- Sexual Content
- Traumatising content
Elaine is ripped from this world to Pallos, a land of unlimited possibilities made real by a grand System governing classes, skills, and magic.
An ideal society? What is this, a fantasy novel?
Adventures? Right this way!
A Grand quest? Nah.
Friends and loot? Heck yes!
Humans are the top dog? Nope, dinosaur food.
Healing and fighting? Well, everything is trying to eat her.
Join Elaine as she travels around Pallos, discovering all the wonders and mysteries of the world, trying to find a place where she belongs, hunting those elusive mangos, all while the ominous Dragoneye Moons watch her every move.
Hey! Beneath the Dragoneye Moons is my first writing effort, so please be kind, but don’t hesitate to point out the flaws.
The story starts off slowly, more like a slice of life than action-adventure, but it gets there!
I’m going to be posting M-W-F
I do know how the story ends, and I promise if it ever gets dropped, or I stop doing this, I will post the ending. There will be no random “this is the last chapter” out of the blue.
[participant in the Royal Road Writathon challenge]
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I will first admit that this was a mixed bag for me in the first few chapters.
The setting was and remains more interesting than the LitRPG norm in a sociological and infrastructural sense. These people are used to living with superpowers in a way that is rare in other works. Everyone is aware of and consciously adjusts to System granted levels, stats and skills in a way that makes each character more immersive for us readers.
Remus is also, of course, a classical Roman Empire expy with all the negative cultural baggage along for the ride. This includes sexism that resulted from women being able to give birth somehow resulting in their being equivalent to property despite there being no System-based differentiation between genders when in an empire waging endless war. So interesting idea, but I can't see a whole lot of justification behind it.
Now we come to Elaine the MC. She's fun with a social energy to her perspective despite a lack of social skills but started out almost abrasively childish before being spoon-fed staggering abilities. Said staggering abilities however end up just barely being sufficient several times which is a nice change of pace. Her power tier is solidly "higher than you but not enough to solve her problems" which makes for good social interactions and interesting challenges.
When it comes to he rest of the cast, I feel that this work stands head and shoulders above the in one area: agency. Side characters complete impressive to legendary feats in their own without Elaine having to do a thing or be in the same area. This is undoubtedly a great thing and builds an impression of characters who keep developing even when not in focus.The time scales are far better implemented as well. It takes weeks to walk long distances and battles can take days. Healing thousands of people takes a long time as well even if every session requires a short exchange and a touch.
There is a sense of scale and history being communicated in side mentions of other events and beigs that we haven't yet seen in-story. Big fan of that as well.
That said, I'd also like to mention my biggest issue: the leveling uses nonstandard ranges and each stat limits the growth of another. LitRPG is not a creative genre - it reduces the complexities of every task and attribute down to a series of rough integers. So when someone plays silly buggers with it for creative reasons, I get a little confused. Sure, there are enough context clues to not actually need to do any math but why break down progression into this weirdness?
Long story short: cool story, interesting layout a protagonist who is less of a Mary Sue than the usual. Looking forward to more!
Up to the point ive read, its decent, the only reason its not getting and will likely never get a higher rating is because of an extremely detrimental skill the author foolishly gave the main character, unless that skill dissapears at some point later in the book 3 and a half stars is me being generous
First off, this story is by no means perfect. There are exposition dumps I have just scrolled past, without missing out on anything vital (or maybe I have? I wouldn't know). But it does other things so very well.
1. The world has its own sets of values that impact the MC in negativ ways and the people don't just change them because the MC says they are bad.
2. The level of power creep is nicely held in check. As a healer the MC can't just go off on her own and smite evil, instead she depends on the people around her. Even her healing abilities, while great for her age, aren't a cure for all with no draw backs or limits.
3. The side characters freel like they are from that world. They aren't just 2D character tropes that just exist to hinder or help the MC. They don't treat her differently just because she is the protagonist. They have their own life's to live and their own goals.
It's fun adventure story, set in a not so fun world.
