The Vampire’s Templar
- Sexual Content
The holy knight Carmen never questioned his beliefs, even while he lay dying at the hands of a vampire. But death would not be the end for him. When Carmen next woke up, he found himself "alive" once again in the body of an animated corpse—a zombie—that was forced to slave away in the mines of a human kingdom.
As a proud, former knight, Carmen could not allow this wretched practice to continue. He must find a way to escape, try to regain his body and status, and uncover the truth. But there was something strange about this body...it was that of a little girl.
This is a Girl's Love/Yuri novel. Also, the yuri harem is slow. The main character won't get a harem right out of the gate, and there will be relationships that have nothing to do with the main character.
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The story itself reminds me a bit of a kind of twilight remake with included wish fulfilment.
With some problems with gender classifications:
So our MC is switching to female in his past, where he was a male, if the backstory is to be believed.
Old man are suddenly referred to as 'her' and so on.
The story itself seems to be randomly assigned. Since short time goals
Like looking for books for Kargiss
Are suddenly forgotten and never mentioned again. Instead it is filled out by this strange relationship:
Here twilight vibe is like over 9000:
She (vampire) falls in love with... Wait for it, right! A Lich. But if your thinking of some sort lovecraftian relationship here, you're wrong:
As a vampire noble, she is naturally not influenced by sunlight/holy power(not for beeing a vampire but still)/bloodthirst/silver and whatever else. No she is a perfectly fine undead with a bloodflow, heartbeat(jep...) And lots of feelings.
Now to her counterpart the 'Lich' is nether a skeleton with some sort of soul bound at some safe place. Noo she is a zombie lich, further a knight class one, so she has a beatifull human body, without blood( which is in conflict to several times she is blushing) and you get it.. feelings.
Then there are still the debatable intelligence of the MC
True it was never said she was clever, but it is something I got used to... Well:
She said to a templar, that she expected her to come the next day. And is surprised about her beeing there the next day.
Using holy magic on several 'public' occasions (as an Undead and a 'living') she is suddenly afraid someone got to know her 'trump card'
Still not sure why there is a 'harem' tag, but we're gonna see.
While all I said here sounds really negative. I got to say read it yourself and who knows you may like it better.
I was absolutely not expecting this to be a good story, from the shoddy cover to the generic (af) title, downright dirty synopsis and tags such as gender-bender and harem... I half expected it to be written in weebspeak to be honest (which without exception means it would be garbage). I don't know why I torture myself like this, but yes I did expect to drop this halfway through the first chapter, I don't know what drove me to actually start reading in the first place (degeneracy?)... but I'm happy I did!
Instead of what I expected, what I got is one of the best webnovels I've read in a long ass time. Honestly I have effectively no complaints, besides the usual "plot progression is kinda slow", but I honestly can't htink of a single webnovel where that isn't the case, even among the very top 10, every webnovel seems to suffer from this disease, so I guess I shouldn't even bother mentioning it anymore by this point.
First off, I love the characters, it is so rare to see a story with good characters, they are distinctive and unique enough for you to actually give a rats ass about them, and they feel like real people with all the flaws that come with being such a terrible thing. In other words when the POV shifts come, unlike in most stories where I'd usually just skim it to get back to the stuff I actually care about (e.g. the protagonist) in here it somehow manages to remain engaging.
People have actual personalities. The protagonist's internal conflict as a holy knight turned into an undead feels real enough, the minor side characters, even without any sort of in-depth backstories or exposition dumps to explain their backgrounds and personalities FEEL like they have some substance to them, they don't just go with the flow of the story, they have their own goals feelings and desires, and just because two people are part of the same group doesn't make them all robotic copies of each other.
All I can say is, it's perfect, I love it, I love how the characters feel like they have actual personalities, something you generally do not find outside of professional writing. Better yet, I love how this is all achieved without giving us any massive backstories or exposition dumps to try and artificially inflate the character's importance to the reader.
The grammar is close to spotless, there are a few spelling mistakes here and there, and very rarely a wrong word accidentally gets mixed in; but for webnovel standards, that's about as spotless as it gets anyways :D
The style score I've deducted half a star for the somewhat slow plot progression and another half a star for the increasingly heavy POV shifts in the more recent chapters, but yeah, those are my only complaints in that area.
As for the story? Worldbuilding is solid, and from the second chapter there is already a clear goal for the protagonist, e.g. a path towards a finale indicating that this is at least not intended to be one of those neverending infinite hiatus stories. I have no complaints! It is truly praiseworthy how the foundation for a good story is all here right from the start!
Lastly, can we get a huge round of applause for the author's chapter release rate? Daily chapters, with a proper length to them and everything, I think I'm in love by this point! This author is the hero we all want! and also the hero we clearly don't deserve!
The perhaps only truly unfortunate thing about this story (fortunate for me! less fortunate for a a lot of others...) is that it's a bit niche with it's many tags.
So as long as none of those tags are an immediate turnaway for you, you don't mind a man who is reborn as a female being the protagonist, and you don't mind him slowly building up a harem (honestly there has been absolutely none of this yet, not even a romantic interest yet, so author's promise of the harem being a slow going thing is officially kept, and relationships blossoming between side characters seems to be a thing that's happening so that promise also seems to be going to be kept, like I said, the characters have substance! this is clearly a part of it!) and of course, if you also like the sweet glorious yuri, absolutely 100% you should read this!
