The Primal Hunter

The Primal Hunter

by Zogarth

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

Book 1 now available on Kindle, Kindle Unlimited & Audible

On just another normal Monday, the world changed. The universe had reached a threshold humanity didn’t even know existed, and it was time to finally be integrated into the vast multiverse. A world where power is the only thing that one can truly rely on.

Jake, a seemingly average office worker, finds himself thrust into this new world. Into a tutorial filled with dangers and opportunities. In a world that should breed fear and concern, an environment that makes his fellow coworkers falter, Jake instead finds himself thriving.

Perhaps… Jake was born for this kind of world, to begin with.

 

Release Schedule:

5 chapters a week.

Average chapter length: 2500

Tags and content warnings are mainly to give me creative freedom later on. This is my first novel ever, and English isn’t my native language, so go easy on me chaps. Any feedback is more than welcome, of course. Also, this novel is only posted on Royalroad, Patreon, and my Amazon releases, so if you are reading it elsewhere, it's pirated and you suck if you keep reading.

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Zogarth

Zogarth

Achievements
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Word Count (17)
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Table of Contents
323 Chapters
Chapter Name Release Date
Chapter 1 - Another Monday morning ago
Chapter 2 - Introduction ago
Chapter 3 - The tutorial commences ago
Chapter 4 - First battle ago
Chapter 5 - Big pig ago
Chapter 6 - Questioning ago
Chapter 7 - Training & rest ago
Chapter 8 - A wonderful night ago
Keep reading/listening on Amazon's Kindle, Kindle Unlimited and Audible! ago
Chapter 206 - A Real Shitfest ago
Chapter 207 - Enhanced Splitting Arrow ago
Chapter 208 - Dervish ago
Chapter 209 - Worthy Opponents ago
Chapter 210 - Rules of Monkey Hunting ago
Chapter 211 - Matriarchs ago
Chapter 212 - City/Monkey Management ago
Chapter 213 - Monkey Business ago
Chapter 214 - Enjoyment ago
Chapter 215 - Fragmented ago
Chapter 216 - The Calm Before the Politics ago
Chapter 217 - The World Congress Begins ago
Chapter 218 - World Congress: Friendly Talks ago
Chapter 219 - World Congress: Reunion ago
Chapter 220 - World Congress: A Quick Vote ago
Chapter 221 - World Congress: "Confrontations" ago
Chapter 222 - World Congress: On The Flip Of A Coin ago
Chapter 223 - World Congress: System Events ago
Chapter 224 - World Congress: Challenge ago
Chapter 225 - World Congress: Master Negotiator ago
Chapter 226 - World Congress: Final Talks ago
Chapter 227 - Shopping Spree ago
Chapter 228 - A Question of Morality ago
Intermission 6 - William (1/3) ago
Intermission 6 - William (2/3) ago
Intermission 6 - William (3/3) ago
Chapter 229 - A Healthy Diet ago
Chapter 230 - This Chapter Contains Alchemy ago
Chapter 231 - Man Cave(s) ago
Chapter 232 - Nanoblade ago
Chapter 233 - Evil Incarnate ago
Chapter 234 - Questionable Choices ago
Chapter 235 - Golden Mushroom ago
Chapter 236 - Deepdwellers vs Cave Troll (feat. Jake) ago
Chapter 237 - The Paragon Option ago
Chapter 238 - A Distraction ago
Chapter 239 - Justice From Above ago
Chapter 240 - To Upgrade Or Not To Upgrade, That Is The Question. ago
Chapter 241 - The Morality of Domination ago
Chapter 242 - Righteous Crusade ago
Chapter 243 - Schemes Of An Old Man ago
Chapter 244 - Heartwarden ago
Chapter 245 - Assessment ago
Chapter 246 - Census Taking (Hard Mode) ago
Chapter 247 - Gravity Is Your Friend ago
Chapter 248 - Minor Miscalculations ago
Chapter 249 - Priorities ago
Chapter 250 - Altmar Signet ago
Chapter 251 - Stats, Tables & Gear - all the LitRPG! ago
Chapter 252 - Something Long Overdue ago
Chapter 253 - Leatherworkers ago
