Beneath the Dragoneye Moons

Beneath the Dragoneye Moons

by Selkie

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

Elaine is ripped from this world to Pallos, a land of unlimited possibilities made real by a grand System governing classes, skills, and magic.

An ideal society? What is this, a fantasy novel?

Adventures? Right this way!

A Grand quest? Nah.

Friends and loot? Heck yes!

Humans are the top dog? Nope, dinosaur food.

Healing and fighting? Well, everything is trying to eat her.

Join Elaine as she travels around Pallos, discovering all the wonders and mysteries of the world, trying to find a place where she belongs, hunting those elusive mangos, all while the ominous Dragoneye Moons watch her every move.

Hey! Beneath the Dragoneye Moons is my first writing effort, so please be kind, but don’t hesitate to point out the flaws.

The story starts off slowly, more like a slice of life than action-adventure, but it gets there!

I’m going to be posting M-W-F

I do know how the story ends, and I promise if it ever gets dropped, or I stop doing this, I will post the ending. There will be no random “this is the last chapter” out of the blue.

[participant in the Royal Road Writathon challenge]

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Image Gallery! ago
Dedication ago
Chapter 1 - Rebirth ago
Chapter 2 - System Day I ago
Chapter 3 - System Day II ago
Chapter 4 - System Day III ago
Chapter 5 - System Day IV ago
Chapter 6 - Learning Skills I ago
Chapter 7 - Learning Skills II ago
Chapter 8 - Learning Skills III ago
Chapter 9 - The System Unlocks! ago
Chapter 10 - Girl Talk ago
Chapter 11 - Shadowing Guards ago
Chapter 12 - Artemis ago
Chapter 13 - Lessons on Magic ago
Chapter 14 - Decisions I ago
Chapter 15 - Decisions II ago
Chapter 16 - General Skills Bootcamp ago
Chapter 17 - The first Class-up ago
Chapter 18 - So many new skills! ago
Chapter 19 - Funeral ago
Chapter 20 - 6 years and change later ago
Chapter 21 - Catching up ago
Chapter 22 - Injustice ago
Chapter 23 - Level 100 I ago
Chapter 24 - Level 100 II ago
Chapter 25 - Level 100 III ago
Chapter 26 - Level 100 IV ago
Chapter 27 - The Ranger Squad ago
Chapter 28 - Healing ago
Chapter 29 - Secrets, Secrets, They're no Fun ago
Chapter 30 - A conversation ago
Chapter 31 - The Adventure Begins! ago
Chapter 32 – The woods are dark and deep ago
Chapter 33 – Verdant Village ago
Chapter 34 – How far does an Oath go? ago
Chapter 35 – Unless they’re shared with everyone! I ago
Chapter 36 – Unless they’re shared with everyone! II ago
Chapter 37 – On the road ago
Chapter 38 – Voting on Elaine ago
Chapter 39 – Sheep’s Ford ago
Chapter 40 – The road to Virinum I ago
Chapter 41 – The road to Virinum II ago
Chapter 42 – Arrival in Virinum ago
Chapter 43 –Virinum I ago
Chapter 44 –Virinum II ago
Chapter 45 –Virinum III ago
Chapter 46 –Virinum IV ago
Chapter 47 –Virinum V ago
Chapter 48 – Virinum VI ago
Chapter 49 – Classing up I ago
Chapter 50 – Classing up II ago
Interlude - The Magic Elements Explained! ago
Chapter 51 – New Skills I ago
Chapter 52 – Shield Skills with Artemis ago
Chapter 53 – Dodging the Guard ago
Chapter 54 – Shield skills with Maximus ago
Chapter 55 – Fire Training ago
Chapter 56 – Adventures in Virinum I ago
Chapter 57 – Adventures in Virinum II ago
Chapter 58 – Adventures in Virinum III ago
Chapter 59 – Adventures in Virinum IV ago
Chapter 60 – Adventures in Virinum V ago
Chapter 61 – Adventures in Virinum VI ago
Chapter 62 – Leaving Virinum ago
Chapter 63 – Adventures on the way to Perinthus I ago
Chapter 64 – Adventures on the way to Perinthus II ago
Chapter 65 – Adventures on the way to Perinthus III ago
Chapter 66 – Adventures on the way to Perinthus IV ago
Chapter 67 – Adventures on the way to Perinthus V ago
Chapter 68 – Adventures on the way to Perinthus VI ago
