Children of Nemeah

by D.C.Veiling

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

Something evil lurks in Nemeah. Changelings possess ordinary citizens and turn them into horrific monsters with terrible capabilities. 

The only group able to deal with this threat is the mysterious Red Brigade. Empowered by the goddess Akali, they gain the strength needed to kill these unfortunate souls. Until a normal guardsman, Siegfried, cuts down one of the changelings.

Alone.




Children of Nemeah is a fantasy adventure that focuses on character growth, magical powers, dangerous enemies, and the dynamic between its heroes.

Note: the language and spelling is British English :-).

If anyone wants to contact me directly: https://discord.gg/rv2VRjzJ on discord - all kinds of suggestions are welcome.


Please mind the content warning!

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D.C.Veiling

D.C.Veiling

D.C.Veiling

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VickusofTears
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Hot Heavy and Intriguing Fantasy!

Reviewed at: Chapter 6

Style wise the story is straightforward and well written. It reflects the writers reading ability and practice. It flows well from one scene to another and reads like a well practiced form. It isnt really stuffy and it seems approachable even with pretty long chapters.

 

The story is good so far. There is no short on action and intrigue and so far its really set up for interesting characters. The premise is interesting to say the least and has great potential as long as the story continues on the path I hope it will, this can become a giant! Assuming the MC doesmt become too OP and he meets some other great mutants even if its just for sex will still be a great story. 

 

Grammar wise there are some strange sentence structures indicating it as a translated piece but sprinkled with typos and mispellings that a quick edit can fix. Nothing so jarring to break immersion though. 

The characters are the real great aspect of this story. Each one is believable and compelling. The interactions and uniqueness of each really make the story. Each one makes you feel something and that definitely takes skill. The writing really engages on that front and draws the reader in. 

 

 Definitely recommend reading this story and I look forward to seeing where it goes. My only real critique would be to check your pacing. You have long chapters so dont be afraid to paint your scene just dont get long winded or rush to a climax. Let it build up like the tub scene ;)

The sex scene was great too lol

Simian king
Overall

A BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF WRITING

Reviewed at: Chapter 4

This work is simply a masterpiece in the making. The story line is well thought out, and written in third person narration. The fantasy worldbuilding is on point, and the grammar is excellent. The most beautiful aspects are the characters which are well defined and a joy to read. Love every part of this novel.

The book is still in its early days, but after 20,000 words, I believe the readers can very well see its foundation and drection. I will leave a light review for now to be updated to a detailed one later.

Highly recommended by me.

Danny Diez
Overall

I've noticed a formula

Reviewed at: Chapter 5

Hello D.C. Veiling! I like this so far, the cover and the technical aspects of your writing (punctuation, grammar) are all very clean and professional. I was impressed right off the bat. I read the first four chapters and part of the fifth.

I noticed each chapter begins with imagery. Maybe try switching it up; I like beginning chapters with an interesting quote or line of dialogue, it's more magnetic for your readers. Draws them in—or at least it does for me. That's my best piece of advice. Otherwise, I like the characters (Sieg is my personal favorite) and respect the mix of originality with familiar mythological influences.

Aziel
Overall

A Very Promising Start

Reviewed at: Chapter 32

From what I've read this is a really solid beginning to a captivating story. I loved the world building and the creepiness of the monsters they have to fight. The premise is very fun and lends itself to some great, well written action sequences. I love the tense atmoshpere the author sets in this story, you feel always feel like something can happen at anytime, which kept me engaged. 

You definitely shouldn't pass this up if you just want to read something fun and action packed. 

Lodegan
Overall

After the first few chapters (that may be rewritten as stated by the author), this novel really hooked me. The fights were intense and all the characters have depth in them.

Some scenes can be atmospheric and scary, giving me a small hint of lovecraftian horror, which is a great plus in my book.

I highly recommend it. Give it a shot.

aralbair
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Guards surrounded by monsters, known and hidden

Reviewed at: Chapter 10 (explicit)

To fight a changeling is to sign one's own death warrant. That's why, if the guards in Nemeah catch wind of a changeling, their orders are to go straight to the Red Brigade, the mysterious servants of the Goddess Akali, and hope that the Red Brigade hunt down the changeling before it kills too many people.

Except -- a guard has managed to kill one. By himself.

How much do the guards really know about the changelings and the Red Brigade that hunts them?

The changelings are suitably creepy and cool. As each changeling encounter occurs, the layers of mystery around their origin and purpose are slowly being peeled back.

