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On just another normal Monday, the world changed. The universe had reached a threshold humanity didn’t even know existed, and it was time to finally be integrated into the vast multiverse. A world where power is the only thing that one can truly rely on.
Jake, a seemingly average office worker, finds himself thrust into this new world. Into a tutorial filled with dangers and opportunities. In a world that should breed fear and concern, an environment that makes his fellow coworkers falter, Jake instead finds himself thriving.
Perhaps… Jake was born for this kind of world, to begin with.
5 chapters a week.
Average chapter length: 2500
Tags and content warnings are mainly to give me creative freedom later on. This is my first novel ever, and English isn’t my native language, so go easy on me chaps. Any feedback is more than welcome, of course. Also, this novel is only posted on Royalroad, Patreon, and my Amazon releases, so if you are reading it elsewhere, it's pirated and you suck if you keep reading.
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Pretty decent and fun system story, the fight scenes are decently written and the skills can be fun. Overall, a standard system story, nothing too good, nothing too egregiously awful at least where I'm at, except for one thing. The dialogue sucks, it feels like teenagers roleplaying even when the characters are supposed to be adults. It really breaks the immersion and some makes me cringe whenever I read it.
The story is below average in everything but grammar. 3,000+ pages in and we've had less progress than stories with half that, but it also somehow has double the character count.
I could go on and on about how the MC is just a piece of wood without any real personality aside from "Me stronk" and "Plot go forward", and how no character aside from those directly connected to him seem to matter.
The biggest issue of the story is that it's bad. The second biggest issue, is that everything that is even somehow relevant to the progression of the world is only talked about in relations to the main character: his brother, his co-workers, his rival, his pocket snake-god, his city. So far there hasn't been one single important character that wasn't important basically only through or thanks to the MC.
Style is fine, if boring, and haven't noticed any grammar mistakes. Everything else is subpar.
If you like the start of the story (which has just been removed to go to KU) I would highly advise reading more novels on the site. Trust me when I say that you will find that you don't have to settle for this.
System hits and integrates Earth into a larger multiverse. Apocalyptic scenario. Anti-social main character who likes fighting rises to the top. System shenanigans sends him into different places where he does more fighting.
One thing that other reviews don't mention is that the writing style needs work. Author SEVERELY overuses the conjunction "as". It's stuck into almost every single sentence, even when it doesn't makes sense. There needs to be more variety. Use "when", "before", "and", etc... It's like a needle that is constantly poking me in the eye as I read.
Writing quality has continued to drop. With how well this story is doing on Patreon, the 50 chapter backlog, and you admitting english isn't your native language, there's really no excuse for you to not have hired an editor at this point. Please get on it author.
Disclaimer: this is my experience and your mileage may vary.
having said that, you can tell that this is a web serial. The author is putting as much content into each chapter as he possibly can, which is very much appreciated. Where I start to lose the story is the fact that the author goes into exacting, excruciating detail for every choice, thought, breath, blink, step, etc. I have started reading the first sentence of every paragraph and then skipping to the next paragraph, rinse and repeat. I'm probably reading about 15% of what is written and I'm not losing out on any part of the story. If something can be cut without impacting the over-arching plot, then it probably doesn't need to be written.
I generally like this genre but eventually I the main character was just an blessed by everything too cool to feel or care about anything or anyone. I just wanted to be stronger. Oh, I guess I'll be 'good' sometimes and not let some folks die. But I don't really care about morals or stuff. And who needs people.
I feel like there was a story that was interesting in terms of the universe or people in the story, but the unfeeling and unconnected MC was just empty.
Read up to chapter 325
This story is a different take on the usual "System comes and knocks everything over" trope. The system itself is interesting in how it combines Class, Profession, and Race levels.
Grammar is good with little to no flaws that I can see.
The story itself has not yet gotten past the Tutorial by the time I'm writing this. There's a lot of potential in the story depending on how the author decides how the coming of the system affects Earth.
There are so many good things about this series! But you can read about that in dozens of other reviews. I'm going to talk about one tiny tiny thing that amazed me when I read it.
One (of many) applicaitions of the MC's power is a type of Spider-man-esque Spidey Sense.
Have you ever read a Spider-man comic and seen him use his Spidey Sense to dodge some attacks but not others? How about when he detects crime by being nearby?
There are no rules to Spidey Sense. It's a narrative device used by writers to create plot or increase dramatic tension.
Zogarth (the author) must have sat down one day and said to himself, "This is dumb. How is this supposed to work in reality? What can and can't it do? How would you actually get around it to kill Spider-man?"
The MC of Primal Hunter tests his ability, discovers the rules, and the author sticks to that unwaveringly. It is not used as a lazy-writer Macguffin.
I finished the parts where the MC figured all this out and was floored. It makes SO much sense!! Spider-man is ruined forever for me because compared to Primal Hunter, the comic book writers are lazy hacks!
Such a small detail. But it's indiciative of the intelligent thought put into the world-building of this novel.
Now go read the story!
Mainly I started reading because I like archery. Combined with poison and stealth, this is interesting to me and a bit different than many stories. I like the overall story and the author has clearly thought about the world/multiverse a lot. Good stuff, if not exactly unique.
The characters are good as well, if not great. I like that some aren't likeable and clearly have different views. A bit over the top with the metal mage, it was almost comic relief...
