The Diary of a Transmigrator

by LeftOfEarth

Original ONGOING Action Adventure Fantasy Gender Bender High Fantasy Magic Mythos Portal Fantasy / Isekai Reincarnation Strong Lead Supernatural

An ordinary college student from Earth is thrown headfirst into a dangerous and strange new world by a capricious god looking for entertainment. Instead of a divine blessing they were given only a curse, robbing them of their destiny!

Now after overcoming the hell known as 'training' they must forge their own path in a cutthroat world of superhuman adventurers and terrifying monsters. Follow their struggle to survive, defeat deadly enemies, make allies and learn how to use their extraordinary gifts. 

This story is heavily inspired by other ‘isekai’ stories about overpowered protagonists from our world having adventures in a fantasy world. Particular inspirations for me were Tsuki ga Michibiku Isekai Douchuu, Yondome wa Iyana Shi Zokusei Majutsushi, Tensei Shitara Slime datta ken and Death March kara Hajimaru Isekai Kyousoukyoku. Reading interesting stories like these made me want to retell them in my own way with my own ideas added in, but in the end I decided that rather than writing fanfiction for a specific series I should try and create an original story.

Please note that I will also be publishing this story on AO3 for now and I'm aiming to update twice a week, on Wednesdays and Saturdays.

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LeftOfEarth

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BubblesWritesTrash
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Heyo, Bubbles here with my first ever review, so let's get into it without any further ado.

Style: 

The main problem I have with the style is the inordinately long sentences that it spans. The clauses become very confusing and long, with paragraphs turning out to not have any periods to separate anything, leading to an unenjoyable reading experience. Furthermore, the composition doesn't have a good sense of balance, with the narration and inner monologue of the protagonist/narrator dominating actual dialogue and description. This tenuous equilibrium mixed with passages that border on full-on exposition don't create a particularly pleasant atmosphere.

Lastly, the perspective switches that occur throughout the chapters serve only to break the immersion, especially when they're done multiple times in the same chapter in a hard to grasp game of ping-pong. A way to fix that would be to abandond the 1st person narration in favour of a 3rd omniscient, in which the narrator interprets the protagonist's thoughts. This way, both Myr's and the protagonist's perspectives can be analysed without it seeming like an abrupt cut.

One thing I would like to praise the style in, though, is the great vocabulary it displayed, as well as the vivid imagery that it possesses. The broad range of words used has managed to create a good separation between the voices of the characters presented therein, although at times their haughty nature seems extremely similar.

Story:

The story presents an interesting spin on the classic isekai trope, which I have rarely found across my many adventures with online reading. The originality of the portrayal is obvious, as well as the situations the main character is put in, but not to too great of an extent. A very intriguing choice is the gender-bending aspect of it, which I can't say I'm a fan of, but I don't condemn the use of either. I am quite adamant to see where it's going and if it was done for a deeper reason rather than just an artistic preference. Regardless, the atmosphere is impeccably set, the 'trigger' of the story is very well thought and written and the events, for the most part, progress smoothly.

The reason why I awarded it 4 stars, however is because of the rather odd progression of events, that creates a clumsy pace. At times, the action's flow is broken by certain 'brake' events that, whilst probably serving to shoehorn or foreshadow, could much more organically be included later on, or omitted altogether, in favour of advancing the plot a tad quicker. Not only that, but the protagonist also has a bad habit of overexplaining their thoughts, in a way that detracts from the progression more than it adds.

Grammar

There isn't much to be said about grammar here. Whilst not many, there are enough mistakes to warrant a deduction in the score. I would like to point out two, in particular, word order and word choice. Since you have a habit of writing long sentences and clauses, at times you seem to lose yourself in wording and forget where each piece should go. Not only that, but certain linkers and conjunctions feel off and on rare occasions, words have gone missing too.

Character

The reason why the character score is this low is because the protagonist doesn't seem to have any traits to speak of. Apart from their brief description at the very beginning as the typical shut-in (but apparently not NEET), I can't pin down any aspects of their personality. Whilst one could argue that they have displayed several traits throughout the story, I will retort with saying that those actions are entirely human: fear in the face of the unknown or dangerous, curiosity, a sense of self-preservation, a want to reconnect with society, etc. I haven't seen anything that would or could differentiate the main character from any other average joe (or jane, in this case). What I would've liked to see were parts where the inner monologue wasn't a simple telling of the situation at hand. There can be passages where the MC simply opines without doing anything else, where they contemplate their situation, scale their odds, something that leaves room for indirect characterisation. It pains me to say that in a story that is this original and intriguing, the character feels like a simple passenger.

In summary, this story has quite a lot of potential, especially with a premise that allows for such largesse in ideas and portrayal. Additional work must be put in polishing the MC and giving them a distinctive voice as well as the flow of the story and the composition. The work is nowhere near worthy of adjectives such as 'bad' and 'uninspiring' but as with many first writes of an author, it tends to be a gem, albeit not very well cut.