The boy who fell in love with a tree
This is story about a boy how fell in love with a tree…
A story about powerful people changing the rulebook to stack the odds and line their pockets…
I aim to create a story that will transport us so we get a glimpse of what that boy felt. The first 4 Chapters might be classified as a prologue depending on how you look at it. The boy quickly grows and the story really starts when the System arrives on Earth. I’m trying to achieve a relatively slow power progression and guide what we learn at a pace following the people in the story. There will be fighting but It’s more focused on base building. The MC is not all powerful and all-knowing but he has some significant advantages.
I’m trying to create a universe that makes sense in its own context. Much of what you will find, are my own world views, in a magnified way, as to make it for interesting fiction. The story took a life of its own when I started to write and I’m really happy with it. Not all of the tags I have marked will immediately be applicable. There is stuff planed for far in the future such as the Sci-fi tag. There might be some cursing and gore but it is not very often.
English is not my primary language, so I ask everyone to be forgiving. If you see a glaring error I would appreciate a msg but it is not feasible to fix everything. And if the story offends you, I wish you happiness, reading what you enjoy.
Img link: https://unsplash.com/photos/EwKXn5CapA4
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- Overall Score
The story is nice - a boy and his grandpa go to a grove, his grandpa dies and he continues to go to the grove and continues to nurture it. Over the span of 10-odd years, the grove grows insanely large and a system integrates. The MC is then taken to the 'starting village.'
The story is light-hearted and extremely slow-burning. The story is in serious need of a slice of life tag.
I have a handful of problems:
1) The grammar being pretty bad, even after being edited. The likeliest cause of the bad grammar is probably the fast release of chapters. Just a reminder to any authors, a fast release means nothing when it harms the quality of your story.
2) The tags. I'm fairly sure the tags were added without even knowing what they mean. There is no satire, despite the satire tag. This is not a satire story. There are no sci-fi or cyberpunk elements, either.
3) All of the characters feel extremely one-dimensional. There are no characters with any sort of personality, and they follow orders and talk like they're all set on default settings.
I wish the author great luck on their future writing endeavors.
- Overall Score
A lot of spelling and grammar issues than need to be edited at some point.
Storytelling suffers from incomplete descriptions, and generally confusing writing at points.
The plot itself seems fine to this point, nothing special but nothing wrong here either
Now the following is more of a Commentary(rambling) from my personal view and a readers perspective to how the story could have been done to grow more interesting, it might contain a few spoilers so I’ll hide it.
Litrpg is in a sense a genre with unlimited potential for storytelling (I guess in theory every genre has that potential lol ) ,because the possibilities are literally endless. The concept of “the system” allows for easy explanations or rather excuses for a lot of cool fantasy stuff that in a normal fantasy setting might require a whole lot more of setup to seem reasonable.
Guy kills something for the first time with a bite ? Boom ! slap him with something like “devourer” class,
in a regular fantasy setting you would probably need an entire backstory why someone has that kind of physique or whatever, unless it was completely random.
What i I mean to say is litrpg allows for easy setups to shape a character and the story fairly easily. And that is a quality that I feel is firstly, extremely important and effective for a good story, the litrpg should be a feature instead of just some minor aspect, and secondly, it is unfortunately also a trap for a lot of starting authors.
RoyalRoad features lots of Litrpg novels and it’s sad to see that many of them fall back to the same washed out concepts again and again.
Your story starts out perfectly fine, with a fairly unique premise of the kind of symbiosis between him and Pando and even certain supernatural skills. Great your story starts differently and is interesting.
As is Tradition the Mc receives some op advantages with system arrival, which is 100 % fine. Our character needs to be interesting for the story or it wouldn’t be interesting to read obviously.
Next however comes the phase where imo opinion your story loses most of its power.
His entire connection with Pando turns into an backstory with little to none influence on the story, and he turns into another cookiecutter random Mc and start smithing.
