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Winner of the 2022 Stabby Award!
Elaine is ripped from this world to Pallos, a land of unlimited possibilities made real by a grand System governing classes, skills, and magic.
An ideal society? What is this, a fantasy novel?
Adventures? Right this way!
A Grand quest? Nah.
Friends and loot? Heck yes!
Humans are the top dog? Nope, dinosaur food.
Healing and fighting? Well, everything is trying to eat her.
Join Elaine as she travels around Pallos, discovering all the wonders and mysteries of the world, trying to find a place where she belongs, hunting those elusive mangos, all while the ominous Dragoneye Moons watch her every move.
Hey! Beneath the Dragoneye Moons is my first writing effort, so please be kind, but don’t hesitate to point out the flaws.
The story starts off slowly, more like a slice of life than action-adventure, but it gets there!
I’m going to be posting M-W-F
I do know how the story ends, and I promise if it ever gets dropped, or I stop doing this, I will post the ending. There will be no random “this is the last chapter” out of the blue.
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I started this novel which was recommended to me on the Azarinth Healer discord. Now Beneath the Dragoneye Moons is one of the few novels i am waiting the chapters each day. I love it.
The style is good, clear, fluid and funny. I don't know what to say more, just I like it?
The story is excellent, hard to predict. So many novels...i can just guess the end after a few chapters. They all look alike. Or other novels try to be mysterious by hiding information from readers. Beneath the Dragoneye Moons is different: No artificial mysteries, no cliché development
The grammar is good, English is not my native language but I did not find any annoying errors and the author quickly corrects the reported errors.
The characters are all different and well written, one of the highlights of this story. I've seen negative character reviews here: Yes, sometimes the decisions of the characters seem inconsistent or irrational, Yes I wanted to yell at them ("Why the fuck did you do that??" but... I think it makes the characters more realistic, with their contradictions, this isn't the best choice but it's their choice, according to their personality
In short: The author dares to take risks, it's rare and deserves respect, especially in a competitive market. Read, try, this novel deserves it.
I think that for the most part it is a good Litrpg progression fantasy story but that it suffers from some fundamental issues.
Style: It's a weird one because while the story is very lighthearted we sometimes get chapters that feel wildly out of place, chapters that deal with slavery, sexism, abuse, morals, ethics and more and It doesnt mesh with the rest of the story in my opinion. 3/5
Characters: They suffer from the same issue as the style of the story. You have fairly lighthearted characters but the majority of the character we see also suffer from major ptsd because the world is very dangerous and while someone with ptsd doesnt have to be grim and dark all the time the characters to me are just not that realistic.
Elane is for the most part a mary sue, she can make mistakes or bad decisions but they never cause her any grief. For example recently
Her phoenix burned down a farmers produce, something that could ruin a farmers livelyhood and be sold into slavery but Elaine doesnt care and is like Whoops.
Now if this was a lighthearted comedy that didnt touch upon any heavy subjects well it would never register in my mind that something horrible has occured but becasue the Author does bring up these subjects i do think about the consequences and Elaine has done some many terrible things in casual mentions by the author that Elaine just doesnt care about and it is a discrepancy. 3/5
Grammar: Nothing to complain about here.
Story: It goes up and down. I really enjoyed the beginning of the story and less so when
Elaine left Remus. The entire Dwarven and elf arc just went nowhere story wise and i dont think Elaine did much character growth either except a little bit at the end but i personally think it was less of a step forward and more of a step sideways. We got very little worldbuilding for the amount of chapters, just elaine traveling through the woods in a slice of life adventure which im not a huge fan of.
Overall: A story with an immature MC. A story that goes form happiness and mangoes to domestic abuse and slavery depending on the authors mood more than any relevance to the story. A story with an incredibly satisfying litrpg system and power progression. A decent story progression with some slice of life chapters.
Reviewed at chapter 295 (patreon) and the next few chapter will decide whether i drop it or not.
First things first. Amazing story so far, please never stop. 10/10 would read it again.
