The Core in a cave in a mountain

by Mathesthos

Original ONGOING Adventure Fantasy Dungeon GameLit LitRPG Magic Non-Human lead

A new Core and his informative System take on the task to nurture this new dungeon.
A Core learns the ways of the dungeon and grows his power. Will he live a long life or be devoured by power-hungry individuals?

New chapter every Thursday.

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
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  • Ratings :
  • 56
  • Pages :
  • 143
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Mathesthos

Mathesthos

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McKing
  • Overall Score

Promising Dungeon Story

Reviewed at: 12. Monster den.

This is competently written, and I find it easy to empathise with Core. The action scenes are gripping even with low level combatants. The worldbuilding is slow and steady, interesting even as the story focus on dungeon building. The actions are well thought out, even if you might not necessarily agree.

This is an encouragement for you to keep on, but I'll point out some things, a few of which I'm sure you have considered.

- interesting way of unlocking creatures, but seems mighty slow

- undead creatures can show some more personality with leveling

- hope non undead creatures are more interesting, a fun part of dungeons is their quirks

- pacing is ok, take care not to let it drop

- add interesting challenging parties, the brothers were one

- dragon side of things is interesting, I wonder what's up

Litrpg101
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

I've seen many dungeon building stories before, and while this isn't the best, it's by far not the worst, so it's good overall.

I see most of this stories problems going away over time, so I won't talk much about them.

I would change that white text on white background paragraph though, I could barely read that.

It might also do you well to add a few characterd with more developed emotions. I'm not saying your characters are dreary or anything, it's just that having your two main character being a baby core and a system answering his questions can be fun in theory, but dull in actuality.

Still, it's got a follow and favorite from me.

tunder0Z
  • Overall Score

YOU ARE DOING GREAT BUT PLEASE READ COMMENTS ON YOUR PAST CAHPTERS SOMETIMES

Reviewed at: 15. Bigger waves

thanks for the story it was fun to read and i hope for more 

-also grammar could use a bit of work so dont get frustrated at people pointing out mistakes, it shows they care enough about your story that they want it to be as perfect as possible and dont get discouraged couse of the trolls-(5h1t posters) toxic comments are their way of showing they care about something too hahaha

ps. good job on geting into trending even if not in the top 10 ;) and i wish you good luck in life and writing of this story