The Runesmith

The Runesmith

by Kuropon

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

What happens when a man gets transported into a foreign world filled with magic?

Will his knowledge in hardware technology help him out after he discovers its correlation to the words of power?

How will he fit in with the other noble houses as the lowly 4th son?

How will his story play out in a world where skills and stats equal power and status?


First time trying to write a LitRPG, so problems might arise x3

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Word Count (19)
3rd Anniversary
Top List #500
Table of Contents
341 Chapters
Chapter Name Release Date
Glossary of terms ago
Skills,Titles and other [Spoilers] ago
Chapter 1 – So it begins… with a truck! ago
Chapter 2 – Stats, skill and even more stats. ago
Chapter 3 – Geography and family. ago
Chapter 4 – Making some progress. [Updated] ago
Chapter 5 – Ascension Ritual ago
Chapter 6 – Change of plans. ago
Chapter 7 – New place old woe. ago
Chapter 8 – Adventurer's Guild ago
Chapter 9 – Slaying more goblins. ago
Chapter 10 – Forming a Party. ago
Chapter 11 – Dungeon Exploring ago
Chapter 12 – Hanging out. ago
Chapter 13 – Forgotten problems. ago
Chapter 14 – Problem resolving. ago
Chapter 15 – Loot and Research ago
Chapter 16 – Class Change. ago
Chapter 17 – Future plans. ago
Chapter 18 – Farewell ago
Chapter 19 – New beginnings. ago
Chapter 20 – Looking for Work. ago
Chapter 21 – Finding a way. ago
Chapter 22 – Auction ago
Chapter 23 – Earning coins. ago
Chapter 24 : Little Goblin Slayer to the rescue. ago
Chapter 25 – Making a deal ago
Chapter 26 – Examining scrolls ago
Chapter 27 – Revisiting the guild. ago
Chapter 28 – Setting out on an expedition. ago
Chapter 29 – Entering the Mine ago
Chapter 30 – Fighting monsters in a mine. ago
Chapter 31 – Fighting monsters in a mine part 2. ago
Chapter 32 – Fighting monsters in a mine part 3. ago
Chapter 33 – Returning to Edelgard ago
Chapter 34 – Time to become a blacksmith? ago
Chapter 35 – Crafting a ladle. ago
Chapter 36 – Getting a workshop. ago
Chapter 37 – Testing new items. ago
Chapter 38 – Home invasion. ago
Chapter 39 – Into the sewers. ago
Chapter 40 – Thieves Guild ago
Chapter 41 – Getting a better deal. ago
Chapter 42 – Hidden trouble and a new yet old workshop. ago
Chapter 43 – More smithing. ago
Chapter 44 – ‘Borrowing’ runes. ago
Chapter 45 – Nosy assistant. ago
Chapter 46 – Trouble brewing. ago
Chapter 47 – Progress ago
Chapter 48 – Thinking back and new discoveries. ago
Chapter 49 – Calm before the storm. ago
Chapter 50 – Things are not what they seem. ago
Chapter 51 – Nothing is real. ago
Chapter 52 – Making a decision. ago
Chapter 53 – Packing up. ago
Chapter 54 – Getting the name. ago
Chapter 55 – Setting out again. ago
Chapter 56 – Joining the caravan. ago
Chapter 57 – Into the mountains. ago
Chapter 58 – New headache. ago
Chapter 59 – Slightly Bigger Goblin Slayer to the rescue. ago
Chapter 60 – Impromptu Party. ago
Chapter 61 – Impromptu Party 2 ago
Chapter 62 – Arriving at the village? ago
Chapter 63 – Village rumble. ago
Chapter 64 – Solo once more. ago
Chapter 65 – Time to sail away. ago
Chapter 66 – Out at sea. ago
Chapter 67 – Dragnis Island Port. ago
Chapter 68 – Albrook ago
