New Life of a Summoned Demoness

by Erios909

Original ONGOING Action Adventure Fantasy Female Lead LitRPG Magic Portal Fantasy / Isekai Progression Strong Lead
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

Elania’s life is about to change in ways she could have never expected.

Summoned to a strange new world by demon-worshipping cultists, she flees before she is bound to their will by an unbreakable contract. 

Forced to fight for her survival against creatures she thought would only exist in a D&D manual while adjusting to her new body, what can a girl do when status screens and system elements have the power to change her very being?

In this action-packed LitRPG Fantasy Adventure, we follow Elania as she tries to find her own way back to the surface while seeking a way home.


Please keep in mind, the story is essentially a rough draft. Thank you.

Updates are scheduled for Monday and Friday, on RR and SH.

If you are interested in advanced chapters, there are up to 8 available on my Patreon! Check it out!

Discord: https://discord.gg/J4VtqMw

Cover by Tithi Luadthong

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PhiOnPhire
Overall

Edit: I'll stand by my previous opinion.  It's not anything particularly novel, but it's tasty and it looks like it's going in a fun direction.  The MC might be a bit OP but as of yet not in a way that I feel ruins the story.  Certainly no more so than is common in many other litrpgs.

Original:

Chapters are short but really good, and they seem to be coming fast.  Kinda trope-ish start but the few characters thus far are intriguing enough and the world seems fun and interesting.  Good grammar and a fun style.  I'm excited for where it goes and I expect I'll be seeing this on trending soon enough if it continues as it has been.

If you like this genre, this is definitely worth your time to check out.

starvingsloth
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Short Chapters and Slow Pacing

Reviewed at: Chapter 12 - The Hunt

Disclaimer: I’ve only read up to chapter 12, and decided that’s where I’ll drop the story. I like it, but I wish I liked it more to keep reading. This story has a lot of potential, and you should try reading it if you run out of things to read. Take my review with a grain of salt.

Review contains a minor spoiler of the early chapters.

Plot Summary - Elania is a college girl summoned by cultists as a [Lesser Demon]. Her interactions with the cultist in the early chapters is interesting. Unfortunately, after a while it became clear that social interactions will not be the focus of the story, at least for the first arc. Instead, it became a kind of generic survival isekai. It makes no difference if Elania was actually summoned as a demoness, or got isekai’d into a world with a System.

Pacing - The pacing is really slow, in the sense that not much has happened besides Elania learning some skills and getting some numbers on her stats for her survival in the cavern. The short length of each chapter doesn’t really help either. Since it resulted in not much happening in each chapter. Most of the chapter also ends in a cliffhanger (that doesn’t really feel like a cliff to me). I’d like to point out that this is my bias in reading, as I liked to read stories that have more ‘oomph’ and with fast pacing where the characters are always forced to make a choice. The early chapters held enough mysteries and intrigue for me to keep reading, but I don’t think the pacing will change much throughout the story so I’m dropping it.

World Building - It’s good. The author has managed to describe the setting well and set up the atmosphere accordingly. I can imagine being there with Elania, with the glowing moss to light up the cavern. What I think is lacking is the description of the animals and monsters she encountered later. I can’t really point out what I think is lacking, but I think the author can do a better job when describing these monsters.

Character - Elania is smart, calm, and collected. I have no issue with that. One thing I have an issue with is that she’s said that she’s scared of being in this new world. But, she’s treating this world with a mindset of a gamer approaching a game. That’s the impression I got. Maybe if the author showed her inner mental struggle and background story I’d still keep reading and didn’t drop the story.

Grammar and Style - I didn’t catch any mistakes but apparently it’s because the author has fixed them by suggestions from the comment sections. Nothing wrong with that. One thing I didn’t like is with the chapters already as short as it is, some chapters still have a good portion of it taken up for the [Status] window. I don’t know how to fix that, but I’d like to just point it out.

Conclusion - I like the story but I wish I liked it more. The writing isn’t bad, but there isn’t much to compel me to continue reading. If you’re okay with short chapters and slow pacing, then try to read this! But If you’re not maybe you’ll find yourself disappointed.

Final Score - 8/10. Above average, but a bit flat for my taste.

P.S. For the author, don’t get discouraged by this review, I’m just a reader who has a different taste than what your story offers. I hope you keep writing for those who really liked it. Thanks!

uavgas
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

A human soul clad in a demon body

Reviewed at: Chapter 17 - Queen of Beasts

This is the story of what happens to a woman that is summoned into the body of a demon and right afterwards the cultists who summoned her a massacred by a paladin who is not able to kill her for some reason, and then she escapes to wander the underdark. 