Beyond the changelings, the rest of the world building and power exploration are fantastic. The Goddess's enforcers are strong enough to be terrifying, but their powers have clear limits that can be exploited by very skilled or very lucky combatants. The fight scenes profit from the well-built magic system, and they are dynamic in using and manipulating the environment.

The grammar is good. For the most part the grammar issues are just typos (like occasional dropped punctuation) that don't impact the reading experience.  The only exception is the rare tense slippage into present tense. Might want to find a way to proofread for those. The style is a bit more hit or miss. Some chapters flow very well, while some use some awkward sentence structures or have jarring POV shifts midway through.

As you can see from the chapter list, there's an explicit scene in chapter 10, so that aspect of the story should be pretty clear. It's a fantasy story that has sex scenes (not the other way around). No harem. I would note that all the female characters that have been introduced so far are generally attractive and flirty, if that matters to you.

The characters introduced have been a lot of fun and have pretty unique voices. Stoic, righteous prodigy Siegfried. Grizzled veteran Josh. Nervous but driven newbie Rick. Gregarious and charismatic Jessie.

Definitely give it a read through Chapter 4. That's where things really begin to pick up, and the story has been fast-paced since then. I'd encourage the author to keep revising those first 3 chapters since this story is more action-packed than they currently reflect. I'd also recommend getting some suggestions on improving the synopsis -- maybe post in that synopsis review thread in the forums.

 

Brenner Miles
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

"Goddess protect our souls!"

Reviewed at: Chapter 7

Once you enter Children of Nemeah, you witness not a bleak, gray world, but a black and white one, where the two colors are so distinct yet also tend to blend into one another at the edges. There are wonderful moments of humanity. There is the overwhelming darkness of reality. The world reflects that duality, countless little details giving the massive city tons of life. 

The characters are what you’d expect from a fantasy novel, but also more interesting than a ragtag group of cliches. Rick’s a good example. The boy, who has elements of a typical teenager, has chosen a different than usual path, fueled by his past. At some points, unfortunately, the dialogue lacks a little, taking away from the characters.  

The plot is wonderful. It weaves through still, interpersonal moments and terrifying fights, constantly taking unexpected turns. 

The grammar department is where the novel has the most struggles. I’ve not seen any unforgivable mistakes, but there are quite a few missing dialogue tags, and a bit of weird wording, which can make events seem a little confusing. 

Overall, Children of Nemeah is a great read which takes its time in exchange for some great payoffs and countless teases of things to come.

Daniel Newwyn
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Children of Nemeah by D. C. Veiling is a fun and straightforward read. Heavy on dialogue and action, the story sends you straight into the heart of Nemeah, where soldiers are fighting for their lives against hideous creatures that were once humans. Expect changelings, monsters, and lots of spiders.

 

Another well-done aspect is the world-building. I'm captivated by all these hideous monsters and how they came to existence, as well as the humans that are exhibiting animal-like traits and appearances.

 

The writing style chosen by Veiling works well for this type of fiction. The dialogs in the story are sometimes on the long-winded side, but they're more often hits than misses. They really help to build up the characters, from the main ones to the supporting casts (and they did wonders for my favorite character Josh). There's a very clear direction for where to plot is going, and it keeps me hungry for more.

 

The author has a solid understanding and command of grammar, however there are run-on sentences that need to be more concise, and some punctuation errors relating to commas and full stops at the end of dialogs. However, I think that with a clean edit, the story will be ready for greatness.

ECA1990
Overall

Urban Fantasy - changelings!

Reviewed at: Chapter 5

Enter a world where one's city faces the imminent threat of its ordinary citizens turning into horrific creatures called changelings, each with different abilities and appearances. Following the protaganist Siegfried, a guard of the city, on his adventures as he combats these strange monsters.

The author's writing is vivid and descriptive, capturing the dangerous and treacherous world he has built. There is a great deal of dialogue, action and violent altercations which are well-portrayed and well-described. The atmosphere is one of tension and adventure and the reader gets the sense that danger is lurking at every corner and one has to be on his on her guard constantly. There is a good balance of drama, romance and the plot moves fast at a good pace. One to recommend but can be scary at times!

Dakie Salamander
Overall

Immersive high-fantasy that won't let you go

Reviewed at: Chapter 6

A really well-thought fantasy with great world-building. Characters are crafted with care, easily making you care for them. The first six chapters are long prologue that will pull you directly to the story and strongly grip you. Grammar and spelling is perfect, syntax and word choice great. The british english gives that spin, the edge, you just love with british.

Overall full points with high recommendation from me. Personally I will follow this story.