Chapter 69 – Classing up! ago
Chapter 70 – Arriving in Perinthus ago
Chapter 71 – Plague I ago
Chapter 72– Plague II ago
Chapter 73– Plague III ago
Chapter 74– Plague IV ago
Chapter 75– Plague V ago
Chapter 76– Plague VI ago
Chapter 77– Plague VII ago
Chapter 78– Plague VIII ago
Chapter 79– Plague IX – The Greater Good ago
Chapter 80– Plague X ago
Chapter 81– Plague XI ago
Chapter 82– Plague XII ago
Chapter 83– Plague XIII ago
Chapter 84– Plague XIV ago
Chapter 85– Plague XV ago
Chapter 86– Plague XVI ago
Chapter 87– Plague XVII ago
Chapter 87.5 Bonus Chapter: Julia and Elainus react to Elaine running away. ago
Chapter 88– Plague Aftermath ago
Chapter 89– Sing my name, for a thousand years ago
Chapter 90– Brigantium I ago
Chapter 91– Brigantium II ago
Chapter 92– Libraries and babies ago
Chapter 93– A Dozen Different Methods of Death ago
Chapter 94– Entering Ariminum, The Capital ago
Chapter 95– Minor Interlude – Julius Reports to Command ago
Chapter 96– Prelude to a meeting ago
Chapter 97– Reunion ago
Chapter 98– Government Vivisectionists ago
Chapter 99– The Grand Ranger Meeting ago
Chapter 100– Major Interlude – Iona – The Tunnel to Terrabethia ago
Chapter 101– Ranger Academy I ago
Chapter 102– Ranger Academy II ago
Chapter 103– Ranger Academy III ago
Chapter 104– Ranger Academy IV ago
Chapter 105– Ranger Academy V ago
Chapter 106– Ranger Academy VI ago
Chapter 107– Ranger Academy VII ago
Chapter 108– Ranger Academy VIII ago
Chapter 109– Ranger Academy IX ago
Chapter 110– Ranger Academy X ago
Chapter 111– Ranger Academy XI ago
Chapter 112.1– Ranger Academy XII ago
Chapter 112.2– Ranger Academy XII ago
Chapter 113.1– Ranger Academy XIII ago
Chapter 113.2– Ranger Academy XIII ago
Chapter 114.1– Ranger Academy XIV ago
Chapter 114.2– Ranger Academy XIV ago
Chapter 115.1– Ranger Academy XV- Classing up! ago
Chapter 115.2– Ranger Academy XV- Classing up! ago
Chapter 116.1– Ranger Academy XVI ago
Chapter 116.2– Ranger Academy XVI ago
Chapter 117.1– Ranger Academy XVII- Graduation ago
Chapter 117.2– Ranger Academy XVII- Graduation ago
Chapter 118.1 – Ranger Convocation ago
Chapter 118.2 – Ranger Convocation ago
Chapter 119.1 – A date ago
Chapter 119.2 – A date ago
Chapter 119.3 – A date ago
Chapter 120.1 – History Lessons ago
Chapter 120.2 – History Lessons ago
Interlude - Bonus Content - Black Crow//White Dove ago
Chapter 121 – Winding down ago
Chapter 122 – What to do with myself ago
Chapter 123 – Medical Manuscript ago
Chapter 124 – Preparing ago
Chapter 125 – Traveling to Deva ago
Chapter 126 – Deva I ago
Chapter 127 – Deva II ago
Chapter 128 – Deva III ago
Chapter 129 – Deva IV ago
Chapter 130 – Deva V ago
Chapter 131 – Returning Home I ago
Chapter 132 – Returning Home II ago
Chapter 133 – Returning Home III ago
Chapter 134 – Returning Home IV ago
Chapter 135 – Returning Home V ago
Chapter 136 – Returning Home VI ago
Chapter 137 – Returning Home VII ago
Chapter 138 – Returning Home VIII ago
Chapter ???? – The Coven of Fabulous Witches 0 ago
Chapter ???? – The Coven of Fabulous Witches III ago
Chapter 139 – After Action Report ago
Chapter 140 – Smoke and Mirrors ago
Chapter 141 – Autumn ago
Chapter 142 – Schools ago
Chapter 143 – Companion information ago
Chapter 144 – Adventurer’s Guild ago
Chapter 145 – Sentinel Dawn ago
Chapter 146.1 – Major Interlude – Iona – The 300. ago
Chapter 146.2 – Major Interlude – Iona – The 300. ago
Chapter 146.3 – Major Interlude – Iona – The 300. ago
Chapter 146.4 – Major Interlude – Iona – The 300. ago
Chapter 146.5 – Major Interlude – Iona – The 300. ago
Chapter 146.6 – Major Interlude – Iona – The 300. ago
Chapter 146.7 – Major Interlude – Iona – The 300. ago
Chapter 147 – A day in the life I ago
Chapter 148 – A day in the life II ago
Chapter 149 – Massage ago
Chapter 150 – Formorians I ago
Chapter 151 – Formorians II ago
