System Change

by SunriseCV

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

Years ago, Earth was indoctrinated into the "System."

Earth was not the only place with the System, however. With the System came the other races, Invaders. The Invaders had one goal, to obtain ownership of this new habitable planet. This created a bloodbath, and for years the war raged.

This didn't really have much to do with Derek. Derek was kind of a loner. Yeah, he enjoyed the occasional chat or drink with others, but he never stayed in one place too long or really got to know anybody new.

Derek did happen to be rather strong. After the years of fighting monster and Invaders alone, he had become quite adept at surviving. One thing that helped keep him alive was his refusal to get involved with others. He rarely cooperated with teams.

One day, Derek broke his rules and decided to lend some help, as the mission didn't seem too hard. He should have stuck to being alone.


Hey everyone, this is my fiction, "System Change." It's the first time I've really tried to write a serial. All feedback is really appreciated. 

I plan to release chapters every Tuesday and Thursday. With occasional extra chapters being released. 

I will try to maintain a word count between 1500-2500 words per chapter.

Thank you!

I just made a Discord if anyone wants to join. 

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SunriseCV

SunriseCV

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Chapter 1: Into the Portal ago
Chapter 2: Into the Void ago
Chapter 3: The Kind Stranger ago
Chapter 4: Thomas ago
Chapter 5: Awake ago
Chapter 6: Unlocking the System ago
Chapter 7: Skills ago
Chapter 8: A Close Shave ago
Chapter 9: Through the Forest ago
Chapter 10: Escape ago
Chapter 11: Become an Asshole ago
Chapter 12: Bloody Village ago
Chapter 13: Level Up ago
Chapter 14: Choosing a Class ago
Chapter 15: Champion of the Void ago
Chapter 16: Void Call ago
Chapter 17: Battle ago
Chapter 18: Strength of the Void ago
Chapter 19: After the Battle ago
Chapter 20: Regroup ago
Chapter 21: Home ago
Chapter 22: Meeting ago
Chapter 23: The Problem ago
Chapter 24: Anomaly ago
Chapter 25: At the Edge ago
Chapter 26: Legendary Beast ago
Chapter 27: Growth ago
Chapter 28: Dungeon ago
Chapter 29: Accident ago
Chapter 30: Return ago
Chapter 31: Gifts ago
Chapter 32: A Day in the Village ago
Chapter 33: The Next Day ago
Chapter 34: Meeting ago
Chapter 35: Training ago
Chapter 36: Leaving ago
Chapter 37: To the Dungeon ago
Chapter 38: In the Dungeon ago
Chapter 39: Dungeon Run ago
Chapter 40: Afterwards ago
Chapter 41: Cleanup ago
Chapter 42: What to Do ago
Chapter 43: Follow Me ago
Chapter 44: Hand Feeding ago
Chapter 45: Like Clockwork ago
Chapter 46: Complete ago
Chapter 47: Rewards ago
Chapter 48: Stat Time ago
Chapter 49: To the Undying Dungeon ago
Chapter 50: Undying Dungeon: Begin ago
Chapter 51: More Skills ago
Chapter 52: Ghouls! ago
Chapter 53: The Plan ago
Chapter 54: I've Created a Monster ago
Chapter 55: It's Time ago
Chapter 56: Here We Go ago
Chapter 57: Investigate ago
Chapter 58: I Choose You! ago
Chapter 59: Who's That Pok...? ago
Chapter 60: Remember ago
Chapter 61: Last Day in the Village ago
Chapter 62: Goodbye ago
Chapter 63: To the City ago
Chapter 64: Interlude/Anomaly II ago
Chapter 65: Torith ago
Chapter 66: The Crown ago
Chapter 67: More Business ago
Chapter 68: Negotiations ago
Chapter 69: Enigma ago
Chapter 70: Gracefall Manor ago
Chapter 71: Walter Gracefall ago
Chapter 72: Dinner Prep ago
Chapter 73: Dinner with Walter ago
Chapter 74: Discussion ago
Chapter 75: About a Girl ago
Chapter 76: Thanks for the Meal ago
Chapter 77: Who's the Boss? ago
Chapter 78: Plans ago
Chapter 79: Room and Board ago
Chapter 80: Adventurer's Guild ago
Chapter 81: Missions ago
Chapter 82: Hunting ago
Chapter 83: A Nice, Calm Chat ago
Chapter 84: Attack ago
Chapter 85: Becoming Official ago
Chapter 86: Back to the Crown ago
Chapter 87: Crown Membership ago
Chapter 88: The True Value of Void Beasts ago
Chapter 89: Alanah ago
Chapter 90: Value ago
Chapter 91: Price ago
Chapter 92: Chatting with Alanah ago
Chapter 93: Getting a Membership ago
Chapter 94: Inncoming ago
Chapter 95: Silvi's Reward ago
Chapter 96: Mission Probable ago

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Reviews
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DrAlt
Overall

Exploration focused Lit-RPG

Reviewed at: Chapter 90: Value

Our MC Derek gets tossed from one System to another and starts off OP.  Rather than be a warlord, he's more interested in finding more coffee and comfort.  An amusing take on a tired adventurer discovering a fresh new world.  

