The Oddity: The One Who Does Not Belong
A purple ball descended from the sky, a gift from the primordial dragons, granting many races of the world access to magic. Unfortunately, humans were not one of those. During the great war, the magicless humans were nothing more than fodder, meat shields. Until one day, their powers awakened. After the war, with the ability to now wield, fire, water, earth, wind, or lightning, powerful magicians gathered to build a safe haven for humans, the Kaldora Empire. Before the humans had magic, other races prospered with it. But, within their midst, there were... oddities. People with an affinity for two elements. Each one leaving some sort of disaster in their wake. Each one, not quite fit for this world. A young boy's family, killed in an accident, only he and his sister survived the night. After that, they were split up, each taken in by a different relative. It has been eight years since the flames engulfed his home and most of his family. With his magic powers finally showing itself, he goes off to a magic academy to better learn about his newfound powers. But as he grows, something else does as well. The voice inside his head, the thing that influences his thoughts, the monster that he wish was gone, the devil inside his heart. This is a tale about connections. NOTE: The story will be slow for many of the chapters and the time will also match it, ex: goes by day by day. The time mostly will be used for introducing and adding to characters. It won't pick up until somewhere in the twenties but there will be action and events earlier on such as the missions. Just a fair warning.
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Accurate as of chapter 10.
EDIT: Accurate as of the latest chapter 48.
First, I will be correcting one reviewer who misunderstood the character’s rage. The MC doesn’t go into unexplained rage. It is heavily hinted that the seal on the MC has to do with being unable to control his anger. The MC also goes into rage as he sees another person being beat up. So dear reviewer, i think it is rather unfair for you to say that it is unexplained. The cause behind his rage is unknown but not unexplained.
With all that said and done, here's a proper review for this story. I made a quick review a month ago and I have to give any potential readers a proper review of the story.
My review will be following the basic reviewing guide: http://royalroadl.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=21996
When talking about style, we are talking about consistency in story telling. This means when we describe a chronology of events or a scene happening, we can clearly see the flow of events.
Now, EyeBall1844 doesn't have the best writing style. With the way he's writing, it seems he has yet to master the first person story-telling perspective. Mind you, this first-person perspective is very challenging to write well.
When EyeBall1844 started telling the story, he switched POV too many times. I've not checked if the earlier chapters have been edited or what not, but the POV switching made reading a kinda difficult.
HOWEVER, he has improved. At one point in the story, he decided to mainly tell the story through the protagonist.
However, this has some weakness. He tells the story through the protoganist too much now. Because he tells the story through the protagonist, there are points in the story where it would be nice to hear of another person's POV or thoughts or motivations. We do get the backstory of a few minor characters but they're not really the characters we want to see in action.
If you're reading this, EyeBall1844, I strongly recommend to let us see Axel grow. I mean you finally revealed his background to us but the more I know him, the cooler i think he is. There are characters that you make us fall in love with. Please focus more on them.
The story initially started off kinda eh. That's because the plot didn't seem clear. And right till the latest chapter, the plot still isn't really clear. There have been many arcs. However, we're not really sure how that factors in into everything. But one thing i'd like to make clear:
When you read this story, think of it as a collection of episodic chapters or arcs featuring the protagonist and returning characters. There's a lot of events but they feel more like things that happen daily throughout the life of our protagonist. Sometimes he beats bad guys. Sometimes, he goes to school and doesn't really do well there. Sometimes, there are some chapters telling you of certain people's backgrounds.
-Don't discount this story because of the episodic arcs though unless episodic arcs aren't your thing. There have been arcs that were great. The latest arc from about chapter 35-ish to chapter 48 is arguably pretty good because we finally get to see the protagonist's background.
There is one complaint that I would like to emphasize:
It's not detailed that our character is growing in terms of strength. 48 chapters in and we don't really see if our characters have grown in strength. I mean, our protagonist is strong. But we never get the feel that he rises to a challenge. Instead, it's more like he always does what he can. Not that he does not struggle or lose. He DOES struggle. He DOES lose. Just not in terms of losing the war. He may lose the battle or faint later but he has yet to not accomplish his mission.
Because of that, I haven't see him push himself to grow AFTER the whole arc is done. We've seen him show his ability and face enemies stronger than him. But what we need to see is if he's showing gradual improvement or mastery of current or new abilities. That makes a better story because we get more invested into a character who strives.
On the other hand, there is growth in relationship with quite a few other characters. But not the relationship with who i presume to be the main heroine hasn't grew a lot. I think it will happen soon. Maybe.