The series is so good that even though I've JUST finished catching up over 2,000 pages, there isn't nearly enough, I want a few thousand more and I'm buying the books on amazon to support the author after having read it all for free. (And audiobooks if they're there so I can re-listen too)
So we'll start with the criticism(s) because it'll be short.
If I had to be picky and criticize something, the MC's oath (that she's system bound to follow) becomes too much of a pain, PERSONALLY, but it makes sense, it's a condition set previously that continues to be upheld. I will say in spite of how unappealing it can be, particularly in the Goblin Scene, that it is a defining characteristic of the MC and of course the reward you she gets from upholding it is what makes our MC our MC.
Onto the good:
Grammar: I didn't major in English in college, so I'm not sure if it's who or whom, but I know my its, most commas, yours, toos, etc. I haven't seen a single issue. I also haven't noticed any sloppy details (spaces before commas , double punctuation,, etc) or anything a basic word processor would miss which is where I'm most likely to hammer down on this. Additionally, as I've just had a bad experience(in another book), there aren't uncommon words repeated over and over, 2-3 pages apart that make the reading feel awkward / clunky.
Style: The worldbuilding is excellent, more under story score. The most recent happeneings are an amazing way to tackle a lot of what was becoming a potential corner the author was writing themself into. The author doesn't use any what I would personally consider "basic" tropes to try and lure readers in and have a half baked story that's a slightly different take on the exact same thing. I appreciate the author's unique attempt at how for most things our MC does / has to do.
Story Score: This goes back to the oath in the beginning being my only criticism. I PERSONALLY feel like the limitations will outweigh the benefits long term (though the argument that the MC would be dead without it is a good counterpoint, obviously the author wouldn't kill the MC if the MC didn't go this route because of it). Aside from that, the newest "discovery" has me wishing the author had a 7-8 times / day release. Even after 2000 pages (by RR count) in just over a week I'm eagerly looking forward to the next chapter(s). The worldbuilding feels a lot less exciting when I can't just get to the next chapter, but I recognize and appreciate the value with how invested I am because of it.
Character score: 10/10 200/200 I have absolutely no criticisms. Even if there are qualities within characters I don't like, they're all 100% believeable. Our heroine didn't save X so they'd madly fall in love 20 words later. We don't have a powerhouse who's on a murder spree but a good guy, how they act and react stay consistent from chapter to chapter, and any changes develop slowly over time, organically, like a real person might.
Too long, yet you need more:
Read this. Among one of the best series on the site, or published, I've come across.
Really enjoying the story, I love Elaine and all the adventures that she has, has a big chance of becoming too OP but the physical nerfs and no social skills make it easier to relate to her.
I have binge read up to current date in less than a week what took the author over a year to write. It has been affecting my work, sleep and social(what there is left of it) life.
Style: I enjoy the writing style and pacing, also the artwork and covers are brilliantly done.
Story: The story is captivating and original in its slice of life style as well as the bigger picture. The world building is well done and grows steadily with the MC instead of a big exposition in the beginning.
Grammar: I have noticed a few small issues with mistyped letters and what appears to be autocorrected words here and there. Otherwise the sentence structure and phrasing is well done overall and easy to follow
Character(s): I love the MC and her antics. Her love of mangoes and other food speaks to me on a deep level.
Her love of flying really touches something in me and makes me yearn to fly like the eagles(Dinos in this case)
Hope she makes it safe home after her adventures with a nice flying pet that might of might not have lighting powers.
I thank the author for a wonderful tale full of magic and adventure and can't wait for more!
Solid litrpg. First arcs totally worth about five stars, unfortunately last chapters losing in quality somehow, but still worth to read for me.
Stile: very good at the beginning. There were no excessive expositions or infodumps. It was all "show, don't tell". However huge rpg power-crunching infodumps appear suddenly in later arc.
Worldbuilding: good, Romans with magic and systems, no visible inconsystencies, solid social structure, it seems world will expand to explore different societies later.