This one is on my 'Follow' list and it is very easy to binge.  The main character is competent, tries to help, and finds himself drawn into situations I enjoy reading about.

whistler
Overall

Decent story about a powerful mc in a new world

Reviewed at: Chapter 61: Last Day in the Village

The interaction of two universe's systems is interesting, though in the end it really just feels like an excuse to give the MC a bunch of free stats. Good LITRPG progressions, though nothing new. Overall decent characters. MC has an interesting backstory, but I don't feel like it reflects much though his behaviour other than his moveset.

A fun read, but not much else.

Half Life
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

System Change is one LitRPG converting to another LitRPG, while also appearing to go from one genre to another genre. So far, most of the story is concerned about systems and stats. However, the MC starts the story already built up into an OP soloist possessing late game stats, and things progress from there.

In some ways, this reminds me of a weird cross between One Punch Man and Mad Max circa Thunderdome. That is to say, the MC is much more capable than almost anything he has come across so far, usually resolving threats with almost no effort. However, the Portal Fantasy element seems to have placed him in either a post-apocalyptic far-future Earth or an unrelated run-down fantasy world. There are some allusions that the portal fantasy element is conscious, which could lead to some interesting developments.

The writing is a clear and polished novel style. I've only noticed a few minor errors (homophones mostly), and the grammar is fairly strong.

There are 14 chapters available right now, so the supporting characters and world-building are still in development. For now, the main attraction is the interplay between systems. I mean, it is right there in the title. So, if you love your LitRPG hardcore, with lots of thinking and talking about systems and stats, featuring OP characters, then this is a good start.

alcelaphinae
Overall

mc describes as lone wolf, which have ton of titles for being alone. Then suddenly became most social person ever.

Yeah i understand he spent so long time in void, but when he became carrying villagers in dungeons and scatter around precious potions then it hit me. Mc isnt the person who he taught about himself. It became little 2d when narrator describes him as "A" then he describes himself as "B" but all i can see is a "C"

this was a downpoint for me. Additionally side characters are 2d either and there is no interesting plot so far.

These are my critics, but im not bored so i might re-do my review. So far it is.

praktiskai
Overall

magic system review + other stuff

Reviewed at: Chapter 94: Inncoming

the 2 Systems people experienced so far were fairly simple, but made it clear how one can progress (aside from levels). Am glad that non-combatants can level. What appealed to me greatly is the overarching plot surroundings the magic systems. 

they're like amabaes that a few very high level individuals monitor. There are 5 year introduction periods when a world is taken over by a system. They can try fighting or hunting each other, I think.

thus while what the average Joe experiences, in the grand scheme of things, there's a lot of potential and so far I wasn't disappointed.

Liked how the stars weren't perfectly alligned for the main characters when it came to their power/progression. If you pick the wrong skill, if you're unlucky, you'll end up being weaker than you could be, and once the protag lost a change to get a significant boost to all stats due to dumb luck. That's great! I imagine that's how it'd go realistically.

main downside are the typos and minor errors. They're not common enough for me not to tolerate

another one is that eventually the protag might end up with too many skills and similar, and while the Status is by default collapsed (to not take up place), I think the author should follow Fok My Life's example in making sub-sections collapsable to make navigating it easier.

the protag due to reasons has a better foundation than it should be possible, and while he's certainly competent, most of his supreme strength and potential arises from a certain case of good/bad luck. Still, this work has far more to show than the protag showing off his power and humiliating nobles/those who wronged him. It's not that kind of work- the fellow seems fairly wholesome

all in all, good magic/power/progression system.

kkyyyssss
Overall

Small review only. I like the story but the chapters are very short. Also, do something with the bunny already, the joke is only funny for so long before it becomes annoying. I'm pretty sure if you like good stories with OP MC you'll love this one, give it a try. I wouldn't recomment if there were no already 80 chapters out as they are so short but not that there is a good back log it's a good read.

Noissar
Overall

I just really enjoy this read.

Reviewed at: Chapter 57: Investigate

A smooth pace, that has a light hearted theme to concepts that could easily be brooding and negative.

The MC is a nice reflection on what it is to be human. Even as a super powerful person he remains true to himself in his choices on the path he set for himself. The most impressive trait I find is that even with great power he shows the sublties of emotion through action by not taking the path of 'Might equals Right'. 

 

His actions are more in line with Teaching, not looking away from what is. Accepting the things that have happened and pushing forward to change what you do not like, instead of cowering with fear. Encouraging people to live and strive for the positive and not the negative.

