The Monster Inside: The First Vampire

by Jelim

Original ONGOING Adventure Fantasy Horror Psychological Anti-Hero Lead High Fantasy Magic Male Lead Non-Human lead
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Traumatising content

Despite appearances, there was once a time where monsters did not exist. Where peace and prosperity reigned over all life. But those sinful and demonic forces that had hidden themselves in the shadows just couldn't help themselves could they? They wanted a piece of that prosperity too. They wanted to taint it, corrupt it, revel in its dark side.
This is the story of a boy who was tainted. Of a boy who unintentionally bore a seed of sin and who in his naivety let it out. 
This is the story of how that boy was shamed and disgraced. Of how he was outcast for simply being. 
This is the story of how that boy learned to embrace the darkness that made him different. A darkness that would later make him known as the Lord of Night.

Note to Reader: I understand this book is not for everyone, if there is a writer that can write to please everyone, I have never heard of them. The MC can be frustrating in his decisions as he learns to grow and accept what and who he is. I believe this reality is unavoidable. That being said, if you feel the need to give a review, please do so, just know that I will report you if all that review seems to do is blab toxic language and insult my literary choices without giving constructive advice or alternatives. That's not just a me policy, that's a policy of this website.

I'm not writing this note because I'm a writer who does not acknowledge that there are faults in my work. I know there are. That's what happens when it hasn't been professionally edited by someone other than the author. I'm saying this because I'm sick of reading 1 star or 0.5 star rated reviews that seem to do nothing but hate on the book because they don't like the story. No comments on grammar, ways to improve or suggestions for better story arcs. Just plain hate. It's not on, and I frankly shouldn't have to write this note, but needed to get it off my chest.

In saying all that, thank you to those who do leave reviews that don't fall into the above category. Your appreciation of my work, or alternatively, your willingness to give advice for improvement, is appreciated.

