- Sexual Content
- Traumatising content
Elaine is ripped from this world to Pallos, a land of unlimited possibilities made real by a grand System governing classes, skills, and magic.
An ideal society? What is this, a fantasy novel?
Adventures? Right this way!
A Grand quest? Nah.
Friends and loot? Heck yes!
Humans are the top dog? Nope, dinosaur food.
Healing and fighting? Well, everything is trying to eat her.
Join Elaine as she travels around Pallos, discovering all the wonders and mysteries of the world, trying to find a place where she belongs, hunting those elusive mangos, all while the ominous Dragoneye Moons watch her every move.
Hey! Beneath the Dragoneye Moons is my first writing effort, so please be kind, but don’t hesitate to point out the flaws.
The story starts off slowly, more like a slice of life than action-adventure, but it gets there!
I’m going to be posting M-W-F
I do know how the story ends, and I promise if it ever gets dropped, or I stop doing this, I will post the ending. There will be no random “this is the last chapter” out of the blue.
Cover art by Lee Kent: https://www.artstation.com/leekent
This story is being published on Royal Road, Tapas, and Scribblehub.
[participant in the Royal Road Writathon challenge]
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This story is one of my favorite things to see in my update queue for quite a few reasons. First off, if you're a fan of GameLit or LitRPG stories in general, the system mechanics that the author uses are interesting in design and advancement, and while our MC has advanced knowledge, it isn't enough to steamroll every problem. The world was written with active consideration on how a System might affect it, which is a lot better than most others and makes the story itself more engrossing. I'd also like to throw out that the system of magic and elemental influence designed by the author is much more nuanced and intriguing than we usually see, which makes it more interesting to read and interact with.
As a story, the characters are well-developed and distinct, and there is definite character development. Our MC is fairly overpowered in her area of specialty, but the author does a good job of making sure that she faces challenges and conflicts outside of that specialty. Even better, the challenges provided are varied and evolving, rather than just being the same thing but bigger over and over.
The biggest criticism I can offer is that it's clear that the author's writing improved over time. While I found the first book enjoyable, our MC's absurdly and repeatably imuplsive behavior got grating at parts. The most irritating thing as a reader was that she never really seemed to learn from it and start thinking more critically. Thankfully, this changed in the second book as the author had her mature more and become more three-dimensional. Since then the MC has grown and developed in more realistic ways, rather than choosing the same poor action over and over. That isn't to say that the first book wasn't enjoyable to read, but for me this is the rare series that actually gets more interesting the further into it you read. Based on books two and three, I'd give the author a character score of five stars, but including book one drops that rating down to only four.
In sum: It's a fun, enjoyable read that gets better as you go along, and is worth checking out if you enjoy general fantasy writing, and is absolutely worth binging if you enjoy either LitRPG or GameLit or both. I eagerly look forward to seeing where this story goes!
on chapter 10.
Honestly the story itself is nice and I like the MC.
What irks me is the blatant sexism in the story that seems to be there for no reason? What purpose does sexism have in a magical new world where women can obtain power to call lightning down from the sky or shoot fire balls from their fingertips? What even is the point? Why is *half* of the population marginalized for no apparent reason other than the author wanting it so? It makes no sense
If women and men have access to the system there's no plausible reason as to why women should be marginalized when they can get the same powers as their male counterparts?
And the last thing is this "women can't be citizens" thing? What on earth...remus...whatever is even that? How are you born into a nation but not able to be a citizen of said nation?
I'm not saying sexism can't play a role in this magical world, but if it's there and it's gonna be so oppressively blatant, the least the author could do is give us a reason. Because honestly atm it just seems like poor world building
This story has many interesting elements, none of which can be called fully explored at this point in the story. The protagonist whishes to change the world she was reborn into but is not yet at a point where she has the power and influence to do so, but she's getting there.
I bring this up because many of the other reviews are quite harsh and seem to ignore the progression tag. You will notice hardly any of the bad reviewers have gotten very far in the story. The protagonist in this story is not an ultra-violent monster hunter, she is a healer and a conscientious woman of the world. That being said the world she finds herself in is a hard and dangerous place, There is plenty of death and carnage happening all around her and when threatend she does what is nessisary to defend herself.
Our tiny and cute Elaine is a fantastic healer, this much is obvious fairly early in the story. Something happens and she decides to take an oath somewhat simmilar to the oath doctors of earth take. I nearly dropped the story because It seemed to me like she was becomming a pacifist.
Thankfully I stuck with it and it turns out that wasn't the case. There was a line in the oath that allows for self defense that I somehow missed.
