Rakshasha's Heart - Prologue

Rakshasha's Heart - Prologue

by Erykon

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity

Adventurers - They posses immense strength and courage, as they delve into mysterious dungeons and ancient ruins. They pioneer unexplored lands, and defeat mythical creatures. When the world awaits its destruction by evil, they step forth to vanquish it. Or do they?

A hunter boy from the countryside has a cynical view of adventurers contrary to normal beliefs. When destiny takes a turn for the worse, what choices will he make, after his hidden potential bursts forth?

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  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
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Erykon

Erykon

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Infamous VIX
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A fresh new read after a long time:

Reviewed at: Afterword

Here are some of the things i noticed in this novel.

1. I've read a lot of novels by now(ofc not on this site, I'm pretty new to this particular platform). I have been into asian novels mostly. Typical xianxia/wuxia ones like martial world, chaotic sword god, magic fantasies like City of sins and I've dived into korean game themed novels. But somehow the theme seemed to be fresh in this one. It's not necessarily new but the take on the idea feels fresh.

2. Style: The writing style is very vivid and looks like the author really took his time to review the grammatical and spelling mistakes. hence the amount is so minimal. The narrating style looks like western story-telling plus the japanese manga style dialogues to me. Which is in my opinion a plus point. Coz it's easier to imagine that way.

3. Characters: All the charachters showed vibrant feelings and had a huge spectrum of emotions. One of the things I loved is that no-body is portrayed absolute Good or absolute evil. Every parties' situations are described in such a brief and timely manner that we get a glimpse of their background but still has an aura of mystery added to it. I'll admit at certain points I can say what's going to happen next but at times there are situations in this novel where I can't predict shit. Which in my opinion is for the best as this thing is marked as a prologue. Certainly piques my curiosity.

4. Scenes: I loved the fighting scenes. The way the author describes it, it's really easy for me to imagine the fights. They're descriptive enough that you get the whole situation and climatic enough that it hypes up your interest to utmost level. The fights were not predictable which is a definite plus. The descriptive narration reminds me of scenes from Heavenly Jewel Change. Thankfully enough it's not that descriptive lol.

But then I go into Dialogue and normal scenes and somehow some of the instances looked lackluster to me. Now, it's only my opinion. Maybe other people won't notice such things, and maybe some of the like it too but I think I needed to say that as it's my review. I wish the dialogues were the type you find in SEVENS.

It has a lot of gore elements and they're usually associated with action scenes so they too are quite descriptive as well. So, people who can't handle gore, skip the action scenes. The gore scenes are similar to the novels "Second life Ranker" and  "The Second Coming of Gluttony". That should be ok in many people's book i think.

5. Story: The name certainly picked my interest. Being an Indian myself, the name "Rakshasha" holds a totally different meaning for me. I know it's much different take on that root but I'm anticipating some slight touch of our mythology to the Rakshashas here ;)

In my opinion the prologue arc was a bit more sad than normal. The never ending cycle of despair was a bit too long. I personally don't have any problems with it coz I firmly believe that bigger things can't be done without a huge motivation. And like it or not revenge-alike motivations last till the end. Don't worry, this is not a revenge driven story but it can go border-line that.

 

So, in the end I'd recommend people to give it a try. While it might not be the newest of ideas the novel itself has enough fresh elements to sate everyone's interest...

authorwriterbard
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

The author has a firm grasp of the art, but is still learning the craft, if that makes sense. If you take away the mechanical elments(grammar, style, etc), and focus on the story he weaves, this is some good stuff. And that's forgiveable, it is his first time writing, apparently.

But, that being said, somewhere between chapters 8 and 10 there's a serious improvement. So if you're turned off by the mechanical stuff, at least give it until then.

The author has a very vivid writing style, at times it feels almost like you're watching Discovery Channel(read literally the first couple paragraphs and you'll see what I mean). I like it. It's a unique voice, and those are few and far in between.

Overall, I recommend this novel and look forward to seeing what the author can do in the future.

Thedude3445
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Rakshasha's Heart Weekly Review

Reviewed at: Chapter 17 - Despair

Rakshasha’s Heart - Prologue is a complete story (besides the implication that the title gives), but reading about half of the story I found a lot of issues that may prevent it from becoming a bigger hit with readers who may be interested in already-complete stories on Royal Road.

The setup is pretty familiar. We are given a small village in a fantasy world with interesting setup and simple-life characters, including a young boy who serves as something of the protagonist. Then the bandits attack and you know how it probably goes. A huge number of non-isekai fantasy stories on Royal Road follow this opening and Rakshasha’s Heart is no different. The characters are all plays on familiar archetypes as well, especially our young protagonist Legas.

One interesting element is the nearly omniscient point-of-view that sees the entire state of events unfolding throughout each scene. During the big fight scenes in the early sections it is almost like a collective POV of the entire village as it battles bandits. It’s not very common to see omniscient POVs in fantaasy stories and it’s one of the more positive notes I can give.

I cannot, however, give positive notes to the prose.