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Jelim

Jelim

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
001: The Innocence of Boyhood ago
002: The Pursuit of the White Bunny ago
003: The Boy, The Cave, and the Dare ago
004: The Red Eyes that Promise Chaos ago
005: The Sealing ago
006: The Life Lines ago
007: The Boy who had simply...Changed ago
008: The Hunger Pains ago
009: The Wisdom of the Father ago
010: The Would-Be Knight of Fountain Ridge ago
011: The Bond between Father and Son ago
012: The Loss of Innocence ago
013: The Line is Drawn ago
014: The Warm Reception ago
015: The First Lesson ago
016: The Coincidental Meetings ago
017: The Art of Books ago
018: The Time of Love and Mourning ago
019: The Sins of the Father will not be that of the Son ago
020: The Training of a Monster ago
021: The Answer to all the Killing ago
022: The Beast in the Woods ago
023: The Hunt ago
024: The Graves ago
025: The Curfew ago
026: The Request of a Certain Ex-Knight ago
027: The Impossible Grandchild ago
028: The Knights that became Hunters ago
029: The Monster in the Shadows ago
030: The Boy who became a Monster ago
031: The Sincerest Apology ago
032: The Nature of Good Men ago
033: The Old Friend who comes bearing Gifts ago
034: The Red Eyed Hunger ago
035: The Massacre at Cordon ago
036: The Call of the Wind ago
037: The Silence of a Guilty Conscience ago
038: The Light Magician Arita ago
039: The Kiss of the Air ago
040: The Dark Gaze of a Monster ago
041: The Insincere Farewell of Cordon ago
042: The Magician's Path ago
043: The Knight General Turney's Report ago
044: The City of Toulle ago
045: The Toulle City Magician's Guild ago
046: The Heir of Star Crash Coven ago
047: The Registration of a Magician ago
048: The Moment of Realisation ago
049: The Order of Things ago
050: The Boredom of a Chaos Child ago
051: The Ridge Men ago
052: The Biology Lesson ago
053: The Parting of Fates ago
054: The Assassin Boy with Violet Eyes ago
055: The Understanding ago
056: The Dilemma of Ignorant Servants ago
057: The Keltair Lycanthropes ago
058: The Meeting with the Alpha ago
059: The Jerrica Mines ago
060: The Doctor that could not be Trusted ago
061: The Feeding Routine ago
062: The Winter Wind Chills ago
063: The Boy in his Tomb ago
064: The Tomb's Embrace ago
065: The Anniversary ago
066: The Doctor's Diary ago
067: The Lesson of the Sanguine ago
068: The Promise that could be Broken ago
069: The Father's Pain ago
070: The Suspicious Neighbour ago
071: The Noble Visitor ago
072: The Ridge Man's Loyalties ago
073: The Persistence of Foes ago
074: The Change in the Air ago
075: The Desolating End of Boyhood ago
076: The Betrayal in being too late ago
077: The Student Seeking a Master ago
078: The Doctor's Diary Part 2 ago
079: The Victory Speech ago
080: The Time for Action ago
081: The Unapproved Side Project ago
082: The Doctor's Second Chance ago
083: The Unsealing ago
084: The Shadows Bring Death ago
085: The Innocent becomes the Guilty ago
086: The Attack on Fountain Ridge ago
087: The First Flight ago
088: The Carnage of Gluttony ago
089: The Power of Mercy ago
090: The Failure, The Used, The Nobody ago
091: The First Vampire ago
092 (01): A Tavern Master's Sense ago
093 (02): An Abundant Hunting Ground ago
094 (03): A Temporary Arrangement ago
095 (04): A Morning at Port ago
096 (05): A Captain's Discerning Eye ago
097 (06): An Exchange of Information ago
098 (07): A Captain Ashore ago
099 (08): A First Mate in Disgrace ago
100 (09): A Great Fire ago
101 (10): A Crime ago
102 (11): A Nightmare ago
103 (12): A Fire Magician ago
104 (13): A Suspicious Hooded Man ago
105 (14): An Ally of Sorts ago
106 (15): A Theft ago
107 (16): A Confrontation ago
108 (17): A Step Past Logic ago
109 (18): A Shadow in Red ago
110 (19): A Nightmare Awakened ago
111 (20): A Bloody Bath ago
112 (21): An Honest Discussion ago
113 (22): An Offer ago
114 (23): A Fateful Decision ago
115 (24): A Ship called The Miranda ago
116 (25): A Trip to the Crow's Nest ago
117 (26): An Experienced Shipmate ago
118 (27): A First Night in the Galley ago
119 (28): A Midnight Meal ago
120 (29): A Game with the Captain ago
121 (30): A Potential Unknown ago
122 (31): An Island Built by Traders ago
123 (32): A Street of Skewers ago
124 (33): An Unusual Gemstone ago
125 (34): A Challenge ago
126 (35): A Business Venture ago
127 (36): A Big Spender ago
128 (37): A Light Element Tool ago
129 (38): A Fool ago
130 (39): A Fair Price ago
131 (40): A Debt Repaid...and some ago
132 (41): A New Commodity ago
133 (42): A Moon Amongst the Shadows ago
