Hilda Finds a Home

Hilda Finds a Home

by Urikson

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content

Hilda is a small paladin with a small dream. A home of her own where no one will wake her up at sunrise to do the dishes. Her path to glory will include a lot of dead rats and copper pieces. At least that's that plan. Who knows though? Maybe at some point something cool will happen to her. Unlikely. Nothing cool ever happens to poor Hilda... but who knows?

Updates on Mondays.

This is an ongoing series that currently includes:

Book 1: Hilda Finds a home (Complete)

Interlude: How a Sad Giant Became Red (Complete)

Book 2: Dwarf to the Moon (ongoing)

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Table of Contents
62 Chapters
Chapter Name Release Date
1. Dwarf (Town) ago
Hilda, level 5 ago
2. Djinn (Rest) ago
3. Great Hall (Level 1) ago
4. Rat (Level 1) ago
5. Guard Room (Level 2) ago
6. Ghoul (Level 2) ago
7. Doorbearian (interlude) ago
8. Giant Spider (Level 2) ago
9. Kobolds (level 3), part 1: "It's just a few Kobolds" ago
9. Kobolds (level 3), part 2: "Damn wands!" ago
10. Guard Room (level 2) ago
11. Corridor (scouting): "the bad kind of eaten" ago
12. Ogre (level 3): "From all points of view" ago
13. Something in the Woods (long rest) ago
14. Golems (dunno, like level 20?) ago
15. Goddess (level: you’ve got to be kidding me) ago
Hilda, level 6 ago
16. Lizardmen (level 2): "Judge/ commissar/ whatever" ago
17. Knight & Cleric (level 6): "What a shitty way to start a morning!" ago
18. Ghoul (level 2): Painful decisions ago
19: Corridor (level 0): “Just like in the stories!” ago
Chapter 20: Dwarf (level 4) "And you can feel my boob.", part 1 ago
Chapter 20: Dwarf (level 4) "And you can feel my boob.", part 2 ago
Chapter 21: Gargoyles (Level 3) “Statues don’t scratch their butts.” ago
Chapter 22: Dark Elf (Level 4) “Do you like my hair?” ago
Chapter 23: Trolls (Level 3) “Fucking Wizards!” ago
Chapter 24: Pantry (Level 3) “I expected this kind of microaggression from privileged human males.” ago
Chapter 25: Familiar (Level 3) “I’m kind of a monster” ago
Chapter 26: Slime (Level 3): “Probably not a shark. Maybe a massive jellyfish?” ago
Chapter 27: Ghoul (Level 3): “I’ll bash your skull in as soon as I get my everything back!” ago
Chapter 28: Great Hall (Level 0): "You eat that kind of thing, right?” ago
Chapter 29.1: Forest (Rest): “Maybe he thinks his dungeon teaches us something, Goddess forfend!” ago
Chapter 29.2: Forest (Rest): " By the time a pissed off Dungeon Master would be done with her..." ago
Epilogue: Home (Level 0): “Hah! I’m an anti-Dungeon Mistress!” ago
Interlude: How a Sad Stone Giant Became Red, part 1 ago
Interlude: How a Sad Stone Giant Became Red, part 2 ago
Book 2, Prologue: From Gloin' to Ghoulin' ago
Chapter 1: Dwarf and Ghoul Grunting at the Door ago
Chapter 2: No Peace Without Justice ago
Chapter 3: Hammer to the Brain ago
Chapter 4: Single Digit Hit Points, part 1 ago
Chapter 4: Single Digit Hit Points, part 2 ago
Chapter 5: The Drow, The Dwarf, Her Ghoul & Their Buyer ago
Chapter 6: Talking Down to Dwarfs ago
Chapter 7: Baby Skull Based Economy ago
Chapter 8: Pants on Fire, Truly ago
Chapter 9: Finally, the Quest! ago
Chapter 10: Not As Stupid As She Sounds ago
Chapter 11: Five Scrolls Plus Secret Item Needed For Success ago
Chapter 12: Pangs of Familiarity ago
Chapter 13: Pangolin Wisdom ago
Chapter 14: Marshmallow Tusks ago
Chapter 15: Irrevocable Lawful Purchase Order ago
Chapter 16: Hilda Makes a Huge Tiny Mistake ago
Meanwhile: Philly and Mina Have a Picnic In a Chapel Full of Corpses ago
Chapter 17: Blessing Over a Dead Body in a Dark Forest Just Sucks ago
Chapter 18: With Her Pants Down ago
Chapter 19: Yes/ No ago
Chapter 20: Magical Investigation Goes On And Is a Pain In the Neck ago
Chapter 21: Before the Dwarf Explodes ago
Chapter 22: Bloody Locate Object! ago

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If you enjoy D&D or any type of role playing game, you'll definitely enjoy Hilda Finds a Home. This clever spoof of a D&D dungeon campaign is loaded with laughs. We meet Hilda, the not quite perfect dwarf paladin who wants nothing more than to have a home of her own (to decorate). To get this she undertakes a quest into the dirtiest and strangest dungeon in the kingdom. Let's just say it's not your conventional campaign.

Hilda is a character I enjoy, particularly the way she has of pushing the envelope of paladin rules and the way she interacts with the unusual characters she encounters. The humor of Hilda's misadventures is enhanced by clever narrator asides. 

Although not perfect, the grammar is quite good. For this kind of story I wouldn't expect significant character development, but Hilda is well fleshed out and I find myself rooting for her.

Overall, this is an entertaining story story that will give readers a laugh and bring back fond memories of past D&D campaigns.


