by Salt Master
- Traumatising content
Skills, Attributes, and Experience. These are familiar elements to any tabletop RPG. Jack is intimately familiar with these terms from years of playing games, so he is shocked and excited when the entire world is integrated into a system governed by those elements.
Follow Jack as he works to understand and navigate the new world around him. From heartbreaking losses to amazing experiences, Jack's life will never be the same.
A slow build, slice of life. Blue Mage MC who learns skills from monsters. Skills are not intuitively known and must be trained to be able to use properly. This is not a rapid rise to power story.
It's more of a pseudo-Isekai. As the setting quickly changes to a Fantasy one. (with elements of steampunk and sci-fi but not until much later)
The story does not get very adventure-y until chapter 17.
[participant in the Royal Road Writathon challenge]
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[Edit] I failed to mention that it's a bluemage story, so if you're really partial to bluemage story you should maybe try it before reading my review, because i have no particular foundness for those kind of stories.
There is some odd stuff in this story. I'll go over what really bothered me.
First 5 chapters are during the start of the system. Given the summary with the 5000 years petrification you'd think that if the author used 4 chapters before petrification it's to insist on the fact that he'll lose the people he loves and all, to insist on the fact that his situation is heartwrenching. But i find those chapters emotionnaly lacking.
Then comes the death of all that he loves, then he wakes up and things start to be extremlly odd. Let me explain. He just wakes up, for him it's like the woman he love has just been killed, but the way the authour wrote it it fells like it's not so horrible, i mean, i think there are a few sentence about his grief then he is all exited about system skill, seriously?
Here is the phrase that tells us how much he is affected
Sinking against the wall, tears started to form in his eyes. Starting to shake he hugged himself, lightly squeezing his arm three times, knowing he wouldn’t get a response.
And right after that he is happy about a skill...
Then comes the pet spider. Sooooo, all the people he knew and loved have been killed before is eyes mere minute ago by spiders. And he takes a pet spider? Can you imagine the trauma associated with spiders? He should be either terrified of spiders or hate them so much he want to exterminate them all. Or more neutral maybe, but having him find the spider cute is so odd. I think if you really want him to have a pet spider make the first dongeon something else, a cocatrix or something.
Writing and grammer are ok (not native), and i kinda like the 5000 years petrification, it's not very unique but not overused either. Plus it has a lot of potential for adventure, discovery and wonder.
I think what's preventing me from enjoying this story is really the way his state of mind is portrayed, not enought insistance and the horror of it all (You should make us shead a tear in the first 5 chap ), but most of all it's the pet spider. Spider kill my love => then i love spider, really odd
Thanks for putting it up.
My two main issues are the plot or lack thereof and the switching between times and other grammatical/stylistic issues.
The action is very slow and the 5000 yr or so fast forward made no difference. I'm sorry but for it not to be boring more needs to happen and not every critter needs a blue box.
It is written in the past but the present rears its ugly head quite frequently - and there was even a future tense thrown in to annoy some of us. To make it more irritating: a sentence can happily jump about between past and present. The gerund is abused at times and the sentence that made me recoil was sth like: ''Yes,' (he) deadpanned.'
It is fine to write with very little happening in beautiful English or be rough and ready with action but this is neither, shame really.
I don't have any problem with blue mages or monster trainers, in fact, I'd like to read about the synergy between the two. My problem is with the execution and the main character. The main character is a special kind of stupid. Many reviews have talked about his getting over his girlfriend's death so quickly. Those are correct. It was odd, especially juxtoposed with his cutesy spider obsession. The MC has no interest whatsoever in survival. He's in essence a utility character that runs around with no goals, but instinctively looks for people to take care of him. The story suffers greatly from this prediliction. The story meanders as the MC meanders, without a clear purpose, not even survival. The MC spends time and effort to learn baking and a skill that allows him to style his hair how he wants. No joke. Does he try to hack blue mage or use the synergy he was given between his animal trainer racial characteristic to learn useful skills to better survive. No he does not. He is largely a coward, that doesn't want to fight the pretty creatures despite being fine with murdering them in theory as a dungeon master, which seemed a character betrayal to me. Worst is I get the impression that the story doesn't take itself seriously, but it's no comedy in my eyes. So what is this story? I only know it's not for me. An inordinate amount of time is spent being cutesy and fluffy and trying to be endearing, but it comes off saccharine. I eventually couldn't take it since to sustain that level of "aw cute" the author had to start introducing a series of deus ex machina because the character he constructed was too helpless to even survive in the world he built for it.