Chapter 69 – Getting a house. ago
Chapter 70 – Spring cleaning. ago
Chapter 71 – Descending into the dungeon. ago
Chapter 72 – Dungeon first floor. ago
Chapter 73 – Slow new start. ago
Chapter 74 – Renovation and Auction. ago
Chapter 75 – Moving forward. ago
Chapter 76 – Crimson Adventurer ago
Chapter 77 – Choosing a new class. ago
Chapter 78 – Tier 2 trial part 1 ago
Chapter 79 – Tier 2 trial part 2 ago
Chapter 80 – Tier 2 trial part 3 ago
Chapter 81 – Tier 2 class ago
Chapter 82 – Runic Gauntlet ago
Chapter 83 – Silver Rank Test ago
Chapter 84 – Fight at the guild. ago
Chapter 85 – Going down to the 10th floor. ago
Chapter 86 – Golem ago
Chapter 87 – Great Reward? ago
Chapter 88 – Unwanted sleepover. ago
Chapter 89 – Dog and Assistant. ago
Chapter 90 – Puppy registration. ago
Chapter 91 – Registration and ranking up. ago
Chapter 92 – Giving a name. ago
Chapter 93 – Going further below. ago
Chapter 94 – Windmill ago
Chapter 95 – Weighting the options. ago
Chapter 96 – Tracking down the perpetrators. ago
Chapter 97 – Taking out the trash. ago
Chapter 98 – Round 2 ago
Chapter 99 – Getting emotional. ago
Chapter 100 – Filling out some paperwork. ago
Chapter 101 – Future plans. ago
Chapter 102 – Orphans ago
Chapter 103 – The hearing. ago
Chapter 104 – A new business venture? ago
Chapter 105 – Getting drunk. ago
Chapter 106 – First Evolution ago
Chapter 107 – Don’t like where this is going. ago
Chapter 108 – Another expedition and preparations. ago
Chapter 109 – Pre-Preparations ago
Chapter 110 – New Party. ago
Chapter 111 – Nobles arrive. ago
Chapter 112 – Making them wait. ago
Chapter 113 – Slow starts. ago
Chapter 114 – Knights in a dungeon. ago
Chapter 115 – Dungeon camping. ago
Chapter 116 – Runic Groupie ago
Chapter 117 – Gaining knowledge. ago
Chapter 118 – On a cliff. ago
Chapter 119 – Trapped. ago
Chapter 120 – More trouble on the horizon. ago
Chapter 121 – Rare and Shiny ago
Chapter 122 – Second home invasion. ago
Chapter 123 – Long corridors. ago
Chapter 124 – Going in reverse? ago
Chapter 125 – Tough fight. ago
Chapter 126 – Resting before the return. ago
Chapter 127 – Scorching tides. ago
Chapter 128 – Time to return. ago
Chapter 129 – Back home. ago
Chapter 130 – Getting his cut. ago
Chapter 131 – Going to the bank. ago
Chapter 132 – Out shopping. ago
Chapter 133 – Runic Shield. ago
Chapter 134 – Brotherly bonds. ago
Chapter 135 – Family. ago
Chapter 136 – Preparing for business. ago
Chapter 137 – Smelting. ago
Chapter 138 – Busy days of building up. ago
Chapter 139 – Making an appointment. ago
Chapter 140 – Golem core. ago
Chapter 141 – New Acquaintance. ago
Chapter 142 – Presentation. ago
Chapter 143 – Hiring. ago
Chapter 144 – Work. ago
Chapter 145 – Misunderstanding. ago
Chapter 146 – Report. ago
Chapter 147 – Golem. ago
Chapter 148 – Testing the new creation. ago
Chapter 149 – Think fast. ago
Chapter 150 – Pesky dwarves. ago
Chapter 151 – Fired. ago
Chapter 152 – Shady business. ago
Chapter 153 – To the Den of Thieves. ago
Chapter 154 – The black market. ago
Chapter 155 – Black market hospitality. ago
Chapter 156 – Underworld dealings. ago
Runesmith: Chapter 157 – Runic Emporium. ago
Chapter 158 – Foggy future. ago
Chapter 159 –Early customers. ago
Chapter 160 – Back in business. ago
Chapter 161 – Back at the estate. ago
