paragraph lengths. Some of them were quite chonky and I would have liked them to be broken up.

Story:
Honestly, I didn't think I was going to find myself too interested in the story, but I'm really enjoying it so far. There's just enough scientific explanation to help the reader understand what's really going on, but not so much that it drags.
Speaking of dragging, the story doesn't. We get the catalyst in the very first chapter, and get underway. We skip the boring waiting around bits--like sailing for two days with no activity, summarized in one paragraph--and really get good digs on the action.
The magic system is really cool, and I'm interested to see more of it!

Grammar:
I noticed a few issues here and there, spelling and punctuation mostly, but sentence structures were all well formed (aside from a few having too many glue words). It wasn't enough for me to want to ding half a star, so, not too bad at all.

Character:
I feel it's too early to judge here. All the side characters seem well developed. I know their personalities and their wants and desires, but I have no idea who the main character really is yet. I'm hoping that will become evident in the future chapters, and I will be back to read more!

Deaddogsstillbark
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

I won't lie I'm a sucker for taking a typical fantasy magic and reinventing it into something new, a craving well satiated by the time I decided to write this review. This story is well-written, methodical, engaging, and a recommendation for fans of a more academic type of fantasy.

Style score :

The narrative is done very well and maintains a consistent quality far above the average web fiction. Due to this, I feel justified in my 5/5 

Grammar :

While there were a few minor errors I found nothing worth making a fuss over. Easy 5/5

Story : 

I did overall like the sense of adventure, it is rare to find a story motivated by exploration rather than conflict. However, I got a sense of a lack of investment from the M.C, which in turn made me less invested in the overall narrative. This could easily be fixed by fleshing out the M.C more. Overall solid 4/5

Characters : 

This is in my opinion the weakest part of an otherwise very strong story. As I touched on early the M.C lacks depth, which is problematic in a story told in a first-person narrative. This could easily be fixed by giving the M.C a more defined "voice", in which they could express their character in a more proactive way. 

Overall : 

I recommend you give this one a try, my criticisms could easily be fixed down the line and there is a lot here to like.   

Phruxx
Overall

It's got a real calm, slightly dry humor that is great to read. Nothing made me laugh out loud, but I was smiling the entire time I binged the story. Most of what I want to say was said in other reviews, but I'd like to add that in the old stories this is inspired by it was popular for the MC to be an observer of events rather than the force behind the story. The assistant, never the professor. That said, Havel isn't passive- he makes decisions and has an effect on the story, but he does fit into that role