Invincible Canadian Hermaphrodite Goddess Cultivator.

by l nimbus

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

[THIS STORY IS A SATIRE/PARODY OF THE ISEKAI GENRE, PLEASE CONSIDER THAT BEFORE DIVING IN.]

Is also generally trashy and doesn't care so thats that. 

Let's say you're having a cunt of a day. Just a mild one, to be fair. You have work, a coworker who's an insufferable twat, cranky boss and long hours. You put in your time, you go home, knowing that you'll be sleeping late again because of some videogame you really like. You imagine everything has this grey layer of bleh to it, and dream about your life being just a tad more exciting. 

Shit happens. 

You wake up in another world. 

Butt naked. 

With thousands of people gawping at you. 

The person in this godforsaken mess is Steffany Hunt. 

She goes from a teensy rural farm to the capital of mankind in a heartbeat, crossing worlds and various states of disbelief to get there. Only the empire of man ain't as golden as all the guady paint on the walls would have her think. Slavery is commonplace, murder is they way disagreements are settled, might makes right, and worst of all, nobody fekking apologizes for fekking up a damn ritual and summoning her. 

To the short-tempered Canadian, this is a mortal insult. Now, fast forward two through two years of bottling up that anger and drudging through a city where life blatently sucks. 

She holds out, she really does. Smiles and shows that fabled Canadian politeness. Until, one day, she boils over. With the Grand Demon's Duel -a premier tournament for arrogant young masters to preen and show off their absolute lack of martial skills- on the horizon, Steffany is about to channel all that hatred and anger. Directly into someone's crotch. 

Faces will be stomped. Crotches smoten. Ancestors insulted. And All. Hell. Raised. 

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l nimbus

l nimbus

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
1. And so the rage begins. ago
2. Feasting with minor, mostly useless royalty. ago
3. Acceptable use of lethal insults: Royalty edition. ago
4. Ruminations. ago
5. A glimpse of greater forces. ago
6. Cull the weak. ago
7. First blood. ago
8. Little fish in a big pond. ago
9. Little fish, even bigger pond. ago
10. Misbegotten spoils. ago
10.5 Interlewd. ago
11. The day after. ago
12. Still not dead, still horny. An Emperor's tale. ago
13. Its not cheating if you have enough gold. ago
14. Prodigious numbers alone will not dissuade the sharpened blade. ago
15. Fallen and risen. ago
15.5. Interlewd: Briqa x Jian. ago
16. A matter of perspective. ago
17. Respite before the fury. ago
18. Not all that glitters. ago
19. An unstable duality. ago
20. Culmination. ago
21. Culmination II ago
22. Culmination III. ago
23. Consequences I. ago
24. Consequences II. ago
25. Consequences III. ago
26. Expectations of reality. ago
27. Expectations of reality II. ago
28. Expectations of reality III. ago
29. Expectations and failures. ago
30. Trinkets and baubles, paid for in blood. ago
31. A fortune, waiting to be spent. ago
32. Honesty. ago
33. Homecoming. ago
34. Oh, how the ants toil below. ago
34.5. Interlewd: Briqa x Jian 2. ago
35. Insight. ago
Some talk about RR and changes to Patreon. ago
36. The weight of words. ago
37. Stranger come knocking. ago
38. Dawn of sorrows. ago
39. A fortune, being spent. ago
40. A fortune being spent II. ago
41. A fortune, being spent III. ago
42. Prelude to darkness. ago
43. The price of arrogance. ago
44. No mercy. ago
45. Unto the gate. ago
46. Fading strings. ago
47. To soar above the strings. ago

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Dennarii
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I'm giving up on this story at chapter 10.5, so take my complaints, criticisms, and compliments (as few as they are) with an appropriate grain of salt. I haven't finished this story, nor do I intend to.
First and foremost, my largest complaint with this story is its lack of honestly itself. 
This is not a work of satire. It does not over exaggerate the tropes it originates from for humor or even plays them for laughs. 
It is, instead, a love letter to those tropes—a well written one. Supposing you are the type of reader who enjoys tropes of Power fantasy, Smut fantasy, and cruel worlds where anything goes. Then stop reading my review and give the story a try so I don't sour a reading experience you might otherwise enjoy. 
It's grammatically well written, flawed, yes, but few things take me out of the world. Its pacing is good, maybe a little too fast, but I'd be reaching to say that shamelessly. 
 
