The Fallen World : A Dungeon's Story

The Fallen World : A Dungeon's Story

by playwars

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content

Alexandra Rousseau, an engineer from the European Federation Navy with a dark past, is killed during an accident involving a smuggler, where her body, and part of the station she is standing on, is precipitated into hyperspace. She wakes up in a world of fantasy, with magic, dwarves, elves, enchanted weapons and people capable of superhuman feats. However, she quickly learns that there is something very wrong with this planet, and that forces harnessing the power of a civilization long gone are finally ready to put into motion plans millenias in the making.

Unfortunately, she becomes a casualty of one of these plans, and her short life as an adventurer is ended by her mysterious enemies. She reawakens as a dungeon core. Her enemies have just made the greatest mistake of their life. They have given an engineer of Earth the power to bring back the technology long since thought lost on this planet. And as she does, leviathans of a war that ended an interstellar empire stirr...

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Cover made by the awesome Eldrik Aethervial !

Schedule :

A new chapter will be posted every saturday, usually between 10-11 pm UTC (23h-midnight CET, 5-6 pm EST, at the 30 minute mark if possible), although they might be posted earlier exceptionally. Librarians (patreon 3 dollars tier) will have their advanced chapters updated at around that time as well.

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playwars

playwars

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Prologue ago
Chapter 1 - I'm a WHAT ? ago
Chapter 2 - Dungeon Making 101 ago
Chapter 3 - Adventuring Adventurers ago
Chapter 4 - Setting up the Plans ago
Chapter 5 - Negotiations and Acquisition ago
Chapter 6 - Downtime ago
Chapter 7 - Hunter/Killer ago
Chapter 8 - Dungeon Assessment ago
Christmas Special ago
Chapter 9 - Setting the plans in motion ago
Chapter 10 - The Giants Wake ago
Chapter 11 - The First Forge ago
The Great Archives (Art & Maps) ago
Chapter 12 - Preparing the Expedition ago
Chapter 13 - The Wasteland ago
Chapter 14 - Landfall ago
Chapter 15 - The Meeting ago
Chapter 16 - Stopping for a Drink ago
Chapter 17 - The Delve Begins ago
Chapter 18 - 'Friendly' Fire ago
Chapter 19 - Back from the Dead ago
Chapter 20 - The Shrine of War ago
Chapter 21 - Boss Fight ago
Patreon and Discord Notice ago
Chapter 22 - Aftermath ago
Chapter 23 - Assassination ago
Chapter 24 - Second Floor ago
Chapter 25 - Screw Up ago
Chapter 26 - Nighttime Massacre ago
The Great Archives (Adventurer ranks & material explanations) ago
Chapter 27 - Testing and Planning ago
Chapter 28 - Ambush ago
Chapter 29 - Marauding 'Adventurers' ago
Chapter 30 - Dungeon Assault ago
Chapter 31 - You Shall Not Pass ago
Chapter 32 - Shadowy Deals ago
Chapter 33 - Sorting through the Aftermath ago
Chapter 34 - The First of Many ago
Interlude 1 - Darthar ago
Chapter 35 - Drone Swarm ago
Chapter 36 - Rebirth ago
Interlude 2 - Royal Audience. ago
Chapter 37 - New Arrivals and Logistics ago
Chapter 38 - Upgrades ago
Chapter 39 - Negotiations and the Changing of the Guard ago
Chapter 40 - Explosives and Alchemists ago
Chapter 41 - Gathering Clouds ago
Interlude 3 - The United Dungeon Council ago
Chapter 42 - Connecting to the World ago
Chapter 43 - Phonecall ago
Chapter 44 - Brewing Storm. ago
Chapter 45 - The Water Temple ago
Chapter 46 - Shopping and Quests ago
Chapter 47 - The Attack ago
Interlude 4 - The Scarlet Swords ago
Chapter 48 - She Speaks ago
Interlude 5 - The Senate ago
Chapter 49 - The Sand Demon ago
Chapter 50 - Bring it Down ! ago
1 year of The Fallen World : A Dungeon's Story ago
Chapter 51 - Loyal Unto Death ago
Chapter 52 - Finishing the Beast ago
Chapter 53 - Discussions ago
Chapter 54 - Convoy Arrival ago

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Paschmet
Overall

Quite the good novel but can be improved !

Reviewed at: Chapter 11 - The First Forge

This was quite a nice novel to read - my thanks to the author - but there was a few things that I feel would make the story even better. Firtst of all, please stop, seriously, with the parentheses every two sentences. And even worst, please stop with the parentheses that are so huge they make you forget what the actual sentence was, five lines above. 