Characters: solid work. I'm not a fan of young adult fiction, but here young character written quite well. Hopefully it will not be static snapshot but real character development. Secondary characters are more cartoonish though.
Plot: This work strongest point. A lot of action, no stalling, no contradictions. Each arc is self-contained plotline with proper resolution.
Overall totally worth to try. Great first arcs. There are some bumps lately, but it may become great again too.
this was a good story, with great characcter devlopment. elaine slowly grows in strength at a ridiculous rate but is justified by *god touched* yea.the grammar was great as i could find no grammar issues whatsover and yea i like your style of writing keep it up!
im a pretty bad reviewer but this gets a 4.5 stars from me cuz of like very minor issues yea ok see ya
This story is genuinely amazing, it's got a wonderful story and interesting premise, however I personally cannot understand the main character's morality and for that I often get angry and frustrated. I genuinely really like this story, though I've come to find out the author doesn't appreciate my admittedly harsh complaints about the mc as they've blocked me from commenting. Onto the review!
Style: The author's style is perfect for the platform and genre the story is set in. It is written in an easy to understand manner that doesn't leave you wondering where things just suddenly appear from. Plot points are in proper chronological order and I greatly appreciate that as I've seen how stories who ignore that end up.
Story: I really like the story, healer mc's are always interesting, but I honestly don't understand her morality. I may come off as cold and many a friend of mine has said I'm an asshole for this but I don't get why she cares so much for people that have literally nothing to do with her. Otherwise I love the plot and worldbuilding that goes on. I have yet to notice any major plot holes and have yet to be confused by something happening in the story.
Grammar: The grammar is pretty good for a webnovel, of course there are some typos now and then but I've seen in that in professionally published novels so I'm not going to deduct points for that. No the reason it doesn't have five stars is the very rare use of words that aren't real such as curiouser. Otherwise the sentences make perfect sense and I have never once had to mentally correct sentences so I can understand them as I often have to do in other novels.
Characters: I honestly love the characters in this novel and how in depth and realistic they are, minus some enemies who are just there to be evil. And other than my complaints about the mc's morals she seems to be a kind and caring person who only wants to help, now that I think about it the only thing really wrong with her is that she is painfully naive which expect might change later on but without compromising her admittedly admirable moral compass, it just doesn't have a place in a cruel fantasy world. Otherwise, again, the characters are great and I haven't come across any others that I have a major complaint about.
EDIT: At the point in the story I am now I think many of problems I had with the mc have been rectified. She is no longer a foolish naive child who doesn't understand how the world works and instead is just a person with very strong morals, she still makes questionable and admittedly foolish decisions but no more than would be expected for such a kind person and I've come to like her as a character after such a long time of hating her. If anyone reading this is early on in the story and hates her please just give it some time, it'll get better.
Thank for coming to my review.
I waited to read this for a year now, because the first few reviews are negative (and totally wrong). Their complaints aren't even accurate, once I actually read it. So glad I did finally come back and give it a chance, it's a great read. Likeable characters, interesting world with tons of potential.
PS. Just checked the other reviews of those top 3 reviewers, and they are haters of the most popular stories on RR and my personal faves.
Saw this on Amazon and was going to buy it then saw it was still free. Needless to say I was up way to late reading it. It's a well written story that doesn't have a ton of typos like many here do. The characters are well thought out and developed. There are not a lot of out of the blue twists which is nice as many authors overdo them, thus making the one there more impactful. Only major criticism is the sentence structure is week at times, but in fairness the author does admit this and it's getting better as the authors skill increases. Minor criticism is the world rules are a bit hard to figure out if you skip the post scripts, might want add a few more in chapter explanations. LITRPG is full of tropes and in general they are overused, it is nice to have a story where the MC isn't OP but the struggles she face aren't an overcome it all and become OP. Overall I give this story a 9.5 out of 10 for what it is. Even though it's still free here I have bought all that's available on Amazon as way to show support.