The Indestructible Invulnergirl

by Jochem Vandersteen

This is the story of the young superheroine Invulnergirl. Totally indestructible, but without any other powers it's not easy to be a superhero. With a lot of spunk and full of positive energy she's giving it a try though.

Follow the adventures of this young heroine as she saves lives, fights evil and tries to combine her life as a superhero with that of a high school cheerleader. There will be comedy, adventure, thrills, romance, mystery and lots of action.

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Author
Jochem Vandersteen

Jochem Vandersteen

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
The Indestructible Invulnergirl - Prologue ago
The Indestructible Invulnergirl - Chapter One ago
The Indestructible Invulnergirl - Chapter Two ago
The Indestructible Invulnergirl - Chapter Three ago
The Indestructible Invulnergirl - Chapter Four ago
The Indestructible Invulnergirl - Chapter Five ago
The Indestructible Invulnergirl - Chapter Six ago
The Indestructible Invulnergirl - Chapter Seven ago
The Indestructible Invulnergirl - Chapter Eight ago
The Indestructible Invulnergirl - Chapter Nine ago
The Indestructible Invulnergirl - Chapter Ten ago
The Indestructible Invulnergirl - Chapter Eleven ago
The Indestructible Invulnergirl - Chapter Twelve ago
The Indestructible Invulnergirl - Chapter Thirteen ago
The Indestructible Invulnergirl - Chapter Fourteen ago
The Indestructible Invulnergirl - Chapter Fifteen ago
The Indestructible Invulnergirl - Chapter Sixteen ago
The Indestructible Invulnergirl - Chapter Seventeen ago
The Indestructible Invulnergirl - Chapter Eighteen ago
The Indestructible Invulnergirl - Chapter Nineteen ago
The Indestructible Invulnergirl - Chapter Twenty ago
The Indestructible Invulnergirl - Chapter Twenty-One ago
The Indestructible Invulnergirl - Chapter Twenty-Two ago
The Indestructible Invulnergirl - Chapter Twenty-Three ago

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Thor Aegir
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Ok, Author, don't be discouraged by what follow.

First, you've got a very cool super hero idea. Uterly indestructible but without any other super powers. This is a very interesting starting point because it has so many weak points to exploit :D

Now for the bad criticism : you need to work on the story details. Be more verbose about the environment, the caracters moves, the atmosphere (smoke in the air during a incendy, how does the heroin breathes ? how can she totally protect the young boy from the heat ? etc...)

For the moves, does the heroin feels heat ? why do we not feel the effort she exert to move the fallen roof beams ?  how does she throw herself from the window ? does she jump back first ? does she lower her head ? why not break the glass before hand ? what does she think ? what does she feels ? what does the young boy feels ? why is her friend not bawling his eyes out when his dad is killed before his eyes ? why does the dad dies whitout last words ? is it a head shot ? if it is why is it not messy ?

Please author, work on the details of your story, the psychology of the characters, the emotional responses, the pitfalls of the environment. Be more verbose !