( I know at some point we will return to Pando but from what I have seen that could be hundreds of pages away)
Now while smithing is seen a lot on RR I don’t want to say it should never be used again. However you should really think about what it brings to your Story and if it sets yours apart from others. Examples below
A: smithing is really important for the story, basically it’s main theme and you are also really fucking good in writing about smithing
B: it is essential for your story and character to progress through smithing even if it’s just a “sidejob” at this moment, i.e. he will turn into metalmage
C: the setting and logic of the story make it more then reasonable,
i.e. you get isekaid into dwarvetown and need money to leave so you either learn smithing or to make booze
Now of course I don’t know where the story will go exactly in the future and if he will turn into some craft king but I found it really disappointing to read basically the same thing for the hundredth time, even if there is slight differences and focuses. There wasn’t any real explanation what even drew him to smithing compared to other crafts available to learn. ( we know there was more but little was shown)
This is brings me to my next point, Enchanting. Smithing I feel is in a lot of ways just a way to implement enchanting, probably the easiest. There where a lot of ways for you to implement enchanting and magic without relying so heavily on the overused and frankly kind of unnecessary smithing sections.
Besides enchanting he also dedicates time to magical theory, wood preparation, paper production, magical theory and halfheartedly meddles in politics, finances, business deals and exploration. You basically turn him into a generalist who is just slightly better at everything he does then the rest of his village, even tho he starts with ridiculous advantages compared to others. In other words your character turns superbland.
There were so many different thing you could gone with I mean he even has the obvious affinities to more nature related topics that could have been interesting, woodcarving, growing, he could have made bows, shafts, basket weaving and his enchanting could have been introduced here just as well.
If he’s sad about all deforestation why not try to plant more trees, just like he did with Pando ?
You build up all this character and then waste it completely, let’s be honest almost everything he is doing someone else is perfectly capable of as well to 99%
im not saying a little bit of split attention is bad, I think it would have made a lot of sense to start with a little bit of smithing, start his own wood infusion business from there and make the transition to forest based stuff from there like bows and carving and enchanting and even exploration. And it would have been like 90 % the same elements yet a whole different story.
The closest analogy I can come up is that your story is like a oil color palette, you can mix those slightly and slowly build up different colors and gradients to make a beautiful painting with incredible depth, but if you take all those colors and mix them away it’s just gonna be brown paste, and I feel at some point that’s exactly what happens to your story.
I hope some of these words don’t seem to harsh I enjoyed a lot of your novel but I felt like a had to ramble a bit.
I assume you have plans going forward and I feel like an author should never bow to all the preferences and desires of wishfullment of his readers but I will leave some advice nonetheless.
1. You have to find a reason for your characters desire for growth/power, be that helping humanity, Helping Pando or even wish for personal power and fear of the council. Have him behave accordingly and grow into that direction, somebody who mainly wants to help humanity will try to evolve into a different direction than somebody who isn’t worried as much about general humanity and prioritizes Pando over independence of earth. How does he intend to do that ? Economic power ? Personal unstoppable power ? Power to support and help Pando as much as possible ? Will his skills reflect that ?
These do not have to exclude each other but “direction” or rather “goals” are important.
2. With recent sneakpeaks into possible political troubles with other villages how will he behave ?
Is killing other humans an option just to stay independent and not bow to others greed ?
He never wanted to be in a leadership position, yet he still is one of the head hanchos and and actually takes part in advisorial roles, his opinion holds weight. What will happen if he vehemently disagrees with an important decision.
3. Your character should show growth, not just in stats but in mentality as well, use events to challenge his worldview and shape him.
I have put a lot of (I Hope constructive) criticism into the spoil and some advice.
I want to say that I read up to the latest chapter and while there is a whole lot of space to improve I also think your story has a lot of potential, with time and practice your general writing should improve and I think that’s already been happening anyway.
- Overall Score
love the idea of this story. But the constant switching of POV with no warning just drove me crazy.
- Overall Score
A pretty good novel that makes me see the story in MC's perspective even while i'm binge reading.
It feels like i got the 'Perception of Time Manipulation' skill.
I readed for an hour and it feels like i'm inside the story for a week.
Keep up the good work!
Also, a message for you fellow reviewers. Try not to review and give 2.5 stars when you've just readed the first chapter.
- Overall Score
It is a story with a few cliché things a few new things.
I really enjoyed. It does bring you in another world. Grammar once in a while is a little lacking, but that is to be expected.
(5 stars for the effort.)
Give it a try, you won’t regret it.
- Overall Score
A very interesting idea
But my main issue is it switches from first person to third person randomly and makes it extremely hard to read.
Other than that and some grammar issues it's ok
- Overall Score
Switches from 3rd to first person
And there is gonna be some really wierd colored "sap" dripping fron a hole in the tree...