- Sexual Content
- Traumatising content
Elaine is ripped from this world to Pallos, a land of unlimited possibilities made real by a grand System governing classes, skills, and magic.
An ideal society? What is this, a fantasy novel?
Adventures? Right this way!
A Grand quest? Nah.
Friends and loot? Heck yes!
Humans are the top dog? Nope, dinosaur food.
Healing and fighting? Well, everything is trying to eat her.
Join Elaine as she travels around Pallos, discovering all the wonders and mysteries of the world, trying to find a place where she belongs, hunting those elusive mangos, all while the ominous Dragoneye Moons watch her every move.
Hey! Beneath the Dragoneye Moons is my first writing effort, so please be kind, but don’t hesitate to point out the flaws.
The story starts off slowly, more like a slice of life than action-adventure, but it gets there!
I’m going to be posting M-W-F
I do know how the story ends, and I promise if it ever gets dropped, or I stop doing this, I will post the ending. There will be no random “this is the last chapter” out of the blue.
Cover art by Lee Kent: https://www.artstation.com/leekent
This story is being published on Royal Road, Tapas, and Scribblehub.
[participant in the Royal Road Writathon challenge]
- Overall Score
- Style Score
- Story Score
- Grammar Score
- Character Score
- Total Views :
- Average Views :
- Followers :
- Favorites :
- Ratings :
- Pages :
Leave a review
This story is one of my favorite things to see in my update queue for quite a few reasons. First off, if you're a fan of GameLit or LitRPG stories in general, the system mechanics that the author uses are interesting in design and advancement, and while our MC has advanced knowledge, it isn't enough to steamroll every problem. The world was written with active consideration on how a System might affect it, which is a lot better than most others and makes the story itself more engrossing. I'd also like to throw out that the system of magic and elemental influence designed by the author is much more nuanced and intriguing than we usually see, which makes it more interesting to read and interact with.
As a story, the characters are well-developed and distinct, and there is definite character development. Our MC is fairly overpowered in her area of specialty, but the author does a good job of making sure that she faces challenges and conflicts outside of that specialty. Even better, the challenges provided are varied and evolving, rather than just being the same thing but bigger over and over.
The biggest criticism I can offer is that it's clear that the author's writing improved over time. While I found the first book enjoyable, our MC's absurdly and repeatably imuplsive behavior got grating at parts. The most irritating thing as a reader was that she never really seemed to learn from it and start thinking more critically. Thankfully, this changed in the second book as the author had her mature more and become more three-dimensional. Since then the MC has grown and developed in more realistic ways, rather than choosing the same poor action over and over. That isn't to say that the first book wasn't enjoyable to read, but for me this is the rare series that actually gets more interesting the further into it you read. Based on books two and three, I'd give the author a character score of five stars, but including book one drops that rating down to only four.
In sum: It's a fun, enjoyable read that gets better as you go along, and is worth checking out if you enjoy general fantasy writing, and is absolutely worth binging if you enjoy either LitRPG or GameLit or both. I eagerly look forward to seeing where this story goes!
In a genre dominated by male protagonists, this is one of the rare examples of a competent female lead. Like in most LitRPGs, Elaine experiences a serious spike in power shortly after embarking on her own. Fortunately, it's not due to a rare class or a magic item, but a decision she made early on in the story that turned out to have far reaching consequences: a magical oath.
Her oath is her greatest strength, but also her greatest weakness. She struggles to work with and around it, lending additional tension to conflicts she could otherwise resolve with a thought. She is physically weak with a niche power set, and her restrictions serve to prevent the power creep that so much of the genre suffers from.
Now for the negatives. Elaine can be annoying. Her total age across two lifetimes is 38 at the time of this review, but she still acts like and has the internal voice of a teenager. She's flightly and naive, and seems determined to remain that way no matter her bounding advancements in other areas.