So far, the story doesn't really seem to have a direction yet but it is still the beginning of the story and it is still getting going. The pace of the story is going at a fairly good clip and the author has not introduced any unneccessary story elements that just draw things out. 

The characters and their conflicts seem to be understandable and reasonable so far. The characters are fairly believable. The MC, Elania, is just a scared and confused woman that is trying to figure out what the heck is going on. She stumbles trying to figure out what everything in the system means and what her situation really is. I really can't blame her for being freaked out at first. 

With solid grammar, I would have to give this a solid 4.5 with the possibility of a raise when everything gets fleshed out more. So far, the story has been interesting and fairly unique so I would recommend anyone give this one a go. 

FakeMask
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

This i such an Eh story. It's pretty standard for this website and if you've been here for at least a week you've probably read a dozen like it. It is both generic and has a ridicolous amount of plot armor, let me give you a quick rundown (Spoiler warning for the rest of the review):

Our MC is reincarnated in a magic world (with a system) as a species that has massive advantages compared to others, but is shunned because of their depraved nature: a demon. As she flees from the people who summoned her (who were conviniently attacked at the right time for her to escape) she also manages to avoid being killed by the ridicolously high-level attackers because they have skills to kill demons with low karma but she's litterally just been born. Later she very easily learns how to make magic fire only for it to accidentally spread throughout the cave system (because apparently the place is filled with magic moss that can be lit up only through magic), which gives her a ton of eperience. After that she meets some of the natives that attack her, she once again runs away and falls in a river. She hits various rocks, falls down a waterfall and faints. Somehow she survives (she is still low level and has no abilities that could help her so we have no idea how) and wakes up closer to one of the natives' settlements. She starts hunting and then, skipping the small "training arc" that lasts various chapters, she saves the nearby village. In fact a demon was going to slaughter everyone, and despite being much weaker than her opponent she wins out of pure luck- by unlocking a transformation that allows her to win in the middle of the fight. People still don't trust her though, because to finish the other demon that was going to kill everyone, she transformed into its species, and well- she's a demon and they're racist. Thus they almost kill her while she sleeps (because she's an MC and naturally she's fainted again), but that one guy that she's met previously while hunting believes in her even if she's a demon, and not only does he convince her captors to spare her, but also to bribe a group that arrives right after the fight to take her to the surface. Here we are ultimately introduced to the group whose only purpose in life is exposition, to the point that only two of them receive any descrition whatsoever, the creep and the demon hater, neither of which has much personality beyond the appelatives I've used to describe them. This is the content of all the 20 chapters that have been currently released.

In short, the story has just begun but so far we have:

- 8 major plot conveniences

- 3 fucking losses of conciousness in quick succession (which in real life would mean brain hemorrhage and death)

- 1 miracolous self-regenarion skill (ergo, a very traditional type of plot armor)

- So many clichés, used in the most unoriginal ways possible, that I haven't counted them

- countless near death experiences avoided by a hair's breadth

- zero characterization, not consideting some quick snippets here and there

Essentially the whole story can be summarised into: the main character makes no choice of her own and is instead thrown from one fight scene to the next.

I'd like to criticise it more than this, I genuinely believe in giving honest feedback to writers and that it helps them improve; I could also probably write quite a long review if I picked it apart like I usually do, but it feels a bit like beating a dead horse. There is so little thought put into the story that it feels like a fruitless endeavour.

So I will just make an example for each of the remaining categories:

The world building, like the plot, is full of nonsensical elements. But let me prove that. The MC can learn how to use magic after trying to do it once, which is a terrifying prospect, because there are two possibilities created by this particular piece of information: 1) if anyone can gain a magic affinity then this world's society must be highly unstable, broken dystopia. Think about it, some random hobo can just choose it and instantly gain the power to kill many, many people. There is no way this could be limited or controlled in any way considering you can't interfere with people's status sheets. 2) If the magic affinity is innate as it seems to be so far and people have it from birth, then most children with it will eventually try to use magic at a certain point of their infancy, as there is no stigma against it, and people are naturally drawn to the unknown. This will end up with them either killing or severly hurting themselves and others, as we have seen that untrained mages are harmed and not protected from their own spells. Despite that from what we have seen so far there the world is really standard, because the author hasn't realized how broken the magic system is. 