The world: We've learned a lot yet our knowledge of the world is still somewhat murky. EyeBall1844 has described bits and pieces of the world, but i think it is time for a world map. That's long overdue.
Grammar and Vocabulary:
You might see that i've put a 3.5 stars for the grammar and vocabulary. First things first:
The grammar is good. The grammar is fine. In fact grammar isn't the reason for a deduction in stars.
The real reason i feel is his use of English. The prose that he uses to describe the events and ongoings of the story is not vibrant enough. Take a look at this section from Chapter 27. No worries, there aren't spoilers. He's just visiting the library:
Nothing in the library's changed, except for the new shelf. Normally it wouldn't be a big deal but these shelves hold at least a thousand books. They range from stories about the past, to gods, and to recent events. I don't know who has the time to write all these but they must really enjoy it.
"What kinds of books do you usually get Rainen?" Axel asks.
"Factual ones." I say.
"Boooring. You should at least read some fiction, you can learn a lot from those."
"And you can learn a lot from the factual ones too."
I walk up to the desk where Mr. Reader is at.
Now you may argue that this is a boring section of the story to cut out and paste in this review and it may be unfair to use the mediocre parts of the writing, but i feel it's necessary to point out that vibrant use of vocabulary is fun to read.
As you can see from the blockquote, the description is rather mundane from time to time. Often times, the prose that he's using is not enough to express what should be expressed: Personality from other characters and a clear and vivid scene of what's happening.
I know what you're thinking: "But that's the struggle of EVERY writer."
Yes, i know. I'm just being a tad grumpy. I just want to nitpick on this because i feel that at this point, EyeBall1844 has improved enough to start varying his sentences and use more colorful language. When describing a place, it's much better to remark on the ambience, the color, the placement of things.
For example, let me describe a library for you:
Ah, our school library. As long as a hallway, as wide as an auditorium. Multiple rows of tables are placed in a structured x by x manner, forming a rectangular mass for students to sit and enjoy the golden crisp pages of these ancient books. Why they don't use new copies of the book, i have no idea. Maybe it's because there's a scent of paper that just permeates throughout the library.
Where this smell permeates the strongest is in the giant shelves of books, resting in the background behind the tables. If you were attentive, you could see two flights of stairs, each hidden by the tall shelves and each flanking the left and right of the library. They lead to the second floor, shaped like a window frame with the first floor as it's picture if you looked down from above.
But to the denizens on this ground floor, we look to the heavens to see a picturesque stained glass, framed by the second floor, depicting our great savior, Lu Hua. The sunlight coming in blesses the plain green carpeted floor with more colors than it could ever wish for.
What a wonderful library this is.
This description is far too detailed for a novel on this website. But i believe it illustrates the point that even describing the most mundane of things can be interesting as long as there's good command of vocabulary.
Notice that I've used a lot of adjectives, i've described the place, and i've talked a bit about how it FEELS to be in a library. If there's anything to focus on, EyeBall1844 needs to make us reader's feel the place around him.
Now, I don't expect EyeBall1844 to needlessly describe every place he goes to. That would just hinder the story. The example above is not suited to a novel. At least, not from what i'd expect.
I also don't expect him to improve his prose anytime soon because classes never did teach you how to express with words. Only books do. So learning how to express what you want to express is hard. I just wanted to show that he could benefit from widening the vocabulary.
The characters are likeable. The protagonist is strong. The main heroine is also strong but we've not seen her go all out yet. There is strong potential for these two if they became better partners. By better partners, I mean both of having better teamwork as a tag team(which they already are) and a deeper relationship.
The strong potential is due to their contrasting yet matching personalities and abilities. The protagonist is more of a fighter than a mage. The heroine is pure mage. The protagonist has a more direct attitude towards talking to people and facing situations. The heroine is somewhat shy and hesistates then takes action. There's this subtleness to their complementing abilities and personalities that makes me look forward to pairing them up.
There's also side characters. Axel, his friend from school is awesome. Confident, playful, used for comedic elements occasionally, he provides the vibrancy that our protagonist lacks. Mind you our protagonist is snarky sometimes so Axel complements this snarkiness. This is detailedly shown in the latest arc as of this review.
His master has a somewhat mischievous master although we don't see him much. There's a group of people the protagonist is working for and i'll refer to them as his coworkers. Note that he works for a vigilante sort of group where they patrol the town for @holes and take up jobs to beat bad guys.
