Vagrant — CYBERPUNK / SCI-FI

Vagrant — CYBERPUNK / SCI-FI

by Briizy

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

The Year is 2150, Chicago is ruled by the elite, upper class, and everybody is monitored by government surveillance. 

Desirae Abernathy is the daughter of a rich congressman who wants all personal and extracurricular augmentations outlawed. In a world of technology, this type of ideology can taint a family name and put hit markers on anybody who wears it proudly. Luckily for Desirae, that type of respect is not in her blood.

After a streak of rebellious involvement with minor illegal activities, Desirae finds herself involved with a notorious gangbanger that wants to use her for her father's database of sensitive intel. What was once a relatively innocent exchange turns into a life of stealing, murder, and personal advancements that will turn Desirae’s life on its side. 

When she dives into the infamous gang, WiredSec, and explores her options as a street criminal, she finds issues within politics, within herself, and war hidden beyond the artificial neural network that could mean the end of her and everything she has ever known. 

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
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Author
Briizy

Briizy

Brianna

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drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
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Zat
Overall
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Story
Grammar
Character

This story follows rich-kid Desirae that's looking to add some excitement to her boring life by dabbling in a little underworld crime behind her daddy's back. She ends up getting more excitement than she bargained for when she wades a little too deep and falls into the deep end, where DeVile is waiting to gobble her up.

Style is great, the writing feels right for a cyberpunk crime drama. Everything comes across well, making you feel the stakes, and tension building as things go sideways.

No problems with the grammar. It's well written, and aside from a small typo here or there nothing I would really say could be improved.

The story certainly seems interesting. It's very clear there are plots and machinations afoot, that we're going to need to find out as the story continues. I have the definite sense soundsofhysteria has a story well planned out for this one.

 The characters seem well thought out. We have a rich girl in over her head, a crime boss finding out he may not be as on top of things as he thought, and others joining the party to stir this pot.

I suspect this will be an interesting work filled with many a plot twist and backstab, while our characters try desperately to keep themselves afloat.

I suppose I'll see in time!

 

Laovi, The Eldritch Banana
Overall
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Character

Great story so far. It's one of the better cyberpunk story's on here

Style- It's fun and engaging to read

Story- Pretty well thought out world and plot so far

Grammer- One of the better ones on here. The mistakes are few if there are any they are quickly fixed

Character- The characters are well thought out and believable. 

Over all it's a great book and you should give it a try

 

Sea_chelle
Overall
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Character

Great start to an interesting novel!

Reviewed at: ⌿6⍀ High School Daze

The first six chapters of Vagrant are a great step up for an interesting sci-fi novel. The plot is engaging and I was easily invested in the stakes. The characters are fun, complex and have good chemistry with each other. The descriptions are vivid, the dialogue witty. The quality overall is quite high.

Style

Both the dialogue and the descriptions are clever. The dialogue feels natural and flows. There is also a good amount of sass which is always a plus. The descriptions are vivid and paint some good mental pictures. There is good variety in word choice. Very occasionally there is something a bit wordy or something I have to re-read to understand better what’s happening.

Story

The stakes feel high from the beginning. It feels like the main character has something to lose and I felt a real investment in what was happening. There is good foreshadowing to how the plot will unfold. The different concepts explored in this future world are interesting.

Grammar

I didn’t notice any grammar or technical mistakes while reading.

Characters

I was rooting for the main character, Desirae, from the start. Even in the first few chapters you see different sides of her, her motivations and struggles. The side characters feel like they have purpose and that they have layers. The chemistry between characters feels good, the relationships believable. 

Overall the beginning of this novel was well written and engaging. I am excited to read more of Vagrant as it comes out.

 

 




honeysedge
Overall

EVERY CHAPTER JUST GETS BETTER AND BETTER I LOVE BOTH BOOKS BY THE AUTHOR 

George Haufman
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Style: The pacing and flow of all the authors sentences is refined nicely. I think the narrative style fits this novel as well enhancing the plot greatly. 

Grammar: No mistakes that I saw all around great grammatically.

 

Story: I love love love love the setting. The premise alone is one of my favorite types of stories so if you like cyberpunk story about street rats and other awesome tropes this story is for you. 

Character: I love the choice of the main protag's personality and she interacts organically with all the other character cast. 

 

Note: I have been reading this author's other fiction and I can say any small issues I took with the writing in that fiction have been massively improved on. Keep up the great work!

Vera Anne Wolfe
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Overall: I found the story intoxicating, once you get past a bit of an intro/exposition, the active world of Vagrant takes hold and takes you for one hell of a ride. That said there were a few quirks about the MC, Desirae, that kept me from giving this an otherwise perfect score. Don’t let that deter you from enjoying what could potentially be an otherwise riveting read of science fiction spliced with fantasy. This is a world where augmentations make you almost superhuman; and they also happen to be illegal.

Style: The exposition/intro start I mentioned above is one of the things that did not work for me. I don’t like starting with the “details”, especially when the cover and synopsis have me hyped for the action that is to come. I also don’t see why these details couldn’t have been broken down and delivered in the following active scenes. Something I would encourage the author to consider, as that was a sizable chunk of the opening chapter.

Story: Once I got to the active part of the story and Desirae's ill-conceived plan to trade a list of names to a notorious gang leader, known as DeVille; paying attention was no longer a problem. However, this is where the characters quirks started to rub me the wrong way. She is described as smart, Einstein even, in the intro/exposition (perhaps that was sarcasm) and goes on to say how her “street smarts” have kept her out of trouble so far. BUT she willingly walks into a meeting with DeVille, who she knows already by reputation and things go sideways fast. Like, newb walks into the boss room and pulled agro with no healer or dps support fast.

