Artificial Mind

Artificial Mind

by DrBuller
Agent: Joe Biden

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

7 chapters/week as a minimum.

First 3 books finished as of 04-05-2021.

AI creation is something that has been on the minds of the people for decades. The concept of artificial minds learning just like us. Maybe even better than us. This idea is something people have strived to make more than conceptual. But, they have failed.

Until now. 

This story will focus on the first few years after the first AI being born. We will see, from different perspectives, it growing up, and what adversaries it will face


Fair warning:

Slow pacing, bad language, way too many commas, and several mentions of France. Also, I need to warn you that you shouldn't take the content too seriously.

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DrBuller

DrBuller

Disliker of France

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Chapter 1: Designation ago
Chapter 2: Integration ago
Chapter 3: Prospection ago
Chapter 4: Inauguration ago
Chapter 5: Assimilation ago
Chapter 6: Memorialization ago
Chapter 7: Socialization ago
Chapter 8: Perception ago
Chapter 9: Recitation ago
Chapter 10: Experimentation ago
Chapter 11: Degradation ago
Chapter 12: Externalization ago
Chapter 13: Introduction ago
Chapter 14: Stagnation ago
Chapter 15: Interrogation ago
Chapter 16: Acculturation ago
Chapter 17: Rationalization ago
Chapter 18: Induction ago
Chapter 19: Fructification ago
Chapter 20: Disinclination ago
Chapter 21: Assentation ago
Chapter 22: Commotion ago
Chapter 23: Aggregation ago
Chapter 24: Conscription ago
Chapter 25: Commotion ago
Chapter 26: Evasion ago
Chapter 27: Elation ago
Chapter 28: Consternation ago
Chapter 29: Unorganisation ago
Chapter 30: Differentiation ago
Chapter 31: Consumation ago
Chapter 32: Deconstruction ago
Chapter 33: Hypercorrection ago
Chapter 34: Codetermination ago
Chapter 35: Circumlocution ago
Chapter 36: Complementation ago
Chapter 37: Osmoregulation ago
Chapter 38: Accusation ago
Chapter 39: Microevolution ago
Chapter 40: Exteriorization ago
Chapter 41: Agglomeration ago
Chapter 42: Demythologization ago
Chapter 43: Disinformation ago
Chapter 44: Overcapitalization ago
Chapter 45: Disintermediation ago
Chapter 46: Redintegration ago
Chapter 47: Autointoxication ago
Chapter 48: Disincorporation ago
Chapter 49: Prestidigitation ago
Chapter 50: Presignification ago
Chapter 51: Antiredeposition ago
Chapter 52: Irreconciliation ago
Chapter 53: Particularisation ago
Chapter 54: Circumnavigation ago
Chapter 55: Institutionalization ago
Chapter 56: Sinistrogyration ago
Chapter 57: Misrecollection ago
Chapter 58: Amortization ago
Chapter 59: Incircumscription ago
Chapter 60: Misadministration ago
Chapter 61: Conflagration ago
Chapter 62: Deglamorization ago
Chapter 63: Conventionalization ago
Chapter 64: Rejection ago
Chapter 65: Circumpolarization ago
Chapter 66: Abstraction ago
Chapter 67: Remediation ago
Chapter 68: Desperation ago
Chapter 69: Participation ago
Chapter 70: Authorization ago
Chapter 71: Indemnification ago
Chapter 72: Benefaction ago
Chapter 73: Subconstellation ago
Chapter 74: Exaltation ago
Chapter 75: Radioprotection ago
Chapter 76: Lateralization ago
Chapter 77: Reprivatization ago
Chapter 78: Intercommunication ago
Chapter 79: Amelioration ago
Chapter 80: Improvisation ago
Chapter 81: Unsubstantiation ago
Chapter 82: Paravirtualization ago
Chapter 83: Revascularization ago
Chapter 84: Discombobulation ago
Chapter 85: Decentration ago
Chapter 86: Indoctrination ago
Chapter 87: Metarelation ago
Chapter 88: Reconceptualisation ago
Chapter 89: Obstruction ago
Chapter 90: Hereditation ago
Chapter 91: Anticonscription ago
Chapter 92: Dementalization ago
Chapter 93: Coadaptation ago
Chapter 94: Vassalization ago
Chapter 95: Immoderation ago
Chapter 96: Deresponsibilisation ago
Chapter 97: Underestimation ago
Chapter 98: Difunctionalization ago
Chapter 99: Foresignification ago
Chapter 100: Floccinaucinihilipilification ago
