The boy who fell in love with a tree

by HeisenbergNasc

Original ONGOING Action Fantasy Satire Sci-fi Cyberpunk Dungeon GameLit LitRPG Low Fantasy Magic Male Lead Martial Arts Mythos Portal Fantasy / Isekai Post Apocalyptic Ruling Class Strategy Supernatural War and Military
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity

This is story about a boy how fell in love with a tree…

A story about powerful people changing the rulebook to stack the odds and line their pockets…

I aim to create a story that will transport us so we get a glimpse of what that boy felt. The first 4 Chapters might be classified as a prologue depending on how you look at it. The boy quickly grows and the story really starts when the System arrives on Earth. I’m trying to achieve a relatively slow power progression and guide what we learn at a pace following the people in the story. There will be fighting but It’s more focused on base building. The MC is not all powerful and all-knowing but he has some significant advantages.

 I’m trying to create a universe that makes sense in its own context. Much of what you will find, are my own world views, in a magnified way, as to make it for interesting fiction. The story took a life of its own when I started to write and I’m really happy with it. Not all of the tags I have marked will immediately be applicable. There is stuff planed for far in the future such as the Sci-fi tag. There might be some cursing and gore but it is not very often.

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English is not my primary language, so I ask everyone to be forgiving. If you see a glaring error I would appreciate a msg but it is not feasible to fix everything. And if the story offends you, I wish you happiness, reading what you enjoy.

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Img link: https://unsplash.com/photos/EwKXn5CapA4

  • Overall Score
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  • Grammar Score
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  • Pages :
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HeisenbergNasc

HeisenbergNasc

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ColeSlah
  • Overall Score

The story is nice - a boy and his grandpa go to a grove, his grandpa dies and he continues to go to the grove and continues to nurture it. Over the span of 10-odd years, the grove grows insanely large and a system integrates. The MC is then taken to the 'starting village.'

The story is light-hearted and extremely slow-burning. The story is in serious need of a slice of life tag.

I have a handful of problems:

1) The grammar being pretty bad, even after being edited. The likeliest cause of the bad grammar is probably the fast release of chapters. Just a reminder to any authors, a fast release means nothing when it harms the quality of your story.

2) The tags. I'm fairly sure the tags were added without even knowing what they mean. There is no satire, despite the satire tag. This is not a satire story. There are no sci-fi or cyberpunk elements, either.

3) All of the characters feel extremely one-dimensional. There are no characters with any sort of personality, and they follow orders and talk like they're all set on default settings.

I wish the author great luck on their future writing endeavors.

Chilling_Monk
  • Overall Score

It’s messy but the Spirit is there

Reviewed at: Chapter 38

A lot of spelling and grammar issues than need to be edited at some point. 

 

Storytelling suffers from incomplete descriptions, and generally  confusing writing at points. 

 

The plot itself seems fine to this point, nothing special but nothing wrong here either

 

Now the following is more of a Commentary(rambling) from my personal view and a readers perspective to how the story could have been done to grow more interesting, it might contain a few spoilers so I’ll hide it. 

 

Spoiler: Spoiler

 

 I have put a lot of (I Hope constructive) criticism into the spoil and some advice.

I want to say that I read up to the latest chapter and while there is a whole lot of space to improve I also think your story has a lot of potential, with time and practice your general writing should improve and I think that’s already been happening anyway. 

 

 

jpat1988
  • Overall Score

love the idea of this story. But the constant switching of POV with no warning just drove me crazy.

NickXenix
  • Overall Score

A mysterious vibe.

Reviewed at: Chapter 32

A pretty good novel that makes me see the story in MC's perspective even while i'm binge reading.

 

It feels like i got the 'Perception of Time Manipulation' skill.

I readed for an hour and it feels like i'm inside the story for a week.

Keep up the good work!

 

Also, a message for you fellow reviewers. Try not to review and give 2.5 stars when you've just readed the first chapter.

FuerGODrauka
  • Overall Score

It is a story with a few cliché things a few new things.

I really enjoyed. It does bring you in another world. Grammar once in a while is a little lacking, but that is to be expected.

(5 stars for the effort.)

Give it a try, you won’t regret it.

a REALLY tall farmer
  • Overall Score

 A very interesting idea

But my main issue is it switches from first person to third person randomly and makes it extremely hard to read.

 

Other than that and some grammar issues it's ok

Carter
  • Overall Score

Not that interesting

Reviewed at: Chapter 01

Switches from 3rd to first person

And there is gonna be some really wierd colored "sap" dripping fron a hole in the tree...