Mage's Rebirth

by Ramkrne

Original ONGOING Action Comedy Fantasy Romance Dungeon High Fantasy Magic Male Lead Reincarnation Ruling Class School Life Secret Identity Slice of Life Strategy Strong Lead War and Military
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

An old cripple awakes as his younger self, ready to right all the wrongs of his life.

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  • Pages :
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Ramkrne

Ramkrne

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CaptainMew
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Style: How this story is written comes off as if It's the thoughts of the main character. Interactions with other characters and fighting scenes seem to lack depth due to this. I feel more detail, added from a third person perspective, could perhaps fix that.

Story: I'm familiar with this kind of story, where the main character goes back to his youth with all his memories of what has happened. This story doesn't really introduce anything new but doesn't feel like a copycat of other stories. My only real problem with the story is how lucky the main character is.

He decides to register in a fight in the arena and has to go up against the champion, one who remained undefeated in his past life, and obviously wins. He discloses an alchemical formula and gains riches and a storage ring then proceeds to purchase top quality enchanted equipment that , to me, might as well be called 'plot armor'.

The main character is never at any real risk having this enchanted equipment. Which removes the danger, and therefore the excitement, in any of his fights.

 

Grammar: The grammar is decent. A good once-over is only needed to fix any issues I saw.

Character: I feel the main character needs to be fleshed out more. I can't recall his age and he wasn't really described physically all that well either. I do like how passionate he is about being a mage and how he cares about his loved ones. I also like that he isn't totally perfect and that he is learning not to let the arrogance from him having future knowledge effect how he goes about things.

chay
Overall

The story is pretty good, the grammar is also good.

The big problem for me is the lack of interaction, the MC is pretty well-developped (even if i don't like him) however he's alone, there are no meaningfull interaction for 14 chapters, the others characters can be summarized in 3 or 4 word each.

For some stories it's okay, however not here. He's in a city and talk to people, do things with people but the mc seems to be doing everything alone.

Exept the lack of side characters the story seems pretty interesting.

Edit: Grammar, and like CaptainMew said some other pov should help flesh out some side characters

Kevosman
Overall

I will not do an advanced review as there are only 6 chapters.  

Initial:

A man gets sent back in time for reasons unknown.  Like any of us he begins to use his knowledge to 1) make money 2) fix some of the mistakes of his past

some minor grammitical errors, along with some sentence structure errors.  They are noticable enough to give a reader pause, but not unduly so.  

I like the MC and am looking forward to what he.accomplishes in the future

 

Davey dave
Overall

Only 4 chapters so far, however they've drawn me in and I want to read more. If you're a fan of second chance western style cultivation-magic novels lo believe you will enjoy this. Not much there to review yet but it does appear to be moving a bit fast for how little has been produced, so it will be important to pay attention to the power-creep

The_Baker
Overall

Its ok however a bit rushed

Reviewed at: 28. Captain Shell

Story is not bad however it feels a bit rushed, author could take the time to explain some of the concepts behind mana. Also I understand this is a time travel story however the mc is gaining power to fast, from money to spells it feels like the mc is flying towards op.

danlin
Overall

Read this if you don't know what genre it is.

Reviewed at: 8.Street Fight.

When I started reading this novel the use of terms like "outer ring" and "bullets" reminded me of a space fantasy like star wars. It is actually a fantasy novel so don't go in thinking that it is a novel in the space-fantasy genre when you read it.

I am glad that it is a normal fantasy but the terms used in it make me think of a high tech setting. That is the only complaint I have other than a sentence or two that is grammatically wrong. 4/5 stars.

molenir
Overall

I read the first couple chapters, initially with some hope for a time travel story.  We definitely got it.  But the author didn't tell us, the time jumps were going both ways.  

Start with the time jump to the past.  Jump forward a couple weeks, then a couple months, no explaination, barely any details about whats happening, or why its happening.  Its almost like diary entries with some action detail thrown in for fun.  Its not a fun story.  6 chapters in, and I am already confused about who is who, and why I should care about any of the characters.

demus_wiesbaden
Overall

The story started boring and it probably will end boring. If the story does get better I will probably never know.
I only read until the 2nd chapter. The premise of the story was fascinating and I really had high expectations, though they were crushed fast.
My first 1,5 star review was deleted becaus of "Reason for deletion: If you are unsure how to review the content of the story, you may rate the story instead.
Please don't inflate the word count again.":
"I just read a few pages (until the beginning of chapter 2), but  the story did not work for me. Although I really liked the story`s introductory premise/blurb/plot. Maybe I should read more to like it, but it seems a chore"