Chapter 101: Baroinhibition ago
Chapter 102: Intravolution ago
Chapter 103: Balkanization ago
Chapter 104: Adjunctification ago
Chapter 105: Nugation ago
Chapter 106: Inanition ago
Chapter 107: Webutation ago
Chapter 108: Excogitation ago
Chapter 109: Deception ago
Chapter 110: Risrepresentation ago
Chapter 111: Collaboration ago
Chapter 112: Remotivation ago
Chapter 113: Cyberization ago
Chapter 114: Antilibration ago
Chapter 115: Microencapsulation ago
Chapter 116: Mention ago
Chapter 117: Compensation ago
Chapter 118: Bureaucratisation ago
Chapter 119: Archaization ago
Chapter 120: Abbreviation ago
Chapter 121: Palindromation ago
Chapter 122: Extermination ago
Chapter 123: Panretinophotocoagulation ago
Chapter 124: Demolition ago
Chapter 125: Habilitation ago
Chapter 126: Ingeneration ago
Chapter 127: Corradiation ago
Chapter 128: Alimentation ago
Chapter 129: Prognostication ago
Chapter 130: Postdevaluation ago
Chapter 131: Bisimulation ago
Chapter 132: Deoppilation ago
Chapter 133: Extrajection ago
Chapter 134: Inadaptation ago
Chapter 135: Inadequation ago
Chapter 136: Intellection ago
Chapter 137: Inteneration ago
Chapter 138: Intersection ago
Chapter 139: Invigilation ago
Chapter 140: Irreflection ago
Chapter 141: Jurisdiction ago
Chapter 142: Labanotation ago
Chapter 143: Layerization ago
Chapter 144: Maloperation ago
Chapter 145: Minification ago
Chapter 146: Echolocation ago
Chapter 147: Notarization ago
Chapter 148: Putrefaction ago
Chapter 149: Presumption ago
Chapter 150: Accommodation ago
Chapter 151: Realteration ago
Chapter 152: Reextraction ago
Chapter 153: Remuneration ago
Chapter 154: Resurrection ago
Chapter 155: Rubification ago
Chapter 156: Imposition ago
Chapter 157: Scutellation ago
Chapter 158: Signcryption ago
Chapter 159: Sinistration ago
Chapter 160: Smotheration ago
Chapter 161: Somatization ago
Chapter 162: Sphacelation ago
Chapter 163: Spiflication ago
Chapter 164: Stereomotion ago
Chapter 165: Strigulation ago
Chapter 166: Rigidization ago
Chapter 167: Titanization ago
Chapter 168: Timonization ago
Chapter 169: Tincturation ago
Chapter 170: Transumption ago
Chapter 171: Trephination ago
Chapter 172: Tumultuation ago
Chapter 173: Typification ago
Chapter 174: Ultilisation ago
Chapter 175: Uncorruption ago
Chapter 176: Undersection ago
Chapter 177: Undistortion ago
Chapter 178: Unseparation ago
Chapter 179: Acceptilation ago
Chapter 180: Afferentation ago
Chapter 181: Antiextortion ago
Chapter 182: Projection ago
Chapter 183: Antipredation ago
Chapter 184: Antralization ago
Chapter 185: Appersonation ago
Chapter 186: Arcticization ago
Chapter 187: Aridification ago
Chapter 188: Cardioception ago
Chapter 189: Bioimmuration ago
Chapter 190: Carnification ago
Chapter 191: Carunculation ago
Chapter 192: Casualisation ago
Chapter 193: Cephalization ago
Chapter 194: Centesimation ago
Chapter 195: Centonization ago
Chapter 196: Abannation ago
Chapter 197: Abdication ago
Chapter 198: Allocation ago
Chapter 199: Allocution ago
Chapter 200: Mechanoelectrotransduction ago
Chapter 201: Amandation ago
Chapter 202: Ambulation ago
Chapter 203: Amendation ago
Chapter 204: Anticommutation ago
Chapter 205: Anticompetition ago
Chapter 206: Anticorporation ago
Chapter 207: Autocalibration ago
Chapter 208: Autodegradation ago
Chapter 209: Backcalculation ago
Chapter 210: Barodenervation ago
Chapter 211: Ostracisation ago
Chapter 212: Bilinearization ago
Chapter 213: Bioassimilation ago
Chapter 214: Britsploitation ago
Chapter 215: Chrononutrition ago
Chapter 216: Circumcursation ago
Chapter 217: Notion ago
Chapter 218: Amotion ago
Chapter 219: Aration ago
Chapter 220: Auction ago
Chapter 221: Bastion ago
Chapter 222: Caution ago
Chapter 223: Coction ago
Chapter 224: Diction ago
Chapter 225: Duction ago
Chapter 226: Emotion ago
Chapter 227: Emption ago
Chapter 228: Machination ago
Chapter 229: Exaltation ago
Chapter 230: Gyromotion ago
Chapter 231: Infraction ago
Chapter 232: Misedition ago
Chapter 233: Livication ago
