Don't Just Eat Everything You Find In Caves!

by messschieber

Original ONGOING Action Adventure Fantasy Psychological Female Lead Gender Bender High Fantasy LitRPG Magic Male Lead Non-Human lead Portal Fantasy / Isekai Strong Lead
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

Things just seem to be getting crazier and crazier in Paul Ray’s life.

Shit already hit the fan when a supposedly harmless road trip suddenly turned into an isekai adventure.

But when Paul stumbles upon a mysterious orb on a dungeon dive gone wrong and somehow ends up swallowing the damn thing, things get really out of hand.

What to expect and some additional notes about the tags:

- Lots of dialogue(80% of what I've written already is)

Action: Occasional fight scenes, but not a strong focus

- LitRPG: Only lightly, no spreadsheets here! 

Gender Bender: definitely big topic for the first chapters

Content Warnings: Mostly about what I plan to write, but not necessarily have

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
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  • Overall Score

Good stuff this! Can't wait for more. Always a fan of what I call passenger stories. 

  • Overall Score

The Grammar is excellent but the dialogue doesn't. 

The story starts with man transported to another world. Right after, he swallows a glowing stone. It turns out to be a dragon soul and currently living in his skull now. Later on, the two starts to talk in a funny way? But in reality it's not really funny, it fact it feels like two kids talking about how sweet a candy is. 

  • Overall Score

Stream of consciousness rambling

Reviewed at: Chapter 2: Stone Hillbillies

 There is potential here, honestly.  The idea for the story is in place, and the author is clearly aware of English grammar rules.  The problem is delivery.  The first chapter is so cramped with rambling dialogue that it's less like reading a novel, and more like being subjected to a stream of consciousness.  If the author can figure out how to let the story breathe a bit, this could turn in to something nice.  Currently not recommended