Though I enjoy the actions and situations presented as more twists of fate than forced plot points and they make me feel like they are more of a fun thing that overrides the negative undertones that exist and an encouragement to emulate that in real life.

danlin
Overall

it is okay... but POV and dialog is weird

Reviewed at: Chapter 18: Strength of the Void

The idea is good but one thing I don't like is how the story at first puts emphasis on how the MC was a loner but then he just goes to the village, saves everyone, and then even helps them a lot as if he was an isekai MC. Like he was talking to Thomass about not being a hero and then he goes and does the opposite of the advice he gave. I find it unrealistic.

Also, Thomass sounds older than a 12-year-old in the dialog. Less is more sometimes.

edwardcastle
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

A novel idea with a good execution

Reviewed at: Chapter 33: The Next Day

Last update: Chapter 33, 12/15/2020

Overall:

This story does something I never saw done before: someone from a system-ruled Earth gets forced into another world, which has another system.

The MC is strong by the old system's standards, but not the top dog of the world. Therefore, when he arrives at a small village in the new world, he is super strong by their standards.

He is a somewhat OP MC, but not overly so.

Imagine Bill Gates, who is not the richest man in the world, arriving at a third-world small country city and you'll get the picture. Only, instead of money, the MC has power.

Yet, this is not a face-slapping novel -- at least not up until now, though it should have some scenes of it as soon as the MC meets some arrogant noble.

This is a novel of a lost MC trying to get his bearings in a new world with a different system, and maybe a way back home. A world that seems to have lower levels of energy, at least on the edges of the human nation where he's at, and a system that is less generous than the old one (sometimes, outright punishing).

The MC was lost in the void for years and has adequately become a little bit crazy. Some social cues and rules are lost on him, and he is missing common sense here and there. Don't worry, it's nothing over the top, he just doesn't do society well.

The supporting cast is okayish until now. The first person the MC finds gives the necessary perspective on things from this world's side, and so do the next ones.

The first one, who becomes a companion, show signs of future growth arcs, and he is likable enough.

Its greatest sin is the pacing, which is hurting the story really badly. It feels like nothing is getting done, as if the MC is getting nowhere.

That said, I still trust the author enough to only take half a star from the overall score.

All in all, 4.5 stars.

 

Style:

The novel flows well most of the time, but things get a bit overly prolix for my tastes sometimes. I end up just skipping big chunks of text.

The story also feels stagnant at times. We get some cool action/exploration chapters, then a whole lot of nothing for quite some chapters.

I blame my impatience more than the author for it, but I still feel compelled to remove half a star for each issue, since this is my review =P

So, 4 stars.

 

Grammar:

This is straightforward. There have been mistakes, but I can't remember any right now, which makes this a...

5 stars.

 

Story:

I already covered it in the overall section, but the gist of it is:

A good idea with an okay execution.

The greatest issue is the pacing, as I said before. The story is suffering a lot because of that.

Actually, it feels like there's no story at all, because there's no real progression to show any story.

So...

4 stars.

 

Character:

The main character is well built. His decision-making process makes sense most of the time, his personality is okay, his slight craziness is cool.

I had to take half a star from character though. As of late, the MC is just giving free stuff left and right. Either he was never meant to be cold and rational, or he shouldn't be giving away stuff for free. Something is wrong.

The lead support character is okay and smart for his age at times. Might become something interesting in the future.

The other characters to show until now weren't card boxes. They had their issues, backstories, and personalities. The only reason I don't care for them is that they are unimportant, but that even unimportant characters are so well fleshed out is a testament to the author's skills.

4.5 stars.

 

Conclusion:

Read it already!

KingOuma
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Wanted to give it out a try, considering it got into trending, but its honestly a surpise for me for how it got there.

Premise seemed interesting. Instead of having started from the beginning of the system arriving to Earth, the M.C. has already experienced much of it and has grown to a considerably high level, I imagine. I imagine because we arent given any reference poinnts to the contrary. Were the other people just as strong? Was he one of a kind? How did he measure, class-wise, with other people? 

Its a mystery, and one that we'll probably never know or get some information, considering the M.C. kept to himself.

Conversations feel stilted, and there's times when less is more that is not taken into account. There's also to consider the continuous shift in points of view between characters whether one after another or even in the same paragraph.

For the 18 chapters read, very little actually happened and most of the chapters have the Status page take a large amount of space in the chapter inflating it.

Thomas, the boy, doesnt feel like a boy. In the first chapters he's introduced i felt confusion, not knowing if he was really a boy or someone older as the character acted one way in one sentence, and then one way the next a paragraph down. While i understand the author wanted to use the kid to inform the readers of the world, i think that giving his voice dialogue a different tone would have sold me better. Instead, the boy being 12, i felt as if an older teenager or even a young well informed adult was talking to the M.C.

Chapters definitevely need to be reviewed or even edited to look and read bettter.

In the end its not a bad story, just needs more thought put into it.