When Raven Night was alive she had, since the age of three, been trained into a deadly killer and by the age of 25 her prowess had become legend; she was beyond a shadow of a doubt the most deadly assassin the world had ever seen. They called her the night songstress and every man and women in power feared to one day hear her "singing" - for it would be the last thing they would ever hear. It was then that the young miss Night was sent on a mission she refused to complete, and as a consequence she was hunted down and killed. As darkness claims her, she cannot help but feel resentment - would her countless slaughters, on other peoples command, be her only legacies!? However, to her surprise, the darkness faded once more and she found herself reborn in a world of magic and martial arts. Perhaps this time around she would create a better legend for herself? Warning: Tagged 15+ for Gore, Violence, and Strong Language. Donations given will affect the release speed. Visit snowy.pub/donations for information.
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The main plot of the story, while in my opinion not great is ok and passable. However the concept of how cultivation works doesnt make sense.
Cultivation in this story is based on the amount of spirit connections someone has, so the more connections one has the faster you cultivate. So now we get into the math, Our Mc Raven has by 1 year of age 243 connections so, she can cultivate 243 times fast then someone with one connection, and the average person gains 1 connection a year give or take.
So we have her brother who in 4 years of his first connection has a cultivation of High novice. While his sister who has had 243 connections for the same 4 years is only at high novice.
So lets say 1 day of cultivation is equivalent to 1S.
So in the first year her brother would have 365S then the second 730S the third 1095S and the 4th year where he gets 2 more spirit connections 1825S for a grand total of 4015S. And thats if you consider cultivating the time he spent without a spirit core , if it was with it hed only need 1825S.
Compare this to Raven who in 4 years hasnt cultivated seriously, she would only need 16 and a half days to get to that level, but for some reason shes at the same level as her brother?
This is farther inconsistent once we get to deeper into the story, Once raven recovers from losing her connections she has a whopping 373, not to mention how they're "Thicker".And by 9 years old she is a recently advanced mid spirit champion. Comparitively a 14 year old Javelin becomes a low spirit champion.
It is said the Javelin had 25 spirit connections before the sould bond and he was a High Adept so, it took him 8 years to get to low champion and 7 to get to high adept. So lets say best case he cultivates everyday and started with 25 connections. He would need 63875S to get to high adept , and once hes soul bound and has Ravens 373 connections on top and cultivated every day it would take 209145S to become a low champion.
Raven who joins the school and becomes a low champion by 9, cultivates with mercenarys for 2 years would get 272290S in those 2 years, which would make her a low champion already rather then the adept she was, and in the next 3 years she would gain another 408435S totalling at 680725S, which should be more than enough to get to high champion, as the spirit master headmaster cultivated for ninety years and couldnt have had close to her 373 as the most recorded spirit connections wasnt even close to ther 243 she used to have. So If he had say 50 connections he'd only have 1642500S if he cultivated every day.
Now as I cant make a number for how much the enlarged spirit connections increase cultivation if they were only twice as big it would still giver her millions of S, and if you go off the basis people dont cultivate everyday she'd be even stronger as she can cultivate what a genuis student like Javelin would cultivate in 15 days in 1 of hers.
Basically the actual use of spirit connections doesnt make sense as they dont speed up cultivation nearly as much as having 15 times the ammount of connections from birth compared to a genuis should via math
Good plot and nice flow of the story. Unique cultivation names.
Well, I think there are too many unanswered questions(which keeps me hanging on my seat and anticipating the next chapter)
some lack of action scenes, slow plot progression.(my opinion only)
Still a 5 star for me, since the chapters are released regularly and the mc is FEMALE and KICKASS #bias
Thanks for this excellent work. :) God Bless!
I really like this story so far. Although the MC is op, you have built her with some depth to her and have not just given her the typical personalities that most MC's on this site have. I would suggest integrating a bit more of her past life into the story, i.e. she is able to do so and so because of her training in the past or perhaps she has a fear of/distrusts so and so, in other words, make use of her past/background. Note: I don't mean make her extremely op and give her a whole spartan training type thing. I also quite like how the MC is not completely oblivious to things and such. I also appreciate how there isn't an info dump as a result of the MC reading a book and that the information has been integrated into the story quite nicely.
Overall, this novel is great!
I am really on the fence with this story. So I'll try to weigh points which I liked against points which I disliked.
+Has a nice read to it and the reading flow is never broken too badly.
~author could have put a little more heart in editing the chapters.
+Love the start.
+Love the characters.
+Love the interactions.
+author seems to have thought about where he wants to go.
-execution fails when the family dies. Don't misunderstand. It's not wrong to kill the family. What sucks is the way the MC goes on a solo-tour... at the age of four... I still don't get that image out of my head.
It would have been so easy to let the bodyguard survive and take her to the school, and kill her afterwards. Or let her life. Or take her to palace and make emperor not believe her, so she still goes to school to hide from assasins.
Same outcome, but no brainpain.
-Story spins downwards from there. Nobody questions the MC and well developed characters are replaced with plot-dolls.
+ Full points because it's a good read. (rare on RR)
-Minus one because I still found some small mistakes.
+Love the atmosphere of the story
~World is inspired by Xianxa
Good start, but bad plot devices spoil it somewhat in the end. A little more thought and slight changes could make the story really good.
Certainly one of the best stories i have read in RL. the characters and world are quite interesting and pace wise quite fast and not dragging at all. I wish most of the stories i have read in RL have this level of quality.
