The Stars Have Eyes
The universe was a vast, empty, dark, and uncaring place. Then life happened, and the universe was changed forever. Only a teeny-tiny bit, but definitely different. Then again, the universe changes a teeny-tiny bit every second of every day. For instance, if someone were to get off the couch and randomly drink a glass of milk? Bam! One less glass of milk in the universe. Changed forever. Well, excluding any time-travel shenanigans, but anyone who puts a big old hole in the time-space continuum just to un-drink a glass of milk should really reevaluate their priorities. Unless, of course, they were attempting to prevent some massive catastrophe vis-a-vis said glass of milk. Such a scenario is by no means impossible, as one should never underestimate the importance of calcium.
Another important tip for any life forms out there is to keep things in perspective. Some look at the vastness of creation in relation to themselves and go, ‘Man, this sucks!’ These people really need to narrow their focus. Sure, they will never affect anything happening on the other end of the galaxy, but so what? That’s way the heck over there, where it doesn’t matter. Therefore, in order to maintain a healthy mindset, it is important to narrow one’s perspective to the things and people that affect them, and that they can affect in turn.
But what happens if one is an unfathomable cosmic being from beyond the veil of reality? What happens when such an existence is capable of influencing entire swathes of the universe just by its presence? A creature such as Magh'rathlak the Observer? That particular entity is only about average as far as reality-warping creatures from the dawn of time go, so its influence over the fabric of reality is rather limited. And it still struggles to keep things in perspective. That, among other things, is why it decided to narrow its worldview a bit by compressing the maddening vastness of its being into a single corporeal form. Magh'rathlak had never tried such a feat, but that wasn't about to stop it.
After all, how hard could being human possibly be?
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Ostensibly this is a supernatural romance, but even by the low standards of that genre nothing ever happens here.
Sometimes this is acceptable and clearly intentional; the fact that the eldritch abomination from beyond space is just a tourist who wants to go on vacation and eat chips on the couch with a boy she picked up for summer romance purposes is a perfectly good hook and is the punchline for most of the good bits of the story.
The problem is that even the kinds of minor conflict you'd expect from such a story never occur, and in the rare occasions that they do they're not resolved by the characters, just defanged by off-screen deus ex machina to retroactively never have been a problem or unceremoniously dropped.
Like... the big defining underlying issue providing tension is that the visitor is an actual alien, a Lovecraft style entity from a people with no real frame of reference regarding human existence. This isn't resolved by her learning and growing, or humans coming to understand and deal with an alien culture. It's resolved by a "just kidding" bit of exposition where the aliens are explained to basically just be humans with tentacles, who have human-centric political factions, and the alien in question is "one of the good ones" so there was never any issue in the first place.
Characters are the worst victims of this tendency. No one ever stuggles, overcomes, or learns anything. There are barely even any intentionally overblown trivial lessons learned for comedy purposes. The character who is literally a cosmic entity whose sole task is to learn things never actually learns anything, or gains any significant new perspective on the meaningless data she files away and forgets about.
And the one that puts the final bullet into the story's head is, of course, that the relationship is similarly entirely static. It never deepens, nor becomes shallower. It neither progresses nor runs into difficulty (because then a character might have to address a conflict and we can't have that), and generally the pairing is just running in neutral with the gears disengaged from chapter one. In a romance. Come on, man.
This is basically a sudden girlfriend appearance, but posh?
I generally hate stories with sudden girlfriend appearance, but I'm at ch 11 and liking this a lot. Just goes to show that its not the trash ideas I hated but the trash writing.
If you've got a thing for Eldritch Horror of beyond that can wipe you from existence in the blink of an eye then you are in the right place. Except this is no normal Eldritch horror, this is a cute gonna make 'tea' for you everyday Eldritch horror that will have you working for it with no mind control necessary, because that would be a waste of resources.
A twist on the getting a girlfriend out of nowhere cliche where the girlfriend is reasonable and the boyfriend actually has some qualities other than a dick in between his legs. The story WILL give you spasms of cuteness overload and a Dopamine high enough to leave you craving for it every moment; (send halp).
It has some great characters and a very interesting approach to world-building, we also get the humor from Exterminatus to make us chuckle which makes what could have been a dark world into a much more endearing one.
Points Why you should read this
- Its like on the first page (goes back to check), on the first page of best rated on RR.
- It's by Exterminatus
- The Characters are amazing
- Ah, um, trust my review?
Give it a try for 5 chapters at least you won't regret it.
