When I awoke there was nothing but the beat of my heart and the sound of my own breathing. I couldn’t see, or hear anything else; in fact, I couldn’t even remember where or who I was. All I knew was that I was in pain, cold and hungry. For a while, I just lay there unsure on how to cope with the situation. Why was I here in this dark silent place? Why was there no light or sound? I would have probably stayed in the same place questioning all around me, unable to act if not a sudden growl from my stomach had forced me to move. Slowly I began to spread my hands into the darkness around me, finding the ground consist of rough-hewn stone. ‘Okay, stone... good? Wait, I can feel something... these are scraping marks! Just where am I? A tomb? Why would I be in such a thing? No matter, there must be an exit somewhere and I refuse to starve in some stupid hole!!!’
Having made up my mind I crawled forward, advancing this way was painfully slow but I feared if I suddenly stood up I’d run the risk of bumping my head! I certainly didn’t wish for this and so I continued on the ground, crawling in the dust like some peasant! I held in. ‘Wait for a second... that thought was awfully specific.’ Why would I despise peasants? It wasn’t like I could remember having ever met one of those... or really any other person. A frown appeared on my face as I made my forward. How would I even know who my people were? I literally didn’t even have an idea what species I was. Almost a bit self-conscious despite being utterly alone, I began tracing my fingers over my face. I was somewhat disappointed when I felt about what I had expected. Ears, eyes, nose, mouth... all very human, all very boring.
I became far more exciting when I moved down my body. I had a slender body and two hand filling breasts, so I was female! That was good, I felt like anything else would have been wrong. Though what I couldn’t really understand was what I was wearing. There was a lot of cloth just about everywhere and it was really hard to move or even breathe, also I was certain that my clothes made jingle noises whenever I moved. Perhaps I was some sort of jester? Considering that I couldn’t even see in the darkness I stopped my self-inspection for now and instead continued crawling forward; only to immediately stop with a pained gasp when my head collided with a large rock!
‘Ugh! This hurts! I just knew I would hit my head! I even tried to avoid it and it still happened! Stupid, rock... if I get out of here I’ll have you executed! Hehe~.’ I had to chuckle at my own stupid joke, maybe I truly was a jester? I mean I was pretty fun to be around! Yeah! I was the great Jester... well, poop. Only now it dawned on me that I literally didn’t even know my name. Though for the time being, I could just refer to myself as me, the great me – obviously! Having temporarily settled my impromptu identity crisis I began to explore the rock that had dared to hurt my great head. Much to my happy surprise I found it to be rather smooth and in fact quite round. Realizing that this was probably the exit I had been looking for I began pushing excitedly.
It didn’t budge... either I was too weak or the stone slap too heavy, it didn’t matter really. I couldn’t escape from this cursed hole! After another few moments of fruitless pushing hot tears of anger flowed down my face. How could this be? How could this be the end of me? I had just awoken and already I was supposed to die? ‘No, no, no, no, no! I will not be denied by some damned stone!’ In my frustration, I began stomping my feet against the door barring my escape. Something snapped underneath my kicks but I didn’t even notice, for a single thought dominated my mind. I was going to escape from this shitty hole no matter how much strength it took!
Several dozen kicks later I was almost about to give up when something odd caught my attention. At first, I thought it to be a simple trick of my mind but when I looked up again there it still was. From underneath the fold of my dress, a soft green glow appeared. Putting my hand over it I could feel warmth emanated from the spot as if all of my energy had condensed into this very point. As I basked in this sudden light it grew brighter and brighter. I was about to rejoice over finally being able to see when in the blink of an eye, just as suddenly as it had come, the glow vanished. ‘No, not now!’ Desperately I tried to scratch at the cloth covering my chest, I needed the light back! I didn’t want to be in the darkness again! Yet, halfway through fiddling with the dress's bows and clasps, my fingers froze up. I tried to move them but at most they twitched uncontrollably! Before my panicked mind could even comprehend what was going a sudden spasm shook my body. ‘Oh no! What is happening? Am... am I possessed? No!’
I couldn’t even recall what possession was, but I certainly didn’t wish for something this horrible to happen to me! But no matter what I did, I couldn’t stop my muscles from twitching all over the place. I tried to scream, call out for help, anything at all but even my throat didn’t seem to listen to my will! All I could do was lie there in the dust, tears dripping down my cheeks, as my body was handled by whatever spirit was having its fun with it. Somewhere in between the pain and tears, I felt my leg kick against the entrance and much to my surprise I heard a dry crunch!
When the spasms finally subsided and I looked towards the exit, my eyes once more shed tears; only this time they were tears of pure joy. I had no idea how it had happened, but to my delight, my last kick seemed to have actually moved the stone slap! I almost felt like dancing when, upon crawling closer, I noticed what very much appeared like sunlight falling through a crack!
