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A note from kosnik4

 

 

A whole year has passed and I’m still looking up at this damn roof, at least I’m not stuck in our bedroom anymore, having Richard as a roommate isn’t so bad. Haaa, maybe I’m being a little hard on myself; or as my parents would say she’s a little cranky today. She’s, that word still throws me every time I use it. It’s been about six months since I learned my new name and had to come to terms with my gender. Needless to say, I haven’t yet.


I’m not panicking about it anymore but I can’t say I’m over it; I mean, I spent 23 years as a male and don’t get me wrong I have plenty of respect for women, but I never thought I would have to deal with a situation like this. Therapy was an option back on earth but I can’t exactly talk to anyone about it now.


I don’t think its healthy but I’m pretty much just putting off thinking about it. I figured months ago that if I’m starting a new life, I'll just have to adapt to it. Trying to find a silver lining in all of this, I think it could have been worse.


I read so many stories of people transmigrating into an already grown person; that’s already an identity crisis but if they had to deal with a new gender on top of that, no matter who you are, I think you would break a little.


I am pretty glad that I’m still a baby, I can spend my next few years getting used to this situation and experience things slowly.
 
Back to the ceiling, the reason for the anger is I’m trying to learn to walk again and its hard. My butt is probably bruised from all the times I’ve fallen on it. Right now, staring up at the ceiling passing time till I catch my breath is all I can do. My whole body still feels off, balancing my new size and the weight of my head conflicts with my previous memories of walking just fine in my old body. I think super baby knowledge is actually hurting me this time, my instincts that normal children use to figure out walking are clashing with the knowledge I already have.

 


 

I want to say I’m a year old now but the seasons haven’t gone full circle yet. I think that not only are the months longer so are the years. It started to snow after the rain and fell for two months. The snow took its time melting but I can tell from the breeze from the windows, spring must be coming soon. That means we still need summer and near the end of that was about the time I was born. With the math I’ve been doing, I think a year on this planet is 15 months.


This makes the lunar lock out screen make much more sense, people gain access to their stats at ten years old, hence the 150.


Another silver lining is my stats have continued to rise; Status Page:


LV: 16 Experience: 769/2,197
Health: 100/100 Stamina: 17/80 Mana: 69/90
Vitality: 10
Endurance: 7
Strength: 7
Dexterity: 6
Senses: 12
Mind: 27
Magic: 9
Clarity: 14
Status Points: 150
Skills: Sense Mana (LV11), Acting (LV8), Meditation (LV10), Expel Mana (LV1)


This extra baby time I got is great for leveling my skills. My new meditation schedule starts after I’m put to bed every night; it's not questioned when a baby naps during the day. Meditation and Mana Sense by moonlight has ramped up my training schedule.


I was surprised when mana sense broke LV10 and realized it wouldn't cap off, it just took a noticeable more amount of time to get it to lv 11. I can only guess it becomes much harder to level a skill every ten levels.
 
While trying to move my mana like any future mage would try to do, I found I couldn’t shift the flow I sensed in my body. However, through sheer luck I noticed my body’s mana stream is closest to the world in my hands and when I tried letting the mana out through my fingertips, I got the Expel Mana skill. I passed out losing so much mana so quickly. The only thing the skill does however is rapidly deplete my mana into the atmosphere around my hands. I now start my night off by dumping my mana till only 20% remains and meditate to increase my sensitivity to it.


The sad thing with my mana is how slowly it recharges. Meditation seems to speed up my regain a little but not enough that a full day passes just to regain 80% of my mana. Thankfully my mana stat is growing the more I exercise my mana stream. Expelling the mana helps a lot with raising my base mana stat, the more mana I'm forced to regain naturally helps grow my mana pool like a muscle.

 



 
The light from the nearby window suddenly goes out.


Slightly turning my head, big brother is staring at me as usual. Thanks to my improved acting skill, I can quickly call a smile to my face and watch his light up. I hope he grows more relaxed to a woman’s smile in the future, or a lot of girls are going have fun at his expense.


While staring up at him I give my command “Up”, and through our understanding he knows I want to try walking again.


He scoops me up by my armpits and sets my feet on the ground. Next, he holds my hands and starts walking me in circles around our table. After two laps around I give him the signal “ggooo”, he releases my first hand as I try to keep my balance. After I stop shaking, he lets go of the other hand. Swaying like a drunk baby I start taking some steps… one, two, three, four, five pretty good this time.


Crap, lost my focus. I manage to get three more steps in before my butt hits stone again.


“You #%$ @ good &%$ Aaliyah!” At least my vocabulary is expanding, so I can tell he is offering me a compliment, so I should respond in kind. Giving him two giggles and a clapping jester makes him shout something too fast for me to hear at our Mother, so she looks down from tailoring brother's pants and gives a smile that puts mine to shame. I’m making sure to keep baby appearances up so my smiles are cheesy and random; compared to a mother’s smile, there's no comparison.