Some of the other characters don't have a unique voice. They are distinctive enough in appearance and personality to stand out from each other, but the speaking lines themselves are muddled, especially when they're packed close together. For example (and I'm paraphrasing), a wizened old man might say "My endeavors have been most worthwhile.", but then two lines later say "Yeah, that kinda makes sense."
Elaine doesn't have a clear goal aside from being a healer. The conflicts that spurred her journey in the first place have all been resolved, and there aren't yet any new ones to take their place. She's just existing in the world and reacting to challenges as they come. One of them needs to go somewhere fast before the story drifts too much further.
Lastly, this is not a critique of the story itself, but a message to the author (who I hope is going to read this). Spoilers within.
You presented the Republic as an inherently sexist society, where women have few to no rights that aren't granted by proxy of their fathers or husbands. Elaine has mostly been spared from this with the exception of a few rude remarks and constant marriage proposals, which you play for laughs.
Your biggest opportunity to make that sexism a major part of your story was the Ranger Academy arc. She was the only girl in an all male class, under consideration to become a Sentinel. I was expecting her to have a horrible time, especially when she started doing Sparring Overwatch instead of Sparring itself (yes, there was a reason, but all the other students can see is that the pretty girl doesn't have to fight). That arc was ripe for abuse not only from her peers, but her instructors.
I think you've forgotten, in your efforts to make these characters likeable, that Elaine is the only character in this book who was raised in a society where women had individual rights. In Remus, that idea is criminal. That's the entire reason she got offered the Revolutionary class, right?
You've done a good job normalizing slavery. Elaine is the only person who thinks it's wrong. The same should be true for the sexism. Elaine should have to prove herself at turn. She should have to earn the respect of characters who would respect her by virtue of her powers alone if she were a man. She should be running into walls such as, for example, not becoming a Sentinel because she would be expected to travel the realm alone, and perish the thought of a woman travelling alone.
So here's my advice. It's too late to change the way everyone has treated her up until now, but she can still hit that wall. Have some Senators challenge her right to be a Sentinel. Give that challenge a lot of support. Have even her allies struggle to reconcile what they know about Elaine with their deeply ingrained prejudices about women. Have someone she trusts tell her she's the exception, not the rule, and have her blow up in their face.
Obviouslty, you don't have to do any of those specific things, but the point is, you need to do something. You can't have this vague sexism sitting in the background until suddenly everything works out because Elaine is such an inspiration. That's insulting to your readers and to women in general. If you do that, I will dramatically throw my phone into the ocean and burn your house down*.
*(I will not actually burn your house down, but I will be thinking about it.)
Litrpg that's lots of fun. I'm a sucker for the type of class the MC picks, so that gets bonus points from me.
The beginning is just okay. The "reincarnated as a baby but retaining all my memories" trope is nearly impossible to pull off well. Thankfully the author doesn't drag it out forever and uses some judicious time-skips to establish some character and world building while still getting us to the meat of the story relatively quickly. Once that gets going, the quality continues to improve with each subsequent chapter.
Style is good. First person POV of the MC. The System is logical and makes sense while having it's own unique twists over the standard litrpg system. I like it a lot.
Story starts off 'fine' and has made it to 'really good'. Like I said earlier, early childhood stuff is hard to do well, but the author does a good job of getting through it while still making it impactful to the MCs development and decisions. Nothing in the plot is revolutionary, but it's all handled well.
Grammar is great, no issues there.
Characters are pretty good. The MC can be easily distracted and impulsive, which can get a tad annoying sometimes, but that just makes her feel more real. Supporting characters are fleshed out more or less depending on how important they are to the MC
All in all, an enjoyable read that just keeps getting better. I definitely recommend.
Beneath the Dragoneye Moons This story has incredible, incredible potential. Its world is interesting and the litrpg elements are crazy tasty. That said, it has PROBLEMS.
Problem 1: Art imitates reality and vice versa. Politics and art bleed into one another also, the problem comes when politics begin to harm the art in question. In this case it twists a hearty and hale story into a sickly thing, and yet it keeps shallow breaths and grows on because it desires to exist, as all things do.
