In all his previous lives he had never been crippled before and the inability to move his lower body caused his world to crumble before him. Not being able to practice his much loved sword style, Zaran threw himself into Virtual Reality Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games instead of searching for another way to gain karma.
Loving the fact that he seemed to be in full control of his body in these games, Zaran played every VRMMORPG he could find, trying to find one that was immersive enough to make him forget that he was crippled.
When Myth Online was announced and the commercials were shown, Zaran instantly knew that this would be the game that could make him do so. He pre-ordered the necessary equipment to play it along with his older sister and counted down the days until the server would finally go online.
But the Gods did not intent for Zaran to have a peaceful life and in this one, the real stage for Zaran would begin in Myth Online!
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I will update this score if I find you improve ( or not ^^ ) but all in all , a pretty good even if common start. the basic plot isn't very original but it's a unusual mix of what we see a lot , I'm waiting to see where yo'ure going with it. If you want to get more info on the crafting ( which seems pretty essential to the story for now ) appart from google , you can actually try to see other fictions, and in particular VRMMO light novels. while it's pretty obvious 100% of the info you will find on them won't be accurate , it should still give you a better idea of how he should be making stuff ( it was kind of painful to read stuff like " this guy explained how to this to him ... " and then we didn't get any explanation , not very important for now but when he's actually gonna craft some weapon , you will have to give the process if you don't want to simply say " he went to the forge , used those ingredients and ended up with that" ). waiting for the action to really kick in before saying anything about it =3
Hope this story goes well seems interesting keep posting kinda got addicted to it ^^
The summary can definitely be changed to something like a single reincarnation, cause 5k is stretching it to the limit n not having him reincarnated in any of a little modern world or using any particular skill he learned during those time to earn money even while disabled, like some herbs combo or create some unique new fighting art book etc..don’t know, but with that much exp n not using it just cause it’s modern world concept is lame i guess…Also if important for the plot to have reincarnated then maybe a few times(5-50).
Also other than this all the VR world n the fighting actions are described good. The story upto chapter8 are good..
Definitely do read this new story about VR world..Worth your time
You forced fed the information. The feeling of exploring the world through the POV of the characters or narrator is not there. The scenarios from him getting his skills and rescuing his sister, to being rescued by an npc is too forced. It is like watching a badly acted and badly scripted 3rd rate drama. For me it’s too cheesy; were you trying to write a gag?
What is up with the race category btw? Are the beastmen not humanoid?
I have to agree with kenjay44 on many points.
I really dislike people down voting someone because they dont like something, he wasnt even hating just simpely stating his opinion.
I am not sure what people expect from a VR story but i expect someone doing enjoyable stuff.
Apart from how this story is written and the events that do happen are even worse than a typical xanxia main char.
Walking into a treasurey in a random forest wich hasnt been ransacked yet to beating boss mobs with tactics that arent really clever at all.
(...... throwing a spear into the face of a spider and then killing it by stabbing his stomache and calling it a bait is just retarded).
The whole thing with his sister and the goddess was unrealistic beyond belief if your going to do something unusual then at least try to be creative and not push it to the background.
Even if a god told me exactly what he or she is if i was a big sister or big brother to a crippled little sibling i WILL BE VERY CONCERND.
She didnt ask any questions the only things she is wondering about is if the goddess gave the MC some cheat wich would explain why her little crippled brother is anything but weak in the game.........
It feels so retarded and removed from reality that it would have been better if the goddess never introduced herself to his sister -.-.
Then you could have just continued with an avarage story about some dude training in an vr mmorpg.
The whole thing with the goodies the MC finds are not really creative they are all borrowed from yes i will repeat XANXIA novels.
The mana seed is slightly original but a very bland execution nonetheless as for his Qi shizzle meh.
Any and all skills the MC has to his race and even to the events that happen just resemble a xanxia novel to the extreme it makes me wonder why in hell did you even make it a VR story.
It seems like dying has no penalties except for the MC as all the bad guys want to have a piece of meat from him.....
I'm hoping you can see this, unfortunately i am unaware of how to contact you directly.
I like your story. I have some editing skills, if you want me to try editing your work before it gets posted, I can do so. The one caveat is that I am new to ROYALROADL and I have no resume to speak of. But if you want to let me try, I can start by editing what you've already created and sending you the edits.