Chapter 254 - Personal Improvement ago
Chapter 255 - Temple & Blessings ago
Chapter 256 - Servant & Territory ago
Chapter 257 - Will of the Chosen ago
Chapter 258 - Jake the Corpse Merchant ago
Chapter 259 - Taking Advantage of Mistakes ago
Chapter 260 - Keeping It Friendly ago
Chapter 261 - Introspection & Self-Control ago
Chapter 262 - Sultan ago
Chapter 263 - "I don't like you." - Jake Thayne, Year 1, 93rd Era. ago
Chapter 264 - Executive Decision ago
Chapter 265 - Concessions Today, Profits in the Future ago
Chapter 266 - Sultan Has Wares, If You Have Coin ago
Chapter 267 - Five Lights in the Darkness ago
Chapter 268 - Stupid Monkeys & Their Many Uses ago
Chapter 269 - Singular Focus ago
Chapter 270 - Presence ago
Chapter 271 - Memories of (Questionable) Past Deeds ago
Chapter 272 - Skill Choices Are Hard... ago
Chapter 273 - Birds of Prey ago
Chapter 274 - Beatdown ago
Chapter 275 - Teaching the Young ago
Chapter 276 - Sylphie Gets a New friend ago
Chapter 277 - Union Oath ago
Chapter 278 - A Higher Power? No Thanks. ago
Chapter 279 - Scorching the Plains ago
Chapter 280 - Bow & Blade ago
Chapter 281 - Better Boots ago
Chapter 282 - The Power of Haven ago
Chapter 283 - Treasure Hunt? "Let's <CENSORED> Go!" ago
Chapter 284 - Treasure Hunt: A World of Mist ago
Chapter 285 - Treasure Hunt: No Flying Too High ago
Chapter 286 - Treasure Hunt: Fire & Ash ago
Chapter 287 - Treasure Hunt: History Lesson ago
Chapter 288 - Treasure Hunt: Armor of Mist ago
Chapter 289 - Treasure Hunt: The Girl & The Hawk ago
Chapter 290 - Treasure Hunt: Viscount & Count ago
Chapter 291 - Treasure Hunt: Annoying Boss Fight ago
Chapter 292 - Treasure Hunt: Count Down for the Count ago
Chapter 293 - Treasure Hunt: Thief! ago
Chapter 294 - Treasure Hunt: Judging Stuff ago
Chapter 295 - Treasure Hunt: Puzzle ago
Chapter 296 - Treasure Hunt: Collaborative Project ago
Chapter 297 - Treasure Hunt: Pure Ones ago
Chapter 298 - Treasure Hunt: Blood ago
Chapter 299 - Treasure Hunt: Broken Tower ago
Chapter 300 - Treasure Hunt: Root of Resentment ago
Chapter 301 - Treasure Hunt - Count Hunting ago
Chapter 302 - Treasure Hunt: Actual Speedrunning (mostly) ago
Chapter 303 - Treasure Hunt: Blades & Brothers ago
Chapter 304 - Treasure Hunt: Punching Back ago
Chapter 305 - Treasure Hunt: Invincible ago
Chapter 306 - Treasure Hunt: Unreasonable People ago
Chapter 307 - Treasure Hunt: Exchange ago
Chapter 308 - Treasure Hunt: Phase Two ago
Chapter 309 - Treasure Hunt: Vaults ago
Chapter 310 - Treasure Hunt: Out Of Place ago
Chapter 311 - Treasure Hunt: Arrogant Young Master ago
Chapter 312 - Treasure Hunt: Test of Character ago
Chapter 313 - Treasure Hunt: Rubik's Cube ago
Chapter 314 - Treasure Hunt: Valuable Asset ago
Chapter 315 - Treasure Hunt: Another Collaborative Project ago
Chapter 316 - Treasure Hunt: The Importance of Word Choice ago
Chapter 317 - Treasure Hunt: Not Extortion ago
Chapter 318 - Treasure Hunt: Spatial Storage & Parting ago
Chapter 319 - Treasure Hunt: Vault Run = Loot 5.0 ago
Chapter 320 - Treasure Hunt: Submerged ago
Chapter 321 - Treasure Hunt: The Depth of Water ago
Chapter 322 - Treasure Hunt: Be Like Water ago
Chapter 323 - Treasure Hunt: Boss Room, Please? ago
Chapter 324 - Treasure Hunt: A Scaly Intermission ago
Chapter 325 - Treasure Hunt: Serenity & Conflict ago
Chapter 326 - Treasure Hunt: Arrow Time ago
Chapter 327 - Treasure Hunt: The Final Stage ago
Chapter 328 - Treasure Hunt: Starting Shots ago
Chapter 329 - Treasure Hunt: Quite the Mix ago
Chapter 330 - Treasure Hunt: Proposition ago
Chapter 331 - Treasure Hunt - Target Prioritization ago
Chapter 332 - Treasure Hunt: Will of the True Ancestor ago
Chapter 333 - Treasure Hunt: A Leveled Look at Power ago
Amazon Announcement + AMA! ago
Chapter 334 - Treasure Hunt: One Down ago
Chapter 335 - Treasure Hunt: Paths ago