As quickly as my feet – well, I was still technically on my knees – could carry me I crawled towards the light. Finally, this was it! I would escape this dreaded tomb and re-join society, I would meet people, visit cities, attend parties! I would...
See the forest? Confused I looked all around me, but no matter where my gaze fell I only saw trees! Trees, and grass and shrubs but not a single grand palace or street! What was this place? Why where there no people, no sign of humanity? This couldn’t be, right? I looked down at my clothes and sure enough, I was wearing an elaborate green dress, beset from head to toe with jewels and finery. I obviously was no mere jester! I was dressed like a princess or maybe a queen! But if I was a queen, then where were my subjects? Had they left me in that ghastly tomb? Had I been robbed of my reign and cast away, left to rot beneath the earth? Even if so, now that I was certain that I was a noble, fair and beautiful queen, it was unseemly for me to crawl in the dirt! Also, I ran the risk of dirtying my dress even further, and that wouldn’t do, that wouldn’t do at all! Still, I had to admit, that I was a bit lost with this entire situation. Of course, I had figured out that I was a most majestic queen, but a queen had to rule something, and I couldn’t even see any other living being – well besides plants, but when did those ever count?
Unsure about what to do I tried standing up as my first order of business... And immediately fell to the ground! ‘Stupid ground! How dare you defy me!? Kill it! You can’t kill ground, but that was still a good joke! We may kick it instead.’ In my righteous anger, I kicked at the ground but quickly stopped when a sharp pain shot through my leg. Whimpering silently – obviously not because I feared the forest or something like that! – I clutched the foot in question tightly; my ankle was hot to the touch swollen badly! They had betrayed me! My beautiful, perfect – and obviously very queenly – shoes had betrayed me! Instead of carrying me gracefully across the ground – as was their obvious purpose – one of the darned things had a broken heel and now my foot hurt terribly much. Seeing in what a desperate situation I was, I did the one thing I had been avoiding till now, I cried for help. It didn’t matter if it was undignified – or could possibly attract terrible monsters – I was in quite the hassle!
“He- Hello? Is somebody here? I am in immediate need of assistance!”
When even after waiting for a whole five minutes – I had counted, silently of course – still nobody answered, I grew a bit concerned. Perhaps my soon to be helper would come forth if I ordered more confident? Clearing my throat to be better audible I put on my fighting face and yelled into the forest surrounding me with as much power as I could!
“Forest creatures your queen is terribly injured! I order all to assist me... and in an instant at that!”
At first, I was quite happy with myself; after all, I had not only sounded quite regal but even kept a dignified posture throughout the whole ordeal. ‘Haha! I think I am quite proficient in this queen thing! Now I only need to sit down pretty and wait until help arrives! Uhm... what is this? That... doesn’t look like a person!’ Before my eyes, a creature hopped out from behind a tree. I couldn’t recall having ever met such a thing; I also did seem to have amnesia so maybe it was a regular and friendly... thing?
Honestly, I couldn’t help but think of an overgrown chicken when looking at this odd specimen. The only real difference was that it had really long legs and that it had quite the large beak in comparison to its body. Maybe it ate very big seeds or something? A big beak probably came in handy with that! As it came closer I noticed that it wasn’t actually quite as tall as I had thought before, in fact, it probably only reached up to my hip.
While we were eyeing each other, the critter suddenly let out a little thrilling sound! And lo and behold, not soon after another two of the little buggers came to join it. That was quite fortunate because I was certain that only one of them wasn’t going to be able to help me up. Happy that I finally had found some assistance I called out to the small group of fluffy bird... things!
“Hello, bird things! I am your queen and I order you to assist me! Get to it then... I am waiting!”
Crossing my arms I stared at the three of them expectantly, before it dawned on me that they probably didn’t even understand me in the first place! Sighing dramatically I made a shooing motion if they couldn’t help me they could just leave me be.
“Go on little things, scoot! Shoo! Go away! Bugger off!”
They jumped back a bit when I tried to get them to leave but soon enough they came closer again. And the way they seemed fixated on me was actually starting to creep me out a bit. Maybe they weren’t even quite as friendly as I thought. In fact, I could have sworn they eyed me like one would do their next meal. I really didn’t want to die; I only had just arrived here!
Looking around I saw a few pebbles on the ground next to me; grabbing a handful I started throwing them at the little band of fluffy bandits. At first, it seemed to be enough to keep them at bay, but rather quickly they started dodging past my – admittedly below decent level – throws. Actually looking them over again, they did have quite sharp claws on their feet. More and more I feared that my first encounter would have a rather sudden and bloody end! As my rocks did literally nothing I tried standing up, only to immediately stumble again when I put any weight on my injured foot. By now I was seriously starting to freak out; I didn’t want to be chicken food!
