A World Forgotten

by Termitejl

Original ONGOING Adventure Fantasy GameLit LitRPG Multiple Lead Characters Portal Fantasy / Isekai Ruling Class
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

***This story will contain lite-litrpg elements, mainly character pages and a town page. There will also be settlement building and adventuring, missteps and achievements. But one thing it definitely won’t have is a harem. Nor will it have an overpowered MC. Contains mild cursing.*** 

 ***feel free to critique my writing and offer input. This is my first venture into writing. I've always enjoyed litrpg/gamelit books. I feel like I write how I talk, so it may be a little different. You won't hurt my feelings if you see something wrong or out of place! ***

***What follows is a condensed part of chapter 1. Enjoy!***

Drew Cooper is thrust into a new, unfamiliar world. Waking up in his sweats and t-shirt near what seems to be a forgotten path through some woods, he struggles coming to terms that he's no longer in his apartment. As he tries to cope with his new reality, he hears a horse coming down the path. He hides behind a nearby tree dreading what may happen next. As the horse approaches, he sees a man walking next to it. The horse is burdened with packs and gear. When the man nears, Drew nearly panics. He has a large sword strapped to his waist, obviously a fighter. He continues to hide as the man slowly passes only for the man to stop a dozen meters past his hiding spot. 

"You may as well come out, ya know. You weren't as well hidden as you thought," the man stated matter-of-factly, letting the horse’s reins go and putting his hand on the hilt of his sword.

Slowly and scared for his life, Drew raised up and walked from behind the tree. "I-I'm sorry. I wasn't planning on attacking you. I-I don't know where I am. I heard your horse and hid. I didn't know what you'd do if you saw me. I'm sorry," he nervously blurted out.

A minute passed. Then two. The man seemed interested with Drew and stepped closer, eyes squinting as if trying to see something. "What's that on your shirt? Is that. What is that? Is that, Pac-man?" The man was visibly shaken while pointing at me. 

Looking down at his t-shirt nervously, "Yea. Yea. I woke up here a few hours ago I think. 3 maybe 4 hours. I’ve just been sitting here. Where am I? What's going on?" Drew asked.

"That's not important right now," the man replied. " What's important is where you're from. What year is it?" 

"What year? April something 2020. Why? What's going on?" Drew continued now worried.

The man was taken aback. After a few moments, he seemed to calm himself some. The man sighed and looked at Drew in earnest. "Well, I've got good news and bad news for ya. Bad news is you're not on Earth anymore. Good news is you happened to run into me and not someone else. You’re either really lucky, or it’s fate we met in these woods, and I don’t believe in luck." The man continued to walk towards Drew while talking and put out his hand. "I'm John Mitchell from St. Louis or thereabouts. You’ve got nothing to be scared of by me. Walk with me and let’s talk."

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Termitejl

Termitejl

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JcW Swe
  • Overall Score

Enjoyable fantasy gamelit settlement-building story

Reviewed at: 26. The Verdant Forest

The story is about mainly 2 persons from earth who spent different amount of time in a new game like fantasy world. Together with other people they build a village. 

It contains alot of village/settlement building and not as much adventuring so far, you need to like those kind of stories to appreciate this story. 

 

The story is good, but can be alot better with some work on the characters. Grammar and language seems to be good, above average on RR. I would prefer the story to pick up a bit in pace with less focus on small details on every construction, the story has been going on for few weeks in 26 chapters. 

 

Overall I recommend this story to anyone who likes isekai, gamelit, litrpg and kingdom building stories. 

 

Thank you to the author for sharing your story with us btw :) 

 
After writing a few suggestions in the comment of chapter 26, I figured I would do a review also and just write down the suggestions from chapter 26 in the spoiler text down below.  

 

Spoiler: Spoiler

 

 

Jinjitsu
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Isekai with down-to-earth city management

Reviewed at: 14. Decisions, Decisions

A World Forgotten is about two guys in a foreign world trying to build their new life.

Story

The main bulk of the story is, as of this review, about the protagonists going to and building a new settlement. There are hints about many possible paths for the future of the settlement already strewn in the story, and it doesn't feel too linear currently.

Grammar

Nothing serious here. A missing capitalization or a missing word are the worst offenders I could find.

World

This World has LitRPG elements and a system. The system is intuitive but sometimes a bit hard to read with many references to sub-menus especially in the city menu. This could maybe be improved by showing a smaller excerpt of the menu, but it is already hinted that this could come.

As the focus is on the village we don't know much about the "outer" world yet, but I hope it still happens.

Characters

The introduced characters have distinct personalities and are overall fun to read. There are only two problems I would have to address. The characters are pretty accepting of the circumstances they are thrown in. I guess I'm used to more drama in stories and real life. The other is a lack of notable female characters. The only one I can remember is the cook which is in itself maybe not that great especially in a Kingdom-Building scenario.

Artwork

The author sometimes supplies his own artwork which is quite "unique" and at the very least a delight for the reader :P

Summary

A solid story in the genre with fixable flaws. Should be kept an eye on.

Note: Maybe add the "Ruling Class" and "Multiple Lead Characters" tags.

whaddock
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A bland take on city building

Reviewed at: 13. Making a Community

If this story is lacking one thing, it is conflict. However for those who simply want a step by step guide on how to build a settlement then this might be for you. 

Spoiler: Spoiler

This review was slightly longer than I meant it to be and I apologise to the author if it comes off as too harsh, but I believe it is missing the core component of any good story, conflict. There is no challenge, no clash of personalities, no battles, no character growth and not even a love interest to spice things up. In my mind a bland book is unreadable. Not to say it is unsalvageable, one of the most frustrating things I found was the multitude of potentially interesting set ups that were then seemingly ignored or forgotten about. 

No complaints about Grammer.

psenior
  • Overall Score

Relevant to my interests

Reviewed at: 29. Trade Caravan

If you like slice of life fantasy,  this is the story for you. 

Mister Bill
  • Overall Score

Quite good so far

Reviewed at: 8. Status!

Just finished chapter 7. Quite good story so far. 

Good and not too complicated system. Reminded me a little of WoW with the class and job stuff. Just started city building, which I really like. Realistic side to the spells and sword play stuff. 

I'd say definitely give it a read. 

Avadonia
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Not that bad but really boring (Ch. 4)

Reviewed at: 4. Innsbruck

I know i shouldn't expect lot of action at chapter 4 but everything seem so bland for now, the MC have nothing special about him and i know he's into another land with a friends that seem to know what he's doing but he take no action of his own and have no personallity yet imo, the friends have nothing remarkable about him either, we know he's rather high level but he's almost a glorified tutorials, he's here to tell the MC what to do (which is fair) but don't have much other personallity trait than being helpfull.

I'm not sure if i'm biased/tired or that's the reality of this story but i can't read a story that is that unexciting, yes i know it's supposed to be a settlement building story but if character aren't interesting since now i doubt the story will be much better later, i'm sorry if it appear rude but that's what i think of the story.