Chapter 336 - Treasure Hunt: Countermeasures ago
Chapter 337 - Treasure Hunt: Holy Blade ago
Chapter 338 - Treasure Hunt: A Final Fight ago
Chapter 339 - Treasure Hunt: Vanity & Patience ago
Chapter 340 - Treasure Hunt: Limit Shatter ago
Chapter 341 - Treasure Hunt - The Duel Begins ago
Chapter 342 - Treasure Hunt: Passion ago
Chapter 343 - Treasure Hunt: Misconception ago
Chapter 344 - Springtime Advent ago
Chapter 345 - Peak of Humanity ago
Chapter 346 - Summer Rain ago
Chapter 347 - A (Potentially) Momentous Duel ago
Chapter 348 - To the End ago
Chapter 349 - After the Hunt ago
Chapter 350 - Reflecting On A Loss and the Question of What the Hell A Transcendence Is ago
Chapter 351 - Combat Styles ago
Chapter 352 - Travel Preparations ago
Chapter 353 - Road Trip Entertainment: Vampire Lore ago
Chapter 354 - Unexpected Visitor ago
Chapter 355 - Visiting Skyggen & Skyggen ago
Chapter 356 - Family Reunion ago
Chapter 357 - Exploring Relationships ago
Chapter 358 - Umbral Lotus ago
Chapter 359 - Sorting Time ago
Chapter 360 - To sell or not to sell, that is the question ago
Chapter 361 - The Auction (Read: Alchemy) Begins! ago
Chapter 362 - A Brief Intermission ago
Chapter 363 - An Epic Mixed Bag ago
Chapter 364 - A Cursed Intermission ago
Chapter 365 - Actually Buying Things ago
Chapter 366 - Bees, Pants & the Geopolitical Landscape ago
Chapter 367 - The Legendaries Cometh ago
Chapter 368 - Scammed ago
Chapter 369 - A Unique Encounter ago
Chapter 370 - You get an item! And you get an item! Everyone gets an item! ago
Chapter 371 - The Good Stuff ago
Chapter 372 - Soul Renewal ago
THE PRIMAL HUNTER BOOK ONE OUT ON AMAZON! ago
Chapter 373 - Time Wizard & Future Plans ago
Chapter 374 - Jake's Laboratorium & To-do List ago
Chapter 375 - Oh Gosh, It's a Time Skip! ago
Chapter 376 - A King Reborn ago
Chapter 377 - Jake vs the King (Rematch?) ago
Chapter 378 - Unique Lifeforms ago
Chapter 379 - A Truly Cursed Ritual ago
Chapter 380 - Hunger ago
Chapter 381 - Eternal Hunger ago
Chapter 382 - Progress Through Cursed Slaughter ago
Chapter 383 - Skills & Paths ago
Chapter 384 - Fumigation ago
Chapter 385 - A Path From Inferiority ago
Chapter 386 - First Contact: C-Grade ago
Chapter 387 - Underground ago
Chapter 388 - Onwards! To Haven! ago
Chapter 389 - A Good Eye For People ago
Chapter 390 - A Monumental Monument ago
Chapter 391 - Clearing Up Misconceptions Left & Right ago
Intermission 7/9 - Holyland: All By the Grace of the Holy Mother ago
Chapter 392 - Off He Goes ago
Chapter 393 - Designing the School Uniform ago
Chapter 394 - To Feel the Shroud ago
Chapter 395 - The Weight of Time ago
Chapter 396 - Finding the Purpose ago
Chapter 397 - A Shroud of Stars & School Life Dangers ago
Chapter 398 - School Preparations ago
Chapter 399 - A New Era ago
Chapter 400 - A Diverse Crowd ago
Chapter 401 - Dungeon: Order of the Malefic Viper D-grade entrance-test ago
Chapter 402 - You Win Some, You Lose Some ago
Chapter 403 - Elective Tests ago
Chapter 404 - Readiness Not Found ago
Chapter 405 - Angry Transmutation ago
Chapter 406 - Pretty Easy ago
Chapter 407 - Dominating the Test ago
Chapter 408 - Meeting Expectations ago
Chapter 409 - Extra Credits Hydra ago
Chapter 410 - Beast vs Man ago
Chapter 411 - A Legendary Warrior ago
Chapter 412 - Fangs of Man ago
Chapter 413 - The Human Has Fangs ago
Chapter 414 - Academy Entry Token ago
Chapter 415 - A Different TIme ago
Chapter 416 - An Uncertain Future ago
Chapter 417 - Rules & A Very Good Question ago
Chapter 418 - "The Positive Side" ago
Chapter 419 - Conversations Are Hard ago
Chapter 420 - Blaze It! ago
Chapter 421 - A Life of Punishment ago
Chapter 422 - First Lesson ago
Chapter 423 - Willpower, Flames & Dragons ago
Chapter 424 - Mysterious Senior ago
Chapter 425 - Soulflame & Exposed ago
Chapter 426 - A New Path ago