Anyways, this is my personal opinion, but i don't really care about his coworkers. They're just that, coworkers. Their connection to our protagonist is not strong. They're events that make his coworkers like him more but they just don't feel like an important member of the story. To put it crudely, they're kinda like the side characters that would die if you had to kill someone in the story. I await to see their importance to the story.
Probably one of the slowest series I've ever read.
The first book can be a bit difficult to get through, but with the authors growing experience things start flowing a lot better. You might find it difficult to follow with constant pov switches, but it all works out in the end.
The characters are very well written, so much so in fact that I hate the two mc's. Side characters are diverse and quite frankly very interesting.
Grammar is for the most part fine, very few mistakes I as a non-native speaker pick up on.
The story and lore is incredibly fascinating, just don't expect too much in the beginning. There's a very slow trickle of information through-out.
All in all well worth a read, but get ready for some frustration when it comes to character interactions.
Just to start I am not very good at giving reviews but here I go.
When I started reading the story it was a little slow but it hooked me with it's unique magic system. This being that no one has more than one affinity and if they do it usually leads to disaster in some form. I don't understand when people say the story is slow or uninteresting, is it because it actually is building towards something and not just constant action? The little moments actually build the characters more, you get to see how they react in different situations and understand their problems and what formed them into who they are. One thing that I'm usually not a big fan of is having more than one main character but in this story I like going back and forth between Rainen and Ellar. I love reading their awkward interactions between each other and getting to see both sides you know they both are interested in trying to understand the other but struggle because of their differences. Moving on I love how there is a deeper plot going on behind the daily experiences of the main characters, sometimes you get to see side characters that show the deceit and problems to come in the future. Overall I think this story is very enjoyable and would recommend others to give the story a try.
My first review.
The novel is right up my alley. I love the main protagonist and how his story progresses. The pacing is fairly good but some arcs are slower than other. The premise is interesting and there are lots of mysteries surrounding the world and events that are happening. One of the better reads on RR.
Pretty good fiction. Idk why you take what people think so serious, just do what you want and enjoy, the story is quite interesting and its's one of the few that has a realist feel to it. Good job, keep it up!!!.
I'll just list the goo and bad things that I've noticed so far:
- Grammar is decent
- Story is basic and unoriginal
- The little background we get is flimsy
- I managed to hate all of you characters by the 5th chapter
- Unrealistic/Annoying character dialogue/reactions/actions
- MC (Already forgot his name after 5 minutes) gets angry for no apparent reason as the lizard is getting beaten up (BECAUSE THERE IS NO SOLID BACKGROUND)
- Your writing style seems particularly bad at some points (For example, when MC was in the arena and he was getting called to fight. You constantly kept saying that MC's magic was super weak and even had the MC think it to himself. But then he suddenly "Unleashes" and easily subdues the Bully guy. And BOOM suddenly MC is actually so powerful that he needs a seal...GG on that one)
- Just the story/dialogue isn't interesting. I skipped at least 2/5 of this entire story so far because it was boring. You can't even blame me for skipping it either.
- Why are there so many POV's, especially in the beginning of the story? That's like stretching the thin frame of this story even further. Instead of focusing on the MC's development, you already have multiple characters with flimsy backgrounds and no development.
- Righteous MC who gets angry at the slightest injustice, MC with a massive power that requires a seal, Parents died in an accident during childhood...Just listing the unoriginal themes that make up YOUR ENTIRE STORY!!! Pick one or two and incorporate them into some original ideas.
I'm not going to say stop writing or anything, but you should try and improve your writing as you go on. I don't really care because I don't plan on reading this story anyway.
Did this review when i was at b2ch8.
My review is going to be brief.
The intro of this story is good and gets you hyped for the next chapters but that stops after a while and gets very annoying by the time i get to B2.
There are 2 main reasons for that:
- Too much focus on side characters. IT'S SO ANNOYING. If you delete half of the scenes from Ellar p.o.v there story would still be good. I dont mind them when it's to explain things from another pov or its something core for the story, but in your case you use them for useless dialogue and useless interactions between Ellar ,Elis and Iris. Once in a while it's okay but like a saying from my country "neither 8 nor 80"(basically neither too little nor too much).
- The mc growth is WAY too slow either in strengh or character. This is mainly because of the first reason but still i can not see improvement on rainer. He doesn't figure absolutely nothing about what is inside of him, his past is way too blurred for us readers, etc. The good aspects of his growth are the interactions he has with the '12', the headmaster and a few other characters. That part IS good but because of the focus on Ellar we mostly get those useless conversations between E.E.I. .