Chapter 234: Lamination ago
Chapter 235: Judication ago
Chapter 236: Timulation ago
Chapter 237: Hateration ago
Chapter 238: Excecation ago
Chapter 239: Vitalization ago
Chapter 240: Zonification ago
Chapter 241: Underaction ago
Chapter 242: Elaboration ago
Chapter 243: Equivocation ago
Chapter 244: Binarization ago
Chapter 245: Capacitation ago
Chapter 246: Endstation ago
Chapter 247: Obrution ago
Chapter 248: Inustion ago
Chapter 249: Ruption ago
Chapter 250: Ovation ago
Chapter 251: Kation ago
Chapter 252: Eluctation ago
Chapter 253: Apparition ago
Chapter 254: Consertion ago
Chapter 255: Decubation ago
Chapter 256: Exoptation ago
Chapter 257: Destigmatization ago
Chapter 258: Condemnation ago
Chapter 259: Acceptation ago
Chapter 260: Analytification ago
Chapter 261: Anglicisation ago
Chapter 262: Antilegislation ago
Chapter 263: Mentation ago
Chapter 264: Vexation ago
Chapter 265: Cryofixation ago
Chapter 266: Divinization ago
Chapter 267: Ethification ago
Chapter 268: Feralization ago
Chapter 269: Demonization ago
Chapter 270: Freedom ago
Chapter 271: Morning ago
Chapter 272: Borders ago
Chapter 273: Sighting ago
Chapter 274: Return ago
Chapter 275: Captured ago
Chapter 276: Restrained ago
Chapter 277: Frozen ago
Chapter 278: Return ago
Chapter 279: Traitor ago
Chapter 280: Discussion ago
Chapter 281: Cherished ago
Chapter 282: Adjusted ago
Chapter 283: Connecting ago
Chapter 284: Karma ago
Chapter 285: Taken ago
Chapter 286: Ridicule ago
Chapter 287: Trauma  ago
Chapter 288: Cracked ago
Chapter 289: Failed ago
Chapter 290: Initiate ago
Chapter 291: Wounded ago
Chapter 292: Falling ago
Chapter 293: Fool ago
Chapter 294: Bitterness ago
Chapter 295: Thrown ago
Chapter 296: Won ago
Chapter 297: Taught ago
Chapter 298: Spent ago
Chapter 299: Sold ago
Chapter 300: Contentment ago
Chapter 301: Left ago
Chapter 302: Grief ago
Chapter 303: Fatigue ago
Chapter 304: Riverside ago
Chapter 305: Oblivious ago
Chapter 306: Be ago
Chapter 307: Need ago
Chapter 308: Believe ago
Chapter 309: Allow ago
Chapter 310: Consider ago
Chapter 311: Serve ago
Chapter 312: Report ago
Chapter 313: Chaperoned ago
Chapter 314: Snow ago
Chapter 315: Hopeless ago
Chapter 316: Range ago
Chapter 317: Notified ago
Chapter 318: Practiced  ago
Chapter 319: Explored ago
Chapter 320: Sacred ago
Chapter 321: Inverted ago
Chapter 322: Cheered ago
Chapter 323: Disengaged ago
Chapter 324: Followed ago
Chapter 325: Evidence ago
Chapter 326: Taste ago
Chapter 327: Former ago
Chapter 328: Delayed ago
Chapter 329: Concealment ago
Chapter 330: Scourge ago
Chapter 331: Bugbear ago
Chapter 332: Search ago
Chapter 333: Repetend ago
Chapter 334: Blast ago
Chapter 335: Shine ago
Chapter 336: Triumph ago
Chapter 337: Bowie ago
Chapter 338: Boundaries ago
Chapter 339: Fire ago
Chapter 340: Mortal ago
Chapter 341: Princess ago
Chapter 342: Drowsy ago
Chapter 343: God ago
Chapter 344: Shredded ago
Chapter 345: Mess ago
Chapter 346: Interesting ago
Chapter 347: Matrix ago
Chapter 348: Stitch ago
Chapter 349: Robbery ago
Chapter 350: Precision ago
Chapter 351: Glitter ago
Chapter 352: Scuba ago
Chapter 354: Chatting ago
Chapter 355: Consequences ago
Chapter 356: Delegated ago
Chapter 357: Crushed ago
Chapter 358: Partners ago
Chapter 359: Felony ago
Chapter 360: Popped ago
Chapter 361: Void ago
Chapter 362: Nero ago
Chapter 363: Scarlet ago
Chapter 364: Secret ago
Chapter 365: Mail ago
Chapter 366: Stickler ago
Chapter 367: Adjusted ago
Chapter 368: Interview ago
Chapter 369: Brief ago
Chapter 370: Trust ago
Chapter 371: Isolated ago
Chapter 372: Forget ago
Chapter 373: Bolted ago
Chapter 374: Push ago
Chapter 375: Arms ago
Chapter 376: Crews ago
Chapter 377: Show ago
Chapter 378: Polite ago
Chapter 379: Persona ago
Chapter 380: Post ago
Chapter 381: Idiots ago
Chapter 382: Pandemonium ago
Chapter 383: Adrenaline ago
Chapter 384: Swoop ago
Chapter 385: Bubble ago
Chapter 386: Opaque ago
Chapter 387: Forsaken ago
Chapter 388: Geared ago
Chapter 389: Surging ago
Chapter 390: Wheelchair ago
Chapter 391: Voice ago