Chapter 427 - Windy Times Ahead ago
Chapter 428 - Bit of Dragon Lore ago
Chapter 429 - The History of Bloodlines ago
Chapter 430 - Relationships Are Hard. Oh, and Neurotoxins ago
Chapter 431 - Slow And Steady Wins the Race ago
Chapter 432 - Party Prepping ago
Chapter 433 - The Power of Booze ago
Chapter 434 - Outed ago
Book 2 of the Primal Hunter now out on Amazon + Coins. ago
Chapter 435 - Political Maneuvering & Preperations ago
Chapter 436 - Presence of a King ago
Chapter 437 - Discussing the Future of Earth ago
Chapter 438 - Paths To A Better Future ago
Chapter 439 - A Good Chat & Hidden Agendas ago
Chapter 440 - A Case of Bad Communication ago
Chapter 441 - The Right Path ago
Chapter 442 - Golden Opportunities Only A Moron Would Waste ago
Chapter 443 - Vampire Visit ago
Chapter 444 - The Sentiment of Vampires ago
Chapter 445 - Vampire Hoarders ago
Chapter 446 - Heart of the Alchemist ago
Chapter 447 - Momentum + Wealth = Progress ago
Chapter 448 - Unexpected New Paths ago
Chapter 449 - Oras ago
Chapter 450 - Comprehending the Incomprehensible ago
Chapter 451 - Ambermill: A Quaint Little Town ago
Chapter 452 - Friendly Advice & Competition ago
Chapter 453 - Earth Elemental Prima ago
Chapter 454 - The Great Escape ago
Chapter 455 - Grand Mangrove River ago
Chapter 456 - Bend! ago
Chapter 457 - The Depths of the Grand Mangrove River ago
Chapter 458 - Making "Friends" ago
Chapter 459 - Port City Changlun ago
Chapter 460 - Crossing the Great Pond ago
Chapter 461 - City-Hopping ago
Chapter 462 - Tracking & Danger Bird ago
Chapter 463 - Paradise ago
Chapter 464 - Gambling Time ago
Chapter 465 - The Importance of Keeping Up Appearances ago
Chapter 466 - The Salvento Family ago
Chapter 467 - Peak Family Drama ago
Chapter 468 - A One-Sided Family Feud ago
Chapter 469 - Catharsis ago
Chapter 470 - The Morning After ago
Chapter 471 - Jungle Hunting ago
Chapter 472 - Skills, Statuses, & A Stealthy Future ago
Chapter 473 - Covert Wills ago
Chapter 474 - Stealth Archer Training ago
Chapter 475 - Phantomshade Panther ago
Chapter 476 - In the Jungle... ago
Chapter 477 - The Mighty Jungle... ago
Chapter 478 - The Hunter Sleeps Tonight ago
Chapter 479 - A Step Forward For the Universe ago
Chapter 480 - Seat of the Exalted Prima ago
Chapter 481 - Unrealistic Planetary Standards ago
Chapter 482 - Path of Myriad Choices ago
Chapter 483 - A Very Different Life ago
Chapter 484 - Understanding Thyself ago
Chapter 485 - A Lonely Existence ago
Chapter 486 - Profession?? ago
Chapter 487 - A Path To Survival ago
Chapter 488 - The Faint Line Between The Virtual & Reality ago
Book 3 the Primal Hunter now out on Amazon/Audible! ago
Chapter 489 - Internal Developments ago
Chapter 490 - Beneath the Stars ago
Chapter 491 - Meetings & Leaving the Seat ago
Chapter 492 - Great Wonders & Wondering What To Level ago
Chapter 493 - Not Blackmail ago
Chapter 494 - Learning Styles & Internal Struggle ago
Chapter 495 - Two Geniuses Making Plans: Me & Myself ago
Chapter 496 - A Counter+Intuitive Fighting Style. ago
Chapter 497 - "So, you want to join the Order of the Malefic Viper?" ago
Chapter 498 - Minor Misunderstandings & Dungeon ago
Chapter 499 - Oversharing & One More Beer ago
Chapter 500 - Spontaneous Decisions Are The Best Decisions ago
Chapter 501 - Girl Time & Guy Time ago
Chapter 502 - Mushrooms... So Many Mushrooms. ago
Chapter 503 - Truly Evil Dungeon Design ago
Chapter 504 - Heroes of the Ninth Floor ago
Chapter 505 - Mushroom Massacre & Friend Visit ago
Chapter 506 - United In Hatred ago
Chapter 507 - Reflecting On Stats & Supreme Final Boss ago
Chapter 508 - A Rude Interruption ago
Chapter 509 - (Un)expected Situation ago
Chapter 510 - Reika & the Insurmountable Task Of Trying To Explain Jake ago
Chapter 511 - Friendships & The Question Of Why They Are So Damn Hard. ago