Also, I get that you're trying to tell us that the MC saw some shit in her previous life. I got it quite quickly actually. And it's fine ! I'd just say two things about this : please try to be a bit more subtle with theses backflash, or just give it up and straight out tell us more about her life. As they are, you just punch us in the face with stories out of nowhere, it's quite unpleasant. And then, I'm sorry, I know you have you own ideas about her and her life, but I have to tell you that her previous life is just not believable. Like not even a little. She might belong to the super military of a space-faring nation, but it is absolutely impossible for her to have lived even a tenth of what you're implying, not to mention you'll probably keep on adding to her life experience. 

Like, she's technically a coding and R&D weapon specialist, yet she was on frontlines all over the universe, being a part of multiple wars. She saw entire platoons get shredded by cutting edge gravity grenades, she saw multiple times her teammates get healed despite being on the verge of death, she saw dead cities get nuked, she saw orbital bombardments, she was so used to killing criminals when on peace keeping missions i-forgot-where that she can loot bodies like a pro, she saw so many thousands of criminals that she can spot them just by looking at their eyes, she was partly responsible for the destruction of an entire world, she had a superior officer that made her purposely kill thousands of innocent civilians, she was an weapon officer in a spaceship while said spaceship was getting pelted with missiles and then, after all that... we first see her at a random custom office, getting killed by a crazy nobody ? I mean, she can't have done everything there's to do in an army and then more !p

Also, one last thing. She gets absolutely mad over what happened to her first party and just thinking about them makes her unconsciously activate her berserk ability and it's obvious that recovering them is going to be her main objective in the novel. Personally, I find that way exaggerated, she knew them for barely a week, all the more since she's supposed to be a 60-year-old army vet who saw death by the tens of thousands. It gets even worse when you remember she never had even one thought for all the people that died alongside her when her space-station got destroyed, among which she must have had people she had known for years.

 

Anyway.
Tweedledeeme
Overall

Very good world and even universe building. Story starts out well, but before long your getting confused about what the main story line is. It is difficult to tell if there are multiple plot lines or a single one with supporting points of view (at least for me).

Also the supposed main character starts out reasonably but before long is acting in way that is difficult to identify with, given the kind of past that is hinted at and the experiences she has in this new world. 

Still a great deal of potential though and hope to see more chapters. 

The number of characters you need to keep track of are increasing and it feels like very little of the story has to do with the supposedly main character.

Marmoset Threat
Overall

Good portal-fantasy dungeon-core story

Reviewed at: Prologue

Generally good stuff, with some minor SPAG issues. Here's some constructive criticism:

 - Personally, found myself skimming over the handful of "interlude" sections where we see the leaders of other nations/important people scheming. Yes, they're neat and add a bit of worldbuilding flavor, but I'm not gonna remember any names from them and these sections could generally be summed up to "other people make plans". Remebering this (that other people make plans) is a fantastic thing as an author/storyteller, because it adds depth to the narrative, but it's not necessary to show this to the reader.

 - This one is kind of nitpicky, but the word "brutally" is used very frequently and incorrectly (it doesn't mean what you think it does). Violent actions can be done "brutally" like throwing a brutal punch or delivering a brutal strike and a violent act can can be brutal like saying "the execution was brutal", but saying things like "She brutally stopped laughing,...", "...then brutally she was standing...", or "Brutally, she realized that..." are all wrong idiomatically and often gramatically. Better word choices would be words like "abruptly", "suddenly", or "in an instant".

 - This is, of course, a matter of preference, but so far, all major and most minor characters have been lesbian (or bi?) women. There's nothing inherently wrong with this, but it'd be nice to see a bit more diversity in the characters. I get that it can be difficult for authors to write about relationships/genders they aren't personally attracted to, but still, is one I don't like seeing.

 - The protagonist occasionally gets a bit snowflakey and ditzy. Like, sure, getting isekai'd and then turned into a dungeon core against your will would be pretty traumatic, but for a 60 year old veteran with a successful military career and a "Dark Past" I'd expect a little more emotional/interpersonal fortitude. Like, she permanently mourns her original party memebers being injured/possibly killed despite the fact that she's only known them for a couple days and gains an edgelord-rage ability because of it. Also, since she's at least somewhat genre-aware and presumably has extensive experience in maintaing operational security, she really should've known better and avoided the classical isekai-slavery trap.

Overall though, a decent read and a follow. >180k words is nothing to sneeze at either, and if you're looking for something to read in this genre, this isn't a bad choice.

Shadow13
Overall

I think it has a great concept and good potential. Can't wait to see how the plot progresses!

However I feel a bit concerned with how the story is too focused on bringing pure 'future/modern' physics and technology into a magical fantasy world. It's very tough to find a good balance and after a while it just feels a bit one-dimensional.

I would really like to see a practical merger between magic and technology.

Another area that is tough to balance is that the story is split between the perspective of the 2 main characters, the dungeon and the disgraced(?) noble turned adventurer that first discovered it.

While interesting I honestly prefer the perspective of the dungeon and adventurers slightly over the scenes involved with nobles and politics because I dislike political scenes and manuevering over and over. I get that some politics is necessary but do not want to be over loaded with it.

