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She stared into space, thinking about all the ‘what ifs’ and what could have been. The constant feeling of dissatisfaction and despair constantly lingered in her head, crawled to her thoughts and emotions until everything just seemed pointless. Life seemed pointless. The world seemed pointless. Human greed and savagery disgusts her soul. Her very existence disgusts herself. What could there be to hate? Her life is as comfortable as it could be. Almost 30 years old, she has never had to get a job. She could eat what she wanted, all she had to do was ask for it. In comparison to the rest of the world, her life was like hitting the jackpot in a low stakes gamble. What could be so wrong?

“It’s pointless..” she kept mumbling to herself

“I want to die. Just let me die.” Yet she was too cowardly to kill herself. Waiting for death was a daily task. No person, even her partner, could be reason enough to keep on living.

“Fuck this this. Fuck this life..” she simply wanted to disappear

Fast and light footsteps thud on the wooden floors

*knock knock* “Miss, dinner is ready.”

“Kay!” She replied quite merrily

Dinner with the family was one of the things she liked doing but absolutely hated. She would eat, chat, and act like her ‘personality’. She kind of liked acting like a member of the family. Only to be disgusted by herself once she’s finally alone in her room. The never ending cycle of pretention and self-loathing had taken a toll on her mental health. She knew something was wrong. She knew she needed help. But she was too occupied with her thoughts and fantasies to even bother seeking help. Not that she would be gladly given help anyway.

Alone again, she turned off the lights then lied down on her bed. Skimming through social media and websites in hopes of wasting enough time. The only delight would be reading updates on her favorite mangas and manhuas as they were a quick escape from reality. Hours would pass by until she would finally have no energy to even open her eyes. It was a day like all the others. A day wasted on her useless existence. Her consciousness slowly faded into her dreams. The sounds of cats and dogs doing their nightly habits melted away in the background.

*ting!* She heard something

*tiiiinnngggggg!* She was definitely not hallucinating. The sound was as clear as her suicidal thoughts. Was she dreaming? She did not know. The sound just got longer and longer until it sounded more like a long beep on the telephone, only at a very high frequency.

“AAAAAGGGHHHH!!!” She screamed loudly as she felt her head was going to explode. And it did.

Her consciousness, her entire existence, exploded like a kamikaze plane that hit right on target. It spread like glitters in the atmosphere, floating and dancing in the darkness.  The million bits of her formed into a spiral of clusters. They started marching into space like trained American soldiers. Slowly they went up and up into the vastness of the sky. Until it could be seen no more. They traveled through the billions of stars and planets looking for a new home. And like fate, they saw a planet that was very similar to their home.  

“Ahhh….!” They collectively thought.

The fragments then started condensing themselves. Like finding their teammates for dodge ball. Several clusters were formed and the tiny balls of light went into the atmosphere of this new planet. At first they were together, enjoying the view of their new home. They enjoyed the presence of each other for quite some time. But one by one, each cluster found its new host while the rest are patiently waiting for their own. In time, the little fragments of her existence found an existence of their own.

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fishflakes

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