When Your World Ends: Cassidy's Trial

by Syldor

Original ONGOING Action Adventure Comedy Fantasy Female Lead GameLit High Fantasy LitRPG Magic Strong Lead
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

Is the world changing or a new one coming? Cassidy is not exactly sure. For some reason life keeps putting her on the losing end and no one can answer her questions. Life as she knows it has new rules and it all surrounds this voice...

How's she to stay safe when she has choices to make that never used to exist and the whole world's gone sideways? What common sense is there when reality itself has changed?

"True courage is not the absence of fear but the willingness to proceed in spite of it."

--To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee

Image is not mine. Just ask and I'll take it down.

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Syldor

Syldor

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lenkite
  • Overall Score

Illogical, foolish MC that makes you want to pull out hair

Reviewed at: Chapter 26

This book had a terrific start and then the story went to the gutter. What a sheer loss. I am so disappointed. I thought it would be great.

The MC makes ridiculous decisions. She doesn't ask anyone anything. No questions to find out about matters in her new world. Never researches anything when she had the time and opportunity to do so. Goes on long, dangerous journeys without building her strength - especially when there is no reason to hurry.

Describes herself to be untrusting but goes about broadcasting who she is to everyone. Accepts drugged drinks from strangers. 

The other characters in her new world are also illogical.  One of her new companions tells her to join the "first adventuring" team  she can find. When she does so, she is berated for it - saying she betrayed them. WTF ? Then why did you tell her to join any team she could find - she operated on that advice.

Has a magical, fae creature on her property that gives her free stuff until she breaks the bargain via sheer stupidity - should have just kept her mouth shut. 

MarkM
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Interesting start - a girl and her dogs

Reviewed at: Chapter 10

 

This is a well written start for a system based apocalypse novel.  My only criticism is that the author has not spent a lot of time providing visual details and/or background about this new world.  Flip side, the world building has very much been done via show and not much tell.  I reserve the right to revisit the character and story scores as they are very much still in their beginning - the MC only recently started interacting with other people again.

Owlish
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Grammar has a few issues, and I suspect the first few chapters were gone over more often than the later ones. No big deal.

There's some interesting worldbuilding, and characterization of the MC, but the Impression I get is Complex But Shallow. For example, we know very little about the main character besides the fact that she's the owner of a 250 acre ranch that not only has been in her family for generations, but also has their graves. Which is a little weird, but whatever. Was she entirely self-sufficient? Did she have some sort of job? Mention is made of 2 "housemates" that went poof. Were they just renters? Long time roommates? Lovers? 

Same thing for The System. Which in that case may be a deliberate choice. We know there are skills, and things called skill trees, but that's about it.

SelimFarstrider
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Good start but poor continuation

Reviewed at: Chapter 20

This story starts out really strong but, as with most stories of this style really falls on is face once the main character starts interacting with people.

Usually the dialogue is the issue but that wasn't the case here. That was actually pretty well done. Or, I think it was. I can't really remember it which is usually a good thing. No, the issue is that the main character undergoes a complete personality shift and it's really frustrating to read. On top of that the character that is introduced is so aggressively unlikable that it really kills the story because the main character just takes it. In all fairness this is intentionally done by the author but they were a little too successful in creating an unlikable character.

I ended up stopping because I didn't like the direction it was going on top of really frustrating decisions by the main character and unredeemably annoying secondary characters.

The good news is that there is a solid base here for editing into a better story and if that ever happens I'd love to read that or anything else the author writes because the style of overall iswis done but I liked it too much to read more when it just wasn't living up to what I thought it should be.

*Had to give 2 star for character score. If I'd reviewed before she met anyone it would probably be 4 but her character went s little wibbly wobbly and the other characters introduced were pretty one dimensional.

CircusPony
  • Overall Score

This is a good story, and I am enjoying Cassidy's journey immensly. There are only a few grammatical errors that interrupt the flow and there is plenty of action. The MC's skills seem pretty well balanced so far, even with her quick growth. I have enjoyed the little bit of politics we have seen so far, and jope to see more in the future.

Now onto the not so great things. The author haz given us very few details about the main charcter, her life, or her dogs. I know that Cassidy has brown hair and was a paralegal. I think that is it. Did she have any surviving family, like cousins or aunts or uncles? Grandparents on either side of the family? Any distinguishing features? A scar, birthmark, eye color? How tall is she? How does she know how to use a bow? Was she really into archery, was it a skill she learned on her own or taught by a family member? Did she have parents at all or did she spring into existence eithout any background? And the dogs. All we know about the dogs are the obscure breed name, Louisiana Catahoula Dogs, reach her hip in height and that together they weigh 250 lbs. Leopard Hounds are know for their variable striking coats and eyes. Are they brindle, merle (if so hopefully not both otherewise puppies would be double merle), black, red? How old are they and how many litters has Sugarbear thrown?

 

As you can see, while I love the story, I have nothing but questions when it comes to the characters.

dak'kon
  • Overall Score

Good start, in a passive-aggressive way?

Reviewed at: Chapter 24

The first few chapters are good, Cassidy makes for an engaging character. She makes good decisions while not being superhuman.
Once we are introduced to more characters and the world the story starts to break down.
The world looks interesting from first glance right until we find out cities are called by the direction they are in (north and south city)We are told in passing that they have a real name, but it's not important - sorry northern city. Some planning and flashing out could go a long way to make the story better.
Interactions with other characters are passive-aggressive. Cassidy doesn't talk to other people preferring to let them pull her into whatever they want until she doesn't. Then she becomes angry and snappish blaming them for all the things she failed to communicate. It is frustrating and makes Cassidy an unlikable character.