Chapter 152 – Formorians III ago
Chapter 153 – Formorians IV ago
Chapter 154 – Formorians V ago
Chapter 155 – Formorians VI ago
Chapter 156 – Formorians VII ago
Chapter 157 – Formorians VIII ago
Chapter 158 – Formorians IX ago
Chapter 159 – Formorians X ago
Chapter 160 – Formorians XI ago
Chapter 161 – Formorians XII ago
Chapter 162 – Celestial Class up! I ago
Chapter 163.1 – Celestial Class up! II ago
Chapter 163.2 – Celestial Class up! II ago
Chapter 164.1 – Celestial Class up! III ago
Chapter 164.2 – Celestial Class up! III ago
Chapter 165 – Skills Skills Skills ago
Chapter 166 – Party ago
Chapter 167 – Mourning ago
Chapter 168.1 – Aftermath ago
Chapter 168.2 – Aftermath ago
Chapter 169 – Sentinel Meeting ago
Chapter 170 – Heading Out ago
Chapter 171 – Let’s go fly a kite ago
Chapter 172 – The Formorian Lands I ago
Chapter 173 – The Formorian Lands II ago
Chapter 174 – The Formorian Lands III ago
Chapter 175 – The Formorian Lands IV ago
Chapter 176 – Dwarves I ago
Chapter 177 – Dwarves II ago
Chapter 178 – Dwarves III ago
Chapter 179 – Dwarves IV ago
Chapter 180 – Dwarves V ago
Chapter 181 – Dwarves VI ago
Chapter 182 – Dwarves VII ago
Chapter 183 – Dwarves VIII ago
Chapter 184 – Dwarves IX ago
Chapter 185 – Dwarves X ago
Chapter 186 – Dwarves XI ago
Chapter 187 - The Dragoneye Moons I ago
Chapter 188 - The Dragoneye Moons II ago
Chapter 189 - The Dragoneye Moons III ago
Chapter 190 Minor Interlude – Autumn – The Letters I ago
Chapter 191 Interlude - The Letters II ago
Worldbuilding - What caused the deadzone? ago
Chapter 192 – The Fall ago
Chapter ??? - Dragoneye Mortis 1.1 ago
Chapter ??? - Dragoneye Mortis 1.2 ago
Chapter ??? - Dragoneye Mortis 1.3 ago
Chapter ??? - Dragoneye Mortis 1.4 ago
Chapter 193 – Major Interlude – Iona – Julie d’Audrey I ago
Chapter 194 – Major Interlude – Iona – Julie d’Audrey II ago
Chapter 195 – Major Interlude – Iona – Julie d’Audrey III ago
Chapter 196 - Journey to the center of Pallos I ago
Chapter 197 - Journey to the center of Pallos II ago
Chapter 198 - Journey to the center of Pallos III ago
Chapter 199- Journey to the center of Pallos IV ago
Chapter 200 - Journey to the center of Pallos V ago
Chapter 201 - Journey to the center of Pallos VI ago
Chapter 202 - Journey to the center of Pallos VII ago
Chapter 203 - Journey to the center of Pallos VIII ago
Chapter 204 - Journey to the center of Pallos IX ago
Chapter 205 - Journey to the center of Pallos X ago
Chapter 206 - Journey to the center of Pallos XI ago
Chapter 207 - Journey to the center of Pallos XII ago
Chapter 208 - Journey to the center of Pallos XIII ago
Chapter 209 - Journey to the center of Pallos XIV ago
Chapter 210 - Journey to the center of Pallos XV ago
Chapter 211 - Radiance Class-up I ago
Chapter 212.1 - Radiance Class-up II ago
Chapter 212.2 - Radiance Class-up II ago
Chapter 213.1 - Shiny New Skills! I ago
Chapter 213.2 - Shiny New Skills! I ago
Chapter 214 - Shiny New Skills! II ago
Chapter 215 - The Golden Cage I ago
Chapter 216 - The Golden Cage II ago
Chapter 217 - The first escape attempt! I ago
Chapter 218 - The first escape attempt!! II ago
Chapter 219 - Alone in the Dark I ago
Chapter 220 - Alone in the Dark II ago
Chapter 221 - Beneath the Dragon’s Eyes I ago
Chapter 222 - Beneath the Dragon’s Eyes II ago
Chapter 223.1 - Beneath the Dragon’s Eyes III ago
Chapter 223.2 - Beneath the Dragon’s Eyes III ago
Chapter 224 - Flying Free ago
Chapter 225 - Free Butterfly ago
Chapter 226 - A campfire meeting ago
Chapter 227 - Shimagu ago
Chapter 228 - Biohazard ago
Chapter 229 - Barbeque ago
Chapter 230 - On Immortality ago
Chapter 231 - Elvish Adventures! I ago
Chapter 232 – Elvish Adventures! II ago
Chapter 233 - Centaurs ago
Chapter 234 - Traveling through the plains ago
Chapter 235 - The Hydra I ago
Chapter 236 - The Hydra II ago