134 (43): A Young Shadow ago
135 (44): A Surname ago
136 (45): A Meal to Remember ago
137 (46): A Need for an Ally ago
138 (47): A Night at the Theatre ago
139 (48): An Old Friend? ago
140 (49): A Past better Forgotten ago
141 (50): A Deal is Struck ago
142 (51): A Tracking Charm ago
143 (52): A Signing and a Sealing ago
144 (53): A Disgruntled Party ago
145 (54): A New Collection of Charms ago
146 (55): A Truth Bomb ago
147 (56): A Captain's Decisions ago
148 (57): A Ship, A Captain & A Vampire ago
149 (58): A World-Class Auction ago
150 (59): A Stolen Item ago
151 (60): An Exchange ago
152 (61): A Charm Craftsman ago
153 (62): A Dark Shade of Ink ago
154 (63): A Source Revealed ago
155 (64): A Whaler's Strait ago
156 (65): A Couple of Underdogs ago
157 (66): A Stormy Night ago
158 (67): A Friendly Competition ago
159 (68): A Lesson from a Vampire and an Assassin ago
160 (69): A Dark Tiding on the Horizon ago
161 (70): A Shadow...or more? ago
162 (71): A Lonely Existence ago
163 (01): The Pirate Lord ago
164 (02): The Inktress's Folly ago
165 (03): The Stranger in the Depths ago
166 (04): The Inktress's Vengeance ago
167 (05): The Business Training ago
168 (06): The Ominous Sign ago
169 (07): The Fool's Eyes ago
170 (08): The Heartbeat of a Drowned Man ago
171 (09): The Slaver's Paradise ago
172 (10): The Wind Comes Calling ago
173 (11): The Strange Fool ago
174 (12): The Charm Craftsman's Persistent Fool ago
175 (13): The Fate of his Investment ago
176 (14): The Fool's Observant Eyes ago
177 (15): The Top Graduates of the Magician's Academy ago
178 (16): The Kitsune's Dilemma ago
179 (17): The Dream that was not a Dream ago
180 (18): The Doctor who was Kind ago
181 (19): The Fiancee ago
182 (20): The Choice is Given ago
183 (21): The Weightlessness of Human Selfishness ago
184 (22): The Island of Herguard ago
185 (23): The Unsteady Deal ago
186 (24): The Madame ago
187 (25): The Inktress Lurks ago
188 (26): The Difference between Ink and Shadow ago
189 (27): The Blood Contract ago
190 (28): The Shadows shrink in the Day ago
191 (29): The Cost of Burdens ago
192 (30): The Ruin is Compromised ago
193 (31): The Unwelcome Guest ago
194 (32): The Crux of the Problem ago
195 (33): The Proposal ago
196 (34): The Beast of the Arena ago
197 (35): The Dawn of a Warrior (I) ago
198 (36): The Smuggler in their Midst ago
199 (37): The Dawn of a Warrior (II) ago
200 (38): The Dawn of a Warrior (III) ago
201 (39): The Dawn of a Warrior (IV) ago
202 (40): The Cover of Night ago
203 (41): The Dawn of a Warrior (V) ago
204 (42): The Dawn of a Warrior (VI) ago
205 (43): The Winter Solstice ago
206 (44): The Dance of Fate ago
207 (45): The Slow Turn ago
208 (46): The Road Best not Taken ago
209 (47): The Faithful and the Faithless ago
210 (48): The Failing Mission ago
211 (49): The Path to Moonshadow ago
212 (50): The Hope of a Boy ago
213 (51): The Watery Depths ago
214 (52): The Abyss of Sorrow (I) ago
215 (53): The Abyss of Sorrow (II) ago
216 (54): The Charm Crafters ago
217 (55): The Charm Merchants ago
218 (56): The Jealous Rival ago
219 (57): The Enemy Resurfaces ago
220 (58): The Star Pavilion ago
221 (59): The Warning ago
222 (60): The Fool's Path ago
223 (61): The Untouchable Merchandise ago
224 (62): The Meaning of Comfort ago
225 (63): The Fool's Path seems Bleak ago
226 (64): The Pavilion's Divination ago
227 (65): The Voice of the Mist ago
228 (66): The Willing Escapee ago
229 (67): The Madame's Chains ago
230 (68): The Test of Trust ago
231 (69): The Letters ago
232 (70): The Plan ago
233 (71): The Unexpected Visitor ago
234 (72): The Ridge Men in Cordon ago
235 (73): The Boy Faces his Burdens ago
236 (74): The Proof Needed ago
237 (75): The Decision is Made ago
238 (76): The Taste of Blood ago
239 (77): The Kitsune ago
240 (78): The Living cannot wait for the Dead ago
241 (79): The Shattering of Chains ago
242 (80): The Master's Death ago
243 (81): The Burning Isle ago
244 (82): The Shadow Among the Flames ago
245 (83): The Vampire's Return ago
246 (84): The Rebirth ago
247 (85): The Path of Gluttony ago
248 (86): The Threat Overturned ago
249 (87): The End of the Mission ago
250 (88): The Moon Voyager ago
251 (89): The New Orders ago
252 (01): A Song of Starvation ago
253 (02): The Legacy of Light ago
254 (03): The Hardship of the Hunt ago
255 (04): The Wailing of a Witness ago
256 (05): The Ruin of a Revenant ago
257 (06): A Slip from a Shadow ago
258 (07): To Hunt a Hunter ago
259 (08): A Dedication to Duty ago
260 (09): A Ticket of Turmoil ago
261 (10): A Sly Switch ago