Chapter 162 – Time moves on. ago
Chapter 163 – Skipping ahead. ago
Chapter 164 – Fresh relationship. ago
Chapter 165 – Time to explore again. ago
Chapter 166 – Back for the loot. ago
Chapter 167 – Time to mine. ago
Chapter 168 – Metals, metals everywhere. ago
Chapter 169 – Interesting discovery. ago
Chapter 170 – Minor annoyance. ago
Chapter 171 – Returning home to some news. ago
Chapter 172 – The noble. ago
Chapter 173 – At the City Square. ago
Chapter 174 – New man in town. ago
Chapter 175 – Is it getting hot in here? ago
Chapter 176 – Happy days. ago
Chapter 177 – Eviction notice. ago
Chapter 178 – More problems. ago
Chapter 179 – Sneaking around the city. ago
Chapter 180 – What’s in the box? ago
Chapter 181 – Getting dressed. ago
Chapter 182 – Meeting the city Lord. ago
Chapter 183 – Strange noble. ago
Chapter 184 – Secrets. ago
Chapter 185 – Blasting away. ago
Chapter 186 – Testing grind area. ago
Chapter 187 – Fast levels. ago
Chapter 188 – Oh god, my eye! ago
Chapter 189 – Visiting the Church. ago
Chapter 190 – Agni Evolves into… ago
Chapter 191 – Choose your class. ago
Chapter 192 – A new Trial a new test. ago
Chapter 193 – A new Trial a new test part 2. ago
Chapter 194 – A new Trial a new test part 3. ago
Chapter 195 – A new Trial a new test part 4. ago
Chapter 196 – No more stress. ago
Chapter 197 – New field of study. ago
Chapter 198 – Back to work. ago
Chapter 199 – Visiting the Auction House. ago
Chapter 200 – Buyers gathering. ago
Chapter 201 – Going once, going twice, sold! ago
Chapter 202 – Looking towards the future. ago
Chapter 203 – Call to adventure. ago
Chapter 204 – New party members. ago
Chapter 205 – Trouble already? ago
Chapter 206 – Old acquaintances. ago
Chapter 207 – Setting out again. ago
Chapter 208 – Traveling. ago
Chapter 209 – Failed ambush. ago
Chapter 210 – Hey, wait a minute… ago
Chapter 211 – Troublesome armor. ago
Chapter 212 – Dark ritual. ago
Chapter 213 – Trying to be sneaky. ago
Chapter 214 – Hacking some runes. ago
Chapter 215 – Not looking good. ago
Chapter 216 – Unexpected ally. ago
Chapter 217 – The aftermath. ago
Chapter 218 – Time to go back. ago
Chapter 219 – Not over yet? ago
Chapter 220 – Nobody Expects The Solarian Inquisition. ago
Chapter 221 – Mission debrief. ago
Chapter 222 – Golden Rank Achieved. ago
Chapter 223 – Touring the city. ago
Chapter 224 – Ahoy. ago
Chapter 225 – Looming threat. ago
Chapter 226 – Here we go again. ago
Chapter 227 – Toasty. ago
Chapter 228 – Down into the tunnels. ago
Chapter 229 – It’s too quiet… ago
Chapter 230 – Making a run for it. ago
Chapter 231 – Getting to the ship. ago
Chapter 232 – Making it out alive. ago
Chapter 233 – Back on land. ago
Chapter 234 – Coming home. ago
Chapter 235 – Going for a checkup. ago
Chapter 236 – Checkup. ago
Chapter 237 – Flexing? ago
Chapter 238 – The first patient. ago
Chapter 239 – Deadline. ago
Chapter 240 – Time to get to work. ago
Chapter 241 – Back in the workshop. ago
Chapter 242 – Fiddling with divine runes. ago
Chapter 243 – Time for the hammer. ago
Chapter 244 – Something for smashing. ago
Chapter 245 – Hastening the process. ago
Chapter 246 – Weapon testing. ago
Chapter 247 – Foxy. ago
Chapter 248 – Back in the dungeon. ago
Chapter 249 – Easy one on one. ago