There are many elements in this story which could work in some cases, but simply do not in my opinion work in this one. I'd go into full detail as to why I think so and as to how I think these elements can be improved to make more sense in the context of the world and story in general but it has been made clear to me that, well this author does not value my feedback in the slightest.
Avenues for improvement: Rework the politics, foreshadow, shade and tone them to allow them to truly sing. There is nothing that invests a reader more in a character than conflict with a character that has beliefs, ideals and white-knuckle clings to them in situations when they are powerless. Shaded too strongly it becomes tacky, in balance and flow it elevates and enhances.
Problem 2, Suspension of disbelief: There are many instances where the plot just jars you out of it. In many cases this is a result of the art-politics thing, but in others its because of things failing to be rationalised and being handwaved away. There is an instance in which a child is let outside of town by guards she has grown up around her entire life whom her father works with. They just let her go, because reasons… The plot advances because of it, there are other such instances where this happens.
Avenues for improvement: Adoption of a rational cause - effect relationship. Guards say "Your dad would string me up if I let you go out on your own" So she ingeniously finds a way past the obstacle, perhaps she sneaks into a the wagon and jumps out somewhere when she gets a chance, maybe she scales the walls or engineers a complicated plan of escape that relies on her burning a social bridge with her fiancee's family somehow. The minutiae matter little, its the effort that some semblance of reality is maintained that counts. I honestly think that this one is the most important, if you want harsh but fair criticism, pm me and I will take apart any part of your choosing.
Problem 3 Contrivances: This follows on from the previous point. Its consistent throughout the novel and thus exists as the single biggest potential avenue for improvement. Its in the plot, but its also in the smaller things, like the MC remembering entire pieces of media from Earth in entirety, sure she gets a skill for it that surely helps but perfectly remembering and recounting the entire Iliad + other works before she even gets said skill to a particularly high level on a single night in a stressful situation? I digress, it bothers me, its not that such a thing is impossible, rather its never hinted/foreshadowed at, properly explained and woven into the story with the reasons for such capability rather than 'it just happened' 'because mc just that good' or 'plot demands it happen like this' would make for an improved end product, in my opinion.
Avenue for improvement Foreshadowing and explanation in action, reaction, throwaway lines of description or conversations that shed light on aspects of characters that are later drawn upon. Eg "She's always had a knack for songs" Father said, smiling pointedly at Mother "Got one stuck into Old Bob, said he heard it for days afterward" Use something similar to explain her ability to remember entire things by rote if she's interested in them, establish a baseline and build on it with skills and in character efforts.
I fell in love with this story. But I'm not blind to its flaws. Author I don't hate you, I especially don't hate your work, I just want it and you to reach even greater heights, maybe you'll throw my words out of your mind entirely. I like a lot of what you've written, most of it, but there are flaws : (
The neutral part: The main idea of the novel is the usual MC reincarnated from Earth, yada yada. System, skills all of the usual jazz.
The good: MC retained all of her memories and skills apart from physics, math and chemistry along with scientific method. It's a nice approach so the readers don't ask the MC to minimax too hard. The way the system works is pretty good, setting while being absolutely illogical is not bad, the author really tried to justify sexism and other stuff as much as possible, I give them that.
The bad: MC is mentally deficient, infantile mouth breether with an attention span of a 3 year old child. Did that sounds harsh? Well, I'm not the one who writes about an adult reincarnated into an incredibly hostile environment who does not care how to survive, how to become stronger and how to actually try and live in this new magical world. It's just that bad, the first chapters are a real struggle to read. Just a few examples: she zones out during her first explanation of the system, which is supposed to be on of the most important days of her life so far. She acts like a literal child throughout her childhood despite being a reincarnated adult, somehow gets a crush on a 16yr old boy (seriously, wtf?) and does not recognise prostitutes who are catcalling her dad. Top tier cringe content though, have to give the author that. There were many other examples just during the first 20 chapters, seriously too many to count. And the good stuff, where she actually used her skills, found new ones, found a new class were skipped while chapters were dedicated to her rolling in the mud with children.
