Original ONGOING Adventure Fantasy Romance Cyberpunk Harem High Fantasy LitRPG Low Fantasy Magic Male Lead Martial Arts Mythos Portal Fantasy / Isekai Post Apocalyptic Slice of Life Strong Lead Supernatural Urban Fantasy Wuxia Xianxia
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

Over the years, humanity spread its fingers over the surface of Earth. They left nothing untouched. Now, they can only build upward, leaving behind the poor and unfortunate to struggle on the forgotten ground below.

Once a person from those upper areas who lived in bliss during his youth, Sigmarus Grayson gradually lost everything and was banished to the streets below. Eight years into his suffering, he discovers a briefcase holding the item that will change his life forever.

Thus begins the journey of the RPG Immortal.

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
  • Total Views :
  • 130,593
  • Average Views :
  • 3,628
  • Followers :
  • 1,574
  • Favorites :
  • 336
  • Ratings :
  • 381
  • Pages :
  • 199
Advertisement
Remove
Go to Table of Contents
Rate it
Fiction breaking rules? Report
Advertisement
Remove
Author
Wandering Fool

Wandering Fool

The Fool

Achievements
75 Comments
1,500 Followers
Word Count (VII)
100,000 Views
Top List #300
Advertisement
Remove

Leave a review

Reviews
Sort by:
lemurianx
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Can't see where the story is going.

Reviewed at: Chapter 21

20 Chapters are normally half a book, but still, you can't see where the story is going. Gets a cheat and for some reason goes after a girl working in the brothel. His reason is that her eyes are bright. The plot seems somewhat forced. And at this speed, the story might take 100 chps until you can see it going somewhere.

knightshade1980
  • Overall Score

I have read all 26 chapters but nothing really happened. It feels like an overly long prologue to be honest. I like the setup but... sigh. I am hopeful for the future but bored of the present.

xcares
  • Overall Score

Weird improbable plot and setting

Reviewed at: Chapter 31

The world building is nothing new. We essentially got a society divided by the floor one lives in while the "lower floors" are isolated cause the cleaner people don't want to mix with the irradiated and mutaded "musk rats" as they're called.

I've read this same setting in at least a dozen books and even recall a webcomic (can't remember the title). The issue is that while the author is trying to portray them as incapable of changing the system he also assigns them the job of building supports to imrove structural stability to the whole edifice.... They have the ability to collapse floors and bring down the higher caste people and they didn't because??? In most real scifi works this is not possible, you guessed it, because of science. Self repairing or even impervious structures can solve that.

The setting here heavily reminds me Christopher Nuttal's "The empire's corps" series where Earth degenerates into a similar setting and the "undercity" rises to bring the end of society. 

The characterization people are raving about is normal or even subpar. Most characters are 2D and need a lot of fleshing out. They are more like breathing cliches right now.

The mc is a physical and mental abuse victim that was kicked in this hellhole but still retains his "proper morals". He can kill people that tried to kill him and by doing so get stronger due to the system....but he doesn't because he fears ending up like those murderhobos mcs in the novels 😂 Let's be honest, he's a closeted Mary Sue

That's it for now

Dreydfaer
  • Overall Score

First draft of a good story

Reviewed at: Chapter 34

I want to be completely upfront and say that this story started off quite well - while our MC was not quite fully fleshed out, and bit too tropey, I felt like we were really going to move in towards a compelling cultivation story in an interesting (if not too unique) world.

The problems with this novel start to appear when more characters are introduced. Rather than adding depth or increasing the connection we have to this world, we start to see the million loose threads that pull at this story in a really unpleasing way. Poor motivations and/or follow-through on the MC, weird choices on the importance of characters that should instead be set pieces, dialogue that feels juvenile...it's upsetting because of how much I was looking forward to where this story would go.

The most telling part, in my mind, is that the author themselves knows they have a planning/pacing problem based on a note in one of the chapters:

Spoiler: Spoiler

 The author would greatly benefit from taking some time off, drawing up an outline, and then refocusing on what plot points they really want to persue. At that point, refining the characters to reflect the novel's plot and goals will become much easier. I look forward to the next version of this story but really can't recommend anyone read this as is unless they are looking directly to provide feedback to help the author grow.

Justice
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

I see other reviews touting that it's a original/unique,never seen so far setup. I invite you to read on Novelupdate, it's common trope. The ia/system, Cultivation mix. Not enough to jump to the ceiling. 