I'm only a reader and not a writer so the tips advices i'm going to give are based on my experience on the thousands of books i've read(literally thousands).
- You probably figured this out already but i have to mention this again . FOCUS on the MC. Mutliple p.o.v. are only good on certain stories like Game of Thrones because they use the p.o.vs to explain the world and it's politics, your story isn't like that so keep the p.o.vs to a minimum.
- This is a tip that coincides with the first. I can see you want to grow Ellar characther (obviously) and that is not bad if it doesn't ruin the mc growth which it does unfortunatly. You should either change the story to a duo mc story with ALOT more background on Ellar making her more interesting to read (but still tone down the interations between E.E.I.), or simply tone down the Ellis p.o.v. and use it for important parts, for mistery or when the story REALLY needs it.
This the most i can give right now. I dropped it right now but will probably reread it sometime in the future.
In a nutshell the story has a lot to give but its not used properly.
Keep it up.
As much as I like this story which is a lot considering I binged over 60+ chapters in one sitting; there is a few issues I'd like to point out starting with Rainen.
Now I'd like to start this off by saying I like the MC; Rainen is a pretty decent character but his most glaring flaw is procrastination. As much as Rainen admonishes himself for being too weak, he never does anything about it. Immediatly after giving himself shit for not being strong enough he'll go right back to doing what ever it was he was doing just a few minutes prior.
Sure we've heard all about the training he has done with his teacher before but since then we have not seen nor heard of any kind of training that Rainen has subjected himself to in his quest for strength. Instead he sits down and make's a promise to himself to gain power but what happens then? The answer is nothing. Now I don't expect him to just magically gain power out of nowhere but for a guy who want's be strong enough to help people he cares about; he sure likes to sit around and day dream about that training.
Now I don't know if Rainen's lack of gains is due to the plot or lack thereof; not that I mind too much about a missing plot but sometimes there just doesn't seem to be one but as of B2 Ch-13 that seems to be getting remedied but the lack of progress on Rainens part in my opinion is the lack of focus on his PoV which by the way; there are too many PoV swaps.
Most of the PoV's are from Rainens perspective but there are also a lot that are not. Ellar is one character who's PoV I don't mind seeing; I like Ellar, she add's a perspective of the MC that we don't normally get to see but a lot of the random character PoV's we see; at least in my opinion do not add much of anything to the story.
When I get to a part of the story where I'm reading the PoV of a character two nations away and three cities to the left; I end up not caring about it at all and I just skim the chapter until their part is over and the reason is because it is not going to be brought up with Rainen anytime soon or at all but most of the other reviews have touched on this subject so I'll stop talking about it now.
I like this story quite a bit and I'm a little sad to see that hiatus tag up there. Overall I can say that I've seen improvement over time in the chapters and story telling and my only wish is that there is more focus on the MC and more progress with his issues and goals since he doesn't feel like he's taken very many steps forward as of this moment and I know there's that "Multiple lead characters" tag up there but honestly it feels more like Rainens story to me but maybe that's because I like him as a character more?
One of the biggest thing's we've seen absolutely no progress with is Rainen's literal "demon". I understand that it is "sealed" but it can still influence and talk with Rainen unless that little moment was just a bit of a hallucination but for a dude who's depressed and emotionally unstable/power seeking; this demon sure is missing A LOT of opportunities to gain anything from Rainen's moments of weakness.
Honestly this has gone on for too long but over all the story is fun to read, as I said I like it and I would like to see it continue soon; just try to actually give both Rainen and Ellar some real progress toward their goals.
Some people are saying that he goes into unexplained rage, and that he gets a power burst for no reason.
Ok for one if you dont think that someone else getting beaten to shit is no reason to get angry then you are some closeted asshole who has lost contact with human society. For two he was holding back, and for three, although its not explained that he got a power burst for nothing, it is pretty obvious that he has something sealed in him, as it says "whats inside me" a bunch.
The characters are nice and the POV's are justified, to show why she was reacting, and besides we needed to know about her as a character an how she thought. Other than that, backstory is nice for Carlyle, so we can know more about him, like that he was learning advanced magic at a young age, hinting that hes very strong.
I cant find any mistakes in the grammar, and yes while not ALL that much has happened, its been only like 10 chapters, and at this length, there have been several key events.
Well the story started a bit...awkward I wasn't really sure if I even want to continue with it. But after all these chapters I think it's pretty decent and at least worth giving it a shot.