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CrimsonEclipse18
Overall

Pretty fun overall, but man those dialogues

Reviewed at: Chapter 35 - Blood of the Malefic Viper

Pretty decent and fun system story, the fight scenes are decently written and the skills can be fun. Overall, a standard system story, nothing too good, nothing too egregiously awful at least where I'm at, except for one thing. The dialogue sucks, it feels like teenagers roleplaying even when the characters are supposed to be adults. It really breaks the immersion and some makes me cringe whenever I read it.

Genofour
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

The story is below average in everything but grammar. 3,000+ pages in and we've had less progress than stories with half that, but it also somehow has double the character count.

I could go on and on about how the MC is just a piece of wood without any real personality aside from "Me stronk" and "Plot go forward", and how no character aside from those directly connected to him seem to matter.

The biggest issue of the story is that it's bad. The second biggest issue, is that everything that is even somehow relevant to the progression of the world is only talked about in relations to the main character: his brother, his co-workers, his rival, his pocket snake-god, his city. So far there hasn't been one single important character that wasn't important basically only through or thanks to the MC.

Style is fine, if boring, and haven't noticed any grammar mistakes. Everything else is subpar.

If you like the start of the story (which has just been removed to go to KU) I would highly advise reading more novels on the site. Trust me when I say that you will find that you don't have to settle for this.

Grarg
Overall

What you would expect from a story like this

Reviewed at: Chapter 429 - The History of Bloodlines

System hits and integrates Earth into a larger multiverse. Apocalyptic scenario. Anti-social main character who likes fighting rises to the top. System shenanigans sends him into different places where he does more fighting.

 

One thing that other reviews don't mention is that the writing style needs work. Author SEVERELY overuses the conjunction "as". It's stuck into almost every single sentence, even when it doesn't makes sense. There needs to be more variety. Use "when", "before", "and", etc... It's like a needle that is constantly poking me in the eye as I read.