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Litrpg that's lots of fun. I'm a sucker for the type of class the MC picks, so that gets bonus points from me.

The beginning is just okay. The "reincarnated as a baby but retaining all my memories" trope is nearly impossible to pull off well. Thankfully the author doesn't drag it out forever and uses some judicious time-skips to establish some character and world building while still getting us to the meat of the story relatively quickly. Once that gets going, the quality continues to improve with each subsequent chapter.

Style is good. First person POV of the MC. The System is logical and makes sense while having it's own unique twists over the standard litrpg system. I like it a lot.

Story starts off 'fine' and has made it to 'really good'. Like I said earlier, early childhood stuff is hard to do well, but the author does a good job of getting through it while still making it impactful to the MCs development and decisions. Nothing in the plot is revolutionary, but it's all handled well.

Grammar is great, no issues there.

Characters are pretty good. The MC can be easily distracted and impulsive, which can get a tad annoying sometimes, but that just makes her feel more real. Supporting characters are fleshed out more or less depending on how important they are to the MC

All in all, an enjoyable read that just keeps getting better. I definitely recommend.


Better than average and entertaining!

Reviewed at: Chapter 136 – Returning Home VI

In a genre dominated by male protagonists, this is one of the rare examples of a competent female lead. Like in most LitRPGs, Elaine experiences a serious spike in power shortly after embarking on her own. Fortunately, it's not due to a rare class or a magic item, but a decision she made early on in the story that turned out to have far reaching consequences: a magical oath.

Her oath is her greatest strength, but also her greatest weakness. She struggles to work with and around it, lending additional tension to conflicts she could otherwise resolve with a thought. She is physically weak with a niche power set, and her restrictions serve to prevent the power creep that so much of the genre suffers from.

Now for the negatives. Elaine can be annoying. Her total age across two lifetimes is 38 at the time of this review, but she still acts like and has the internal voice of a teenager. She's flightly and naive, and seems determined to remain that way no matter her bounding advancements in other areas.

Some of the other characters don't have a unique voice. They are distinctive enough in appearance and personality to stand out from each other, but the speaking lines themselves are muddled, especially when they're packed close together. For example (and I'm paraphrasing), a wizened old man might say "My endeavors have been most worthwhile.", but then two lines later say "Yeah, that kinda makes sense."