That's where my compliments end, and now we get into the former two categories. 
The lead is a crass lass with a cock. Also, she's Canadian. Which you likely gathered from this story's title. 
Above all the disgusting nobility, she flies, looking down on them from a tower of modern morality, which is all well and good if she didn't throw it away to get her dick wet.
As of chapter ten, she defeats some harem lead, trying to turn her into a sex slave (because, of course, he is), and wins one of his slaves. There's this whole scene where she describes her morals and how she feels about slavery. (of course, the magical slave collar can't ever come off, how would our lead be forced into having slaves otherwise?) but there's a focus on the armband that controls the collar (or represents ownership? it wasn't made clear), and for a moment, I was excited. Thinking that our plucky asshole lead would make the world behave how she wanted to by simply giving the bracelet to Tara (the slave). Instead, she talks about how she'll provide Tara a good life, slaps the bracelet on, and begins to 'facefuck' Tara after learning that the woman has been drugged by the guards with aphrodisiacs (for some reason?). Now, I'm sure Tara will turn out to be some nymphomaniac who doesn't mind getting dicked down by our lead's 12-inch horsecock. Still, given our MC comes from an assumedly modern setting from western Canada, it paints her as both a hypocrite and downright tyrannical.

Speaking of horsecocks, let's talk about Steffanys package. Its presence is far too large (heh) in the story to not talk about it. 
Supposedly she showed up with it when she was transported to this world... and that's it. She just has it now. Which, okay, fine. You have to give the given to make the story work, write? But it's more than she just has it. She behaves as if she always has had it. She's even downright confident with it. 
That could even work if she were at least a little self-aware about it. Was she straight before she came to this world? Bi? is this new addition to her body causing personality changes as it brings a triple dosage of testosterone? Does she want it gone? Does she like it? If she likes it, was she trans before? 
I feel like there's a fascinating story hidden here with this character potentially discovering new attractions and foreshadowed sexual frustration, which could explain some contradictory actions later on in this story.
Maybe this appendage has opened doors in a medieval society since some groups may consider her male? 
Maybe she's aware of her heightened aggression because of the chemical effects this new member has on her brain but feels like she needs it to survive in this much more primitive, brutal, and elitist society. 
Maybe she's even happy with the change, the aggression coupled with the power of her cultivation having put her from a life where she was a nobody who got bossed around by people holding her pay stubs to someone that people don't dare fuck with? 

Now sure, maybe all this is too serious for this story. But it takes itself very seriously, and I wish I had seen something from it beyond shallow power fantasy. 

BurnNote
Overall

I keep coming back to this, wanting to like it. I fail every time.

I do like what I think it's trying to be. Or maybe I just like what I think it could be.

I can't like what it actually is. It's standard "people in the world are idiots, and the MC knows better than them". The side having a long ass time to figure things out somehow ends up having no clue, sure.

The MC makes the typical motions in the direction of being a good person surrounded by assholes, and that justifies that they also act like a bastard. If you actually pay attention, it's not very believable. More specifically:

Slavery is also bad, both she and the Emperor agree. I agree.

It's totally ok to fuck your newly won slave who's high on aphrodisiac (or allowing such slave duels). Or the woman who got sentenced to slavery by her crazy mother. Or use your Lust powers to mindfuck people into agreeing with you.

I disagree.

Sure, the author could probably come up with a reason why things are that way. He could've also written things so they're not that way.

There's a review that says it's very funny. I haven't laughed. Or smirked. Maybe you'll find it funny anyway.

I didn't give it a 0.5, because the fights scenes are ok, and the language is also inoffensive quality wise. Except the "rap battle", that was just kind of sad. 

LockeNKant
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Smut, satire, and flawed perceptions.

Reviewed at: 23. Consequences I.

First, thanks for sharing your story with us. Double thanks for reuploading with an edited pass over the material.

Actual review time:

Style: 4.5

The author has a flow that's simple and straightforward. I personally like more descriptions and details. I'm a sucker for that and I blame the Wheel of Time series for that love. But we don't need that here. This tells a story of cultivation, fighting, and sex without mincing words while playing on the tropes of isekais. For that purpose, the style and descriptions are fine.

Story: 4

We have proper world building going on that comes with a few plot holes on feasibility. But again this is a cultivation style story that's embracing the tropes.

This allows me to just roll with what's being told: a story of sex, fighting, and culture clash. We have our protagonist along with a sub story line about a demon lord and chosen one. Now who that chosen one and demon lord may turn out to be? We don't know yet as the story is still being told.