“Pi- Piss off!” I began screaming at them. “Go back to where ever you came from you, dumb avian ruffians!”
They really didn’t seem to like this, one by one they started screeching like demons. And before I could even react they began advancing on me. I would have tried to back away but behind me was only the seven times damned cave! ‘This is really bad! Where are my knights when I need them!? This is no way for a queen to spend her morning!’ While I was still debating what to do, one of the evil buggers had come close enough to bite me... me! Thankfully at least my body seemed to know what to do because without even thinking much about it my free foot gave the nasty little chick a solid kick! I actually did much more damage than I would have expected! In a beautiful arc, it sailed through the air and landed right on one of the others!
“Haha! That will teach you to mess with me! My rule is perfect and everlasting! All will now bow to the queen!”
I was so caught up in celebrating, that I only noticed the last bird-creatures attack when it was almost too late! Out of the corner of my eyes, I could see the thing lunging for my throat. Letting my new-found instincts guide me I tried dropping to the ground. Only to instead slip and falling right backwards! My arms flailing, I tried to catch my self on something. And much to both my and the things surprise, the very first thing I caught was a feathery, scrawny neck. I would have cheered in relief if not a second later both I and the bird in question continued our fall backwards... right into the cave I had just come from!
With a wet crack, I impacted the cold, hard ground. Hopefully, I didn’t break something? Yet I quickly realise that the ground was neither cold nor hard! In fact, it was rather warm and soft... did I actually? Feeling beneath me I found a mangled mess of broken bones, flesh and feathers.
“Hahaha...” Despite trying to sound confident I was quite shaken. “I did it! I won a fight against dastardly evil monsters! All on my own... maybe I don’t even need knights? Yes, I am a fully independent and power full Queen. Now I only need to get out of this ho-...”
So yes, I am honestly not quite sure what just happened. Okay, I’ll admit I might have panicked... a bit! And yes, I may have screamed in terror upon being face to beak with one of the murder chickens. And yes I may have wildly flailed about and grabbed the first object I had found. And that particular object may have been my only remaining shoe... But that does in no way explain as to how my dress is full of blood, or why there is a high heel sticking out of one of these creatures severely brutalized and mangled body. There obviously is no connection between the two. For a graceful, beautiful Queen would never – and I mean never – consider going – excuse my language – utter ape shit on a certain, obviously not very threatening avian.
Dusting off what I could of my clothes, I got up with still a bit shaky knees. Maybe now I could finally explore this place properly? Though I would definitely refrain from calling out again, after all, I had no desire to once more be accosted by rude wildlife. No, instead I would concentrate foremost finding other people – and obviously liberate them from their tyrannical rule in favour of me! Set upon my glorious quest I took my first step into the unknown... and immediately had to stifle a cry when I tried to use my still injured foot.
‘Right, so winning fights does not mean you automatically get healed afterwards. That makes an awful lot of sense... why would I even assume such a silly thing? And no, I obviously did not just forget that my foot was still injured, now shut up you... me.... whoever I am talking to! Hmph! . . . Maybe rest? Hmmm. That does sound like a very good idea, but also dreadfully boring! So... no way!’ Having won my internal debate and only slightly feeling like facepalming at my own stubbornness, I instead started hopping on one foot to the closest tree. Perhaps there I would find a solution to my dainty feet problem.
While I was busy searching the ground for a stick that was suitable to use as a crutch, my eyes fell upon something else. In the soft forest ground you could just barely sit see the imprints of the bird’s feet. They had been quite nimble little buggers; easily they had dodged both my rocks and avoided any sticks or stones on the ground. For some reason part of me actually was a bit jealous of them; they didn’t have to deal with broken heels or sprained ankles! Instead, their feet were made perfectly fine to work on the uneven ground of the forest, even without shoes! It was quite the marvel of nature, well, in its own little way. Absentmindedly my gaze fell upon the stabbed bird corpse not too far away. Wouldn’t it be useful to have such amazing feet?
I blinked a few times when I realised that I was in an entirely different place than before! Now, this was getting ridiculous! I was certain I had just been searching for a stick so how by my crown was I now hunched over that bird corpse? ‘Wait for a second... speaking of crown, why am I holding it in my hand and why is covered in blood!? Oh no! Even my dress has been stained through! Stupid bird! I should burn you on the stake for this treason! Maybe just eat instead? Well, now that is ridiculous! Birds are only food if a servant prepares them, there is no way we as a beautiful queen could just eat one! Now shut up me; I shall have to clean the blood of my attire! . . . Sigh.’