Magic-Smithing

Magic-Smithing

by kosnik4

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

I put all the warning tags to give myself creative freedom, but I'm not going to write a story filled with gore or swearing.

This is my first time writing, other than for school projects. I put the gender-bender tag because I wanted to try writing from a female's perspective, and needed an excuse for why my MC reads a little tomboyish. The gender-bender fades into the background over the first few chapters, please don't let the tag keep you away from trying out my story.

Synopsis:

Second chances are rarely earned, and even rarer given. Follow a new life in a new world, where anything is possible. Our MC wakes up, stuck as a baby, needing to decide how she will live her new life. Let's see what future she can forge for herself, when hard work is rewarded with status points and skill levels.

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
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kosnik4

kosnik4

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
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Reviews
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drizzt6947
Overall

Had me hooked initially, but I'm dropping it

Reviewed at: Ch: 74

When a story has once a week chapters, people tend to expect those chapters to have substance. Having waited a whole week just to read a chapter encompassing a five minute interaction between the MC and her brother with his fiancĆ©, in which the MC uses her OP fear inducing skill on them for no reason other than them being overprotective, but nothing else of note happening - it's just the final straw. There have been similarly bland chapters too often. This story had promise, just like "Delve". And I'm dropping it the same way I dropped that other one. 

jojmist
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Good story, but not really sure it knows what it wants to be.

Reviewed at: Ch: 22

I very much so have enjoyed this story thus far, but I feel somewhat left in the dark about the protagonist, mostly so how he/she identifies as a person. It is difficult to put myself in the MC's shoes when I do not know what they really are or how they feel inside. The author stated in the synopsis early on that this was purposefully done for creative freedom, but I think that without this aspect cemented into the story, it just currently feels hollow, like something is missing. I also do not feel that something like this should be left for later in the story. I mean, why save it? As such, I am dropping this story for now until the MC is better fleshed out and no surprises occur down the line.

Dan Chekanov
Overall

Deserving of recognition

Reviewed at: Ch: 9

*read up to chap. 9 at time of review*

Maybe a little early in the story, but what the hell, gotta support what you read. //no spoilers//

 

Why i like it:

  • The style 

The English is perfect. No glaring grammar mistakes, misused words or confusing sentence structure. If there are mistakes, the author responds to comments and changes chapters post release, how great. Engaging writing, some suspense, some nice descriptions. Feels light and non-cumbersome to read.

  • The characters 

Consistent and Believable. Are thinking and caring. Differant from one another. A sobering contrast with the characters I encountered before.

My concerns:

     Blacksmithing could be hard to describe. What perspective will the author choose: a more technical one with descriptions of how grain size matters in how metal behaves ? a more mythical one with glowing ores and blades of mana ? I am ready for both. Just hope my imagination will be enough for the process.

     Hope the author does not skimp out on flavour text. How things smell or feel. It helps with immersion if you know how damp the air was in a cave, how the pebbles on the ground dig into your shoes or a swing of a weapon whistles mid swing. Its hard to balance this with plot progression.(like i know something about it...never done it myself)

  ***

Author,

You have a great story here and what it takes to grow it to great heights)

Mightgai
Overall

Good story but MESSY author

Reviewed at: Ch: 77

I'm literally commenting because the author wrote an apology about his messy posting on his patreon and I WOULD PAY MONEY to see the comment section. I stopped paying back in June but YALLLLLLLLLL the comment section was wild before BUT THEN IT WAS COMFIRMED and I want to be a fly on the wall. If ppl have screenshots. DM mešŸ¤£

Harmless.Carrot
Overall

Initially interesting but Author lost the plot

Reviewed at: Ch: 64

It was initially fun / interesting but then the Author lost the plot. I read till Chapter 90 but even till then the MC has not made a single true runed magic item - ie it's a very slow read.

What makes it worse is that the Author keeps giving view points of random people. Chapter 90 was the last straw for me as then Author gave the view point of a MOB character... so yeah, that's enough. I have no interest in mob characters.