Elaine doesn't have a clear goal aside from being a healer. The conflicts that spurred her journey in the first place have all been resolved, and there aren't yet any new ones to take their place. She's just existing in the world and reacting to challenges as they come. One of them needs to go somewhere fast before the story drifts too much further.

Lastly, this is not a critique of the story itself, but a message to the author (who I hope is going to read this). Spoilers within.

You presented the Republic as an inherently sexist society, where women have few to no rights that aren't granted by proxy of their fathers or husbands. Elaine has mostly been spared from this with the exception of a few rude remarks and constant marriage proposals, which you play for laughs.

Your biggest opportunity to make that sexism a major part of your story was the Ranger Academy arc. She was the only girl in an all male class, under consideration to become a Sentinel. I was expecting her to have a horrible time, especially when she started doing Sparring Overwatch instead of Sparring itself (yes, there was a reason, but all the other students can see is that the pretty girl doesn't have to fight). That arc was ripe for abuse not only from her peers, but her instructors.

I think you've forgotten, in your efforts to make these characters likeable, that Elaine is the only character in this book who was raised in a society where women had individual rights. In Remus, that idea is criminal. That's the entire reason she got offered the Revolutionary class, right?

You've done a good job normalizing slavery. Elaine is the only person who thinks it's wrong. The same should be true for the sexism. Elaine should have to prove herself at turn. She should have to earn the respect of characters who would respect her by virtue of her powers alone if she were a man. She should be running into walls such as, for example, not becoming a Sentinel because she would be expected to travel the realm alone, and perish the thought of a woman travelling alone.

So here's my advice. It's too late to change the way everyone has treated her up until now, but she can still hit that wall. Have some Senators challenge her right to be a Sentinel. Give that challenge a lot of support. Have even her allies struggle to reconcile what they know about Elaine with their deeply ingrained prejudices about women. Have someone she trusts tell her she's the exception, not the rule, and have her blow up in their face.

Obviouslty, you don't have to do any of those specific things, but the point is, you need to do something. You can't have this vague sexism sitting in the background until suddenly everything works out because Elaine is such an inspiration. That's insulting to your readers and to women in general. If you do that, I will dramatically throw my phone into the ocean and burn your house down*.

*(I will not actually burn your house down, but I will be thinking about it.)


The story is okay, a lot of things dont make sense and there are plot holes, but the thing that bugs me the most is how unoriginal and useless the lona story is. Complete waste of time to read, just skip those chapters, they have no relevance other than to fill or something?


I avoided reading this story for a long time because of other reviews mentioning the pointless sexism/slavery that only existed because the author wanted to try writing about it. After reading it for myself, I can say that the story is pretty decent except for the sexism.

This is a world of magic where men AND women are both equally capable of throwing a fireball in your face. So, how are women still treated as the property of their fathers, brothers, and husbands? Because the culture is basically built on a self-fulfilling prophecy. Women are denied opportunities to become anything that isn't a housewife, forced to follow their parents demands for how to distribute stats/skills for their build, married off at 14 years old, forced to use their limited skill slots or change classes entirely to please their husbands, etc. The only way women can actually become strong in this setting is if they literally run away from home and somehow survive the numerous monsters, bandits, escaped slaves, and even adventurers who are completely willing to sell you into slavery. 

I don't particularly care about the slavery part since prisons are not exactly a thing in fantasy worlds. No different than any other story in that part.

Outside of the sexism, the story was ironically pretty good. I really liked it and I can enjoy a character that has restrictions to live by. The plot is convincing, people can actually die, hindsight can be 20/20, the mysteries of magic, etc. So if you can get past the early parts, then you will enjoy the story more. 


Doesn't act like she remembers a past life

Reviewed at: Chapter 16 - General Skills Bootcamp

Doesn't feel like the protagonist is a reincarnate at all in how mature she is, both in how she acts and how she reacts to happenings and social interactions.
Just strains SoD too much that all her her memories from her past life doesn't seem to make a difference in her maturity level.

Would have been better to cut out the reincarnate part, or perhaps have her memories of her past life supressed until she was older, if the author doesn't want her to act older than her age when growing up.