Leonardo Nascimento
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It's a good story, with a different start from what I usually like, but it is good enough. 

I like her relationship with the dogs, her character and how her skills work. 

There's some things that are a little odd about her personality, but I think it's intentionally so. 

The world building is coming along nicely, it's not enough chapters to see if this world makes sensebut it's good so far. 

Up till now it has more slice of life than adventure, but not enough slice of life to my tastes, and not enough adventuring as well. I think it would be better to make then more prominent.

One of the things I didn't like is how she is apparently letting the flow take her, and not choosing things on her on. In her mind she is a grown woman that's strong enough to make her own choices, but on the story she is just going with the first person that commands her. That is pissing me off.

you shoudn'ta did that
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Great for RR, enjoyable if a bit grating at times

Reviewed at: Chapter 12

I'm not one to write long winded reviews so I'm going to be short and to the point. The writing style and grammar are good which is a plus however the characters can never seem so decide on what type of character they want to be. They often flip flop within the sane chapter in thier thoughts on one another and it can be rather frustrating. That said it's still enjoyable as a said and great by royal road standards.

Chilling_Monk
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All in All I think it’s pretty nice and worthy of being among the top of trending, I expect to see it there soon. 

 

The story jumps straight into action with the introduction of the system and the culling of humans, those who are left are merged into new worlds. 

 

While the start is certainly gripping, I feel like at points it could have been taken a little slower to explore the new reality and flesh out some aspects of the character. There’s a certain hectic feel to a large part of the story I don’t like, but that’s just a little bit of nagging on my side and it’s 100 % bearable. 

 

Our Mc mainly uses Bow and Dagger and and possibly a little bit of magic in the future. Together with her two Dogs she fights to keep her Home safe and survive the dangers of this fantastical world. 

 

The litrpg consists of skill trees with abilities and proficiencies, while the system in itself is fine I would have loved a little bit more focus on it at the start, I hope in the future it will receive more attention. 

 

The grammar is mostly fine I think, nothing that was disturbingly obvious.

 

only thing a little bit annoying are the sudden unmarked POV shifts with literally zero differentiation between the lines, even a single paragraph would help a lot 

 

all in all it’s looking nice and I hope the author can keep it up. I will certainly keep reading  📖 

abaditude
  • Overall Score

I liked some things about this story, enough that I continued to read it despite growing frustration. I wasn’t sure where the story was going but I was sticking with it. I can’t say that I’m entirely disappointed that you tapped out for a rewrite. For what it’s worth I will share what frustrated me.

The skill system doesn’t make sense. Tiers are based on all of said characters skills reaching a minimum level, but said character can pick up random skills doing random things, so the more skills you have the less likely you are to get to the next tier. So in theory someone could shovel manure all day every day, be an master at manure shoveling and get to tier 10, but someone that was a ranger/void specialist/alchemist (for example) could have extraordinary skills in one or two of their skill trees yet only be tier 0. There hasn’t been a mention of skills having a cap within a tier level meaning that one could have one skill at 1 and 100 skills at 100 but still be tier 0? But then tiers are shown to have a influence greater than the explicable sum of skill points making it even more confusing. Via what mechanism does a teir 3 resist a knife to the throat from a tier 1 person? Does tier system influence resistance? Does it know the skill of the person wielding the knife? How would that effect a projectile like an arrow? Wouldn’t an arrow be an arrow regardless of the level of the person that shot it? If a tier 0 person pushed a 1 ton boulder off of a cliff onto a tier 10 person would the tier 10 person not be hurt?
There is a not so fine a line between writing erotica and writing a story with characters having normal sexual/romantic urges. You are not in the same zipcode of that line. All of your (human) characters are written as being completely asexual but oddly the animal companions are not. This seems like an odd story choice, but I’m not judging. Having characters show attraction, likes, dislikes, humanizes them, making them more (or in some cases less) relate-able, and more realistic. So far I know that the MC likes tea, her dogs, and another character seemingly likes new fashion. The characters need more animus, and agency. Give them passions, dreams and desires, fears and phobias, something.
The characters as written make choices that fly in the face of previous choices. The MC, as an example works very diligently, even obsessively, to raise her skills at a system prompt, but when faced with the real danger of traveling to a place that she has been warned is dangerous, with very little information about inherent dangers or even curiosity about dangers, doesn’t bother to train herself up at all, but does focus on training her new associate (in one particular skill, that she has no idea will give her any particular survivability) whom we are told she doesn’t trust. We are told the MC doesn’t trust the bard because she suspects that the bard can charm people. Then we find out she can charm some people and MC has an even harder time trusting the bard…but what was the bard supposed to do? Ultimately isn’t charming someone less severe then filling them with arrows? Regardless, the MC later has no problem having her bard friend immobilize people she she can cut their throats. People are not always logically consistent with their morals, some are even wildly hypocritical but this seems particularly egregious. Of all the story flaws logical inconsistency was what I found most frustrating. I could go on about it, but I’m not sure it would be constructive at that point.
Anyway, I kinda like the main character even though she needs some work and I like the basic premise of the story, I hope you continue with it.