 

Update:

Writing quality has continued to drop. With how well this story is doing on Patreon, the 50 chapter backlog, and you admitting english isn't your native language, there's really no excuse for you to not have hired an editor at this point. Please get on it author.

skunks71
Overall

Disclaimer: this is my experience and your mileage may vary. 

having said that, you can tell that this is a web serial. The author is putting as much content into each chapter as he possibly can, which is very much appreciated. Where I start to lose the story is the fact that the author goes into exacting, excruciating detail for every choice, thought, breath, blink, step, etc. I have started reading the first sentence of every paragraph and then skipping to the next paragraph, rinse and repeat. I'm probably reading about 15% of what is written and I'm not losing out on any part of the story. If something can be cut without impacting the over-arching plot, then it probably doesn't need to be written. 

dononof
Overall

I generally like this genre but eventually I the main character was just an blessed by everything too cool to feel or care about anything or anyone.  I just wanted to be stronger.  Oh, I guess I'll be 'good' sometimes and not let some folks die.  But I don't really care about morals or stuff.  And who needs people. 

I feel like there was a story that was interesting in terms of the universe or people in the story, but the unfeeling and unconnected MC was just empty. 

Read up to chapter 325

Alibi
Overall

This story is a different take on the usual "System comes and knocks everything over" trope. The system itself is interesting in how it combines Class, Profession, and Race levels. 

Grammar is good with little to no flaws that I can see.

The story itself has not yet gotten past the Tutorial by the time I'm writing this. There's a lot of potential in the story depending on how the author decides how the coming of the system affects Earth.

Cheshireccat
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Have you ever wondered how "Spidey Sense" works?

Reviewed at: Chapter 159 - Under Pressure

There are so many good things about this series! But you can read about that in dozens of other reviews. I'm going to talk about one tiny tiny thing that amazed me when I read it.

One (of many) applicaitions of the MC's power is a type of Spider-man-esque Spidey Sense.

Have you ever read a Spider-man comic and seen him use his Spidey Sense to dodge some attacks but not others? How about when he detects crime by being nearby?
There are no rules to Spidey Sense. It's a narrative device used by writers to create plot or increase dramatic tension.
Zogarth (the author) must have sat down one day and said to himself, "This is dumb. How is this supposed to work in reality? What can and can't it do? How would you actually get around it to kill Spider-man?"

The MC of Primal Hunter tests his ability, discovers the rules, and the author sticks to that unwaveringly. It is not used as a lazy-writer Macguffin.
I finished the parts where the MC figured all this out and was floored. It makes SO much sense!! Spider-man is ruined forever for me because compared to Primal Hunter, the comic book writers are lazy hacks!

Such a small detail. But it's indiciative of the intelligent thought put into the world-building of this novel.

Now go read the story!

Para
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Mainly I started reading because I like archery. Combined with poison and stealth, this is interesting to me and a bit different than many stories. I like the overall story and the author has clearly thought about the world/multiverse a lot. Good stuff, if not exactly unique.

The characters are good as well, if not great. I like that some aren't likeable and clearly have different views. A bit over the top with the metal mage, it was almost comic relief...

Grammar can be improved but is generally ok.

Now about the style... I am sorry, but this one was multiple times almost a reason for me to stop reading and I certainly skipped a few parts. The sentences themselves are ok (improved over time) but the story could be reduced to maybe half as long by removing unnecessary information. I do not need to read every minute thought a character has about a skill that he is clearly not going to take. I can think and deduce for myself that a profession that is far worse than his current one is a joke and should be disregarded without a second thought. I don't need a 3-paragraph explanation about a system mechanic that was mentioned in a past chapter.

Don't get me wrong: the system has some complicated mechanics that need to be explained some way. But the way to do it should not be via info dump by omniscient narrator. Some of it has been solved in a good way but I would suggest going over the story and embedding the information more into the actual plot. Also: sometimes short and sweet information is better than extreme detail.

Overall I think the story has a lot of potential but still has a lot of space to grow.

 

Erdos
Overall

Does not know, what it wants to be.

Reviewed at: Chapter 95 - Of Fate & Destiny

I'd describe this as the typical fantasy of the alternate world—of a socially challenged protagonist starting over, finding new purpose. But that doesn't happen. We revel instead in isolation, not pursuing anything even close to higher goals.