Grammar can be improved but is generally ok.
Now about the style... I am sorry, but this one was multiple times almost a reason for me to stop reading and I certainly skipped a few parts. The sentences themselves are ok (improved over time) but the story could be reduced to maybe half as long by removing unnecessary information. I do not need to read every minute thought a character has about a skill that he is clearly not going to take. I can think and deduce for myself that a profession that is far worse than his current one is a joke and should be disregarded without a second thought. I don't need a 3-paragraph explanation about a system mechanic that was mentioned in a past chapter.
Don't get me wrong: the system has some complicated mechanics that need to be explained some way. But the way to do it should not be via info dump by omniscient narrator. Some of it has been solved in a good way but I would suggest going over the story and embedding the information more into the actual plot. Also: sometimes short and sweet information is better than extreme detail.
Overall I think the story has a lot of potential but still has a lot of space to grow.
I'd describe this as the typical fantasy of the alternate world—of a socially challenged protagonist starting over, finding new purpose. But that doesn't happen. We revel instead in isolation, not pursuing anything even close to higher goals.
And that would be fine. Progression for progression's sake is a thing. This novel, though, introduces story on top of that. A story, that runs pretty much parallel to our protagonist's adventure. Narratively, there is absolutely no reason for Jake Thayne to be the protagonist of this novel.
There isn't really set up for... morality. However, the text also features controversial topics, such as the redemption of a murderer, or people taking action only for self-interest. – Topics, that might have been interesting, had they not fizzled out.
All this begs the question: What does this novel want to be? – I don't know. And I'm sure, the author doesn't either.
Spoiler review for the first 93 chapters:
Our protagonist, Jake Thayne, loves the hunt, being by himself, and the progression the "system" offers. He does not aspire to be a hero, doesn't really care about the well being of the people around him. And, there is no narrative reason for him to be the protagonist.
There is the one person with philosophical reason to his actions: The villainous Richard. The protagonist meets him only once, spewing lines so cringe-worthy, the text itself is aware of it. He continues to be relevant throughout the first arc, without ever being challenged on moral grounds. He interacts with the protagonist only one more time—to keep him out of the action. Then he dies in a mass murder incident, killed by the Murderhobo.
Bringing us to the next character: The Murderhobo, William. A murder machine without reason, written to make the main character look better, morally. He is the reason the plot moves along, which is so, *so,* bad. Now, the story does not build on any kind of rationale. It's just the Murderhobo, doing Murderhobo things.
The final character, Jacob, is the humanitarian antithesis of the previous two. Again, without actual agency, he does not affect the run of events in any way. His final act is to foresee the future and follow the predetermined path.
That is the state of things before chapter 93. It is then that the audience is introduced to the concept of "fate,” and with it, the protagonist's place in the larger world. This is a deus ex machina I actually *liked.* Now, despite Jake having no drive to do anything relevant, the story gets to progress—basically, by writing itself. Jake will constantly interfere with "fate" simply by existing.
This, the final piece of the introductory arc, ensures, that Jake Thayne will never be the hero of his own story.
The line: "Living alone isn’t the solution, but neither is bearing the burden for everyone around you.” (Snake God to Jake, ch. 93), does make clear, that there is some mismatch in what is going on here. This line doesn't work, because our protagonist has never carried a burden of any kind. Not one larger than himself.
I am up to chapter 140 right now and i must say i really like some parts of it.
But there are some parts that kinda annoy me.
Why give choice in skills when it is blatantly obvious which one MC will take? 4 weak 1 OP
Why bother with the side characters at all? They don't get fleshed out. They have no character at all. Nothing to do really. Every last one can be replaced by NPC#876 and there won't be a change. Non of them are fleshed out at all.
Some parts of the book are reeeeeeaaaaly meandering on certain parts way to long. Skills, fights. I catch myself skimming or outright skipping whole pages at a time without missing anything.
Also skills get way to powerful way to fast... i am not thaaat far into it and it feels like with some stuff he approaches a ceiling which begs for highe level ups pulled out from somewhere down the line out of nothing.
And my (personally) biggest problem. What is it with antisocial MCs? It is annoying. You cannot make story this long with the MC trying to keep every single social interaction as short as possible... It gets boring with only one character after some time.
And it is so incredibly inconsistent. He is brash and direct with the two gods. But cannot even bring himself to talk normally to the first humans he meets after the tutorial.
He can create a city but has no interst in it. Why make it a plot point at all then? It is clear, that the author and the MC have no interst in meeting or interacting with other character in any way shape or form.
City building is something REALLY interesting if done well in books. But as an afterthought it gets in the way and creates questions like why the MC even bothers with the first 4 humans. He safes them. Ok. Despite him having no problems after killing a bunch of people (self defense i know, but this still leaves scares on normal people) and not caring enough about other people to the point of not checking if people died in the tutorial. Wallow a bit in self pitty and get over it in like five minutes.
It doesn't make sense. He is a complete psychopath having no problems killing hundreds of beings in seconds (birds) and next he says he doesn't want to kill hundreds of birds in seconds...
Either make him a psycho or give some sort of social interaction and ability.
The book still keeps me right now (mostyl becuause it is long and i like long books) But if some parts don't change i probably quit after chapter 200 or so.