Grammar: 3

I see that this is a reupload. I am still seeing mistakes that should have been caught by a proof reader. It's not the worst that I've ever seen, but it throws me out of the flow. If this was a first posting then I would go with a 4. Posting again leaves me expecting more though.

Character score: 4

There are some good characters and then there are some cardboard cutouts. We get some fleshing out of the main cast by getting their perspective. Other times we have the cutouts which so far feel that way due to the trope being made fun of and the bumbling mess we see in the smut sections.

There is some dissonance in the actions of some characters and what that say they believe. I'm hoping there is better development or revelations behind this dissonance as I was on the verge of putting this down to a three.

I'm not sure how intentional this was but having your protagonist complain about the harem trope and then seeing them fall into the same trope causes a pause. Especially when the MC thinks they're different because they care in a different way. You get a bit of the pot calling the kettle black type of scenario. It still looks possessive and treats the harem member as an object rather than a person. Hoping that the upcoming chapters address this.

Thanks for your story.

Redgum
Overall

She's rude, she's crude, she's got a 12 inch shlong and she's not afraid to b*tchslap you into next Tuesday with it. 

Oddly, I was amused enough that I wanna keep reading except at this point the chapters only go to 12. 

12 properly proofread and grammatically correct chapters, so  kudos to nimbus and keep up the good work hey

Half a point lost for the title, but to be fair, its a very accurate title, and the other half coz the story doesn't flow super well. Meh, I'm a stingy bugger, deal. Made me giggle tho.

ToasterForkerAnonymous
Overall

Back when only the unpolished version was uploaded I binge read this thing all the way through. the plot was clear and the action was hardcore. My only gripes was that the interlewds were on a separate google docs file. Now, however,  I have been given confirmation that they will be included in the normal chapters. this might nnot mean much to most, but having to back out of reading, just to read more, is very jarring. 

Sagaaa
Overall

Okay, let's be honest, I like this story and it's quite nice, but it's no hidden gem.

It's exactly what it says in the description, with a litle more fun.  It doesn't have a great awesome evil to slay at the end, it fels more like a normal world than a typical isekai world so that's that. Also, dunno if the girl's really like a canadian (I haven't met more than one or two canadians) but she is amusing. 

Summarized: reead it to kill time, good enough for that.

flemingc
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Good Story, Not For Everyone

Reviewed at: 24. Consequences II.

This is a fun story to read, but it's not for everyone. It does pull you in, I want to read each successive chapter despite having already read the original. By the standards of most stories on this site it's well written: the grammar is good; there is actually something you could call a plot; and the characters have (rather simple) personalities. However, it definitely has some problems, I probably wouldn't buy this as a book as is - maybe after an editor has been over it.

As I said before, this is a fun story to read, it's sometimes outright funny. It pokes holes in a lot of the classic iskari BS and doesn't pull its punches. It takes a lot of its ques from Steff's irreverence for the world she found herself in. The sex scenes are good, but bring out my only real criticism of the style: it feels disjointed at times; the interlewds in particular (but this happens elsewhere) result in awkward changes in tone. 

Most cultivation/iskari type stories suffer from worlds and settings that are rather dimensionless and uninspired. This story is no different, the world is meh at best. However, here it's intentional, it generally works well serving to poke holes in the genera. Ultimately though, the story and world serve primarily as a vehicle to get to the cursing, sex, cursing, fighting, and more cursing all helped along with a side of beating the snot out of self-righteous morons. Don't expect any twists and turns or anything too fancy what you see is what you get here. That being said I would have liked to see a prologue where the MC arrives in the world, I think it would provide a better introduction to the world and story, likewise some of the early pacing is a bit off but nothing too bad.

The MC, Steff, is fun to read and really makes the story; she curses, swears, fights, doesn't take fools lightly, knows what she wants and how to get it. Best of all, unlike in most cultivation stories she can think and breathe at the same time. However, Steff's behaviour could do with more consistency, especially for someone with such strong principles (see spoiler). As others have mentioned I want to see Steff become perhaps a bit more self-aware with some more organic interactions.

One of my major gripes with this story: Chapter 10.5 just feels wrong. Whilst it's a well written chapter, it just feels like Steff is taking advantage of Tara's position. Tara has literally just been made a slave and forced to take an aphrodisiac and the Steff - not Tara - initiates sex knowing this. This is despite spending all of Chapter 10 talking about how Tara was treated as an object by the "Hero". Even for a story so focused on sex as this one it's off, especially when one considers Steff's moral code. Even though this is shamelessly smut in places, 10.5 should really have been cut with the sex scene moved to a more organic point in their relationship.