Some people don't like to see inserts acting like full adults in a child's body, but this story went too hard in the other direction, and made the protagonist far too childish for me to enjoy reading about her.

It also seems pretty heavyhanded the direction the author is leading the character when it comes to skills and potential future classes.

On a technical level though it is well written and pretty polished, but I just don't enjoy the narrative direction and characterisation the author decided on, and how often characters do a 180 and act in an exaggerated manner.
It feels like the author has watched too much anime.


Very Enjoyable Story that Gets Better and Better

Reviewed at: Chapter 133 – Returning Home III

This story is one of my favorite things to see in my update queue for quite a few reasons.  First off, if you're a fan of GameLit or LitRPG stories in general, the system mechanics that the author uses are interesting in design and advancement, and while our MC has advanced knowledge, it isn't enough to steamroll every problem.  The world was written with active consideration on how a System might affect it, which is a lot better than most others and makes the story itself more engrossing.  I'd also like to throw out that the system of magic and elemental influence designed by the author is much more nuanced and intriguing than we usually see, which makes it more interesting to read and interact with.

As a story, the characters are well-developed and distinct, and there is definite character development.  Our MC is fairly overpowered in her area of specialty, but the author does a good job of making sure that she faces challenges and conflicts outside of that specialty.  Even better, the challenges provided are varied and evolving, rather than just being the same thing but bigger over and over.

The biggest criticism I can offer is that it's clear that the author's writing improved over time.  While I found the first book enjoyable, our MC's absurdly and repeatably imuplsive behavior got grating at parts.  The most irritating thing as a reader was that she never really seemed to learn from it and start thinking more critically.  Thankfully, this changed in the second book as the author had her mature more and become more three-dimensional.  Since then the MC has grown and developed in more realistic ways, rather than choosing the same poor action over and over.  That isn't to say that the first book wasn't enjoyable to read, but for me this is the rare series that actually gets more interesting the further into it you read.  Based on books two and three, I'd give the author a character score of five stars, but including book one drops that rating down to only four.

In sum: It's a fun, enjoyable read that gets better as you go along, and is worth checking out if you enjoy general fantasy writing, and is absolutely worth binging if you enjoy either LitRPG or GameLit or both.  I eagerly look forward to seeing where this story goes!


Great if you can ignore the rushed beginning

Reviewed at: Chapter 44 –Virinum II

Honestly think it's great overall. The characters and their dialogue is great. The story is funny and I look forward to reading every chapter. The system is unique enough to be interesting.

The main flaw is that the worldbuilding, and story as a whole, feels very rushed at the beginning. A lot of it feels like it could have been done better. The childhood arc in general is very confusing with the MC acting like a wierd fusion of child and adult and it's not really explained fully how the mentality came about. Exposition can also feel forced sometimes, the best examples would be the fact that despite being in the world for 5 and 8 years respectively for the introduction and unlocking of the system, the MC has very little knowledge of what to expect which seems very unrealistic. Clearly this is done so that the exposition of how the system works can be given to the reader but it took me out of the situation more than it immersed me. 

There are definitely more examples of the author taking shortcuts in creating the world/setting as well. However, depite these flaws I still really enjoy the story so far and I think the Royalroad rating is well below what it deserves.

Winged Thing

Beneath the Dragoneye Moons This story has incredible, incredible potential. Its world is interesting and the litrpg elements are crazy tasty. That said, it has PROBLEMS.

Problem 1: Art imitates reality and vice versa. Politics and art bleed into one another also, the problem comes when politics begin to harm the art in question. In this case it twists a hearty and hale story into a sickly thing, and yet it keeps shallow breaths and grows on because it desires to exist, as all things do.

There are many elements in this story which could work in some cases, but simply do not in my opinion work in this one. I'd go into full detail as to why I think so and as to how I think these elements can be improved to make more sense in the context of the world and story in general but it has been made clear to me that, well this author does not value my feedback in the slightest.

Avenues for improvement: Rework the politics, foreshadow, shade and tone them to allow them to truly sing. There is nothing that invests a reader more in a character than conflict with a character that has beliefs, ideals and white-knuckle clings to them in situations when they are powerless. Shaded too strongly it becomes tacky, in balance and flow it elevates and enhances.