This is a story about a blue mage character that can't copy magic (yet). So far the story is believable with the MC having been petrified for 5000 years after Earth gets inducted into the system.
Grammar is good.
We haven't had much interaction with characters other than the MC. But of the ones we've had, they're interesting.
I would recommend this story.
Early, but based on whats available I would say 5 stars for all catagories with the possible exception of grammer, which is better than acceptable in my opinion. Not a whole lot of content to judge Character and Dialog but I have great expectations and high hopes. :)
I would like to recommend to all litrpg fans and wish the author best of luck with their story.
This story has been great so far, its really down my alley and well written. The way he uses the boxes in the pages is very well done, its a very efficient and clean way to display items skill etc. I cant wait to read more from this author !
So I'm really enjoying this story. The characters introduced seemed real and I got connected to them... not so Spoiler as it's part of the description but bit of a timeskip so those are more of just character history for MC.
I feel like the concerns about his emotional state are shaded by their own reactions. He was described in a way that seems a bit distant from his emotions outwardly, it was multiple times mentioned that the system has enticement dampeners and while they appear to be mostly better after the initial shock... asking with other changes with his awakening...
Anyway, I look forward to where this goes now that he's back but I have to wait for more chapters to see what the overall tone will be.
Well, this is pretty new (and moving fairly slowly) so it's not yet clear really where the author is going/what kind of story it will be. But, it's readable, fun, and not half bad! The pacing is ok; it's neither crawling nor racing ahead, it suits me just fine.
There are minor grammar and spelling issues, but I'm more interested in the story and the storytelling so they don't bother me. The MC seems like a reasonably likeable and relatable fellow. He's definitely not OP so far, although that's often (usually?) the rule later on w/ this kind of story. The first couple dozen chapters is very much "wait, what??". He's certainly not having an easy time figuring things out; no silver spoon or hand of fate here.
The MC becomes something folks call a blue mage; I googled it and got results from the FF franchise, idk how widely used the term is otherwise. The MC is fairly rational and reasonable. Once complaint of some readers is he's overly rational (despite trauma, setback, etc), but the author apparently has reasons according to the comments.
The MC picks up a cute (for some values of cute) pet, who seems fairly adorable. Yay for cute! :)
It's not an "omg best evar!" or anything, but so far it's a pleasant read and I look forward to seeing where it goes.
I enjoyed the first 6 and think this story has great potential.
The main character has a Dungeons and dragons background which I've only seen in worth the candle another great story by the way.
His class looks like a blue mage which I don't think I've read a blue mage story that I didn't like.
It also doesn't look like everything is going to just go well for the MC which is one of my biggest complaints, No mary sues here.
The cover art is adorable and I hope it means that those cute spiders will play a bigger role then what we have seen so far.
I will revise this review once the author has around 40 chapters out but wanted to make sure this story gets the attention it deserves and help the author stick with writing
Its very easy to read and it shows the author took care to make the sentences and paragraphs don't feel monotonous.
Grammar score 5/5
I haven't seen any grammar issues so far.
Again blue mages, DnD, no mary sue all good here.
the relationships and characters feel real and have actual reasons to be doing what they are doing.
I had attempted to to "skim" over the first chapter a while ago... My Friends.... I failed, Only after having it pop back up again did I take the time to actually read it, it was like two totally different things.
The first couple chapters are more of a prelude and not the 'Core story', so they in my opinion are not what the story should be based on.
As for the other reviews stating inconsistencies and all that; it may be that I am bridging some gaps on my own. I just think that all of it is explained and they are selectively forgetting key details. That or they are not educated in human psychology in the same way I am as to not be a total social failure with my lack of natural skills.