Respawn Condition: Trash Mob

by Razzmatazz

Original ONGOING Adventure Fantasy Psychological Tragedy Anti-Hero Lead Dungeon Female Lead GameLit Gender Bender High Fantasy Loop Magic Male Lead Non-Human lead Progression Reincarnation Strategy

Every time I die I respawn as a trash mob at the very bottom of the dungeon. It's a rather troublesome existence but I think I've managed to adapt honestly.

(Updates daily!) (Slow burn)

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Author
Razzmatazz

Razzmatazz

Novice Writer

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KayTea
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Better than most, but needs some trimming.

Reviewed at: Chapter 20

First of all, I didn't expect much from this story at all because of the title and thought it would be some more of the same, but I've been corrected. It is interesting, in the way that a peacock sits in a flock of geese. The author knows how to write narration, not just telling you "I did this, and that did that" and whoever he/she is is fully aware of how to keep a strong voice of the person's story we're following, and for that I thank them.

Grammar is solid, and has either been edited heavily or the author actually knows what they're doing, there's way too many stories littering this place with awkward grammar, broken phrases or just a complete ball drop of the two. There's no need to worry if you're going to get a complete mess and question whether or not the author passed english lit at all. 

The prose is the strongest part for me, because its aided by the author's relevant skills in english there's a sandwich of the author being able to express themselves without being bogged down in tiresome mistakes. The voice is prominent, and will always be there on every single chapter. The indifferent, melancholic feeling you get is pervasive. 

About the story, for the protag to die and get respawned every time is nice, we don't have to worry about some super-generic story coming out of this piece. It's pretty much a solid slice of life in a straight up "you know what you're going to get, even on 30th chapter" sort of deal.  

What I can say is the pacing is... so mind-bogglingly dragged slow that it feels like I'm trying to draw a perfectly straight line for twenty miles. The piece is meandering and honestly aimless, not really giving us a reason to read when every chapter is just our protagonist a haze and shrugging around to stretch into monotony. A good quarter to half of the chapters can be cut without losing much of what happened, because the same sort of memory-haze narration will keep up again.

I think this story for most people will be hit or miss, because of the issues inherent to the storytelling and character. But its not bad, its greater in value than most low-quality trash that gets uploaded here, and I will rate it with my honesty.

aralbair
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Appreciating the little things

Reviewed at: Chapter 13

If anyone else were stuck in this story as the MC, this would be a horror story. The MC is stuck in an eternal loop of reincarnating and getting brutally murdered by the hero. The fact that it reads like a slice of life is a testament to the magnetic optimism and graciousness of this particular MC that makes it impossible not to root for them.

The MC is struggling to retain their individuality and memories against the pressure of the dungeon that wants them to be a trash mob. While the MC can overcome many of the dungeon instincts, as the story progresses it becomes clear that they're not as much in control of they're own mind as they claim. Well written, one of the biggest strengths of the story.

“I appreciate the dungeon-master, he really tries his best. He’s calculating, methodical. He has a plan. A plan that has never-ever worked, granted. But a plan nonetheless.”

The MC is always finding small things to appreciate, whether it's the aethestics of the dungeon or the uniqueness of each creature they're reincarnated as. The MC refuses to blame others for their suffering despite having plenty of justification to. Reading such an appreciative, thoughtful MC is refreshing.

Yes, the pacing is slow. I don't think it's that much slower than many other slice of life stories, though. I think what's really slowing down readers is the paragraph length.

To the author: please, please, go back and break up paragraphs. A lot of people read RR on mobile — go to a random chapter and try resizing your browser window to very narrow. Having all large paragraphs is intimidating. Your prose flows smooth as butter, so I think if you break up the paragraphs, readers will fly through chapters. This story is super bingeable.

On that note, the writing is great. The voice is tremendous.

I think some reviewers may be confusing the very colloquial voice of the MC for poor grammar/style. The MC is laid-back and uses relatively simple speech, and a lot of the sentences are very short, but the prose is strong. Grammar is great save for a few tense shifting issues in the early chapters (didn't see them later on), and some comma splices which most RR readers don't care that much about.