This story has many interesting elements, none of which can be called fully explored at this point in the story. The protagonist whishes to change the world she was reborn into but is not yet at a point where she has the power and influence to do so, but she's getting there.
I bring this up because many of the other reviews are quite harsh and seem to ignore the progression tag. You will notice hardly any of the bad reviewers have gotten very far in the story. The protagonist in this story is not an ultra-violent monster hunter, she is a healer and a conscientious woman of the world. That being said the world she finds herself in is a hard and dangerous place, There is plenty of death and carnage happening all around her and when threatend she does what is nessisary to defend herself.
Our tiny and cute Elaine is a fantastic healer, this much is obvious fairly early in the story. Something happens and she decides to take an oath somewhat simmilar to the oath doctors of earth take. I nearly dropped the story because It seemed to me like she was becomming a pacifist.
Thankfully I stuck with it and it turns out that wasn't the case. There was a line in the oath that allows for self defense that I somehow missed.
One thing that bothers me about many stories is the mis-use of tags. In this particular story almost al the tags fit: There is action (altho less than your average Litrpg where the protagonist has to fight for levels), there is plenty of adventure. This is certainly a fantasy story although the Fantasy, High fantasy, and supernatural tags are redundant, but thats on RR not the author.
The only tags that don't fit (yet) are portal fantasy/isekai (as this is a reincarnation story) and Strong Protagonist. Sure the protagonist is strong as in 'she's a strong independant woman' but not in the way that the tag intends. This of course can change if she continues to level up at her current pace.
In summation the first section of the story had me somewhat bored and I was considering dropping it because of the lack of action, but things picked up and by the time I caught up to the current chapter I was salivating for more. If you want something different than your typical Litrpg you should give this story a shot!
I want to like this.
Buuut if the release schedule wasn't as insane as it is, I would probably never have read it in the first place.
Style: To summarize, the LitRPG is really really weird, besides the odd choice of having really large numbers, it comes out as forced, because now that I think about its clear the Author took a Light Novel setting, the ones you'd expect copious ammounts of handwavium to tie everything together, and brute forced it into a story that is supposed to take itself seriously, and tried to compensate for that by being as thorough about it as she possibly could, yiikes.
Other than that, the setting has some cracks already showing, most glaring of which would be the recent first hand report of how creation happened in the this world, which by itself is a massively stupid move if you don't plan to follow the plot along those lines, as it make anything that comes after it that much harder to ground, again, it works in light novels cus they're not mean't to be taken seriously anyway.
Or how their world is a slapped together mess that some rookie gods tried to make, and I feel like its implied they just ended up plagiarising the assets from other worlds that worked cus they SUCKED at it, and so Fantasy Land that just really ends up being Rome with dinossaurs came to be.
Story: As many others have already said, this plot has some holes, mainly the part of the forced sexism because the civilization is just a carbon copy of Rome, when their world has the bigges most glaring equalizer immaginable, which is acessible to everyone, and how they MC's mentor is the only exception to the rule, when she should actually be- well not the norm, but there is no reason why women should be treated as inferior when anyone can become a flying human artillery platform if they're willing to put in the effort, and humanity is in such a precarious position in the food chain.
And the fact that this seemingly non-sensical part of their society always plays a pivotal role in any part of the plot, it is grating at times.
I will commend it on the apparent effor and thought put into fleshing out the world, flawed as it is.
Grammar: Great, no complaints here.
Character: Oh boi. Elaine is a piece of work. I can't bring myself to hate her, but she is just sooooo annoying as main character, she has grit I cant take that away from her, but she is your typical airhead light novel protagonist that for some reason still keeps on white-knigthing her morals when she is living in what ammounts to an ancient civilization where existential threats are plenty. And worst of all, is plot-bound by the thing that is supposed to make her special (an oath skill that really buffs her healing), to never have any meaningful character growht at all, also I didn't find the Mango gag particularly funny, just meh, again with the light novel getting through.