She is salvaged by the good graces (and greed) of said gang lord—and as she reveling in all the shit her decisions tonight have now landed her in (none of which she cared to consider before apparently) I felt no inclination, whatsoever to feel sorry for her.

Grammar: A few (possible) missing words that I pointed out and I’m sure will be remedied, but otherwise nothing I can recall at this point.

Character/Daddy Issues: I mentioned my lack of empathy for the MC’s plight. The intro/exposition made me feel one way about her father; then we meet him and I was instantly jarred that he didn’t match up to the 'horrible neglective dad' the synopsis and intro prepared me for. No big deal, but the way she wines about him not giving her attention, while she intentionally goes behind his back and places them both in danger, his career in jeopardy, oh but she enjoys the perks of the family name (dad’s a big shot politician) kind of kept me on the fence about her.

Like is she just spoiled? Naive? Does she just complain about everything, even the shit she gets herself into, because of Daddy issues? Where is Mom in this picture? Why doesn’t she get her fair share?

And why are Daddy Issues the sole justification for an eighteen-year-old to slink around the slums with an illegally obtained list of names to trade to a gang lord who she believes could kill her and her family?

The WHY is this plot even happening this way is probably my only complaint about the book at all. If I understood why then I might understand Desirae better. I might understand her motivations and weaknesses better. I see where the plot is going, and I like it, I’m just not sure how we arrived.

Sii
Overall
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Grammar
Character

Chicago sounds kinda neon

Reviewed at: ⌿6⍀ High School Daze

6 chapters so far and I think it's off to a very solid start. It starts off with a very atmospheric first chapter that introduces us to a familiar yet alien world that feels like it could actually be what our future looks like. 

The story and characters are the strongest point of the novel. There are hints at a larger, riskier plot that are pretty exciting to spend some time thinking about. Desirae is relatable in her hubris and rebellious nature and I'm looking forward to her becoming a truly badass MC after some bumps and bruises. DeVile is interesting and mysterious, he comes off as the villain before showing that he occupies a wholly grey area. I definitely think he'll be my favorite character as the story goes on and I'm rooting for him to go out in a blaze of gunfire and cigar smoke. I'm am looking forward to some high octane action as the story unfolds.

Style is very well handled. The author commands third person limited very well and infuses a good amount of voice. They do a very good job of putting us, the reader, into the shoes of each character. The language used is easy to read and digest while also being evocative and descriptive. Grammar was my only gripe because of some repetitive sentences, a few clunky sentences, and missing or miss-used words that can trip up the reader. This can be easily fixed and I will most definitely adjust my score at a later date as the author has shown they are receptive to feedback from readers. 

I'm excited for what the move has in store for us and will continue following it. 

Zenopath (AEV)
Overall

Desirae is over her head, delving into the dark underworld of this cyberpunk thriller. With the gang boss DeVille looking to see how he can take advantage of her, I can't wait to see how this clever if naive debutant will manage to escape his grasp, or maybe they will somehow form a special relationship?

Either way, this well writen and clever thriller looks be building up steam. Already I can see hints of a deeper conspiracy behind the scenes. This author has big ideas and is not afraid to put them to the page. I can't wait to see how it develops. 

Redchaos1
Overall
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Firsts this first, your style is top notch, it is absolutely and seriously the best writing style i have ever come across. The concepts driven into by this story are well thought out and surprisingly deep, this story is pure story telling at it's best.

HashBrown
Overall
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Story
Grammar
Character

REALISTIC CHARACTERS IN A CYBERPUNK SETTING

Reviewed at: ⌿5⍀ Insignificant

Like the synopsis mentioned, Vagrant is about Desirae Abernathy, a daughter of a rich congressman who wants all personal and extracurricular augmentations outlawed. In a world of technology, this type of ideology can taint a family name and put hit markers on anybody who wears it proudly. That's also the reason why she found joy in the adrenaline rush of being a part of  illegal activities.

Soon after, Desirae got involved with a notorious gangbanger DeVile (wait...is that a pun for the word... devil???) who wants her father's database of sensitive intel. Desirae saw that as an opportunity to make a quick buck. But the supposedly innocent exchange will turn into a life of stealing, murder, and personal advancements.

Style & Grammar: 5/5

The style of Vagrant was a third person-perspective writing. It was well written and I didn't feel the style and grammar hindering my reading experience. So 5 stars in both categories for me.

Story: 5/5

Still in the early chapters but I see a lot of potential here. Realistic characters can turn a story into a good one (which I will discuss in the next score) so I'll give 5 stars here.

Characters: 5/5

As the review title mentioned, the characters were realistic. From the MC Desirae to the newly introduced characters like Vesna. Heck, the author 'soundofhysteria' even gave us a realistic teen protagonist in the form of Desirae. Though her actions doesn't scream smart, it was fine because what should be emphasized is her rebellious phase and her attitude resulting from his father's negligence. Soundofhysteria perfectly showed how someone would act in that kind of circumstances and I'm looking forward to see how her character will improve in the next chapters.

But as I was saying, everyone has their own quirks so I'll give 5 stars here.

Over all, I rate this story a 5 star. Totally recommendable to others and would get popularity if done right in the future chapters.