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UsernameJ
  • Overall Score

Not sure what I think about this.

Reviewed at: The Jealous Rival

I'm an old hand at this reading thing. Novelupdates and RRL for not just a few years.

For the most part bad stories are obviously bad, decent stories obviously decent, and the few gems are fantastic.

This story... is a little odd. Some bad, some decent, rare good. I just read it all in one go over a few days (June 2020) and honestly I'm not sure what my feelings are on it. One, apparently there's 218 chapters right now? It seems like there were less than that (a good thing).

Some of the MC's inner "conflict" is pretty meh or just outright childish, but then when it came to his "choice" he was firm in his decision and then actually made it.

I'm used to shitty stories having ridiculously wishy-washy characters, and this one sort of demonstrates that, but also sort of doesn't.

I'm only writing this review because I see a lot of the other reviews are saying this story is pretty bad, and I don't think that's quite fair. Though the battle arena arc with the shitty combat butler character is pretty bad.

Like Sharli. Sharli is a whiney annoying bitch of a character, she makes bad choices and suffers bad consequences. But that's just it. It's great. She's a whiney little bitch, and then she straight up gets murdered. No fanfare. No over-the-top emotional gobbledygook. Just "oh, you served your purpose. Servant, dispose of her."

This is honestly such a weird story to try to mark, but I think all-in-all it's an okay read and worth reading if you're looking for something above average (average is pretty low on this site) that you can eat a couple hundred chapters of.

Authour, keep doing your thing. I don't know how much experience you have writing, but I think if you removed some of the dry parts of this story it would be very respectable. I'll keep reading this because the world setting is interesting and hopefully either this story will stay the same or get better, and/or your next book will be better and more enjoyable.

0.02$

naralian
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Well written, but very much an idiot plot

Reviewed at: The Request of a Certain Ex-Knight

It's enjoyable enough to read and the characters are good, and the basic hook for the worldbuilding (that this world was absurdly utopian to the point of the evil-ish empire not having an army and maintaining power by completely eliminating poverty, then suddenly vampires and it all goes sideways) is interesting.

That enjoyment is going to be limited by your tolerance for the plot points only working if  literally everone even tangentially involved is "dies of forgetting to breathe" levels of dumb, though. The big, continual offender is just the fact that the protagonist goes out of his way to hide his condition... when the entire hook of the story is that no one has any preconceptions about vampires, so given how extremely "friendly" this version of vampirism is (he can eat animals, it never compels him to act against his will, he only has to feed once a week or so) it comes off as kind of absurd that he not just like... "hey, guys, i have superpowers now, who wants some free venison you don't even have to share with me?" Not exactly a deadly secret to conceal at all costs, or something a culture with a srong hunting tradition and no knowledge of vampires would care about.

That's the example I'm going with because spoilers, but be warned that basically every other plot line is about on that level going in. There's an especially bad one early on where you'll likely yell "so just tell people not to eat a second one, you morons" at your computer, too.

All that said, you'll note it's still marked 3.5 stars up there. It's never pretending to be more than pulpy, melodramatic fun, if you can force your brain to "off" it's still enjoyable.

nugy
  • Overall Score

Depends on the person

Reviewed at: A Fool

First of all, grammar wont bother you, because its good, now then about the story:
Personally i like it even if MC is a bit wishy washy, story is enjoyable, its like an adventure to read and discover things, thou info dumps about side characters do get annoying, but i skimp through them so it doesnt bother you that much. MCs friends are likeable, thou i wish MC himself would become stron willed and less of a... wimp id say, enough with the self-loathing etc etc. Anyway in general for ppl who like fantasy/adventure stories, this is pretty good id say. 
wish the chapter were numbered so id know where i am sometimes lol. 