I love Fantasy stories and Urikson is a great writer who makes you feel like you're in the story so this is a win/win. Loved reading this!  Primarily, I liked that I could put myself in the story, as if in a D&D game, and feel it.


If you read D&D or like tongue in cheek fantasy like Pratchett, read this.


Wes Falls

Hilda Finds a Home is a story about more than just a sparky female dwarf, named Hilda, finding a home.  She is a Paladin of the Moon.  She is Lawful Neutral.  And following her on this most-unconventional tale, is going to test your love of both anime and Dungeons & Dragons.

This is not a very heavy story.  Its all about the idea of what it is, and that is certainly not your typical fantasy tale.  It is just about as light of a fantasy story as you could ask for.  Like Japanese Light Novels (ライトノベル, raito noberu), it is low-priced (free), with an original premise that merges together genres (anime + D&D), and it is a vehicle driven purely by talent, without concern for marketability.  In Japan, stories like these are gobbled up by publishers of light novels, because they see it as throwing out talent and seeing what becomes popular--what gets licensed for it to be adapted into a manga and/or anime series.  

The story is paced like a typical manga or anime, an is presented in short episodes.  The characters demonstrate an irreverent pathos reminiscent of comedy hybrid anime, doing and saying things that condone to their bizarre reality. 

Much of the humor side of things comes from the narrator's method of description, and the character's amusing dialog.  The humor works, if you understand it.  If you do not, the parlance was actually derived from the rulebooks of Dungeons & Dragons.  It is used by the narrator of the story, and the characters within it, alike. 

Let's call this form of prose, "D'n'Dese."  It is basically as if reality were a tabletop role-playing game, and somehow its denizens were aware of their gameplay statistics.  And society, and the endeavors by its populace, are geared towards feats and objectives relative to the practically supernatural powers, that are bestowed on them by nature, as the result of overcoming challenges in life.

The writing is good.  It would fit right in if this were instead a video game. The characters could be how anyone who has ever been playing a role-playing game, and were wondering what the 32x32 pixel-sized characters, walking through a procedurally-generated dungeon, were thinking, when they stumbled across some kind of ridiculously impractical, dangerous obstacle, designed with malicious intent, by something both mad and omnipotent.

Hilda's big, wacky adventure, may only actually boil down to the sort of quest we've all been on countless times before.  Going through her travails, beside Hilda, as she struggles with the rigors of gaining experience (that actually results in the acquisition of divine powers), simulates what it is like to care more about powering up your character, than what is going around in yet another dungeon.  

Hilda, like myself--as a player, sees little distinction between lootable-objects, living or dead, be they treasure-chests, or orcs with shiny new equipment.  She is the ruthless sociopath we all like to play--with a heart of gold (ish colored material).

With its quirky, original dialog, and freshly talented writing, Hilda Finds a Home, has found a home in my heart.   

Barak Barkan

There aren't many fantasy stories with dwarf protagonists. The one that I can think of is Pratchett's "guards! Guards!" and there it's a human that thinks he's ba dwarf. I found this story most amusing and an original take on the dwarven trope and one that makes me quite identify with the heroin! I like the concept of Hilda being a dwarf that is so tired of the stuffy house all the brothers and wants a house to her own. I also enjoyed her conviction to pragmatism and Willing to interpretate her oath in the way that serves a good purpose even if the rules are cold and unrelenting. Hilda and the gang are really easy to get attached and to root for!


This is a nice little story to pass the time. I really like Hilda's simple ambitions and the fact that she's a dwarf. Usually characters like her are at most side characters so to see her take the limelight provides some unique entertainment.

I didn't notice any grammar mistakes and it's obvious the author took their time to polish each chapter. Overall for what it is, it's a nice story to read.


I found this by complete chance and was hooked from the very start. This feels like it parodies the likes of a tabletop D&D session and the fourth-walls are clever. The humor is entertaining if a little over on the adult side. Each chapter is just so vibrant and full of life.

I love Hilda, she has this no-bullshit attitude and her chemistry with the characters she finds along the way feels like I'm reading into the interactions between actual people... well, I wouldn't go that far, but they're believable. It really does feel like the author is writing from personal experiences and it's just so lovely.

I love the world-building of the story and it's interwoven into the prose with just the right amount that works.

The author uses some interesting vocabulary here and there and there that makes me have to look up some some of them but they are far and in-between. Grammar is fine and I didn't notice any particular spelling errors or the like.


It's nice ! A simple yet well done DnD novel, with all the weird randomness that implies (there's a friggin doobearian people, a doorbearian ) and the system that goes with it, clear and present, but non-intrusive.

But really the best part is Hilda, that grumpy, stubborn, willfull and kinda stupid sometimes dwarf of a MC. She's awesome, i love her and, like, all the characters are awesome but she's the awesomest.

Phoenix Kyten

So far I like it! It's a nice little Lit-RPG piece that does indeed break the 4th wall where you know your a character. It also takes that perspective and adds humor into it the character knows and can laugh at herself which is very refreshing in this time around the world. It's a nice guilty pleasure to sit back and read.


First couple of chapters and this had my curiosity peaked.
Hilda and the rest of the characters are so entertaining and the way their personalities clash is really amusing and the commentary got me laughing more than i should.

Lovely stylistic quips and gaming lingo really gives you the atmosphere of a world where the characters are aware of their stats, skill trees and levels and it makes real the gamification of the story. The technical inner monologues about rules and skill choices really drive it home.

The characters are also very unique and have a twist of Irony and delight in the way they are portrayed, this is far from cliché and yet feels familiar. I love the talk of ethics and Hilda's perspective on the subject is  amusing and really refreshing . 

Really enjoying this one and moving on to the next chapter :)