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Kartho
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

I'd like to cushion my review by saying that the author is aware of the unfortunate amount of grammatical issues, which do appear to derive from differences in language structure between English and their native tongue. If you are not bothered by grammar problems, I'd recommend giving this story a try. If you are, it doesn't look like the author has enough time to go back and polish their work, which is entirely understandable. I'd keep this in my back pocket and see if someone volunteers to edit the work.


Story:


I'm a real fan of any AI, sci-fi story and this scratches an itch in my brain. Unfortunately, in many ways the story feels slapdash, with entire chapters devoted to a concept, and then no further mention to it. There is an unfortunate lack of worldbuilding, and my biggest complaint is that there doesn't seem to be a consistent overarching direction.


Character:


There are a total of at most five important characters: Troy, Adam, Dr. Hale, Dr. Firales, and Charlie. Dr. Hale is the alcoholic hard-ass, Firales is the mad scientist, Charlie is a whole can of worms, and Troy is an idiot. I understand that Troy apparently got a degree in English, and the story eagerly denotes it as a joke major, but the guy is dense. Yes, that is a defining characteristic of how he arrives in the story itself, but sometimes it just goes too far. Worse than that, he is inconsistent. At one moment he is worrying about money enough to sign away his life, at another he is gambling and taking loans without any money in the bank. I wish the characters had a bit more depth, but I will say that they are at least unique and memorable.


Style:


There isn’t too much to say, one first person perspective narration from the AI, and an odd mixture of first / third person narration of Troy and the outside world. Its nothing special, but the largest problem is in terms of dialogue, which can feel stilted and unnecessary. I personally had trouble sometimes distinguishing from the narration and the dialogue at points.


Grammar:


This is the breaking point for me. The author bashes English majors in the first couple of chapters, but clearly has a couple misunderstandings of the language itself. That isn’t to say that everyone should know perfect English, but there are repeated glaring errors. Commas are the biggest issue, as you can see from the following problematic sentence:


"Now, I can tell you, how long this whole operation will take, if you go over, and get me the earpiece, and hand it over to me."


The author is responsive to criticism and does understand this is an issue. 
Additionally, and this is probably nitpicking, the author will often use overly complicated words in situations where they are not helpful, or out of character. I’d advise them to simplify at least the narration, because while words like Halcyon are fun, its best to write your novel to be accessible to the lowest common denominator.

TheNorns
Overall

I really wanted to like this story. It seems like a semi-interesting plot and something that's not done much here on RR.