I hope in the future chapters and plot progression that their is a lot more scenes involving adventurers and the dungeon than the nobles and politics.

Eko
Overall

It is an interesting and fun story in one of my favourite settings, a fantasy-sci fi mashup.  

I don't really have any problems with the style and grammar, perhaps a few parentheses that were a bit too long, but I didn't notice anything else too jarring.

The world-building is unique and rather mysterious and I personally really like it, though I may be a bit biased since I really enjoy fantasy-sci fi mashups.

Ranking system rant:

I find the ranking system terrible. It is confusing and hard to remember with its staggering 14 entries. The ranks go Clay, Iron, Steel, Copper, Silver, Gold, Electrum, Silvarium, Mythril, Malachite, Orichalcum, 
Adamantium, Eternium, Divinium.

Even what is on it is somewhat random. Clay is basically dirt, steel is an alloy and electrum and above are made up. I'd guess that it's arrayed according to in-universe value, but while an average inhabitant of your world might know that silvarium is more expensive than electrum, I sure as hell don't. 

Frankly, I'd say that your story is about as original as a dungeon story can get and a bit more old school ranking system is not going to diminish that. S,A,B,C,D,E or copper, silver, gold, platinum, diamond might be very common, but there are good reasons for that. Main one being that your readers won't have to look up the rankings somewhere each time someone new gets introduced.

 

The story so far is fun and interesting. My one problem would be that there is too little of Alexandra and the dungeon. I usually enjoy more POV's, but I want them to interact or be somehow relevant to the dungeon/mc.  For example, most of chapter 13 was, perhaps irrelevant is too harsh of a word, but uninteresting (for me) at least. I would much rather see more of mc. 

 

And lastly, characters. I like most of them, a huge plus for me is that there appear to be no "evil" characters. By that, I don't mean that there are no antagonists or "villains", just no characters that are evil for the sake of being evil. 

I somewhat agree with Paschmet about the MC being somewhat stretched thin, though I'd also like to point out that she is quite old, so her having a lot of baggage is quite understandable. 

 

And lastly, the biggest flaw of the story. The lack of chapters. I want more. Gimme gimme. 

in all seriousness, I very much enjoy the story and I'll definitely be waiting impatiently for more chapters.

ChristopherCraven
Overall

Military Ingenieur from Scifiverse as a dungeon core. Basically a mix up between Magic and Scifi in a dungeon story with cultivators.

Isekaied Heroine that has a short life as an adventure for story building purpose that is made into an artificial core.

Pros:

-cute Vampire as a dungeon advisor.

- Female core and she is not a cute princess

- really good character building and introduction

- loots of hooks and little secrets and mysteries

- military Ingenieur with technology and magic building a dungeon

- chapters around 10k

cons:

- irregular schedule

- we definitely need more chapters

Raz
Overall

Great story, Not much Dungeon.

Reviewed at: Chapter 10 - The Giants Wake

While very intriguing and deserving of 5 stars, the focus of this book is not really the dungeon itself, but the effect of the dungeon. The dungeon parts are written very well but we see less of it then I would like, although to be fair we do see a good bit. Besides this the world building is incredible, with some of the most seemless sci-fi fantasy blend I've seen.

Overall it's an interesting book that I would recommend, but it's falls far outside your normal dungeon core story. 

CamelbakKiller
Overall

Love it! The depth and complexity of world-building couple nicely with fun characters with good banter. some of the longer interjections/asides get a little distracting and make me lose the original story thread. Keep up the good work! I appreciate the long chapters and short-story-esque intro. Though, now I want another story about adventuring in this world! Perhaps that's yet to come - I'm excited to find out. 

Kyrian Clawraithe
Overall

Good Ideas, ruined by execution.

Reviewed at: Chapter 25 - Screw Up

The basis of this story is pretty interesting. An Engineer from a Space Odyssey level civilization is reborn into a Medieval Fantasy world and is transformed into a Dungeon. The world and characters is thought out and in depth, with most having a story/lore of their own.

However the author tends to be flighty and jump around from one thing to another, with scenes (and even sentences) regularly interrupted by something that the Author wants to say even if it is completely disconnected from what is going on (in either the scene or the current story).

Additionally while the Lore of the Characters is well thought out, their personality and actions tends to be whatever the Author wants to happen rather than what makes sense. Any sane/intelligent/ nonperverted character that is worried about an explosion that just occurred isn't going to stop and stare at the body of a person that they aren't even comfortable admitting feelings for.

Ondine
Overall

Work In Progress

Reviewed at: Prologue

The setting is cool and there's some fun ideas in the story. Unfortunately, they're ruined by characters who outright state their motivations and act nonsensically, confusing but ever-present exposition dumps, and poor pacing. It has potential, and I could see the writer growing better with practice, but at the moment I would reccommend this story only to people who really like fantasy and want something to pass the time.