The Traveling Technomancer: A Westward LitRPG

by JC Chambers III

Original ONGOING Action Adventure Fantasy Romance Dungeon High Fantasy LitRPG Magic Male Lead Portal Fantasy / Isekai Reincarnation Slice of Life Steampunk
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity

When Owen Westward dies in a bank robbery, he is given a second chance at life in a new world filled with magic, adventure, and mystery. Although he is out of his element, he will use his knowledge of the old world in combination with the magic of this new world to become The Traveling Technomancer.

Story is aiming for PG-13 levels of content. Tagged with Profanity & Gore just to be safe.

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Author
JC Chambers III

JC Chambers III

Anime-Inspired Epic Fantasy Author

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th30dor
  • Overall Score

Unbelievable MC and character interactions

Reviewed at: Chapter 4: Night

The story has weird issues. The grammar is good. There is a glimpse of an interesting magic system, and the idea of a technomancer in a medieval style world is interesting and provides a good hook for the story.

But all of that is dragged down by the way the characters are written and interact with each other.

MC's interaction with Azure,  one of the first people he meets, is really jarring and not believable at all. Owen just experienced an insane amount of trauma. His own death, loss of loved ones, his entire knowledge of the world probably made redundant. And he behaves like a horny high-school teenager. "She looked like a goddess".

Owen wildly swings between "I have a strong psyche I'm good at dealing with stress" to "oooh boobies me likey".

MCs internal monologue tells us he is good at compartimentalizing and then the writing proceeds to make the MC act the opposite. The author tells us one thing, and shows us the opposite.

Azure herself is also a big bowl of not making sense. She casually shrugs off her entire team being wiped in front of her eyes, and her own impending death. So that she can info dump the MC and take care of him.

Theres also an issue with how Azure talks. In one of the chapters, a comment mentioned how she uses a lot of American slang, and that is very jarring. It indeed is rhythm breaking to hear a medieval spellcaster say something along the lines of "super", "like, yeah", and "did a number on him".

Theres also something weird about the consistency of the world. After the first fight, the MC and Azure are returning back to town, by slowly walking there. It takes about half a day to a day. They exit a forest, they pass through some valleys, they round a mountain(?), get to a large plain with a river in it next to a city. See what I mean? Its really hard to imagine such a world being real.

There are good ideas here, but the writing, world and character consistency are holding it back.

some_total_kretin
  • Overall Score

H FOR HYPERCOMPETENTLY BAD HARDCORE HENRY

Reviewed at: Chapter 5: Moonlight

TL;DR: Reckless mary sue iseakied into a variation on Ilya Naishuller's action movie protected by plot armor so thick it might as well have it's own portcullis and lookout tower. With system that seems not so well thought out, but I'll give it a benefit of the doubt.  

Talk about fast off the starting line. The MC goes from zero to hero in about 5 chapters of balls to the wall action scenes that make my eyes roll like a casino slot machine.

The obligatory pre-isekai prologue with a heroic death is nice, but the actual "reincarnation" is firmly in the category of the weak. So weak in fact, that the worldbuilding and exposition elements are just skipped and we're instead thrust into another sudden over the top action scene with the MC as the "underdog hero".

That seems to be the emerging pattern, as if the author once saw a treatise about the potential of the action scene written in shit on Michael Bay's outhouse wall and decided to test every last one of it's claims.

Don't want to do worldbuilding and exposition? Action scene!

Don't want to introduce a character and deepen a relashionship? Action scene!

The system is not exactly explained but I need the MC to win? Action scene with plot armor!

Bloody hell!

And some questions as an appendix:

Why the hell does everybody have so low level and why the fuck do you introduce one barely-believable chart topping action scene after another without any buildup whatsoever?

Why is the MC the one being the sole deciding factor every time, despite being the weakest of the bunch?

What the fuck is going on with the system? Is everyone else incompetent?

And a fucking soulbound truck used as plot device so the MC can survive the impossible!?

Edit: Removed some of the snark.

Primate
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

 The story is a transmigration RPG. 

"When Owen Westward dies in a bank robbery, he is given a second chance at life in a new world filled with magic, adventure, and mystery. Although he is out of his element, he will use his knowledge of the old world in combination with the magic of this new world to become The Traveling Technomancer."

The story line doesn't really jump out at potential readers but it's good enough to attract any rpg fan. Now, the story development. Once the readers pick it up, they'll realize it's a good novel.

The writing style is the omniscient third person narration. 

The author is able to convey the thoughts and emotional feelings of the characters along with their actions. Well written.

The grammar is excellent. Well written.

The characters are nicely done.   The author is doing a great job on this too. Really love the MC and his interaction with the FL.

Good job.

Forrest Andar
  • Overall Score

Hoping you haven’t given up on this story now that I’m hooked

Reviewed at: Chapter 12: The Coming Storm

I just finished chapter 12 and saw that it has been almost 2 weeks since it was released. I hope all is well and that you are still working on this. A good start. I'm looking forward to more.

Casualreadergreen
  • Overall Score

Pretty good so far. No info dumps, no crazy overpowered mc.

happy359879
  • Overall Score

Looks like i found my new favorite novel to read :D 

Nurr
  • Overall Score

4 stars for being a decent start. I enjoy the different take the author offers on a tired trope.