One thing that bothers me about many stories is the mis-use of tags. In this particular story almost al the tags fit: There is action (altho less than your average Litrpg where the protagonist has to fight for levels), there is plenty of adventure. This is certainly a fantasy story although the Fantasy, High fantasy, and supernatural tags are redundant, but thats on RR not the author.
The only tags that don't fit (yet) are portal fantasy/isekai (as this is a reincarnation story) and Strong Protagonist. Sure the protagonist is strong as in 'she's a strong independant woman' but not in the way that the tag intends. This of course can change if she continues to level up at her current pace.
In summation the first section of the story had me somewhat bored and I was considering dropping it because of the lack of action, but things picked up and by the time I caught up to the current chapter I was salivating for more. If you want something different than your typical Litrpg you should give this story a shot!
This is my first review so please don't hold my cluelessness against Selkie.
Bullet Points first because TLDR is a thing where asking them to scroll to the end might be too much.
- Loveable Female Lead Character 94.5% Cute but kicks ass.
- Humour Makes Me Smile 91.7% But the story is not all about the jokes.
- Adventure and Growth of LC are Satisfying 89.0% The story is good.
- Interesting Setting That Provides Surprises 86.9% I like where the story happens.
- Well Written and Edited 86.9% No need to scream about anything being messy.
I could go on but it will be caring about at least five of the top six best parts that makes this a good choice.
This is a lot of fun to read. It seems like the author has been having a lot of fun writing the story and that shows.
There are tons of things that the author gets right. I am not going to find things that are done wrong just for balance, so I probably am not a very good review writer.
This is a story where any flaws are forgettable in my opinion.
This story does what a good story should. It entertained me to read this story. I look forward to the directions that the story could be headed from here. I am not bored or annoyed by Beneath The Dragoneye Moons, and you might as well know there are great stories that I love, where I am definitely bored by sameness and repetitious churn, or annoyed by flaws of numerous varieties. I don't even want to go there.
Lead Character is overpowered but not as badly as Ilea Spears/Lillith from Azaririnth Healer, but maybe that is just not yet. Read both stories and there are obvious reasons to make that comparison. The two characters are extremely different even though they could both be described in a way that makes them mechanically identical. There is more to a character than their job. That should be obvious but some people might make a note of that.
I like this story. I would bet that you will too.
I love how this story has unfolded. No plot holes left behind, clever tie-ins, and believable emotions. Everything that is glossed over should be. Good job. Keep going please. Tied with azrinth healer and infinite realms and he who fights with monsters for most looked forward to for an update. 200 word required for review is absurd RR. I said what needed to said. All this required fluff makes reviews un palatable. Seriously RR knock it off, this author does not need this. This is why reviews don't get done, ridiculous word counts are ridiculous. That is not 200 words? Really? I am sorry to the author, you should not have to deal with this. I'm never doing a review again. Ever.there should be a conter so people will know how much filler is going to be needed to finish this silly quest. Imagine after every sentence after the actual review is done, the poor reviewer clicks the finish button, only to be informed the word count has not been satisfied. Over and over and over. And over and over. And over and over. Will this never end? Please let me free! Oh god, I'm trapped in word count hell!
This story has done great things with characters and world building, the litrpg and system elements are a good take on the genre. The plots have kept me engaged and im looking forward to seeing how this story continues.
The main character has some interesting restrictions both divine and self imposed that adds an intrsting spin.
I like the story a lot im writing this so it might reach more people.
its not perfect but realy what is?
In a genre dominated by male protagonists, this is one of the rare examples of a competent female lead. Like in most LitRPGs, Elaine experiences a serious spike in power shortly after embarking on her own. Fortunately, it's not due to a rare class or a magic item, but a decision she made early on in the story that turned out to have far reaching consequences: a magical oath.
its pretty captivating and will leave you wanting more
two major issues in this world slavery and sexism. Slavery is as far as I am simply never mentioned again after some time which I found a bit disappointing and Sexism is the part where I find some issues with the cast. So to put it simple everyone importent as far as I have seen is in some form against sexism, and it simply exist to further the war.
the world is done well by the way
Style is good. First person POV of the MC. The System is logical and makes sense while having it's own unique twists over the standard litrpg system. I like it a lot.
Characters are pretty good. The MC can be easily distracted and impulsive, which can get a tad annoying sometimes, but that just makes her feel more real. Supporting characters are fleshed out more or less depending on how important they are to the MC
i suggest giving it a chance
Honestly think it's great overall. The characters and their dialogue is great. The story is funny and I look forward to reading every chapter. The system is unique enough to be interesting.