The story often tries to imitate the Japanese light novel style, with sound effects and gruesome violence and dialogue that often includes a lot of yelling. But the narration is filled with so many details that the flow isn’t very strong. And the sentences themselves have awkward constructions that make it difficult to parse what is going on or form no images in my head. For example:

He had short blonde hair and a french beard. His forearms that rested on the table were so, that it looked like a bundle of thick iron sticks. With a friendly smile on his face, he chatted with the village folks laughing every few instances.”

Or:

The third person did not stop his charge, thrusting his sword forwards without hesitation, since the axe swing had lost all its momentum from slicing his comrades.”

Or:

Witnessing such a scene, Shreya had felt that she would lose out on a precious fragment of herself as a conscious being if she decides to run away.”

Or:

Her palms were sweaty and a reddish tinge laced her eyes that had teardrops within them due to panic.”

These sentences are all very strange and just a selection of the many many lines that made me go, “Huh?”

Honestly the grammar is pretty off in a lot of places. Especially in the earliest chapters, misplaced commas are a huge issue and make it difficult to read. And even in these selected quotes there are grammatical errors as well.

Regardless of how the rest of the story will go, if the writing doesn’t get a serious editing pass or two, I don’t know if I could recommend this story to very many potential readers. I think the story would see a major improvement with those edits, though, and I encourage the author to keep working at the story to make it as great as they are able to.

Mirrond
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

This story is very good. Sure, it does take quite a while to really take off (whatever happens, keep pushing forward until at least chapter 11-12), but once it does, it's good. Well-written, with much better descriptions and so on than in my stories (ugh), and it's clearly an interesting start of a novel. 

There are rare cases of words that don't really fit, and the text didn't go through the text-justify procedure which is pretty basic and really improves the style of the text, AND there is the issue of slow take-off (it's not the best way of writing, because many people will go meh before reaching the action part), but as a whole, it's very well written and interesting!

Unintelligent Donkey
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

It’s a pretty stand third-person omniscient point of view. I think that the author started out with a rather slow pacing, but the story really picked up after the first ten or so chapters, and I was hooked.
 
The author employs a very descriptive style and the fight scenes were certainly very gripping and vivid. But I felt that the tone was slightly passive and that somewhat affects immersion in a few tenser moments, I could see everything the author describes in the fight scene, but it’s just lacking that teeny tiny punch to it.

I loved the story and I loved the characters, the story was easy to follow, and the world was built up really well. It’s still a prologue at the moment, and I can see that there’s a lot of possibilities for the MC to evolve (it’s building up to be a will he/won’t he revenge story).
 
I was really moved by the dramatic scenes the author employed (chap 29), and I feel like the dialogue in that chapter shows that the author wants his characters to lie somewhere in the morally grey area, and that’s something I really like.
 
There were some parts that I felt were a bit wonky, but take it with a grain of salt, since it didn’t affect the story and I’ve been told that my sense of grammar is very wonky
 
Overall, I really enjoyed this novel, and I really can’t wait for the main story!

Vowron Prime
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

This story really doesn't pull its punches. Action-heavy and intense, the fights are brtual, gory, and visceral. All things I love, and if you do too, you may really enjoy this one. The MC is quite jaded for someone their age. Normally the adventurers are the good guys our heroes aspite to. Not here - given the questionable behavior we've seen thus far from the bandits, his stance seems both tragic and justified.

Story

We've opened up with some serious action and village assault. We know the MC hates adventurers, but where will he go from here? It's shaping up to something good, and Legas' progression from jaded child to... anything really, will be quite interesting to witness.

Style

I had a few stumbles here. Oftentimes the impact and kinetic aspect of an action scene will be diluted by interspersed exposition, uses of the passive tense, or just narrated events that omit some of the emotional and kinetic aspects of what would otherwise be a really cool action scene. By shortening their sentences and tightening up the prose, the author's action - which is some great stuff - will really shine.

Grammar

Here again, I think sentence construction could use a bit of improvement, but recognizing that this fiction is both from an author new to writing, and written in a language that is not their primary, this is already a very impressive display. Given the author's open-mindedness to input, I am sure that we'll see significant improvements in this department as they gain more experience.

Character

I really like the MC, Legas, and tbh I wish we'd seen more screen time from him until now. It's not often you get justifiably-cynical MC, for whatever reason, that character type really resonates with me, and his character is well-done. We haven't seen a whole lot in the way of side-characters yet apart from his family (some of whom kick some serious ass), but I'm honestly good with that. I'd just like to see more of him!

Overall, though it has some technical niggles, this story seems like it's shaping up to something compelling. I'd also like to congratulate the author for completing their first fiction - not a milestone many reach!

Crazy_Cronie
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

No LOOPHOLES! The author covered up everything at the end... To all the new readers, don't leave it just after reading first few chapters. Pretty hard to believe its the first novel the author wrote...

 

Different from other asian fantasies this novel has many unexpected elements. the fact that 

Spoiler: Spoiler

 hit me pretty hard. 

 

The style changes affter first 8-10 chapters whch shows the author is improving his writing style.