(Voting 5/5 implies that it is perfect which is far from being the case from what I have read so far. Is it an unforgettable work for you at the same level as Lord of the Rings ?) 

Chap 5 "A few of the showgirls whose job was to pull in customers called out to him, but he ignored them. They couldn't increase his stats, after all." 

Was happy. A MC who doesn't loose focus. Next chapter 6 author ruin full white knight...

Romance tag -_-

j03man
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Great characterization

Reviewed at: Chapter 13

The characters a very well developed.

The futuristic setting is interesting and is conveyed naturally rather than with info dumps.

The Xanxia/litrpg elements feel tacked on in comparison. Would have preferred a more gradual exploration and introduction of those elements because the way they were introduced was not memorable.

Great grammar.

With just the outlines of the first arc coming into focus the story appears to have good potential. Definitely a slow burner but with the regular updates that isn't a  problem.

Abaddon34
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

New reader enjoying this find

Reviewed at: Chapter 15

This is a very well written litrpg story, taking place in the real world.

World building is excellent, characters are well fleshed out with their own motivations. Story telling is excellent.

Only warning is that this is a gritty dystopian future. Don't expect a protagonist romping thru monsters gaining xp. It's not grimmdark but don't expect sweetness and light either.

Let's see where it goes

 

todd
  • Overall Score

Cultivation meets dystopian future

Reviewed at: Chapter 25.5

I'll start by saying this is an interesting story and seems well written enough as it stands to go someplace with it. I'm not sure I'll continue, since it wasn't exactly the itch I was looking to scratch, for fans of cultivation it has a lot to offer. The setting is gritty, impoverished, and thoroughly desperate, with the only occupations currently revealed as construction workers, prostitutes, and scavengers, with gang members thrown in on the side.

The protagonist has his life turned around when he finds a device left behind by a godlike entity to provide a game-like cultivation system, where his last 9 attempts all ended in failure. It's from this point that the shell of a character begins to improve himself, attempt to help others, and reach out to others for the first time in years. It was at this point that I wondered how becoming a superhuman would help him succeed outside of directly conquering the other gangs, when it was revealed that the secret way to climb is a coliseum. Don't get me wrong, the story is well-written, but it seems apparent that Sigmarus will be leaving the ground and saving everyone by literally fighting his way up, rather than gaining any sort of non-combat RPG skills.

Basics covered, there are a few gaps that could stand to be filled in. The most noticeable being the seeming masses of people organized in town, but the only places shown are the Red district, which has prostitutes and a gym (and five gangs), Sigmarus' apartment, and construction sites. Brothels aren't unexpected, but there needs to be more than just foundation melders supporting the industry. There should be pawn shops, repair work, trades, maybe all food is provided from above, but people will still be scrabbling together slight improvements to their state of living. The world building so far has been solidly executed, but it feels like there should be a lot more fleshing out the narrow view we have.

Overall, it feels a bit odd to recommend a story that falls outside of my interests, but this plays solidly to the righteous hero that rises from the ashes and it does it well. There's a sense of inevitability that Sigmarus will rise as he grows stronger and break down each obstacle in his way, while not having (yet) lapsed into a power fantasy. So, if you think you might be interested, I'd give it the first ten chapters to see if it sticks.

Anthony1967
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

25% Litrpg 65% Gritty Dystopian 10% Cultivation

Reviewed at: Chapter 25.5

 Man this novel is unique and pretty well written. It has us in a dystopian world with him being a low gritty worker who fell from a higher level. Fell is an interesting word here as they have apt lingo like clipped wings and such tht makes total sense and adds realism to the story. He is a good MC (not a crazy white knight) have a bit of a heart as well (leaves sucky ass job for gang job to save girl which was already a good decision without saving the girl as gang job is more apt for his cultivation). We haven't got that much into cultivation yet but I highly look forward to it.

 

5/5 loving it

flavfs
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

A CYBERPUNK IMMORTAL, LOVE IT

Reviewed at: Chapter 24

Great story with great potential.

As far as the story goes, the narrator presents us a man, fallen to the lowest caste society has to offer, living his life through books, one day at a time. His fate changes when he stumbles upon an item that gives him an opportunity to reach towards what he long yearned for, freedom. The immersion is done beautifully, characters are sufficiently descibed by the narrator, leaving the reader interested and engaged through the direct intervention of the narrator, as well as through the interactions between the characters.

Great grammar with no noticeable mistakes.