So, if you're like me, then you've come here after finishing Everybody Loves Large Chests. This isn't the same story (although there might eventually be a crossover) but the writing style is the same as the latter parts of that story: suffering heavily from "tell-not-show syndrome".
For those who were hoping that was just a symptom of the author getting tired of the setting, unfortunately starting fresh didn't fix it. Maybe he'll eventually break out of the bad habit, but unless a rewrite happens readers will have to slog through many such chapters without the volumes of prior character development that bouyed ELLC's final arcs.
It's a shame: the concept's great, the characters are interesting, and the humor:s still there... But you have to trudge through a lot of mostly-inane exposition to find it.
A cosmic horror learning to human is a surprisingly adorable concept. Even at its most horrifying, it’s still somehow romantic. Great character development and interactions within an interestingly realistic sci-fi future. Highly recommend giving this story a try.
Kinda surprised this hasn’t become a larger genre yet, but hopefully this will inspire other authors!
Any person familiar with Twin Souls might expect this author to produce generic and sappy yet lovable adventure stories. Any such person who proceeded to read Everybody Lives Large Chests would be horrified and disgusted.
Understandably, such a person would think twice before recommending a new story by the same author. In my case, I am happy to recommend The Stars Have Eyes to all audiences as of chapter 16.
I will warn you that this is not a normal story. Although the amusing prose and relatability of the characters remain, this third story is just as different to the author's previous works as his previous works were to eachother.
The premise is, essentially, a bizarre mix between Seinfeld, HP Lovecraft, How I Met Your Mother, with a few Men In Black and Ghostbusters subplots. I doubt even the author knows where the story is headed, but it will no doubt be an interesting ride.
One might think i'm a little lap bitch that like blowing their favorite author's horn, and they'd be completly right about that, but they'd be sorrely mistaken in taking the notion that this isn't a cute and engaging slice of life that just puts a smile on my face when i think about the character while at the same time properly showcassing the new experiences of a completly diferent being after subjecting itself to it's own curious nature while trying to maintain a slick of care for the reality it has yet to explore to it's cosmic entity equivalent of a heart.
It might be because i have, much like the male lead, a great longing for amorous company, but every interaction makes me think how such scenes would be and feel with great joy and feeling over it. While said male lead is definetly a dumb and dense guy, justifications over the story aside, you can feel he actually has a character, is someone nice to be around, a good friend and an above average lover from all that has been said.
It is a great piece from the great Exterminatus and while it definetly contains some minor gramatical errors, the sheer skill and work it radiates make you more than not notice those unless you decide that it is your job to go and roam the novel not for your own joy in reading a concrete novel, but in an attemp to purge any kind of gramatical error from existence or something like that.
So, I just went to a dungeon and found a chest... Well not a chest to be strictly correct but a mimic. That mimic said something tasty!
You want to know what it said?
Well, I can't say it to anyone but if you have some spare shiny gold coins I can tell you. But this will be only one time exception so beware, some tasty knowledge is better to be forever forgotten!
Okay, thanks for your patronage
So, as I was saying, that mimic said something unbelievable. It said...
EXTERMINATUS MADE A NEW TASTY NOVEL!!!
But be quiet, this is a secret and forbidden knowledge. No one must know about it!
I tried to keep reading this...but it was just too boring. Style-wise this story is great, definitely a league above most RR fare. However, the characters are just so boring.
First we have Joe, who is so dumb he literally mistakes an occult sacrifice for a dating show. So far we have learned nothing about him that is interesting, he has no aspirations, no goals...it seems like he spends all his time in VR watching tv or hanging out with his equally vacuous friends.
And then we have Mags, who is an eldritch horror beyond the scope of human comprehension, who decides to bond with Joe for...reasons? She is the quintessential Magical Girlfriend, the whole thing reeks of wishfulfillment, especially since Joe is a mediocre twentysomething who spends all his time on the internet.
As for Mags' personality, there isn't much to it. She is extremely devoted to her bf Joe-schmoe, literally designing her human form to resemble his favotire supermodel. She also wants to learn about this strange human world, but the way she goes about doing that is not particularly interesting. It's really akin to one of those alien cartoon/memes that were popular a year ago, describing everyday things with technical-scientific language. It's funny for about 2 chapters, then gets old fast.
From what I read the story seems completely directionless, but maybe the author has something planned. I unfortunately don't have the patience to find out when the story has given me no reason to care about the characters.
I'm kind of a sap for romance as it is, but this is definitely way outside the norm from any other romance I've read. And I honestly love it. Exterminatus is a well-proven author already, but his craft is seriously honed in this fiction so far. Awesome job, honestly can't wait to read more.