 

Well overall I will just say if you like gore content; unexpected elements; different personalities this novel is a must read

Vera Anne Wolfe
Overall
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Story
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Character

Full disclosure this is a Review for Review exchange.

Overall Score: 4.5/5 I would recommend this story for those who like reading about adventurers, but don’t mind adventurers being the bad guy or at least, less than trustworthy people, as this story seems to suggest. We follow Legas, a boy whose father was an adventurer, before he died under mysterious circumstances that led Legas, and myself, to believe his adventure party was somehow at fault. This creates a bias in the boy that isn’t helped by the new batch of adventurers who have appeared in his village just as the monsters who dwell in the woods around them start behaving strangely. However, as is often the case, it's not the monsters Legas and his village should fear.

 

Style Score: 4/5 The pace was slow. Personally, I like starting with action, and hunting a horned rabbit did not give me anywhere near enough. Even when we did get to the action, 8-9 chapters in, it was either told to us passively or expressed primarily form a guard who wasn’t even given a name. This was a big miss on the part of the writer. We want to follow characters we’ve been introduced to, know are important to the story (usually the MC), and are therefore invested into their survival. Most readers are heartless enough to not care if a guard dies.

Another overall issue I had with the story was it was very passive/tell. Which again, muted all possible moments of tension even if what was happening was interesting.

There was also a language barrier, that I initially mistook for novice writing, either way several sentences felt over worded or incorrectly worded—and a decent amount of editing is needed.

I did mention the use of ‘sounds’ or onomatopoeia could perhaps be done in the narrative, but I allow a writer to choose their own style for the most part so I accepted that was how it would be in the story. The use of unique onomatopoeia was interesting and made the overall style/story stand out from others I’ve read on RR thus far.

 

Story Score: 4/5 This ties into the above-mentioned lack of tension. I don’t mind a slow-paced plot, I like a slow-paced plot—but as a writer, you have to hook the reader early on and this story did not do that for me. Which, in a way is odd, because the story isn’t bad, it just doesn’t grab me in a way that makes me curious enough to want to know how it ends. I would attribute most of this to the passive writing (already mentioned) but I do feel it could also be the choice of scenes, which characters commanded those scenes (guard for example), and what information was conveyed (info dumps) that were or were not relevant to the overall plot. Too many negatives in the above area drag the overall story down—and again, it’s a good story.

The best moment overall for me was when the guards saw the bandits charging towards the village. That was probably the first “emotional jolt” the story gave me. But then it petered downhill. That fear and tension could have been held and even strengthened if we had followed Legas and his little sister, or even his mother—as I said in my comment—it was a huge miss.

 

Grammar Score: 4.5/5 I do not remember anything in particular other than a few misspelled words or typos I marked in my comments. But there was plenty that needed editing due to the awkwardness of the sentence.

 

Character Score: 4.5/5 When it came to Legas, Lora, and Shreya I had a pretty good picture. The rest of the characters Lena, Betti, I’m not sure anyone else was actually named, could possibly be a bit more fleshed out—but since a lot of people are probably about to die (though I think those two will survive) this may not be necessary.

YAK Edge
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Story 3/5

Rakshasha's heart takes place in an asian-esque village that is surrounded by a forest of monsters, which for a Xianxia is rather unusual. Then again, Xianxia are usualy Chinese-themed. Thee culture in Rakashasha's heart feels more indian. So, it gets points for creativity and uniqueness. The story follows Legas who is an adolescent hunter and because of the death of his father, wary of adventurers. Usually, adventurers are protagonists and cleanly on the side of good. Here, that seems not to be the case. So points for uniqueness and creativity as well. That being said, the pacing is extremely slow.

Characters 3/5

We have a somewhat unique in our MC Legas, who skedaddles the line between immature impulsiveness and naivety and bitter cynism. The other characters aren't that fleshed out yet, but this far into a story. 

Grammar 4/5

A few mistakes but that's it.

Style 2/5

The story's biggest issue is the writing style. Rather than immersing into the world, it feels more like watching a documentary about the lives of a tribal village. That causes one to feel detached from the story. There are also several anachronistic phrases. Several sentences often feel awkwardly structured.

Overall score

This is a writer's first attempt, so one should cut him some slack. Fans of Xinxia and Monster Hunter-esque stories could enjoy this.

 

Endoudkazuto
Overall

A story with huge potential

Reviewed at: Afterword

I don't think anyone would be able to tell that it's a novice writing if not for the author's endless ramblings about it.

It is really well written and probably better than many of the poorly written and/or translated webnovels out there.

Though many things can't yet be remarked upon as this is a prologue, such as the character building as it takes time, one can see that the story is well thought out. 

Grammar gets the highest score, it's almost as good as the story itself, with the use of vivid words and life like descriptions, it really steers up your imagination.

And the storyline has a lot of potential, it can be seen just from reading the prologue. It gets you hooked and seriously I can't wait to read the rest,but oh well let's hope it comes out soon.

Though I don't really like the tragedy part, i guess it's essential for the protagonist's growth.

Anyway, it's one of the good novels out there.