It does stinks of wuxia, but I prefer your story to original wuxias: at least the characters are more humans ;)
Aside from me relenting about it being a wuxialike story, I really did enjoy reading it, It might have been better if the bad guyz were a bit less obviously bad, but it's inherent to the style so I guess it's alright!
I would give you a general appreciation of around 4.3, because I really did enjoy reading it, Gogh I almost cried reading it erm.. I mean I had some dust in my eyes when she sang to honor the deads (like this we avoid spoiler I hope :D) Back on track, it's RRL, so to many story are overated and i'm not gonna give a 0 to someone because his stry was not worth his 4.5 stars :D So to even it I'll give you 5 stars!
By the way, I think you need a proofreader/editor for this story, it gets better in the second half of the current chapters (about 45 at the time of the review); but too often in the first 20 chapters there has been confusion with words or typo, sometimes big enough to hinder the read. It would be sad to loose readers for something so easily fixed especially.
Congratulation for this story and keep going your doing an awesome job!
While I find this story not one of the best that I have begun reading it is a good one. I like the main character but the side characters are somewhat annoying for me. But the story is good but not amazing but I still enjoy reading it. That and I liked reading this story but it is not the best of storys that I have read before. If you want to know it yourself try it yourself because a review only get you so far so try it. You will only know if you like it or not.
Before anything, I registered just to say that i found this awesome :)
The story is good, progression normal i think (except one moment the death of family which seems kinda too fast ? but it makes some sense so it's okay :p)
The only thing that make me wince a bit it ages for fight, i mean it's 3/4 and 6 mostly and i thought that really weird making it difficult sometimes to follow (6 it's actually weird but at least ok since she seems more but 3... event if she seemed more i thought it was weird for fights...)
I really hope to see all of the story :p
Kinda wince when i thought of Eric == Javellin too CLICHE ^^
it's a great story
hope you will keep developping the story like this
good grammar some mistake here and there but quickly corrected
a good style
I myself go out of my way to avoid mid-story tragedies. (And I mean tragedy, not bittersweet tragedy).
Most stories tend to have tragedies, if there are any, in the backstory, because you can't rip out something that isn't already there. Mid-story tragedies, you put some sweetness in, and then you tear it apart. I'm not surprised there was quite a vocal hatred, haha.
However, although surprised, I pretty much just treated it as back story number 2, so my anger isn't quite as strong.
Style. Good flow.
Grammar. No grammatical mistakes I remember. A few spelling errors.
Story . I don't quite have the same issues as others have had with the story. Most of the story is internally justified, but I can understand why some people would have issues with the lack of justification in 'reality'. She was "4" years old, but as a spiritualist, she had a body of a 7~ish year old child.
Regarding someone else's comment on the bodyguard. How would the bodyguard (who, by the way, the talon clan is keeping an eye out for, although they assume her to be dead from her injuries) smuggle her through city gates? Without the caravan and the uncles, how do you purport she have a solid fake background that would prevent her from being suspicious for a few precious years? People are barely suspicious of her most of the time, but you can see it growing with time as the story progresses. The lack of suspicion in the beginning is not poor story telling. Some of them were very suspicious about her, then they rationalized all the suspicions away (with a little help from the MC). Why would they continue to be suspicious, when they just explained it to themself? Why waste your energy on being suspicious of a young child?
Some of the criticisms I read may be because the author actually planned out his story, and a lot of stuff that seem retarded back then, are revealed somewhat in later chapters and aren't so bad, or even good. I suspect the love interest falls into this category, at least I hope so. If he doesn't, then Javelin has no hope.
(On a side note, Author. Please go back to one of the early chapters and remove that future reference involving the ring. I dislike most of those kinds of references, and was negatively surprised when the future reference was less than 3 chapters or so later, rendering it completely pointless. It's the only blatant future reference in this story, and it should not exist.)
Character. Raven is a great character. Most of the characters are great. The antagonists at least have a personality, especially that aunt. The criticisms toward Javelin's actions are forgetting that he is a child.
He had a innocent childhood crush. On a whim, he gives her a huge gift, too young and rash to really care about the consequences. He becomes friends with the older brother of that crush, partially out of competition and urging from his parents to forge good relationships with the heir, but mostly because of her. He later receives a bracelet from her through the mail, and becomes giddy with excitement. Maybe she likes him too!
Then, while he is elated and dreaming about her, the news arrive that she died. And it crushes him, especially because it is his first loss. But family obligations of a prearranged marriage take precedence now. So he tries his best to put it behind him. Then, when Raven comes, he keeps denying it because he thinks he is lying to himself in hope, and continues on his attempt to move on for the prearranged marriage.
But after the coincidences become too strong, and he is finally able to see past the disguises, he acts like a complete idiot. AS HE SHOULD BECAUSE HE IS A CHILD. He thought he lost his first love, and now she's back. It doesn't matter how useless he is, he is too afraid of experiencing the pain of the loss again, and feeling helpless, and the regret of thinking he could have done something. He does stupid things like trying to save her because he can't think rationally when faced with the possibility of losing her again.
It's not Love at First Sight trope. It's the One that Got Away trope, or more specifically, The Lost Lenore trope. The initial interaction was Love at First Sight. It's stupid because children are stupid. The second interactions are distinctly different and come from a source of desperation. It's still stupid, but it's emotional stupid and makes sense.
Character score is still at 4, however, but may rise or lower depending on how the relationship plays out. There is not enough information, specifically on Raven, to determine if her emotional actions thus far have made any sense.