Chapter 250 – Skeletal friends. ago
Chapter 251 – Quick progress. ago
Chapter 252 – Fast progression yet again. ago
Chapter 253 – Unsatisfying options. ago
Chapter 254 – Angry Skeleton. ago
Chapter 255 – Toxic work environment. ago
Chapter 256 – Freedom! ago
Chapter 257 – Youngsters. ago
Chapter 258 – Young Workers. ago
Chapter 259 – Family dinner. ago
Chapter 260 – Investigating the dungeon. ago
Chapter 261 – Helpless Adventurers ago
Chapter 262 – Leap of faith ago
Chapter 263 – The chase begins. ago
Chapter 264 – Time to evacuate. ago
Chapter 265 – Evacuating the miners. ago
Chapter 266 – Blasting away again. ago
Chapter 267 – Obsidian soldiers. ago
Chapter 268 – News spreads. ago
Chapter 269 – Troublesome thoughts. ago
Chapter 270 – Uneasiness. ago
Chapter 271 - Evacuating the compound. ago
Chapter 272 – Bunkering up. ago
Chapter 273 – The skeletons are loose. ago
Chapter 274 – Defending. ago
Chapter 275 – Weighing the choices. ago
Chapter 276 – Time to spill the beans? ago
Chapter 277 – New Contract. ago
Chapter 278 – Spicy deal. ago
Chapter 279 – Preparing for a skeleton. ago
Chapter 280 – Help not coming? ago
Chapter 281 – Spying on the enemy. ago
Chapter 282 – The Second Siege Starts. ago
Chapter 283 – Second Siege. ago
Chapter 284 – Breach. ago
Chapter 285 – Runes vs Spells. ago
Chapter 286 – Walking into a trap. ago
Chapter 287 – Tactical Withdrawal. ago
Chapter 288 – Bones breaking. ago
Chapter 289 – Update. ago
Chapter 290 – Angry Wolf. ago
Chapter 291 – Platinum Adventurers. ago
Chapter 292 – Aftermath. ago
Chapter 293 – Angry and Worried. ago
Chapter 294 – On with the scheme. ago
Chapter 295 – Working long hours again. ago
Chapter 296 – Drilling through. ago
Chapter 297 – Working in the dungeon. ago
Chapter 298 – Mapping the new dungeon. ago
Chapter 299 – Time running out. ago
Chapter 300 – News Spreading. ago
Chapter 301 – Dungeon Grind Ends. ago
Chapter 302 – An Unforeseen Choice. ago
Chapter 303 – Tier 3 Trial Starts. ago
Chapter 304 – Tier 3 Trial Part 1 ago
Chapter 305 – Tier 3 Trial Part 2 ago
Chapter 306 – Tier 3 Trial Part 3. ago
Chapter 307 – Tier 3 Trial Part 4? ago
Chapter 308 – Tier 3 Trial Intermission ago
Chapter 309 – Tier 3 Trial Part 5. ago
Chapter 310 – Tier 3 Trial Part 6. ago
Chapter 311 – Tier 3 Trial Part 7. ago
Chapter 312 – Tier 3 Trial Part 8. ago
Chapter 313– Tier 3 Trial Part 9. ago
Chapter 314– Tier 3 Trial Part 10. ago
Chapter 315– Tier 3 Trial Part 11. ago
Chapter 316– Tier 3 Trial Part 12. ago
Chapter 317– Tier 3 Trial Ends. ago
Chapter 318– Tier 3 Enhancements. ago
Chapter 319– Back Home. ago
Chapter 320 – Advanced Tinkering. ago
Chapter 321 – More Tests. ago
Chapter 322 – Trouble Arrives. ago
Chapter 323 – Hostile Takeover. ago
Chapter 324 – Not So Gallant. ago
Chapter 325 – Shedding Blood. ago
Chapter 326 – Indignation. ago
Chapter 327 – Knighting Oneself? ago
Chapter 328 – Throwing Weight Around. ago
Chapter 329 – Let The Duel Commence! ago
Chapter 330 – Tier 3 Duel. ago
Chapter 331 – Honorless Behaviour. ago
Chapter 332 – Talk Between Bastards. ago
Chapter 333 – Unhappy Nobleman. ago
Chapter 334 – Mithril Smelting. ago
Chapter 335 – Family Business. ago
Chapter 336 – Future Plans. ago
Chapter 337 – Small Payback. ago
Chapter 338 – Named Set. ago
Chapter 339 – Crash Landing. ago

