Apocalypse War: Survive. Die. Restart (OLD version)
- Sexual Content
- Traumatising content
New version: Here
When I was summoned to another world - I and all the other humans on Earth - to serve as a front-line soldier in a war against an invasion of nightmarish creatures, I knew right away that I was going to shit my breakfast on my pants. Especially when they said that with the powerful blessings of the Wizards and the Gods, they were going to turn us into superhumans and half-wizards, everything they said sounded like "you're a fucking cannon fodder!".
I was right. The war? We lost it so badly that all races became extinct. Me? I was a fucking veteran who survived until the end. Was I strong? Fuck yeah of course, I was, except... it was useless, I died like everyone else.
The bad news? When I thought it was finally over, I woke up when I was summoned at the beginning of the war, 14 years in the past. That, and also the fact that every time I die, I restart at the beginning of the war. It sounds crazy, right?
-The author's ex-girlfriend
-An anonymous reader who mysteriously disappeared
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After reading the first three chapters, I can tell the author is enthusiastic about telling his or her story. Which is great. However, it is almost unreadable.
1) The sentence structure and grammar is convoluted and confusing. There are numerous errors with prepositions as well as tense. Reading three chapters nearly gave me a migraine from my internal autocorrect struggling to fix the afore mentioned errors! Reading fiction should be fun, not mental gymnastics.
2) The narration is so verbose that it makes following along almost impossible. Keep details bite sized: As is, you are literally choking people to death with extraneous details. Try and focus on things that will add impact. We don't need to have everything that's going on in each scene explicitly stated.
3) You also need to stop comma splicing everything together. Use more variety in your punctuation: em dashes, colons, semicolons and parenthesis are your friends. Use them.
As it stands, this is a very rough draft. But with some serious editing and restructuring you might just have something that's worth reading. Best of luck.
I'm a big fan of both grimdark stories and medieval settings, so I thought I'd enjoy this story. And indeed I have. The story title basically gave away what you'd expect from the story, and I think that's neither a good or bad thing.
Mars walks a fine line between being a witty smartass and a compassionate hero with a good conscience. Though we usually see him whine inside his head about, well, mostly everything, he actually shows his softer sides in the face of grim reality eg. the scene where he confronted the dying woman, although he had to kill her in the end. He made some really funny remarks throughout the book, with popcorn ass and not brushing his teeth being some of them. Overall, he's an enjoyable character.
The story has massive potential, as not too much was revealed about the world yet. I'm invested and want to know about the war, about what's going on, about why he gets sent back to the past. However, the second chapter is a bit of an info dump. There’s too much retelling of the past and the density of information made me wanted to scroll past. I think Camille would benefit from retelling maybe half of that, and you slowly tell the rest of the info indirectly, whether through character flashbacks, inner thoughts, or dialogues. They can have Mars walk past some artifact that reminds him of the Order of Myze, for example.
Now the slight problems I have with this fiction lie in style and grammar. I saw a comment saying that the prose was too verbose which made following it impossible. I don't particularly agree with this; I think that being verbose is not a problem. It's just that Camille uses plenty of long, dragged out sentences when they could've structured them in a way that's much more concise. This led to a dependence on commas to split the clauses and made the sentences clunky. Camille could overcome this by turning clauses into a single, meaningful adjective, removing excessive adverbs, chopping clauses into smaller sentences etc. I think once these are cleaned up, the story will be very readable.
What to say about this book. I have enjoyed reading it and believe it is a good story to tell. It has a great twist on the return to the past to save the world genre. The writing is very disjointed, but that could be due to the first person view and the MC being heavily mind raped as per Chapter 15. The concept is fresh and worth a read. The battle scenes are disconjointed, one second you can understand and see the battle and the next it is sparce and hard to understamd what is going on.
Overall a good read
Understanding that the author is not that professional is a must so critism is now the novels meal for now. I hope that our author here would improve... Ill follow this little gem that needs a lot of polishing...
My only concern is whenever a stories character changes POV and i just realize it at the second paragraph... Pls fix the confusing POV.
Go author sama !
All I can say is that this novel can (and will) make it to the top.