I may sound a bit fanatical here (and since I do, please temper your expectations allright? better to be pleasantly surprised like me than overhyping it so much that there's no meeting your expectations) but the story deserves it. It's just a no nonsense, just quality, pure fantasy story with a great premise and off to an amazing start. And as I said at the start, you would never have expected that based on the title, synopsis and cover, would you?
PS: Author gets extra brownie points for making vampires great again!
PPS: Author gets even more brownie points for making combat scenes great again too! (I seriously don't remember the last time I read a combat scene that had me at the edge of my seat in a webnovel; it only ever happens in the very best of them.)
Currently the story has 75 chapters and I generally only write a review after reading about 100-200 pages or all the content there is avaible, but sadly I never managed to get past the first three chapters before I dropped it. As I am writing this I feel the need to mention that I was initially quite optimistic about the story so my disapointment will be quite noticeable. After saying that let's get straight to the point, is this story good? Yes, the characters are three dimensional and the story has some themes it tackels pretty well.
Does it also have atrocious grammar? Once again yes. The phrasing at times is weird and every now and then the narration changes from third to first person mid sentence, and that is really jarring, but the worst thing is definitely the tenses. It's awful. Not only does the author constantly switch back and forth between past tense and present tense, but in general there are a lot of sentences that just don't work because the wrong tense is used.
Here are a few examples of the aforementioned errors all taken from the first three chapters :
“I suppose you’ll be waiting a long time,” Carmen said, looking away. Even if she wants to force him to look at her, he won’t, just to spite her.
She was the one that took everything away from him. Every day, she came to rob him of the last thing he had left: his beliefs and conviction. She asked him to turn his back on his faith. He will never let her succeed.
Even if he had to saw off his arms, it will not stop him from trying to beat her to death with his stump before he bled out.
It was his failure as a commander that led to their deaths, and his weakness as a holy knight that made me unable to protect them.
It was a sound that he heard constantly during my campaign (...)
If he became a vampire, who knows how many innocent people he would kill before someone liberated him?
But although he will soon end up fighting against humans while under the control of a demon, he wasn’t too worried. Zombies were so weak that the likelihood that he will kill someone was low, and the likelihood that he will kill two was even lower.
Of all those zombies he had chopped up over the course of my status as a holy knight, how many of them contained souls that were once living and breathing humans?
Although Carmen planned to die as quickly as he could in battle, his plans had changed.
If the man discovered that he still had his free will, the man will definitely command the zombie masses to tear him apart.
This issue has never really been resolved, as I skipped to the latest chapters and it is still there. I can't even begin to describe how frustrating this is. As a non-native speaker I learnt how to use tenses properly in English in middle-school and I know by personal experience that it becomes quite easy to use them correctly in very little time, so this isn't really excusable from my point of view. The use of tenses is a very simple technique which is at the base of good writing, I have never seen a story on RRL that struggles so much with it.
I would thus like to end my review with two pieces of advice for the author:
1) Quantity does not make up for quality, I think the fiction should be put on hold for a week or two to edit all 75 chapters, as it stands the story is good but most readers will be scared away by the bad grammar. Writing more chapters at this pace will not help you in the slightest. It is important to do this ASAP.
2) After that, you should obviously be extra-careful with new chapters, but even that might not be enough. I strongly recommend to either find a proofreader or to encourage your followers to mention the errors they find in the comments. Either way, you'll need help.
In conclusion, you are of course free to choose what to do, but if I were you this is how I'd fix this. Especially since you recently hit Trending; negative reviews and ratings will probably arrive soon if this issue isn't taken care of quickly.
That being said I hope my feedback will be useful and help you improve as a writer. Have a nice day.
This is a very promising story that I can't wait to see unfold.
The characters have their own personalities which add more color to the story than other similar stories.
Overall the story is just fun to read.
Even the zombies have some actual personality. Its a shambling corpse so it's not going to have much of any true personality. But I'm glad they do have little small reactions to the characters actions.
I hope this story keeps just getting better and better as it has been. It's actually fun to read which makes me love the story all the more.
To be honest, I only checked out this story because I'm a fan of gender-bender stories especially when yuri is involved. But those things take a while to kick in here. (The protagonist mostly being bothered by his new body being small, rather than being female.)
So it was a good thing the compelling beginning hooked me in swiftly and kept me interested with the protagonist being forced to question his long-held beliefs. Later the romance kicks in and I've found it quite adorable and found the few sex scenes tastefully done. The not unusual problem for me is the protagonist's goal (and hence the plot) being somewhat vague and distant. There also seem to be one or two plot holes, but I wasn't really bothered somehow.
Anyway, great read. I love it so much I am probably going to chip in on Patreon!
This novel is more or less a slice of life with occasional burst of combat and intensity,a thing I occasionally have a problem with is the author sometimes waits a little bit to talk about something which happened in previous chapters ie a skill in chp 7 is explained in 9 (just a random fake example ) the grammar is great story is good but the main story I feel like is more or less the main character learning and growing over the course of the story