For the Author: Writing Critique

Grammar

Tense Shifting

In the early chapters, there's a lot of slipping into the past tense. It might be worth going back and hammering out all the past tense slippage back into present tense. I've left comments on some of the chapters with tense slippage.

Comma Splices

There're pretty common on RR, and this story doesn't have too many of them. I've left some comments highlighting comma splices.

Also, I've never seen "oof" spelled "uf." Not important but it struck me as odd.

Style

I like the style. Break up the paragraphs.

gnarlytreeman
Overall

So, as a reviewer, i read a lot of books. This one shouldn't be listed as comedy. Its just not funny at all.  To be honest. Its rather boring.  The whole forget everything and start over ramble is what does it, its pretty hard to read what amounts to the same thing rephrased slightly different every chapter.  Oh, and its not a slice of life either.  You could change the title to "A boring story of an amnesiatick trash mob soul." And get a perfect descriptor of what the story is like.  

 

Keep writing though, and don't bother rewriting, because thats the death of a story, and you need practice to make stories interesting.

 

Sorry, somebody has to call it like it is.

Strif3
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

A highly subjective review

Reviewed at: Chapter 20

This is a weird review for me, because this is a weird fiction. You can see from my rating that I love everything about this except for the story, but we'll get to that.

Razzmatazz's style of writing is... polarising, to say the least. I'm all over the comments praising the way the story is written but I've noticed other reviews criticising the same things I love about it so it must be a subjective thing. Either you'll love it or hate it, and I unabashedly love it. It's oddly melancholy and anyone who has experience with dementia patients will relate to the dsijointed, stream-of-consciousness type of writing in this story. It does change a bit as the MC gains more power but the essence is definitely there.

The story though, I have to criticize. The plot moves at a glacial pace. This could be the greatest plot since A Game of Thrones but we'd only find out at chapter 500 lol. I can't give it under three stars because I did legitimately enjoy it, but tbh if this style of writing didn't uniquely appeal to me, I would have dropped it after 10 chapters of literally nothing happening.

Grammar is great tbh. I always find this section weird as I'm yet to review a story with grammar so bad I have to deduct stars but yeah, it's a smooth reading experience. The author fixes any typos pointed out fairly quickly, so full five stars.

The MC is quite likeable, he finds happiness where he can in an endless cycle of death and rebirth. I especially like how the body he's in has a tangible effect on the way he thinks and acts. You can tell Razzmatazz has thought about this.

All in all, if you don't mind a slower paced story, this is definitely for you. This is a "comfy chair by the hearth in the late evening" type of story. The kind you'd read when winding down from a long day at work. Followed and favourited

Henry Morgan
Overall

4 out of 5 stars. Fun, unusual story.

Reviewed at: Chapter 45

There are some harsh reviews on this fiction, everyone is entitled to their opinion, but in my opinion alot of their criticism is unjust.

This fiction (to me) is intentionally vague as to the overarching plot and the MC has frequent amnesiac episodes each respawn. The litrpg elements are lightly touched apon and are still being explored and this story doesn't have the main charactor progress fast on powering up. This seems to have gotten people a bit annoyed.

For me, the story is great, I keep trying to guess whats happening, I enjoy the different perspective of each trash mob each respawn and I'll follow this story as long as its being updated in the hope this story gets finished.

WinnieSallow
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Good Piece for Evoking mood and emotion

Reviewed at: Chapter 14: Goblin Patrolman

Story: The concept is creative - to be reincarnated over and over into a mob creature. There’s good use of getting inside the different body types and the thought processes of those creatures. The main character tries to maintain a separate identity, but definitely slips into fairy type thinking, slime type thinking, etc. I think that is the strongest aspect of this story.

Character: The characters are a bit bare-bones. The main character is introspective and well designed for letting the reader slip into his role. At first, his thoughts might seem a little strange, but they do grow on you and feel more comfortable as you read deeper. That being said, I think the story would benefit from more character to character interaction. I have only read to chapter 13, so that might come later.