For the new reader bennefit, I have very few things that I don't like about the first few chapters. That is it. No real complains from me. Just get it to chap 10 before judging. But if my opinion is actually influencing anyone on whether to read it or not I would probably say something like "Overwhelmingly positive, for your sake I sugest to keep reading this book until the very end (points gun)."
FYI I'm going to be picky from here on out to the benefit of the author. I love this story and I need more of it. But there are always things you don't enjoy, even though they might be justified or necessary for the development of the character/world building.
I belive that my issue is with the first few chapters. The way Elaine (MC) is childish for most of the first book got to me at first. I'm used to reincarnation stories having mc's being mature from the get go, i guess, but I get the idea that the body and memories being removed somehow made her underdevelop.
That is fine, it makes sense, but we are never informed in some way that Elaine was aware of it. And it bothers me somewhat. If I was an adult in a child's body, even with memory loss and hormonal and concentration problems, I would still fill embarrassed with my childish actions done in private. Even worse in public. I would complain as the narrator about it. About not liking some stuff, of being treated as a child somewhat, about not being able to cut my mangoes properly with tiny hands... MY MANGOES!!!
I guess this issue comes from the fact that there are no chapter or even a paragraph between being born and 8 years of age.There is no chapter about meeting her childhood friend for the first time or even how she dealt mentally at first with all the " i can't communicate, I can't understand, I don't know anything about this weird message in front of me..." all things I expect she had to deal with. Also, being glad for being human. Even though the bird is definitely a red hearing.
But without a chapter like that it was hard to come to terms with Elaine actually being an Airhead or having some divine shenanigans stopping her from overthinking things.
I guess her character development on the other hand is 11/10 goblins. She redeems herself so much that I felt in love with her. I'm invested 100%. Reading until the end. Just being picky.
I guess another thing is how her mother character and the world suddenly seems revolutionary all of a sudden when she talks about skills. I guess Elaine was too childish before for her mother to bother explaining anything? Even hinting at things? Idk, without knowing it from either her mother on an extra chapter of Elaine on a prequel introduction is impossible to know for sure (wink, sugestion - idk if there is one or not on Patreon) ( Author should consider putting a list of all extra chapters titles from patreon here for us to droll and go over there to become one)
Another extra chapter sugestion: Elaine has a nightmare where Artemis is the one getting people for her to heal at the temple in the end. Artemis is the one dead. She suddenly wakes up to find the grow woman using her as body pillow on a chilly night when the enchantment making Argos warm fails. She finally begins to confront herself about the titles of classes she's being offered, Artemis Pet, Artemis fan and so on. What are her feelings about it? (Could totally be non cannon idk)
I hope anything I wrote was usefull to the Author. If you read this and is not the Author: go read the story. You are wasting your time here reading my poorly written attempt of review.
I have read all 3 of the first book and have to say, it is very enjoyable reading. Not difficult, it doesn't take a lot of brain power to read, but enjoyable. The story line is easy to follow and I like the progression of characters.
This is the first time I have read a litRPG and was not sure what to expect. I got this book as a recommendation from a friend who plays d&d and magic and games like that. I have never played those games but after reading this series, I'm thinking about trying my hand at it.
The book does a good job explaining the 'system' and makes Elaine getting her next levels reasonable. You see her having to put in the work to gain her levels.
This is a refreshing system based story, a MC with the focus of healing. Something that isn't done nearly enough, this itself adds alot to the story with the ethical and societal issues that being a healer in a world of constant danger.
Grammar - Being a native English speaker there are no noticeable errors, everything reads through smooth without issue. Any errors that are present my mind glossed over and fixed them without notice.
Characters - All the characters present have equal amounts of fleshed out development that is non completed leaning into common troupes. Each main character is interesting and has their own personality. The only issue is the description of characters appearance is on the lighter side meaning you have to do alot of the imagining, meaning there isnt a consistent image of each character among readers.
Style - The overall style is consistent and pleasant to read. Only thing is there could be other pov's at occasions to see situations from another perspective even after the fact.
