Isekai Mafia: Founding a Criminal Organization in Another World

by Haruto-Oniisaaan

Original ONGOING Fantasy Anti-Hero Lead High Fantasy Magic Male Lead Portal Fantasy / Isekai Reincarnation Ruling Class Secret Identity Strong Lead
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

Raven had always opposed the traditions of their criminal organization, which made him lose his interest in becoming the next head of the faction. Upon meeting his end in an ambush, Raven was reincarnated as the third child of a peasant couple. Poverty-stricken and abused by lords, Raven began doing minor crimes. There, he realized a world of swords and magic, in its dark age, was a perfect place to found a new crime organization.

From being a peasant thief to becoming the most feared warlord, Raven lead the largest crime organization that had existed in the world of Altyria. He has then nicknamed as Raven the Terrible.


Hey there! English is not my native language, but I am trying my best to improve my skill! If there are any mistakes/errors throughout the story, please point them out to me. I'm very willing to accept any criticisms as long as it will improve my skills! Thanks! Also, enjoy reading! 

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  • Pages :
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Haruto-Oniisaaan

Haruto-Oniisaaan

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The Story Is Good, But The Grammar...

Reviewed at: Chapter 2: Haggling

Style Score: I love how the author manages to tell us the story thought first person. At the very least, I can know what the main character do or think at the story. Overall, I like the style.

Story Score: The story starts too fast, and I wouldn't bet too much about it that It will become faster, but I only have read three chapters. Four star since I like the story.

Grammar: This is the ultimate pitfall of this story. The author seems have a hard time to decide on whether she/he have to use past/present tense. I'll give this half star. 

 

Character: The character is quite solid, but I'm afraid it develops too fast. Overall, the character hasn't had any solid characteristics for now, I'll give this four star.

 

I'll add this to my library. Love your story, I'm looking forward for more. Author, I believe you can continue this great story and made it even better. It will be very nice if you are more consistent in your tense. However, it seems to be unfair to give you a bad one because of grammar alone, this is a very good story. 

Author, the best thing you can do now is to fix your story or give it a more complex world building. 

there there
Overall

Let the MC be evil forever. And why Raven the Great?He is no hero but an anti hero instead.  Should be something terrying like Raven the Plague, Raven the Terror etc etc. 

btw, I havent read the story I was juat puy off by the Raven the Great when he is an anti hero.