The supporting cast could do with more development but ultimately that’s partly a factor of time so we'll see what happens. That being said, many characters are almost cartoonish, feeling more like caricatures than characters with agency. The real issue is that beyond Steff has had limited meaningful interactions with most beyond Tara (and even there it could have done with an extra scene or two). 

The grammar is good, by the standards of this site it earns 5 stars almost by default. It probably does needs another pass by proof readers but there is nothing outrageous and it doesn't distract (your milage may vary).  

By and large this is a good story with a number of issues, there points where I can't help but roll my eyes and even a cursory glance at the title should tell you that not everyone is going to like it. It's easy to see why it gets so many 0.5 stars (the nature of the site is probably not helping matters). However, I seriously recommend reading to at least chapter 7, the starting chapters are probably the weakest.

SJ Reaver
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

I like this novel so much that it's one of the few that I paid real money for a e-book copy. (Okay, it's only $2 on Patreon and it has the lewd chapters the RR version is missing, but still, getting me to part with money is difficult)

Why?

The hero is unapologetically and vulgarly moral.

It's not just rap battles where she tells arrogant nobles to suck her off, it's actually taking a sledgehammer to the 'the strong oppress the weak' system that Cultivation novels adore.

The MC is already strong. She's already smart. She already knows what she wants out of life. When she comes to the bullshit, slave-holding empire, she works to take out what's rotten. The concept of being 'chosen' by destiny or one person being more special than another disgusts her, and there's little compromising on a character or narrative level. 

I like that it's a raunchy title, and I like that even with the sex pulled out, it's still a cracking read.

The fights are fun. The dialogue crackles. The characters are colorful and the hero is larger than life. The sex scenes are pretty hot.

Oh, and it's completed (this is the rewrite) and well-edited.

Good stuff.

 

Ararara
Overall

It's abrasive, it's loud, it's direct. A satiric-comedy-cultivation-isekai sucker-punch of a story, with occasional dickgirl smut scenes. There's action, there's a (really shoddy) rap battle, and there's A LOT of indignant shouting/ranting by the MC. She's mad at the ridiculousness of the setting she found herself in, and how shittily the characters in the world behave. This is aimed more at the reader, it feels, than the actual characters.  The "big isekai joke" is only moderately funny to me personally, it kinda gets old quick. Not quite enough to carry an entire fiction on its back.

The quality of writing is fine, the characters are (on purpose) simple, the "cultivation system" pretty generic. There's some genuinely hilarious scenes scattered through. Finally, the action sequences are amazingly creative, and are likely the fiction's biggest strength and best selling point. (Or, that throne belongs to the smut chapters. Idk). Definitely worth a peek, but be prepared for A LOT of cursing. It's like the MC has severe tourettes. She's been bottling it up for long enough, and now she's snapped.

Review end. More about the 0.5 star rating-bombing here:

Spoiler :

Hard to be surprised at the super-negative reviews, when the premise of the fiction was to satirize (insult, and make fun of) an entire genre. A genre which is quite prevelant on this site, and loved by many. The joking around isn't done lightly, in a cheerful manner, or in a good tone in the first few chapters. It comes off as straight-up flaming, or being lectured.

This taken into consideration, I find it ironic that the fiction, if you strip away all the underlying messages and harsh caps-lock rants ridden with cursewords, if you strip away all the abrasiveness, the dripping rage and scathing sarcasm, is itself a real isekai/cultivation story on its own. The MC does her best to make the best of her newfound isekai situation. She has an interesting power. She trains earnestly, gives her all in challenging battles against diverse enemies in this ongoing tournament arc. And through it all, she stays true to herself; using her power to try and do good and be moral. (regarding Tara-chan, as an example) Also, she goes around fucking hot women (good odds that she ends up with a harem of her own, at this pace).

These are all features of genuine isekai/cultivation novels. So, in the end, when you look at the actual meat of the fiction, the people that will enjoy it are mostly the people that also enjoy the stories the author is making fun of. It's a really unfortunate end result. Instead of laughing with the author, the reader feels attacked and laughed at instead. Many of the people who won't feel mocked (because they don't care about xianxia) also won't like the story itself, since it's undeniably xianxia. 

 

strangewaraxe
Overall

The title was a roundhouse kick to the face when I read it. Personally, I think this whole thing should have a prologue and an extra chapter before the 2 year time skip to clear up any misunderstandings, but otherwise well written.