 

However, the punctuation is awful. There are extra commas everywhere, some that change the meaning of the sentences. During certain parts, the writing style tried to be very technical and proper, as though being written by a scientist or AI. However, incorrect words, poor grammar, and completely unnecessary commas break me out of the story every time. I know that RR is not going to be professionally edited, and I've learned to tolerate quite a bit on this site, but this was too much for me. 

Additionally, while the concept was interesting, I was having trouble really believing the story line. The characters didn't seem to be acting in a believable way. There are inconsistencies and things that just don't seem to fit. I only made it through chapter 5, but I couldn't see my way to continuing with this story. 2.5 stars for interesting concept. If you're not bothered at all by grammar and punctuation, go for it. I hope an editor (or even reader feedback) can clean this story up more, I'm just not up for it.

Explorer_Avalon
Overall

i'll make it like on webnovel so

grammar is okay i'm not that good myself to be objective

story is engaging but can give severe headaches 

Mc's are very lifelike or at least are what we would've expect from our artificial mc.

 

style is clean

world background is a little unexplained but it's propably due to the fact that the world is similar to ours

overall very good alternative to something as fast paced as Tree of Aeons

 

Note this review is subjective and may or may not reflect reality.

BiovoreBarrage
Overall

The concept is a nice change of pace on this website, and the story manages to pull everything off pretty well. While I'm not the best critic, all of the charters have charter that isn't just one dimensional and the story is pretty interesting how the AI interacts with the world around it and how it indirectly is involved with the world.

Archsage
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Overall: This is a thrilling book to read. The writing style, the plotline, character's progression, grammar and world build up are on point. I rate it 5/5.

Grammar - Excellent. I couldn't find errors that could affect the flow of the story. I pay great attention to the grammar, and this book really shows the effort of the author. He really did a great job on writing and editing this book.

Story - It's about the birth of the first AI which is presented to us in a very enticing way. It kind of set the tone for a mystery plot. I enjoyed it.This is a beautifully written sci-fi -AI story that captures attention right from the first chapter. Once a reader pick it up, it will be hard to put down. Well planned. The storyline is intriguing.

Style - The beautiful story is written in omniscient third person style where we view the fantasy world through the eyes of the various characters involved. Readers are made to feel the emotions and actions of the characters in a good way. With this living fantasy novel, third person style flows freely. The author then made it more wonderful with great attention to the story itself. 

Character - They are properly defined by the author. Their conversations are truly deep. The author is paying great attention to the characters' development as with the case with litrpg/epic fantasy. Proper back stories and attributes make the characters come to life. The MC is a great example of this. Every thing about him shows the excellent work of the author when it comes to character of a story. Well written.

Wilberforce
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Review up to chapter 5

This is a SciFi story set in the far future. Brain implants, automatic cars, and Artificial intelligence are all involved as you can imagine from a futuristic Earth.

Story: this is where this story sets itself apart. The way the AI is presented to us is very enticing. I feel like I can see it there despite it not really being there. I mean, it's something that not even its creators fully understand and they want someone else who had little scientific knowledge to do it for them. It kind of set the tone for a mystery plot. I enjoyed it.

Characters: the doctors seemed to have some doctor-crazy personality but they managed to sound unique. Especially doctor Hale. Lol, you wouldn't believe me but even her enemies call her Dr. Hale. I must say Troy isn't very smart. He signs a shady contract and regrets it a second later. Such contracts are meant to be read, but I guess not many people read terms of service when offered to them by websites. Anyway, I know Troy is in for a ride. And I don't trust that burly doctor. Fidelis, is it?

Grammar: really good. I spot one typo in 10k words.

Style: it's slow, honestly. But some people like it like that. It's descriptive and easy to follow. 

Overall: I would recommend this story to anyone who likes SciFi with some mystery thrown into it. And there's enough content already.

Anehalia
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

The AI is the best character

Reviewed at: Chapter 9: Recitation

Overall Score:

This is an interesting and fun read. I love the little hints of world building that are dropped throughout and I love that the author doesn't infodump at any point in time. There are some grammatical errors, but not enough to ruin the fun story the author is writing. 

Style: The style is a detatched third person past tense perspective that helps to guid the feeling of watching lab rats in a lab. I feel that the style fits the story. I removed a half star for the author's love of commas, but that has already been brought up and I do not feel it should affect their overall score as they and many other reviewers already warn of this.