And that would be fine. Progression for progression's sake is a thing. This novel, though, introduces story on top of that. A story, that runs pretty much parallel to our protagonist's adventure. Narratively, there is absolutely no reason for Jake Thayne to be the protagonist of this novel.

There isn't really set up for... morality. However, the text also features controversial topics, such as the redemption of a murderer, or people taking action only for self-interest. – Topics, that might have been interesting, had they not fizzled out.

All this begs the question: What does this novel want to be? – I don't know. And I'm sure, the author doesn't either.

Spoiler review for the first 93 chapters:

Our protagonist, Jake Thayne, loves the hunt, being by himself, and the progression the "system" offers. He does not aspire to be a hero, doesn't really care about the well being of the people around him. And, there is no narrative reason for him to be the protagonist.

There is the one person with philosophical reason to his actions: The villainous Richard. The protagonist meets him only once, spewing lines so cringe-worthy, the text itself is aware of it. He continues to be relevant throughout the first arc, without ever being challenged on moral grounds. He interacts with the protagonist only one more time—to keep him out of the action. Then he dies in a mass murder incident, killed by the Murderhobo.

Bringing us to the next character: The Murderhobo, William. A murder machine without reason, written to make the main character look better, morally. He is the reason the plot moves along, which is so, *so,* bad. Now, the story does not build on any kind of rationale. It's just the Murderhobo, doing Murderhobo things.

The final character, Jacob, is the humanitarian antithesis of the previous two. Again, without actual agency, he does not affect the run of events in any way. His final act is to foresee the future and follow the predetermined path.

That is the state of things before chapter 93. It is then that the audience is introduced to the concept of "fate,” and with it, the protagonist's place in the larger world. This is a deus ex machina I actually *liked.* Now, despite Jake having no drive to do anything relevant, the story gets to progress—basically, by writing itself. Jake will constantly interfere with "fate" simply by existing.

This, the final piece of the introductory arc, ensures, that Jake Thayne will never be the hero of his own story.

The line: "Living alone isn’t the solution, but neither is bearing the burden for everyone around you.” (Snake God to Jake, ch. 93), does make clear, that there is some mismatch in what is going on here. This line doesn't work, because our protagonist has never carried a burden of any kind. Not one larger than himself.

 

VinzVega
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

I am up to chapter 140 right now and i must say i really like some parts of it.

But there are some parts that kinda annoy me.

Why give choice in skills when it is blatantly obvious which one MC will take? 4 weak 1 OP

Why bother with the side characters at all? They don't get fleshed out. They have no character at all. Nothing to do really. Every last one can be replaced by NPC#876 and there won't be a change. Non of them are fleshed out at all.

Some parts of the book are reeeeeeaaaaly meandering on certain parts way to long. Skills, fights. I catch myself skimming or outright skipping whole pages at a time without missing anything.

Also skills get way to powerful way to fast... i am not thaaat far into it and it feels like with some stuff he approaches a ceiling which begs for highe level ups pulled out from somewhere down the line out of nothing.

And my (personally) biggest problem. What is it with antisocial MCs? It is annoying. You cannot make story this long with the MC trying to keep every single social interaction as short as possible... It gets boring with only one character after some time.

And it is so incredibly inconsistent. He is brash and direct with the two gods. But cannot even bring himself to talk normally to the first humans he meets after the tutorial.

He can create a city but has no interst in it. Why make it a plot point at all then? It is clear, that the author and the MC have no interst in meeting or interacting with other character in any way shape or form.

City building is something REALLY interesting if done well in books. But as an afterthought it gets in the way and creates questions like why the MC even bothers with the first 4 humans. He safes them. Ok. Despite him having no problems after killing a bunch of people (self defense i know, but this still leaves scares on normal people) and not caring enough about other people to the point of not checking if people died in the tutorial. Wallow a bit in self pitty and get over it in like five minutes.

It doesn't make sense. He is a complete psychopath having no problems killing hundreds of beings in seconds (birds) and next he says he doesn't want to kill hundreds of birds in seconds...

Either make him a psycho or give some sort of social interaction and ability.

 

The book still keeps me right now (mostyl becuause it is long and i like long books) But if some parts don't change i probably quit after chapter 200 or so.