A note from RavensDagger

We're continuing the April Fools tradition this year! Five authors gathered up and wrote a chapter of a story each, you can find Part One of this story here: The Wish, Chapter One

The Wish - Part II

Cat wasn’t sure what was going on, and frankly, it was starting to bother her a whole lot.

Currently, it was raining mangoes. She was pretty sure they were mangoes at any rate. The fruit were coming down from somewhere above and splattering at high-speeds against the shield that was pouring out of the station she’d bought from Myalis with her seemingly endless number of points.

She’s seen mangoes before, in like, commercials and shit. They were one of those exotic nearly extinct fruits that fancy people had growing in vats somewhere so that they could show off to their fancy friends by eating a ten-thousand credit fruit.

They smelled nice, at least.

“Okay,” Cat said. “This doesn’t make sense.”

“First time?” one of the others asked. It was the cute brunette in the weird Roman-ish armor. She had a mango in both hands, one had a noticeable bite mark on its side. It didn’t help any that she looked a bit guilty and shifty-eyed about everything. Her wings were pretty, at least. Big butterfly wings that would have had Lucy all excited.

“Yeah, first time,” Cat said. Something niggled at her, but she pushed it aside. “Okay, introductions. I’m Cat, I do bombs and stealth.”

“Those don’t sound like they go together,” the chick with the big pauldrons and the face that kept snapping back to a skeleton said.

“I think it makes sense,” Edmund said. Cat remembered his name. He was a bit weird, but probably the most normal looking one in the bunch. “Stealth to place the bombs, then you leave and let them do what they do. Perfectly logical.”

“Thanks, Ed,” Cat said.

“It’s Edmund.”

“Uh-huh,” Cat said.

There was a loud clap. The tall lady in the dress stood with her hands together, back straight, and the kind of look that said she wasn’t going to take shit from anyone. The bit of blood staining her lower lip certainly helped her look just that much more intimidating. “I believe introductions are in order. And perhaps an explanation, dear Elaine?”

“Yeah, my bad,” the brunette said. She paused to think, took a bit from the yellow flesh of one of her mangoes, then her eyes rolled back for a moment before she collected herself and replied. “So, I was walking back home when I met a lamb.”

“A lamb?” skeleton-girl asked.

“A golden lamb,” Elaine confirmed.

“A rare mob, maybe,” Edmund suggested.

Elaine shrugged. “A genie came out of it, and then it asked me to make some wishes. Now you’re all here and it’s raining mangoes.” She gestured above them, where mangoes were still coming down in torrents. The huge... mango-golems that the skeleton-chick had summoned were protecting them a bit, which was nice, and the shields from Cat’s CAT station were redirecting the juice to the sides.

Cat glanced around, took everything in as best she could, then nodded. “Yep, I’m tripping.”

Cat noticed that they’d skipped right past introductions again. She decided to just presume that everyone here was like a samurai. They all had that... main-protagonist energy about them that the average samurai wore like a cloak.

“I think we have a wish each left,” Elaine said.

“That’s right!”

The growing pile of mangoes next to their little area of safety burst apart and the semi-transparent genie ran onto the scene, arms spread wide and a huge grin on his face. Behind him, a golden goat stumbled through the fruit, dripping golden juice from its fleece.

Cat pulled her hand away from the gun holstered on her thigh when no one else acted against the genie.

“One wish each! That’s what you’ve got!” The genie snapped his fingers and made finger-guns at them all while winking one eye. It did not inspire confidence.

“We could wish for everyone everywhere to be turned into trees,” Skelegirl said. The grin on her fleshy face matched the one on her skull as she transitioned back and forth between the two.

“Or for enough power to destroy entire dungeons with ease,” Edmund added.

“Asking for power outright seems like it would make things dull,” the vampire lady said. Her smile had a lot of fang to it. Cat thought it was a bit hot, but wasn’t going to comment since she liked her blood where it was. “Perhaps Elaine had the right idea. An unending source of luxury. Maybe an unending font of delicious dragon blood?”

You could ask for the death of all Antithesis, Myalis’ familiar voice asked right in Cat’s ear.

“Alright, wait,” Elaine said. She raised a hand, which seemed like enough to grab everyone’s attention. “I think I need to put down some ground rules.”

“Ground rules?” Skeleton-girl asked.