Problem 2, Suspension of disbelief: There are many instances where the plot just jars you out of it. In many cases this is a result of the art-politics thing, but in others its because of things failing to be rationalised and being handwaved away. There is an instance in which a child is let outside of town by guards she has grown up around her entire life whom her father works with. They just let her go, because reasons… The plot advances because of it, there are other such instances where this happens.

Avenues for improvement: Adoption of a rational cause - effect relationship. Guards say "Your dad would string me up if I let you go out on your own" So she ingeniously finds a way past the obstacle, perhaps she sneaks into a the wagon and jumps out somewhere when she gets a chance, maybe she scales the walls or engineers a complicated plan of escape that relies on her burning a social bridge with her fiancee's family somehow. The minutiae matter little, its the effort that some semblance of reality is maintained that counts. I honestly think that this one is the most important, if you want harsh but fair criticism, pm me and I will take apart any part of your choosing.

Problem 3 Contrivances: This follows on from the previous point. Its consistent throughout the novel and thus exists as the single biggest potential avenue for improvement. Its in the plot, but its also in the smaller things, like the MC remembering entire pieces of media from Earth in entirety, sure she gets a skill for it that surely helps but perfectly remembering and recounting the entire Iliad + other works before she even gets said skill to a particularly high level on a single night in a stressful situation? I digress, it bothers me, its not that such a thing is impossible, rather its never hinted/foreshadowed at, properly explained and woven into the story with the reasons for such capability rather than 'it just happened' 'because mc just that good' or 'plot demands it happen like this' would make for an improved end product, in my opinion.

Avenue for improvement Foreshadowing and explanation in action, reaction, throwaway lines of description or conversations that shed light on aspects of characters that are later drawn upon. Eg "She's always had a knack for songs" Father said, smiling pointedly at Mother "Got one stuck into Old Bob, said he heard it for days afterward" Use something similar to explain her ability to remember entire things by rote if she's interested in them, establish a baseline and build on it with skills and in character efforts.

In closing,

I fell in love with this story. But I'm not blind to its flaws. Author I don't hate you, I especially don't hate your work, I just want it and you to reach even greater heights, maybe you'll throw my words out of your mind entirely. I like a lot of what you've written, most of it, but there are flaws : (


The MC is dumb. Really, really, terrifically dumb. The excuse given to us ADHD, but even ADHD doesn't excuse all of her decision making skills. 

She behaves like a small toddler throughout her life even as a grown-up teenager. And she is an Isekai transplant.

Just survives on [Luck] and [Plot Armor] most of the time. The writing is fine, but the MC is stupendously irritating, so much that your [Blood Pressure] spikes up.

The world building is very limited and strange. This is a [Sexist] world with a capital S for god-knows what reason. In a world with classes, stat-increase, levels and skills, sexism doesnt occur without a good reason. But there is no historical context given.

And it appears to be only nation also. We don't know anything about neighbouring cities, nations, etc. MC has zero interest in learning anything about [Geography], so the reader has to tolerate her next-to-nil knowledge.

Had to drop it as I just couldn't continue further.


I like the story a lot im writing this so it might reach more people.

its not perfect but realy what is?

In a genre dominated by male protagonists, this is one of the rare examples of a competent female lead. Like in most LitRPGs, Elaine experiences a serious spike in power shortly after embarking on her own. Fortunately, it's not due to a rare class or a magic item, but a decision she made early on in the story that turned out to have far reaching consequences: a magical oath.

its pretty captivating and will leave you wanting more

two major issues in this world slavery and sexism. Slavery is as far as I am simply never mentioned again after some time which I found a bit disappointing and Sexism is the part where I find some issues with the cast. So to put it simple everyone importent as far as I have seen is in some form against sexism, and it simply exist to further the war.

the world is done well by the way 

Style is good. First person POV of the MC. The System is logical and makes sense while having it's own unique twists over the standard litrpg system. I like it a lot.

Characters are pretty good. The MC can be easily distracted and impulsive, which can get a tad annoying sometimes, but that just makes her feel more real. Supporting characters are fleshed out more or less depending on how important they are to the MC

i suggest giving it a chance