Margrave's Divinity (Rewrite)

by Endemus

Original ONGOING Action Adventure Contemporary Fantasy Dungeon Magic Male Lead Strong Lead Urban Fantasy
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

Power always comes with a price.

Seventeen years ago, obsidian towers thousands of feet tall erupted from the earth near the world’s population centers. Strange magic accompanied their appearance—powerful and inexplicable abilities granted to lucky humans, called Embers for the burning in their eyes.

Lyle isn’t lucky, though. When the recently-unemployed college dropout finally manages to get his hands on a Cinder, he is utterly disappointed to find that he will never be an Ember like his father or brother. Before he even has time to process his failure, a strange Ember shoves him through a tear in reality and into the cave of a dragon, where the titanic beast claims to be an ancient goddess of myth and legend. She has a gift for him, but it comes with a warning. 

War is coming.

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Posting Thursdays and Sundays at 8am Central.

Confused about the rewrite? See my letter to previous readers here.

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Endemus

Endemus

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Mike Hawk
  • Overall Score

Optimistic about the Rewrite

Reviewed at: Chapter 1

I was somewhat conflicted about the first version, but i'm very optimistic about this rewrite. As long as you don't make the same mistakes again, it should be a very solid read...

And if not, i guess there's always a next time, unless you give up

Nixia
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Margrave’s Divinity hooked me early with its promise of mystery, adventure, and interesting powers. Its world has a sense of scale, greeting us with magic and dragons and its take on dungeons as early as the first chapter.

Style: The prose is well written, bringing the world to life with descriptive, yet simple language. There are a few remarkably minor quarks that bother me, but they are ultimately trivial. 5/5

Story: There is a sense of over-arching plot—of something more going on—from the very beginning. While the world itself is built upon a number of familiar tropes, the story itself pushes past them to deliver an engaging narrative. 5/5

Grammar: I found few to no errors. 5/5

Character: The characters of Margrave’s Divinity are a bit of a quandary. From the description surrounding them and the way the MC interacts, I can get a sense of who these people are, but within the dialogue itself their voices seem to blend together. I found myself going back to remind myself who was saying what. Perhaps it’s in the way I read.

My main gripe is that the names Liv and Lyle look similar enough to each other that I often confused the two. That said, I can tell a number of these characters are just beginning their development. It’s the minor characters who I don’t expect to appear often that really shine, and I’m excited to see how the more prominent ones are fleshed out over the course of the story. 4.5/5

I can’t speak to the original version as I haven’t read it, but what I’ve read of the rewrite is absolutely worth giving a shot. Endemus has spun a world that’s kept me turning the page, and things are just getting started. It’s time to buckle up, because I expect this to be quite the ride.

Alex M
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  • Character Score

Cool setting with interesting characters

Reviewed at: Chapter 6.2

Endemus does a great job adding character to his writing. Right off the bat, we’re thrown into a low moment in Lyle’s life, and it’s made believable and interesting through great characterisation and interesting narrative.

The plot kicks off quickly, introducing multiple people of interest before sending Lyle on an entirely different challenge. Come the end of chapter 2.1, I was hooked.

TheBreakernew
  • Overall Score

The old story had a tonne of improvement during the writing cycle, and that has been kept up with this rewrite. Its looking good so far.