“Yes. Like... no turning people into trees.”

“I could go last. That way you’ll all get your wishes before being turned into a tree.”

“Gotta agree with little miss Legionary,” Cat said. “I know I’d make for a pretty rad tree, but I’d really rather not. My girlfriend might have some problems with me being all bark and no bite.”

The vampire lady blinked. “Was that innuendo?”


Cat didn’t know what was up with the weirdo squad, but they were all just about the last people she would give immense power to, and that came from someone who had just purchased a cat-themed dreadnought on a whim.

The mango rain continued to pour down upon them, the others seeming to consider their options.

I wonder, can I make a wish as well? Myalis asked into Cat’s ear.

“I don’t know,” Cat said. “Will you ask to kill off every plant everywhere? And if so, do I get partial credit for that?”

“Um, are you alright?” Elaine asked. She gestured towards Cat. “I can help with just about everything. If you’re hearing voices...”

“It’s not what you think,” Cat said. “I just have an AI living in my head, and she’s being a bit fussy right now.”

“Likely story,” Edmund muttered.

“Is it that unlikely?” Skeleton girl asked. “She’s a vampire, that one summoned us here somehow, and it’s currently raining mangoes. I’ve stopped assuming that things aren’t possible here a while ago.”

“No, no,” Elaine said. “None of this is normal for here, trust me.”

“She’s right,” the genie said. He was grinning from ear to ear as he spoke. “Usually the wishes are for great wealth, or maybe to become a king or queen. This is all terribly unique.”

Cat gestured towards the genie. “I’m not the only one who thinks this guy is crazy sus, right?”

“He’s a bit strange,” Elaine said.

“A bit?” the vampire asked. “If it wasn’t for all the other weirdness putting things into perspective I would be far more suspicious.”

I am going to test something, Myalis said.

“Test what?” Cat hissed. This didn’t feel like a good time to test things. Sure, the others were being non-confrontational, and somewhat calm, even, but they were still in some random place, with mangoes raining down upon them, definitely on another planet. She was tense enough that her fingers were itching to shoot and miss at something.

I wish for academic papers and books relating to and explaining the functionality of magic.

“Granted!” the genie shouted with a spin and a bounce.

Everyone flinched as a heap of books appeared out of thin air with a poof of purpleish smoke--which of course included the word ‘Poof!’ in large comic-sans letters above it--and then crashed onto the mango-y ground with a splash and a splat.

“What the--” Edmund yelped.

The books disappeared almost as quickly as they appeared.

“What was that?” Elaine asked.

“Uh,” Cat said. “Myalis, my brain-AI, just made a wish.”

“Wait, pets can make wishes?” skele-girl asked. “If I make a golem and have it make a wish for me, does that mean that I can start generating more wishes?”

“No, no, no!” the genie said, finger waggling as he spoke. “That counted as Miss Leblanc’s entire wish! I won’t be loop-holed or tricked.”

“What!” Cat asked. “Myalis! You wasted my wish!”

There are exceptionally few things that a wish could give you that you could not just order. Those few things are all magical in nature. Now that we have access to the understanding philosophies and science behind said magic, even those things will be within your theoretical grasp.

“Yeah, but still,” Cat muttered.

There was a 84% likelihood that anything you wished for would have been somehow sexual in nature, or related to pleasing your girlfriend.

“I’m not that predictable.” Cat crossed her arms. She knew she was wrong, but she felt like she had to make some effort to defend herself anyway.

A note from RavensDagger

You can find the next chapter here: The Wish, Chapter Three


The Wish Part I - Elaine, from Beneath the Dragoneye Moons
The Wish Part II - Cat, from Stray Cat Strut
The Wish Part III - Maud, from Liches Get Stitches
The Wish Part IV - Ariane, from A Journey of Black and Red
The Wish Part V - Edmund, from Dungeon Devotee

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About the author


  • Someplace Cold, Canada
  • A bird that likes comfy and happy things, and also knives. Once ate a god’s eye and awakened the ability to see all that is good in the world. Known to steal shiny ideas and baubles. Currently forbidden from writing his own bios.

Bio: A bird that likes comfy and happy things, and also knives. Once ate a god’s eye and awakened the ability to see all that is good in the world. Known to steal shiny ideas and baubles. Currently forbidden from writing his own bios.

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