Ozack 91
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Great story but Terrible delivery (Ch 42)

Reviewed at: Ch: 45

Overall the story is good. Is goes about the life of a young man in another world after his death. It does this realistically And I love the realism. The author doesn't explain how exactly the MC handles the transition but u can see it yourself. Thing is everything good about the story starts and ends with the MC .

 

Style

The style of writing is what gets me vexed the most  about this story, It's like a terribly written exposition. funny enough Its not my lowest rating of the story because style is unique to the writer. So where where some see utter nonsense others see beauty. But for this story I say terrible style 

 

Story

The story is the only thing that kept me going till ch 42. The story is not grand but it's beautiful in its own way. It gives such a plausible and realistic take on things that u just love it. The speed of growth is very commensurate to the level of hard work and dedication. Power is not gifted to MC, she earns every scrap of it that she eventually owns. I could go on but believe me the story is beautiful.

But so far the descriptions have been terrible.  42 chapters and 15+ years of the Mc's life and I barely have a mental image of the MC and no image whatsoever of most of the side characters. There has been no description of the forest, the village, MC's house or even her room for that matter. In short there has been no proper description of anything whatsoever.

 

Grammar

Well I am not particularly great with English but even with my limited knowledge a number of thing really bug me.

The use of 'i' is really excessive, it takes a lot out of the readers experience and instead makes the story as a whole sound more like a poorly written exposition.  The same thing applies to the use of ' master'. Master is not a name!!. It is a description of the nature of a relationship that exists between Alliyah and Del. So refering to del as master in every interaction with other characters is wrong except he is the master of the whole village.

Character

There are no characters besides MC and Del. Calling Del a character is pushing the boundaries.

Every character beyond Aliyah and Del are like puppets on strings. They are not even one dimensional. It's like they have no purpose at all beyond interacting with the mc.

In conclusion

  The story in itself has great premise and potential but is severely malnourished.

 

Reviewing my review (CH 58) 

There has definitely been some improvement, there is still the descriptions issue but the author has made effort. Then recently added characters are more fleshed out and fell more like actual living beings. Still a bit iffy about Aliyah and Del's relationship but it's ok. 

The use of I has reduced but it's still a lot. All in all there has been solid improvement hence my bumping the scores higher. 

JeffreyXIII
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Crafting a great story

Reviewed at: Ch: 24

A very easy series to grasp and enjoy. I find the humor and the lack of story defining cliches to be the best part. How the author makes all the dialogues and the way the world-building is going made me genuinely sad when I caught up. Up to chapter 24 and can't wait for more.

The most criticism I can place on the story are these:

1. Grammar and spelling - Fewer mistakes as the story goes on but sometimes the flow in the story is interrupted by using similar words one sentence after the other.

2. Like I said. I'm up to chapter 24 and I still don't get the point of making the Mc female in the new world. I have no problem with gender-bent characters, I have read too much manga for that. It might be obvious in the long run but I haven't seen a real reason (not that I'm in any rush).

Redonkulous
Overall

Solid story - Responsive author

Reviewed at: Ch: 21

Reviewed after chapter 21.

Worth your time.

This is a good story with a very responsive author that is continually improving his work.  There are some grammar/spelling errors, but they are few in number and corrected when mentioned.

 

Milanda
Overall

First  and foremost this author has probably the best reason I've read for a gender bender and I'm intrigued to see where this story goes. Outside of the occasional spelling and grammar error the story itself is quite fun to read. The side characters we see regularly are a little dull but it's both early and we are slowly learning more. I for one can't wait to read more as of ch 10.

Hawkstorm125
Overall

Seems to not understand its own context

Reviewed at: Ch: 66

This story up until chapter 64 was a Great read until the author decided to just set up and kill a character in a single chapter because the author failed to consider real scenarios between combatants and then claims "I didn't want to kill the character however they were backed into a corner by the previous chapters." whilst in no way was the character backed into a corner. In the future, I hope the author can keep in mind their actual settings to ensure they aren't simply claiming things when there is no evidence to support it All in all quite disappointed in the way the novel seems to be moving.