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I've been reading this story for a while now and it has a lot of potential to be one of the best stories on royal road. The updates are consistent, the grammar is good, the story is (for the most part) interesting, and the characters (for the most part) feel real. However, the author must step back and listen to the audience's criticism. 

One thing the readers of this story consistently criticize and warn others about is this story's pacing. Almost every good thing about this story is completely overshadowed by its terrible pacing. The author loves to fill their world with detail to make their story feel alive, and they succeed at that, but the pacing of the story suffers because of it.

As someone who loves to read optional lore in video games, it's fun to read about the tiny little details that go into the making and creating of magical weapons and armor and the culture that goes into making battles and encounters tense for the character, but there is just too much. This, coming from a guy who read every single book written in the Skyrim game for fun, is saying something. 

While these details give the reader a greater understanding of the world around them but are completely unnecessary. All they serve to do is stretch a story that appears to be a little over 100 chapters well beyond that.

Most chapters and story arcs can be completely skipped and you will still understand what's going on. (I'll have it marked as spoilers just in case but there shouldn't be any) For example:

Chapters 303-317 and every chapter in the Dungeon Break Arc. I tried going through to find the exact number but it was taking to long so I gave up.


Those story arcs were so tedious and boring that I stopped reading for almost 3 months (for each arc) before returning to the story because they killed any motivation I had to read them. You could condense the first story arc I mentioned into 1 long chapter and the second one into two or three, it wouldn't be hard to do either. 

One thing that is very difficult for authors of all levels of skill to do is to know when to stop adding detail that's why proofreaders can give us their opinions on what to keep and what to get rid of. Kuropon either has bad proofreaders who won't tell them what to get rid of, or doesn't listen to their proofreaders about anything outside grammar.

Speaking of grammar, it's very good. Considering that the author's first language isn't English and yet they still write better than 90% of native English speakers is a skill deserving of respect even if you don't like Kuropons stories. It's clear a lot of time goes into making this story as easy to read as possible from a grammar standpoint. I just wish that same dedication went into other aspects.

One aspect I wish the author would focus on more is the characters. Most of the interesting characters were found at the start of the story. There was clear direction in writing the personality of those characters, that direction isn't present anymore. It feels like Kuropon is slapping personality traits together and throwing them at us to see what sticks. 

The characters that stick are kept around and the ones that aren't are normally relegated to the sidelines. There are no characters that I dislike in the story so far (non that were around for very long at least, good work Kuropon) and the villains are dislikable enough so that the audience dislikes them but doesn't find them unbearable (for the most part).

However, Kuropon, like many RR authors, suffers from the inability to kill off main or fan-favorite characters. I cannot even begin to describe how unbearably frustrating that is. (Spoiler alert coming up don't click if you don't wanna know).

The best example of this is the most recent story arc (still ongoing at the time of this review) where Angi is killed and then brought back to life. I wasn't sighing in relief knowing that funny animal companion #1 wasn't going to die. I instead thought "Seriously! You suck!" realizing the Kuropon pulled a cheap fake-out on us.

It wasn't a clever twist, good writing, or good storytelling. It was pandering to the, for a lack of better words, delicate snowflakes who can't stand knowing an animal companion died. This was the author's moment to really bring their fanbase together to hate a particular villain but Kuropon chickened out because permanently getting rid of a character seems to be too hard for them.

I recognize this is harsh criticism but it needs to be said. Kill a character, or don't kill a character. Don't just kill a character and bring them back to life just to appease a part of your audience. Angi should be dead and buried, but Kuropon didn't want to take that character off the table in case they decided to use Angi again at a later date.


With that little rant of mine out of the way I'm going to describe my final piece of criticism, the bloated chapters. We don't need to hear about how Roland walked down the street in one chapter, opened a door and walked into a building in the next chapter, and talked to a guy for 20 seconds in the one after. I wish this was an exaggeration but it isn't. 

Anyway, the TLDR of this review is:


Story ideas


Most characters



Any new characters introduced

Death/Near Death character fakeouts

The story is bloated


I will try to be short and to the point.

The story here is a good one. I like it. I do not recommend it.

It drags so much in places that it is unreadable. 

Extendedi if you want to know more.

The MC introduction and the situation leading to being reborn is weird and 198 chapters in and still no explanation for that weirdness.

The way the world works is interesting and how the MC tackles his problems in creative literally. The other characters are fun and varied. 

There are areas where you can skim or even skip chapters and miss nothing. The story grinds to a halt several times and for several chapters. This is bad enough in a normal paced story but this work is pretty slow paced normally.


Reading this is like being is slow flowing traffic that deadlocks periodically. It is so bad it seems the author is deliberately stretching scenes so they can have more chapters. Honesty I feel there is allot of wasted potential here.

The crafting bits have become W A Y to long where I am and I am ready to stop reading till this completes I suggest interested readers do the same. That way you can skip the fluff that this is packed with.

I think when this work is done the author should make an abridged version.


