Rain Sabbath

by John Fong

Original ONGOING Adventure Drama Fantasy Psychological Female Lead Magic Male Lead Multiple Lead Characters School Life Supernatural Urban Fantasy
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

Weeks before graduating highschool, Marie Weiss encounters the transfer student Felix Conti; a strange boy claiming to be on a research mission in the oceanic town of Sapphire Isle. In the following days, strange phenomena occur in alarming intensity. Monsters stalk the night, shadows come to life, and an invisible storm looms on the horizon.

Out of everyone, Marie has the most reason to worry. No town is big enough for two witches, after all.

Updates every Saturday at 5PM EST.

Note: This is the first draft. Expect some fumbling and numbling and fiddly dunwhoozithowers here and there. Apologies in advance.

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
  • Total Views :
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  • Average Views :
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  • Followers :
  • 13
  • Favorites :
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  • Ratings :
  • 13
  • Pages :
  • 553
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John Fong

John Fong

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Mia Dendragon
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

The novel was told from the perspective of two person, Marie and the strange boy, Felix. It a tale full of mysteries with a sense of humor and keep you wondering and wanting more. I was really looking forward to the monster in the prologue, and still wondering what was that.

I was instantly hooked by the prologue, so I keep on reading the novel. Although somewhere in chapter 3, I give up. The chapters are too long and I have to go. Like the others had suggested, breaking the chapter into several chapter will benefit you greatly in terms of hooking up more readers and gaining more exposure each time you post new chapter.

As the story was told from two perspective, it can be a bit confusing. At least, for me. It wasn't easy to pull it off, but author did it anyway. Grammar wise, I didn't notice any mistakes (I didn't really bother about grammar anyway). Its a job well done for author.

As the story progressed, I was really looking forward to know more about the mysterious characters. They are quirky, strange and funny. Most importantly, full of mysteries.

I'm really looking forward to this story. This story earned a follow from me!

Nameless32
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Like the title says, this story isn't one of the hyper-fast action heavy romps that RR is accustomed to. Rather, it's paced a lot closer to an actual novel, taking its time and letting the mundane things sink in and digest. 

There's a slight sense of unease and tension that permeates every word of the prose, almost like you're reading the beginning of a horror. (Maybe this does qualify as the beginning of a horror? Haven't read far enough to know, but it isn't tagged that way. There certainly is a bit of psychological, though)

This works beautifully to keep you turning the page, as you're constantly anticipating whats happening next and when the "release" of tension will come. Absolutely brilliant here, author!

However, this story's style is a double edged sword. Because of the slower pacing, some readers may get frustrated or bored when there are so many unanswered questions and things they want to happen, but the plot is taking its time with every step. 

Combined with the long chapters, this can make the story feel like it's dragging, when in reality it's just fleshing out the world and characters more.

As many others have said, I feel like splitting the chapters into more manageable piece might help with this a lot.

Speaking of, this story's characters are fantastic. Very real, very distinct, and very fun to read about, they help mitigate the previous problem in a lot of ways. Some people said that the POV shifts confused them, but I honestly didn't find this the case at all.

Overall, if you're looking for an out-of-the-box story that takes its time to develop the plot and isn't scared of length, definitely give this a try! 

JK-sama
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

It's good, a little too good for Royalroad, BUT...

Reviewed at: Chapter 7: Second Sabbath II

I originally read up to chapter 3 and trailed off because the length of each chapter is way too damn chunky.

It's quite criminal—actually shocking—that this isn't more popular. And I think it's because potential readers lose momentum at the beginning chapters that just go on and on. On top of the (at first confusing) pov switches every so often.

I think future chapters could benefit from being chopped up into smaller chapters to be easily digestible, which the generous use of scene breaks can benefit from.

It's definitely still worth the read and if you don't actually mind chunky chapters this might be up your ally.

Other than the chunkiness and constant pov changes that can be resolved with shorter digestable chapters I think the rest of Rain Sabbath is exceptionally good and the interactions between characters is believable and human. 

Only-A-Mask
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Rain Sabbath is a treat of a serial so far. The prologue instantly grabbed and earnestly made me invested in what was to come. I did lose a bit of steam when getting into the first two chapters because of their length but also at how much different they were paced. Still, my curiosity pushed me through the rest of the chapters that were up and it was well worth it.

There are also a lot of scene changes as well as perspective changes, sometimes within the same chapter. I'm personally not too big of a fan of this. I sometimes had to read through certain paragraphs to realign whos perspective was whos. This is more of a taste thing and I'm sure others won't mind this given the quality of everything else. It still reads really well and the grammar is spot on. The characters and dialogue are great as well and I especially liked Felix.

Overall I would still really recommend this story!

 

Briizy
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

This story is well thought out, mysterious and intriguing. I am gripped by the author's words and kept on by the hint of events to come that build to the bigger picture. Only four chapters + a prologue, but I'm incredibly impressed. The grammar is impeccable as far as I'm aware, and the characters--MY GOD, the characters! So realistic and easy to fall in love with. I read these four chapters + prologue in one sitting, and these were long chapters. The only things I could markdown for were minor:

Style (4.5/5): 

This style ties into the story score because of the POV changes. I, myself, love a good POV shift but found so many in a chapter a bit jarring. I think it also had to do that part of the story is written in third person, while the other is in first. I have done this on a smaller project, but do think this story would benefit from having these POV shifts in separate chapters. I know a few of them will be short chapters, sure, but it will allow the reader to get in the right mindset. As of now, I am flip-flopping between characters and POV's mid-chapter. This didn't take away from my enjoyment, but more so took me out of the immersion. 

Story Score (4.5/5): 

Like I said, this directly ties into style. While the story is amazing, and each character is unique and grips me, I found the POV changes to take me out of my element. Small thing, which is why it's such a minor deduction, but one I had to make.

One last suggestion: I would propose making the chapters shorter? Like you suggested, maybe split them into more than one chapter? This isn't a must, and I found myself enjoying these chapters regardless (THEY ARE INCREDIBLY WELL WRITTEN AND CAPTIVATING), but they felt to be the length of a NOVEL, as opposed to a E-READER. 

Regardless of these small things, this story is captivating and fresh. I think this has the possibility to become an incredibly popular story. 

Quill Moniker
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

I'm not going to follow the standard review format for this story because it has transcended it. Rain Sabbath is quality with quantity and a tough pill to swallow?

Why is it tough?
The prologue promises a well-paced story but the opening chapter provides a mixed trackable delivery. It's like when you're waiting for Amazon to deliver a package. They'll tell you its 21 stops away and it feels like that should go quickly right? It doesn't.

Rain Sabbath suffers similarly, you want the first chapter's hook to grab you quickly but it annoyingly takes your time and just as you're about to move on it sinks in without you noticing and bam! You're stuck and need to keep on reading.

I deduct from style and story for similar reasons. Slow is good but too slow messes with the pacing. This might be why the story has a low follower count despite its top-notch quality.

The POV switches can come across as a bit jumpy at times but this also helps paint a more complete picture of what's going on with Marie. I tell you, ladies and gentleman, this isn't a story you want to miss out on.