Cannibal Cheerleader

A thus far enjoyable bit of nonsense that starts off with a clever swipe at the 'final girl' trope intrinsic to so many classic slasher movies and quickly moves to a scathing rebuke of materialism, toxic positivity, and forced inclusiveness.  One night, a cheerful (See what I did there?) trio of young friends find themselves in a bit of trouble when they accidentally strike a young girl with their car after a night of parting, drinking, and horny hijinks.  Upon realizing the next day that their new friend is no mere country doe, but also the deranged sole-survivor of a clan of inbred mountain cannibals, they quickly set about reforming her character by indoctrinating her into late capitalism and the soul soothing sensations of a nice haircut and a pedicure. 

But the girls quickly learn that introducing vapid materialism to a literal man-eater won't necessarily change a Wendigo into a Wendy; it'll just pretty her up a bit while introducing her to a lot of soft targets!

I enjoyed the light-hearted tone of the story, told with a deft touch, as well as the refreshingly unjudgemental main characters, who aren't the typical mean girl power posse that fiction loves to turn cheerleaders into.  The story is told from a perspective of heightened reality, where the characters always seem about three steps away from realizing they're characters in a comedic fiction, but they seem perfectly okay with it, random acts of murder notwithstanding.

Give it a read if you're looking for something silly with a bit of teeth to it.  Recommended for people who enjoy shows like the Santa Clararita Diet, Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, or The Final Girls.

Reading Cannibal Cheerleader is like watching a teen show but with a twist. The first and second arc (or up until the cyborg arc) are longer and more serious, but now that we're in the "mid-season" we're having smaller, wind-down arcs where barbarian-like women challenge our character to mortal kombat over a feud that they probably didn't even know is true or not, psychotic killer meets cannibal and gets barbecued for her efforts, and now mind control brain chips that seem to be hinting at something in real life but I can't figure out what as of now. Anyway, the point is this story is way better than I expected thanks to the author's masterful usage of stereotypical characters and the interactions between them. Chase's friends make Chase look like the most normal person in the world, and that's before mentioning the psychopathic police chief, rogue agent, mind-broken cyborg, barbarian women and more. Caitlin and Victoria are lacking a bit of screentime, but I'm sure they'll show up eventually. Technically Lindsay fits the bill too but she's such a comedic character that you never feel like she needs the spotlight, she automatically generates it just by existing and being herself.

Anyway, great story, somewhat unique premise, and very creative interpretation of certain norms and tropes. The only problem I encountered was that a large majority of the chapters have fixed text format that forced me to zoom by 150% at least to make the font bigger. Also, I would HATE to buy this as a book - at least for the 4th, 5th and 6th arc - because I would feel scammed by how thin the book is, but as a web novel it's absolutely fine the way it is. 

Like the title said. I wanted to like the book, and it would be an easy 4 stars for me, except for one thing. 

Puns aside, this story is...it broke me.

The sheer outlandishness of it, the audacity of taking classic tropes and pushing them beyond sanity...you enter a whole new realm.

My suspension of disbelief was run over by a truck, it was pushed into oblivion.

This gets five stars across the board because it's so daring. Its tropes on steroids (somehow) made into a coherent story.

The characters are what really makes this story. Every person fits their description. The cheerleaders only care about cheering and the Harvest Dance. The nerd is rejected for being a nerd and vows his revenge. The goths are kinda mean. The stuck up cheerleader is a total witch out to get everyone.

But even as they check off the boxes, the author has the characters acknowledge it, which makes the whole thing semi breaking the fourth wall and absolutely hilarious.

And also, random gore scenes. That are really, really, horrific. The Cannibal in the title is not a joke.

This would make a TV series that would have it's audience rolling on the floor. It would be a total cult classic.

Basically, if you want to read a ridiculously crazy, soap opera-y, all the American high school tropes, plus secret government nefarious plans and high tech super tech stuff mashed into one glorious mess...

The Cannibal Cheerleader was, like, totally made for you!

I wish more people gave this story a try. This is a fast-paced horror comedy with great characters you'd expect in the genre. Alicia, Lindsey, and Caitlin are a great trio from the beginning, with Chase coming in to provide the action. If you've ever watched a horror movie for the laughs, this story is for you. 

Utterly insane. A mish mash of cliche overplayed for humor and ridiculous implausibility that brings a smile to my face. It shouldn't work, but it does. And I love this story for it, it's probably not to the tastes of most people. But nothing is, and I found it enjoyable! So here's a 4 1/2 stars! 🎉