It has everything it needs:
-a smart and experienced main character( not a psycho like in My House of horrors ,more like a normal guy who spent some quality time in hell like in Reverend Insanity without the quest for immortality)
-a fantasy world with a realistic feel (more realistic than most)
-an impossible mission that really feels impossible due to the actual DEATH of the main character
-a realistic power system that resembles the one in Reincarnator (but is better in my opinion)
Now, about the writing style:
-the way the perspective is switched and the first paragraph of every chapter (that usually consists in quotes of side characters) both give the story a realistic feel (just like in Chrysalis my friends)
The story untill now is well structured with a good balance of information about the world and trials for the MC
The authors’s grammar gets better with each and every chapter. If you dont belive me then read the first 10 chapters.
Now kneel and thank the heavens (and the author) because thou , a punny mortal , shalt witness the BEST time loop novel beeing written.
They story is amazing! I love the whole idea and the brutality of it. Your portrayal of the MC is fantastic, he's an intelligent but not overly analytical guy, personally my favorite type of MC. The way you take the care to demonstrate his thinking process is exemplary!
My only concern is the confusion of your pronouns, he instead of she, she instead of he, it in place of he or she, or him or her. It causes a little bit of confusion at times.
But aside from that little bit, I really enjoy your story and eagerly await the next chapter!
Talk about a survivor of a destroyed world who begins his adventure again. I know other stories like this but this one is different.
Style : .I like the story, easy to read. Story: the story has a good plot, the MC thinks normally. He is not stupid but intelligent, he has good reasoning. Grammar:.I don't know what to say here, I didn't see any mistakes but I'm bad at grammar so I can't say anything. Character: I like the MC, he's serious, has good reasoning. He knows what to do quickly. He has experience, it shows that he has lived several lifetimes (eats souls with their memories).
Loving this story, the MC isn't a f'wit, the world hes in feels gritty and real, what side charactors I've seen are interesting and convincingly written.
The word choice the author uses is fun and has (sometimes) an old fashioned feel to it. One review (while it had some fair points) asks the author to make the story less verbose, please don't, how its written is great, I'm sick of all the cookie cutter novels on RR, its great to see something uniquely written.
There are plenty of sentence structure, grammer and punction mistakes in this fic' it did not spoil the story for me as it is easy enough to get the meaning. I didn't note any spelling mistakes.
Thanks for your great fiction, please keep up this promising work.
Despite a few chapters, this novel exudes grittiness and the grimdark nature of the war. When the author mentions that war is ugly, you better believe them. This is a story of a man who is exhausted of war and the initial chapters are the set up for this exhaustion.
Talking about the story, the world-building and the background of the story are quite interesting. The MC and the others are not summoned just to fight off a demon kind but they are summoned to pay for their sins. I found this concept to be quite novel and fresh. As for the plot, given the few chapters, there is not much to comment on it.
Coming onto style. The author tends to get lost in the MC’s thoughts. This approach has both upsides and downside. The positive side is that the author is able to completely set up the MC’s personality while showing and not telling. However, the negative side is that the prose gets tedious.
Now, grammar. The grammar is good with some minor mistakes. Nothing too damaging.
Character. Now, this is what the author has spent most of their time in the initial chapters. It is a choice that I quite agree with as we have been introduced to the motivations and reasoning of the MC. This grounds the MC in reality and makes him easier to understand.
Overall, this is a good novel and I would recommend reading it.
The story is magnificent, the style of the writting is impecable grammar has some small tiny bit of issues but im sure the Author will get much better, he BOUGHT A BOOK, to learn ! bruh this man is fekin serious ! the character is relatable and fun to tag along, he seems to be an honest straightforward and logical person, Mars kicked the ass of some demon overlords and then died after destroying half the planet, the greatest death a big dick and big hearted man could ask for.
Over all the story is a must read, even if you dont like this genre im sure this story might make you hooked on it.
Ohh yeah 200 words, holy fuck man this shit is annoying, uhh hmmm the system seems very welcome, i fucking hate seeing ones which just talk back or have even the tiniest amount of sentience, like i get that they are some AI but holy fuck man, some people made systems to be some kinda core character which is so fucking dumb. since the system is well made i already consider this a win lol, the tid bits of lore scattered at the beginning of the chapters are so fucking awesome and comedic, like this one where some merchants were planning on robbing a dwarf, then next to his name was (Deceased) i can already guess he died to the op ass dwarf.