Story - The story remains engaging throughout the whole story, it doesn't lose its spark at any point. Each arc is just long enough so that it doesn't drag on but also not to short where you are wishing it was fleshed out more. There could of course be less time skips but this would add alot more mundane and monotonous parts which would likely lower the reading experience.
I like the story very much, it has a different twist on the usual reincarnation with the system topic.
The charcter is interessting and relatable and does not have the standard OP abilities you see in so many other stories. The story is, at least for me, well paced and well writen. Others may find the progression a bit slow, but I like the time the author takes with the world building - it makes the world more interessting. And it allows the reader to learn about the world at the same time the main charackter learns about it.
An exceptional entertaining story as we follow it he adventures of my new favorite mango worshiping MC. A fearless isekai'd adventurer, she leverages the elements of remembered western medicine to create an overpowered Healer class to fuel her adventures and growth. By healing more with less effort and the effects of her "oath", she is powerful enough to adventure where few others succeed.
Likewise, by being outgoing and polite enough she makes more friends than enemies and finds ways to thrive and find more mangoes.
Some of the storylines are a bit forced. The level to which girls are looked down upon seems a bit far fetched in a universe such as this. Others (such as plagues) are more realistic, particularly given the beliefs and standards of the world as written.
The grammar (and the story itself) is top notch. I don't remember anytime being wrenched out of the story by poor grammar or wrong words. Only by the continuous mango references.
What a great first novel! I can't imagine too many other first attempts at writing that have come close to being this good. Of course nothing is perfect, and I can be pretty bluntly critical, but overall this was an amazing first novel! The story is really interesting, the characters are fun but a little shallow, the pacing is slow at first- but the Author has reasons for that, the world is not the most grounded- but it keeps things entertaining and the author clearly wanted to include some things deliberately. The writing was fantastic, especially when you consider that it's a first novel and compare it to most of the other stuff here on Royal Road. I'd say it reminded me most closely of Forge of Destiny in how it was written and the story itself. A lot of the stories on here are very clearly male wish fulfillment, this story skews more towards female wish fulfillment- but who doesn't like magic, skill systems, mangos, baths, dinosaurs, and being pretty? It's not fast paced, but the action was done well. Definitely an enjoyable and worthwhile read! Highly recommended!
*** Notes for the Author ***
Of course my chapter by chapter notes will be the most specific review of the stories details, but here are some overall story notes.
1) This was a great read! It was fun, creative, and I hope you continue to write and grow as an author!
2) Since this was a Rebirth while keeping her memories story, that should have been the source of her powers, and she should have been more powerful than she was. While reading I could never be sure if it was her Oath that made her more powerful, her being a Child of Earth, or her random encounters or knowledge. And even with all of that you continually referenced that she was weak and low level, so it was hard to grasp what made her special.
3) The levels, stats, and skills were interesting with the several classes and the limit on skills, I really liked how you did that, but it was hard to know how she compared to others her own age and why she wasn't doing more with her knowledge. I would have liked to have seen a System that had a smaller number of known skills that were a little more focused. She could have still gotten interesting ones for being from Earth and spoken to a God, but the System has been around for hundreds of years and yet it seemed very random and arbitrary.
4) The beginning chapters were very drawn out and unneeded. Considering this was your first story I give you a major pass for that, but going forward I would recommend condensing some of the coming of age stuff that doesn't directly tell the story. One beginning chapter: starts out with Elaine as a baby for a couple paragraphs, break, has a recap where Elaine is an 8 year old for several paragraphs, break, recap- Elaine is now a 13-14 year old with one best friend and it's almost System Day. Set things up, then- next chapter. Start of the story where she gets her class (8 is too young, start the system stuff at 13-14 puberty age instead).
5) I know you wanted to tell the story of Lyra and not rush it too much, but there are stories that are just as impactful that tell the story of someone dying in their past that motivates them to be who they are today. You could have had sad memories of her pop up throughout the story. It could have even been more impactful, right now it kind of seems like Lyra died and it ended up making her more powerful with the Oath she gained from it. Having sad recollections would have been a good way to show that Lyra's death had made a big impact, without it slowing down the story so much in the beginning.