The style is also generally very indistinct and way too often we get lines that sound way more absurd than the author intended them to be. Like, this is unedited and taken from Chapeter 21: "No wonder he was so grouchy and angry. ‘If I had to worry about floating talking heads suddenly appearing, I’d glare at everything, too.’" This is supposed to be the MC cracking a joke at the expense of the character that loathes her, instead it feels silly and out of place considering how she mocks the other person's hatred in such a dismissive way, expecially considering how demons have been shown to be very ferocious and he has a very valid reason for how he feels.

In conclusion it's not a story that I would really recommend to anyone, It sounds a bit extreme but in the end more than all the critisism I've already given, the thing that bothers me the most is how boring it was to read. At least bad stories can enter the "so bad it's good" category, but this one is just so average and unintresting and unispired. I can uderstand that it has a certain appeal, but I don't think it will manage to keep its followers hooked in the long run.

furball tiger
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

This is pretty new, but is off to a terrific start. Honestly, the premise isn't that unique at this point, but it's done very well. 

The prose is very nicely written, with only a moderate number of errors. The authors writing style is polished and well suited to the story, never jarring or immersion breaking. The pacing is pretty good, so far. 

Its hard to really judge the world building, given how little of it she's seen so far. But what we have seen seems pretty decent; effort was clearly put into the otherwise standard 'dungeon' setting. She hasn't gotten out in to the larger world, really, as of what's posted so far, so we'll see!

The main character is entirely plausible, although maybe a touch idealized for easy readability (I don't mind!). We've only seen a little of other characters, and no supporting cast yet, so it's hard to say...but the MC is very believable so far.

I'm very much looking forward to more of this story!

Well, RR insists on more words. So a Sea Shanty it is! 200 words or I'll drink more rum! 200 words, or the management's scum! Ay hideyho, the mangement's scum, the management's scum (chorus) "who drank the rum??" 

sandro530
Overall

Good premise, has lots of potential, but I think there is a higher chance of a hiatus, than it being completed, simply because of the time it would take for completion. The story, characters and grammar are good and combine into a nice story. But if it stays with this slow release date and small page number per chapter this will end in a few years. So, yeah it is good, but there are a lot of directions this could go to.

Drejzer
Overall

Promising story (brief overview included below)

Reviewed at: Chapter 18 - New Arrivals

It is a MC-isekai'd-into-a-monster lit-rpg(I heard that's the term for "has explicit game mechanics like levels, skills, classes and the like") story with a female protagonist. Maybe not the most original of things (though I don't recall stumbling upon a demon specifically), but the story looks promising.

It's written from a third person perspective (I think it's called third person omniscient, but I'm not quite sure). There were shifts in perspective (2 characters other than the protagonist).

I didn't notice any glaring mistakes in grammar, but the customary system messages do seem kinda bloaty.

 

All in all the read was fun and I'm definitely keeping up with this one.

darkseven
Overall

I've read up to chapter 17 which is all that's up currently. So far the story's shaped up to be a fun and easy read. I'm looking forward to (lots) of more content!

Given how little content we have so far its hard to comment on the overall direction. What's here so far feels a bit directionless which totally makes sense given this is early stages of an MC thrown into a new world. There's still plenty of time for her to receive training or figure out a direction to grow her skills.

sevensavethepost
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

The review title kind of gives it away but 'Life of a Summoned Demoness' is at it's core a well-written bog-standard Isekai Litrpg. Which is both good and bad.

It is good in the sense that if you like a survial serial that deals with skills and level-ups then this story is perfect for you. The class system is well-defined and the story has a rather unique premise as it takes place in a cavernouse underdark full of exotic creatures so the exp grinding and combat is rather interesting.

However, it is bad in the sense that the Summoned Demoness aspect of the story is dropped almost immediately, in fact as of Chapter 20 the whole Demon thing has mostly been used as a plot device to justify how the Protagonist is able to go full murder hobo in order to level up and drain power from monster corpses.

Additionally I would maybe harp on the fact that the cover/synopsis really misrepresents what the story ultimately is since an overarching plot is more or less nonexistent, and the with how slow the pacing of the story is I don't see that changing anytime soon, but overall if you like progression oriented serials this is pretty damn good.

 

Pale imitation
Overall

Well written no real complaints

Reviewed at: Chapter 21 - Manzitore

First chapter was kind of iffy on wether the story was going to be good. Lots of basic and boring writing for the setting that could have been skipped. But then it gets good. MC is rather reasonable and likable. Story has a steady progression and the NPCs are interesting, have depth, and are well written.

Could explain her toughness with some MC backstory to make her more belivable. Maybe she was raised in a hardcore hunting/survivalist family or joined up with the national reserves for GI bill money to go to college. Do some more flashbacks. This will make MC more relatable and likable to the reader, while explaining why she is not stumbling aournd like a noob.