Been on and of on following this story since chapter 30, I can't say it is bad, it really isn't, but it is so damn disappointing to see a story being abandoned because of lack of interest from the author, the updates are so slow that you let the story go for months and come back to find it in the same ark and not even close to its end..... that's all I need to say here

Fantasy loving kfir

If you come seeking a deep explored rune system, exciting battles and or crafting, turn away now.

The protagonist has no hobbies, no people he cares about deeply, je works all day and forges no meaningful relationships and never expresses any strong emotions beyond the author saying "he was angry".

All this is bad enough but oh boyyy the world is barren, this is a crafting based novel which means the rune and magic systems are well developed right? NOPE. I read to chapter 100 sporadically, and can firmly say the runes never get explored, we know what each rune does but never research the why. As the crux of the novel i expected more emphasis on it but nothing is there, the world itself has nothing too, no political intrigue, no great mysteries, just bare bones magical creatures and dungeons.

The worst thing is the protagonist has no mitivation, he doesn't enjoy crafting and does it only as a job but has nothing he does outside of it.

He works to live and livea to work, never having fun or facing challenges. This is a bland novel that is a drag to get through.


Its pretty good over all. The story is decent, the concept is great. There are certain parts that get a bit repetitive and could be summarized a bit more succinctly but it doesnt drown the story. Feels like it could use a bit more direction, and less like we are sort pf wondering through this guys life. Its worth your time to check it out, and im pretty sure im going to read all of it at this point.


If this book isn't finished or you don't mind shelving a book for months at a time to build up chapters I wouldn't was time reading this. The Grammer and spelling is near perfect and the biggest pitfall of this book is its pacing and restating of the something in multiple ways in the same or consecutive chapters with no advancement in the story, and actions that prove contrary to what the MC wants or is trying to do. The characters are generally fleshed out and although makes stupid decisions  that hinder instead of helping seems like the author is forcing the story in an unnatural way. Allan all I wouldn't recommend at all if it's not done due to the stringing along that is done across multiple chapters in a row in what feels like a bid to sell patreon or something.  


This is a very poorly constructed narrative.

It seems that the author only wants to advance the story by having non-stop, never ending 0.000001% occurrences take place, instead of actually constructing a narrative where one event leads into the next in an internally consistent and "realistic" fashion.

At the end of the day I'd say that this novel is well written from a technical standpoint, but does not manage to counter balance a narrative so poorly constructed that it's downright insulting to read.


Furthermore the LitRPG/progression aspect of the novel leaves many things to be desired. For one, instaed of actually seeing any advancement, the major power ups often happen during time skips. The skill system is not that interesting to boot.


To add insult to insury all the women are portrayed in a very sexist fashion, as either deeply subservient or just straight up maids. (Besides one who instaed perverse)

Later the MC also decides to start a relationship ship with his employee which is pretty much always a disgusting thing to do.

It seems a lot like the author is a very young man or simply have never met any people on his life, since he insists on only writing weak caricatures

All in all I'd give this a rating of "save yourself the trouble and frustration" out of ten.


The idea as well as the concept of the story was what urged me to read this particular story. Besides some character and plot inconsistencies that doesn't make... sense, it was overall good. Not the best but certainly better than most reincarnation stories that I have read.

The only other issues that I noticed were grammar as well as the mind jarring info about the mechanics of the runes — it was good and all at the start, but the writing structure as well as the explanations makes it hard to really get into it


keep it about runsmithing not slice of life

Reviewed at: Chapter 247 – Foxy.

the runsmithing and the magic systems are amazing but please stop making it so slice of life and keep to what the title was RUNESMITHING. Up untill about the 95th chapeter it was great but then it started leaving the main theme of the story and went entierly into slice of life i dont mind a bit of slice of life but only every 20 chapters or so not a whole 20 chapters of just slice of life and prety much nothing else. so in conclusion keep it to the main theme of the story


It Started out Great but the further the story progresses the more the very same problem apears.

The Authors Tells us what happens, he doesnt show us.
There is also repeat use of the same detail.
When the MC chalanges himself in his craft its nice to read about.
But we really dont need to know ho he crafts every little thing in extrem detail.
We also dont need to know how some side characters toes look like.

More then half the words are needless fillers thanks to that.

Word of advice.
Either finish the story first and redo it or redo it first.
The story itself is fine but the way you wrote it is not.