Anyway, to anyone reading, happy reading and enjoy

J4ckTh3R1pp3r
  • Overall Score

Pleasant read with a very in-depth world, though the character are a bit frustrating at times.

grenskul
  • Overall Score

Average turning into medíocre writting

Reviewed at: The Crux of the Problem

Book 3 branches into a bunch of povs while the Mc is indisposed. You made the side characters boring and then try to make them carry a book by themselfs. Crap writing held up by an average premise.

Finished the third volume by yarring it. This novel went to shit. Dropped.

evanripper
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So much FILLER!!! 

This novel can be cut down by half... thats how much filler there was. The village arc could have been cut by half, the transportation seemed to be a arc of its own for how long it was and the latter HALF of the first novel is about him getting tortured... 30-40 chapters... 

The style is filler. A lot of exposition on characters and their lives that dont matter at all since they dont appear ever again. 

The story of the novel is a classic fantasy tale of light and dark. World building is average as the author explains where you are in relation to everything, but leaves out other pertinent info for again filler.

Grammer is top notch, nothing else to say.

Now the characters is where everything goes downhill. Imagine a teeter totter where the character is bouncing around from one core belief that you wluld think they would stick to since the author puts about 4-5 chapters explaining what it is and how it matters so much to the character. Then he tosses it out the window in a fashion that seems to me like he thought better of it ,continued on and dealt with the problems that would arise with his characters as he wrote.

But thats my two cents, read it and find out for yourself how these books are 1/3 too long. 

 

Gompman
  • Overall Score

Vampire story, let's go!

The writing style is good and it is releasing at speeds unseen to man.

I enjoyed reading the first chapters, but soon I found myself facepalming, because of all the weird decisions the MC makes, and it was simply becoming hard to enjoy his narrative. The villains and side characters feel thought out, but at times I found some of them very stereotypical, with the villain lacking real reason to do the evil deeds. Also found myself at times at odds with the plot, because it kept me wondering what, why, how, this vampire plot could work in this world?.

It was fun to read in the beginning, so I recommend giving it a shot, and some parts I found entertaining, but many things I found incomprehensible.

some_total_kretin
  • Overall Score

TL;DR: Flashbacks of torture, genocidal villains being so impractically evil they couldn't eat an egg in the morning without making the hen watch and order some their henchman to pluck her feathers while they are at it. Oh, and obligatory last minute plot armor saves for everyone with a hefty dose of melodrama without proper buildup. It's not all bad, but I won't be reading this one anymore.

And the moment I sincerely hoped wouldn't come is here. This one is not going to be the novel that would finally convince me there are some very good works on webnovel. I read up to the point of the second flashback with MC's father and then just decided to put this one down. And the main reason was villains and their actions.

I don't have to have everybody acting perfectly reasonable or extremely lifelike, but I must be able to relate to what's going on. And all of that was definitely thrown out the window in the second flashback.

I mean come on, I can get behind some nice romantic plot, but the whole plotline with MC's grandfather plotting the convoluted stinking background conspiracy to get "MORE POWA" and then pushing his son into the confrontation is just so amazingly stupid it made me cringe.

It's like the villain is incapable of even basic foresight and for some unknown reason (i.e. "It's for the plot!") has to try to torture/alienate and kill his own son in the convoluted manner it all goes on so the author can then milk it for the melodrama. It was like reading a transcript of a spanish telenovella on telemundo. Why the fuck does he just not kill him outright instead of this whole charade?

Ugh....

Death2Shrimp
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When a good story goes off the rails

Reviewed at: The Shattering of Chains

*SPOILERS*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

While this story starts out strong but it lost me at the continutity errors and completely dropping the MC in the "Second book". How do create a character that is supposed to be "almost" all powerrful and then have him get destroyed by a regular human. I personally thought that each of the MC's issue sould be handled and not blanketed over in lue of the story progression. I hope the author continues to improve because there is talent in this story at the beginning.

Acolyte_of_cthulhu
  • Overall Score

Amazing to read and who ever is down voting 5 star reviews stop it gives people the impression the story isnt good and that the 5 star reviews are wrong. Never mind they made him a b#tch again.