Proxy is a battle-loving, but well-meaning delinquent. In contrast, his best friend Richard is studious and opposed to violence.
One night, while attending a concert together, chaos erupts. In the middle of the performance, the black Grimoire in their possession rips open a portal to another world and drags them inside.
Stranded in a foreign place, they must adapt to survive. Powerful foes lurk around every corner and only together can they persevere. On the planet called Holy Lands, their fate hangs in the balance.
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Update to Review - Since I wrote my review, the author took the time to edit the formatting of the story. It has made a big difference, and the grammar issues are disappearing. The readibility is greatly improved, and it helps the characters stand out more, as the shifts in headspace are clearer. I'm glad to see the improvements. Overall, good job. Congratulations on steady improvement.
Source Proxy is an Isekai story where two boys get sucked into a grimoire. The settings are dark, and the writing is in present tense, which is a bit of a change from what most readers find most comfortable, but certainly not unheard of.
The pacing of the story moves well, though I find the beginning a bit fast. I understand in the Isekai genre it makes sense to move out of the real world as quickly as possible, and that happens by the end of the first chapter. But, it felt a little fast to me, possibly because I didn’t feel like I had a good grasp on the main characters. It helped to have the dialogue from them in the author’s note, but I think that note should come at the top, or somehow be woven into the story.
The characters are Proxy and Richard. Proxy is a tough guy and a bit of a juvenile delinquent. He likes fighting – if you couldn’t guess. Richard has a gentle personality and is an overall caring individual. The juxtaposition of Richard and Proxy’s personalities works well, and both boys get a balanced view into their headspace. Early on there were a couple of places that the headspace switched, and I got confused. The boys are different enough that I quickly figured it out, but my point is that the headspace could be tightened up in some places.
Potential spoiler – There is a particular setting that I liked, which was an underground city, styled with Victorian buildings. It’s cool, but the characters don’t spend a lot of time there. I wish I could have seen more of it.
While the pacing and characters are working, I would suggest some changes. The biggest one would be to start a new paragraph each time a different character speaks. At this time, the story is broken up into paragraphs, but chunks of dialogue share the same paragraph as long as they center around a specific topic. I think those paragraphs should be broken up by speaker. It will make many of the paragraphs short, but that would be okay. It would also improve flow of reading.
My second criticism is that the fight scenes can be a bit inconsistent. Some are described blow for blow, while others are summarized. The good news is that the important fights are fleshed out while the lesser fights are shorter, though there are a couple I felt got skipped over.
Overall, I think the story fits into the main genres of royal road. It's what readers want most of this site. It’s got some good elements and some mysteries to solve, but I would like to see some improvement in the execution, mainly with the very first character introductions and with the paragraph breaks.
Let's start with a disclaimer: as you can see by the little symbol on the top right corner here this review was done as part of a review swap. This being said, I will be as impartial and professional as possible.
Props to the author who, after some people me included pointed out a few issues with the paragraph structure, fixed it. Now the novel is much more readable.
This was going to be lower but, as I said, the author went to breath lengths to restructure the whole novel into something much more readable. Now, as it is, it's definitely good. There are, however, a few issues still. I'm not used to a first person narrator, one that switches point of view as well, and many times I find myself confused as to who is expressing their inner thoughts. At times, I have trouble understanding who is talking as well, and for that some dialogue tags would be useful.
Its good. It recognizes its cliche setting, and tries to spin it in an interesting way. I haven't read too much yet, but considering that even the introduction chapter (which usually is mostly glossed over) has quite a thorough setting and characterization, I can only expect good things.
Impeccable, and the few issues I noticed have been fixed as soon as pointed out.
In my opinion, this is where the story shines. The characterization is obviously well done, as also seen by the many extras the author went to great lengths to include, just so we get a better feel for the characters. If the issue in the style were to be resolved, then this five stars of characters would truly carry this story quite far indeed.