6) The characters were interesting and entertaining, but they had little depth to them. They seemed to just fill a role instead of having real life and drives of their own. I am 100% certain that you will get better at this as you continue to write, but mostly it just comes down to taking extra time to focus on writing out each of the side characters stories, motivations, and goals- and trying not to have them hijack or disrupt the story you were originally trying to write.
7) Condense your story when and where you can! This isn't feedback specific to this story, just general advice that I feel like a lot of Authors fail at, especially here on Royal Road where word count gets counted and readers keep saying they want more words. The problem is that it's like making a soup, if you have a ton of meat and vegetables- then adding in some extra water or spices won't hurt it and it might even help, but if you have a small bowl of soup- dumping in a pot of water will do nothing but dilute and ruin your small bowl of soup. Try not to fall into the Royal Road trap and dilute your story too much!
8) Power scale. I wasn't really sure about the power scales and where everyone would be on it. Elaine had 20 Stength- does that mean she's twice as strong as a normal human? Is 200 strength 20 times as strong as a normal human? Or do the numbers correlate to age? 14 year old with 20 strength is normal, 30 year old with 20 strength is weak as a kitten. What's the baseline? How do increases change things?
9) Patterns. Try not to get caught up in patterns in your writing. The traveling and battles seemed to have similar formats, where you discussed a lot of things before and after. I'd try for some more immediate action and response situations, or where someone got angry or sad, refusing to cooperate. Change things up.
There's probably more and other things but I'm not thinking of them right now. I could find things to critique in Brandon Sanderson, Will Wight, and Patrick Rothfuss's stories so I hope you don't take any of the story notes to heart and I hope it can be useful to help you improve. Overall you wrote a great story! I enjoyed reading it and I think with practice and hard work you could be listed with some of the best. I hope my advice was useful and helpful! Thank you for writing this story and thank you for making it available for me to read on Royal Road!
For the most part the early story was quite interesting. A solid lit-rpg with a healer main character that has a strong sense of justice and a unique sense of humour.
The random moments of clutz as well as the range of great character interaction along the way makes it an enjoyable read.
However, there is a rather long strangely placed "major interlude" that takes away from the pacing of the main story. As well as the novel pacing starts to feel rushed a bit as she gets higher leveled and becomes more x happened then y happened. Introduce x character in a slightly long overly drawn out description only for them not to matter for a long long time, and the moment feels more like heyyy I exist. Rather them creating a compelling I matter to the world, the mc or you.
Which I think maybe is the mainissue this author has. As the introductions to the rangers, sentinels and those in the adventures were natural and enjoyable. But then the interlude, random people in the capital and along the timeskip ones are just drawn out and irrelevant even if they join later on.
But it just instead makes reading it feel like a slog.
I may get back to this eventually. But it's just lacking the actual enjoyable I want the next chapter. And I'm sure something that does that exists.
Overall: This is excellent. considering the pace that the Author publishes I can't help but be impressed. This is up there with yeh very best of this site. This is a real story, and worthy of publishing
Style: Entertaining, Humurous and engaging. One of the best.
Story: While lacking a clear main plot line it is none the worse for it, succeeds in keeping readers entertained with the various well paced arcs. Author keeps the development of the MC's powers well in check. Probably the best story I've seen on this site in that regard. There's reasoning behind the system it's well thought out and interacts well with the wider world. There is clearly a huge amount of well thought out depth behind the wider lore of the world. I look forward to the author further exploring it.
Grammer: Near flawless, for Royal Road or self-published you don't get better.
Character: MC is interesting and realistic yet contains just enough panache, swagger and wit to make her that special kind of entertaining. Side characters are numerous. But clearly are not written with the same kind of love that Elaine is.
Absolutely worth a read.
To the Author, I say thank you and 'Keep Going!', your work is amazing and I can't wait to see where it goes.