The main flaw is that the worldbuilding, and story as a whole, feels very rushed at the beginning. A lot of it feels like it could have been done better. The childhood arc in general is very confusing with the MC acting like a wierd fusion of child and adult and it's not really explained fully how the mentality came about. Exposition can also feel forced sometimes, the best examples would be the fact that despite being in the world for 5 and 8 years respectively for the introduction and unlocking of the system, the MC has very little knowledge of what to expect which seems very unrealistic. Clearly this is done so that the exposition of how the system works can be given to the reader but it took me out of the situation more than it immersed me.
There are definitely more examples of the author taking shortcuts in creating the world/setting as well. However, depite these flaws I still really enjoy the story so far and I think the Royalroad rating is well below what it deserves.
As the title said, this is an ok isekai fantasy that's pretty serviceable if you don't have high expectations and just wants to read something. But man, a lot of things feels forced. Like, I get that the MC starts off as a literal child, but she has zero agency whatsoever. The plot just has people bring her to places so stuff can happen, then people tell her to do this so stuff can happen. Not sure if this is how it goes on, but man it's such a drag in the beginning.
Also, the sexism shit keeps gwtting brought up again and again, and it's pretty on the nose tbh. Not just in the story, even in the author's notes and their comments it keeps popping up, there's clearly an agenda or a message trying to be shoe horned in. It could have been a bit subtler about it, but as it is now it's very in our faces.
And man, the MC can be pretty annoying. I get what the author was going for, being a child likely affected the MC's psyche and she acts more like a child, but it could have been written better. Her thoughts just flits from one thing to another, having the attention span of grasshopper, and she's so unnecessarily emotional. Like again, being a kid and all, but it's annoying to read. And she's so inconsistent too.
Anyway, tl;dr it's ok but it's nothing special.
Beneath the Dragoneye Moons This story has incredible, incredible potential. Its world is interesting and the litrpg elements are crazy tasty. That said, it has PROBLEMS.
Problem 1: Art imitates reality and vice versa. Politics and art bleed into one another also, the problem comes when politics begin to harm the art in question. In this case it twists a hearty and hale story into a sickly thing, and yet it keeps shallow breaths and grows on because it desires to exist, as all things do.
There are many elements in this story which could work in some cases, but simply do not in my opinion work in this one. I'd go into full detail as to why I think so and as to how I think these elements can be improved to make more sense in the context of the world and story in general but it has been made clear to me that, well this author does not value my feedback in the slightest.
Avenues for improvement: Rework the politics, foreshadow, shade and tone them to allow them to truly sing. There is nothing that invests a reader more in a character than conflict with a character that has beliefs, ideals and white-knuckle clings to them in situations when they are powerless. Shaded too strongly it becomes tacky, in balance and flow it elevates and enhances.
Problem 2, Suspension of disbelief: There are many instances where the plot just jars you out of it. In many cases this is a result of the art-politics thing, but in others its because of things failing to be rationalised and being handwaved away. There is an instance in which a child is let outside of town by guards she has grown up around her entire life whom her father works with. They just let her go, because reasons… The plot advances because of it, there are other such instances where this happens.
Avenues for improvement: Adoption of a rational cause - effect relationship. Guards say "Your dad would string me up if I let you go out on your own" So she ingeniously finds a way past the obstacle, perhaps she sneaks into a the wagon and jumps out somewhere when she gets a chance, maybe she scales the walls or engineers a complicated plan of escape that relies on her burning a social bridge with her fiancee's family somehow. The minutiae matter little, its the effort that some semblance of reality is maintained that counts. I honestly think that this one is the most important, if you want harsh but fair criticism, pm me and I will take apart any part of your choosing.
Problem 3 Contrivances: This follows on from the previous point. Its consistent throughout the novel and thus exists as the single biggest potential avenue for improvement. Its in the plot, but its also in the smaller things, like the MC remembering entire pieces of media from Earth in entirety, sure she gets a skill for it that surely helps but perfectly remembering and recounting the entire Iliad + other works before she even gets said skill to a particularly high level on a single night in a stressful situation? I digress, it bothers me, its not that such a thing is impossible, rather its never hinted/foreshadowed at, properly explained and woven into the story with the reasons for such capability rather than 'it just happened' 'because mc just that good' or 'plot demands it happen like this' would make for an improved end product, in my opinion.
Avenue for improvement Foreshadowing and explanation in action, reaction, throwaway lines of description or conversations that shed light on aspects of characters that are later drawn upon. Eg "She's always had a knack for songs" Father said, smiling pointedly at Mother "Got one stuck into Old Bob, said he heard it for days afterward" Use something similar to explain her ability to remember entire things by rote if she's interested in them, establish a baseline and build on it with skills and in character efforts.
I fell in love with this story. But I'm not blind to its flaws. Author I don't hate you, I especially don't hate your work, I just want it and you to reach even greater heights, maybe you'll throw my words out of your mind entirely. I like a lot of what you've written, most of it, but there are flaws : (