The rest of the cast are not particularly unlikeable, but nothing special either, Artemis (the mentor) is about the only character that is personable enough that I remenber, the rest are kinda dry.
Overall, the story is good for a binge, the irrational sexism (that feels like is the main point of the story at times) + MC can be rather annoying to read through, it has cubic tons of effort put into it, and I do look forward to the Author's next story when she hopefully doesn't have to compensate so much for the poor choices in her setting.
The MC is dumb. Really, really, terrifically dumb. The excuse given to us ADHD, but even ADHD doesn't excuse all of her decision making skills.
She behaves like a small toddler throughout her life even as a grown-up teenager. And she is an Isekai transplant.
Just survives on [Luck] and [Plot Armor] most of the time. The writing is fine, but the MC is stupendously irritating, so much that your [Blood Pressure] spikes up.
The world building is very limited and strange. This is a [Sexist] world with a capital S for god-knows what reason. In a world with classes, stat-increase, levels and skills, sexism doesnt occur without a good reason. But there is no historical context given.
And it appears to be only nation also. We don't know anything about neighbouring cities, nations, etc. MC has zero interest in learning anything about [Geography], so the reader has to tolerate her next-to-nil knowledge.
Had to drop it as I just couldn't continue further.
reposting my previous review that has been taken down due to 1 honest problem.
first off it has great grammer, you dont see many authors that take the time to make sure there story's could be read correctly.
1: problem i have with the novel is the mc became a idiot from going into a new body, while yes hormones do have a impact into how people behave but they don't have that much of a impact to make a full grown women that kept alot of her life experiences from her past life into someone who cant put 2 and 2 together about plot device dying due to negligence on her part whitch was stated how she knew everything how to treat it but her wisdom stat pretty much went to 0 from being reborn so plot device dies to make mc swear a healers oath whitch in the world she's in is suicide.
2: the author gives to much credit to children about there pain tolerance with a infection in there legs surposedly swollen all up it would be to painful to walk and be very hard to cover that little child would be screaming bloody murder in the later half of the infection.
3: the infections take much longer atleast a month or two to be able to take a life only possible way it be 10 days from this fic would be a magical infection and if it is a magical infection then no matter what our mc did at that time she wouldnt have been able to treat it preperation or not so in no way would the mc be responsable for killing the child and in no way would negligence of not boiling a cloth being lead to a achievement for poisoning if so then all of modern doctors are murderers that should be put to the cross and burned alive.
4: nothing in general is wrong with swearing a healers oath but in general this setting the author built up limits the future of the story aswell making it where she would have to heal her peoples enemy and or party's enemy if they ask for mercy ext so forth noone would want mc with them it defeats the purpose of trying to get stronger for the party and the nation as a whole and shed be tried for treason for healing the enemy.
this is my honest review.
Honestly think it's great overall. The characters and their dialogue is great. The story is funny and I look forward to reading every chapter. The system is unique enough to be interesting.
The main flaw is that the worldbuilding, and story as a whole, feels very rushed at the beginning. A lot of it feels like it could have been done better. The childhood arc in general is very confusing with the MC acting like a wierd fusion of child and adult and it's not really explained fully how the mentality came about. Exposition can also feel forced sometimes, the best examples would be the fact that despite being in the world for 5 and 8 years respectively for the introduction and unlocking of the system, the MC has very little knowledge of what to expect which seems very unrealistic. Clearly this is done so that the exposition of how the system works can be given to the reader but it took me out of the situation more than it immersed me.
There are definitely more examples of the author taking shortcuts in creating the world/setting as well. However, depite these flaws I still really enjoy the story so far and I think the Royalroad rating is well below what it deserves.