Style: Sentence structure is short and quick. At times, it can feel a bit choppy. Other times, it is nice and snappy. This may be more of a personal preference, but I think varying the sentence length could be a point for improvement. To the author – take my suggestion with a grain of salt. If others agree with me, maybe pursue a more varied sentence structure. If it’s just me, then I would say skip the suggestion.

Grammar: I haven’t really noticed any issues with grammar, which means the author isn’t making any mistakes or is fixing them. Either way a win.

It feels like there is a mystery to solve, but it takes till about chapter 13 to get going. The plot doesn’t have strong forward motion just yet, but the writing really makes you root for the main character, feel along with him, and hope he gets his dream. It’s an enjoyable read, but I think the same effect could be accomplished with just a bit more character interaction. I understand that crushing loneliness is the point, but simple, shallow interactions with the other mob monsters wouldn't take away from that. 

reteiker
Overall

Demented monster slice of life

Reviewed at: Chapter 12

When I say ¨demented¨ I mean it.

The entire story is told from the MCs PoV and the MC is starting to lose their mind because they've been a lonely monster for so long. They can't make friends because they're gone by the time they reincarnate as a new monster, they can't find meaning in life because they can't leave the dungeon so they can only focus on killing the hero that kills them but it is a lost cause for the hero is functionally invincible.

These things + god knows how much time = dementia.

The MC can make a game-changing discovery that could potentially let them kill the hero in one life and the next life they've practically forgotten all about it. But, there are a lot of wholesome(ish) moments of slice of life. The MC may have dementia but it doesn't stop them from trying to live a little. The fact they're immortal helps immensely in this regard.

I think this is actually a pretty well written & enjoyable story, the author does a good job conveying just how broken the MCs mind is and the grammar is great. There can be a frustrating lack of development but that is remedied by the slice of life elements that are equally well written and the fact that you really get the sense that the MC does try, they just can't help it that they forget so much so easily.

The Shadows Mistress
Overall

Good read, flow is interesting and a really amusing story. Well thought out with an interesting concept although its not quite slice of life monster story but it can be called that as our poor protagonist finds his/her way in life as a monster. Of course we know little how this happened or why as well. 

young trash the immortal
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

My reviews tend to be more simple. If I liked it, it's five stars. If I don't, then if the story is just not my type I don't review it. If it's just bad I'll give it the appropriate rating.

 

I don't care much about grammar, style, story, or character. Some people are willing to drop stars over the slightest "issue" that really just mean nothing for the experience.

 

As for this story, I'll give it five stars. I liked it. Is the pacing slow? I don't know because I enjoyed what I read. Slow pacing isn't necessarily bad unlike what some reviewers here think. Is it because of the "smaller" chapter's? Maybe, I don't know. Writing 2k words is hard, nothing wrong with short updates over a few days.

 

What I really like is the story, the concept. It invokes strong emotions in the reader. For example, the part with the spider lady, that was just amazing. I can talk about more, but just read it for yourself. Maybe, stop reading reviews because so many reviewers here are just toxic with how they give junk ratings for one typo like the wrong there form.

 

Yeah, it's not the Lord of the Rings, but who cares? Story is good, I had a good time. Easy 5 stars, follow, favorite.

midnightrainbow
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Great prose, but lacking in plot

Reviewed at: Chapter 26: Serpent

Great introduction to the GameLit/LitRPG! If you're new to the genre, Respawn Condition may feel like a bit of an odd piece. I do wonder if the author was high when he wrote this...

The story explores the variety of "trash mobs" you may encounter in games, told from the perspective of an MC that keeps respawning as one of them everytime it dies. This is where the narrative truly shines. Every thought, every moment of the MC's new incarnation is described in exquisite detail. You really get a sense of what it's like to be a slime, or a dark fairy. If you've ever wondered what life is like for monsters in video games, this is the book to read.

But too much of anything good can ruin one's appetite. That is how I started to feel the more I read. At Chapter 6, there was still no obvious plot. It just seemed like the entire story was  about each trash mob, with no bigger plot to bind everything together. I hope I'm wrong, but I didn't get far enough to know.

Stil, it was an enjoyable read that gave me a totally new perspective on video game monsters.