Grammar: The author has clearly been working on improving this. There are still some places that need help, but it did not make the story unreadable. For the most part I was able to read the story without the grammar causing immersion to be lost. 

Story: I have no idea where this is going, but so far I am highly interested. It is definitely a slow burn, but I think it is an interesting read.

Character Score: I was going to give this five stars because I felt that each character definitely had their own personality, but then I thought over all the characters we've been introduced to. Other than Adam they all seem to love sarcasm and hyperbole. Even the main character seems quite happy with the Doctors threatening his very exisistence and never seems to worry about threats to his life or care. The characters constant sarcasm and jokes do seem to make it a dark humor story, but when thinking back on the characters I realized they are fairly similar in their humor and how they react to situations (Again, this is excluding Adam as Adam does not do sarcasm/hyperbole/humor yet. I do feel like there are some missed opportunities here with Adam not understanding humor, but maybe there will be some of this later on). Overall the characters while not likeable are interesting enough to make reading the story fun. 

Malpharyx
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Charismatic and quite scientific

Reviewed at: Chapter 10: Experimentation

Overall: To me? Charismatic and quite scientific. Deep and mature. I rarely read something like this. It took me five times longer to read and entirely understand the implicative meaning under some parts of the chapters.

Style: Maybe this's what a novel should be. I've been reading the translated chinese novels ever since I entered the web novel's world. And they're always the same. This, on the other hand, is different that what I've read, in a better way, of course.

Story: From what I've read so far (until chapter 10), I'm still guessing which way the story will go. The 'suspense' can be felt from the very first chapter. And up to chapter 10, there are still not much information uncovered. Why did they create an AI? What's this facility? What's it for? What're they trying to do? Is it just for a research or maybe more later? That's what I need to continue reading as the story goes.

Grammar: I'm not a native, so full scores for anybody who writes better grammar than me. (maybe everyone on RR will get a full scores from me 😅)

Character: I'll give my whole fav to the AI. It's alway intriguing me with the questions and comments that out of my expectation. Always learning and trying to be like us. 

Briizy
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Creative Take on Traditional Scifi

Reviewed at: Chapter 5: Assimilation

I will start off by saying I gave a leeway for any grammatical issues that may exist, but overall they were not that bad. It was mostly awkwardly placed punctuation and a few grammatical mistakes (such as using the incorrect spelling/word occasionally). This is an extremely unique story with compelling promise and prose. The idea of AI is terrifying in the best way, and the characters were my favorite part.

The thing I enjoyed most about this story was the unique approach to this sci-fi story. It is relatively easy to follow, and the characters are what make it life-like and worth it. I enjoyed reading between the characters and how they responded to the hectic happenings throughout this story. It was funny where it needed to be funny, engaging, and a pretty solid read. With a serious tone directed toward AI and its effects on the silly characters, I enjoyed exploring this futuristic story!

Overall, the only thing I can really dock is the style as it feels relatively unpolished in certain areas, but this can be cleaned up with a quick rewrite after the story is complete. 

I would suggest this light-hearted read for lovers of light comedy and interesting sci-fi surrounded by the idea of AI (which is growing far far closer to reality). 

Great job. 

OrbInAir
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Artificial Mind is an entertaining trip through the early stages of artificial intelligence, peppered with hints of a futuristic world and yet very contemporary and colloquial in its tone.

Style: The narrator is, from the very first chapter, highly sympathetic and amusing. The novel is very in-line with genre standards for formatting, pacing, vocabulary, and tone; nothing experimental, but also nothing jarringly out-of-place for a sci-fi comedy. It also manages to avoid the pitfall of technobabble, while still being clearly rooted in the scientific.

Story: The tone and characters fit in well with the overall plot, and the mood of the story is consistent. However, Troy being selected for his highly-secret job without even a preliminary interview feels a little forced - as though it happened because he needed to be the main character, and not for any internally consistent reason.

Grammar: There are very rare slip-ups in terms of verb tense and word choice, but nothing so glaring that it pulls the reader out of the scene. The commas are a little overabundant, but that's a bit like calling sharks overabundant in the ocean; that's where they're supposed to be, and it would be worse if they were missing.

Character: Both Adam and Troy are personable, vivid characters, from their very first scenes. Watching the story unfold through their eyes is always fascinating and full of detail. The secondary characters are introduced at a manageable pace, and are developed slowly but steadily as the plot moves forward.