All this bumping around has really hurt my jaw the most. I’m sure my teeth are coming in now and trying not to snap at people is exhausting. Hopefully they come in fast so I can stop breastfeeding as soon as possible.


I start crawling slowly over to mother and use her legs to stand up. She’s still smiling at me as I look up at her and use my best attack possible “Ma-ma up” she lifts me up so easily and puts me in the crook of her arm. While she continues to work on brothers’ pants, I noticed something different there; Status page:


LV: 16 Experience: 1,319/2,197
Health: 100/100 Stamina: 9/80 Mana: 69/90
Vitality: 10
Endurance: 7
Strength: 7
Dexterity: 6
Senses: 12
Mind: 27
Magic: 9
Clarity: 14
Status Points: 150
Skills: Sense Mana (LV11), Acting (LV9), Meditation (LV10), Expel mana (LV1), Charm (LV1)

 

Not exactly a skill I wanted to get but it looks like another novice skill like Sense Mana. I’m not sure if they follow the same trend as the other skills but each gave me 100xp. I’m really happy Acting is almost at ten. It will help when I have to use baby grammar more and more.


Trying to learn to walk really takes it out of you. When it comes to my stamina bar, it fills much quicker than the mana, but has its own flaw. Overuse of my stamina reduces the number it recharges to. Depending on how hard I work out, even after I take a rest, it will usually stop refilling at 74 and that number continues to drop the more stamina used. If that wasn’t enough, if i get extremely tired like I am now, it refills at a snail’s pace.


The best thing to do is take a nap; like I’m doing now…

 



 My bed is moving? Opening my eyes, I see mom moving me to my chair next to the table. The chair has what I can only call a booster seat on it; that’s new. It looks hand carved and has a single leather belt latched to hold me in place. Mother's hands dance around me and lock me in place so quickly I don’t know what happened.


Dad comes walking out of his bedroom slightly cleaner and takes his spot at the table. Mother dishes some kind of stew as usual; I’ve noticed the family has stew at least every four of five days. I was definitely no cook back in my previous life but I'll have to learn as soon as possible in this one. There’s no way I’m only going to eat soups for the rest of my life.


“We #&*@ our @%$!&% to the %$# and &@#& of the %$&*@. We &%@&% you for the food we &%@$&$ and the &&@%$$# %%#$ of our family, may your %$*&&#@ $#@% &@$%.”


Deciphering this prayer is taking me forever. Even though sometimes I’m asleep during dinner, I hear father say it exactly the same way almost every night. Just have to try more of it tomorrow, I guess.


Dinner never takes too long; I can generally tell the family is talking about their days and so on but nothing too deep. Me, I like to spend my time at the dinner table learning the drums. The only thing you can give a baby to keep them occupied at the table are wooden spoons and I’m curious if I can get a drumming skill.


With my three encores over, mother moves to clear the dishes while dad is showing brother how use a carving knife on a brick of wood. Before mom picks up the kettle off of the table, I start to squirm and grunting in distress. Releasing me from the chair I have a plan to test my new skill. Using the table legs for balance I walk my way over to father. As soon as I grab his chair, I make sure to make eye contact and activate my new skill charm simultaneously saying “Up.” The hours I spent playing Pokémon games came to my head as the biggest smile comes to the giant’s face “It was super effective”.

With more care than even mother, he holds me tight against his chest. I fall asleep again smelling a distant forest I can’t wait to see one day.
 
Half asleep, I get my last feeding for the day and wait for the family to drift off one by one. The worst nights are when the parents wait for Richard to fall asleep and have some personal time together. One time I fell asleep for real, I waited at least an hour before I passed out.


Luckily, tonight is silent and I have time to practice my mana skills.
 



A few hours into my practice a loud horn scares me something fierce. Deciding to play along, I start crying as loud as I can as mother comes bursting into our room while dad sprints for the front door grabbing his giant woodsman's axe.


Mother holds me to her chest and has Richard get off of his bed and proceeds to push it up against our door. Huddling with us, she faces the only small window in our room and never takes her eyes off it. Looking down I notice she has a dagger, it’s still sheathed in her hand, ready to be used.


I spend the next two hours worried with my family, till we jump at a knock on our bedroom door.


I hear dads muffled voice say something on the other side but can’t make anything out. Mom must have been given the all clear because she moves brothers bed and dashes out the door into fathers’ arms.


I can’t see anything being smothered between the two but I notice the smell pretty quickly. It’s the smell of blood, however it smells wrong somehow. It starts to overpower my senses being so close to it so I let them know with some soft crying.


As father pulls apart from mother, I can finally see the green blood covering his clothes and hands. Looking down, his impressive axe is covered so heavily in blood there’s a pool of the foul liquid forming right below it.


Mother passes me to brother and runs off fetching her cleaning bucket. She spends the next half hour cleaning dad off, whispering something to him while giving the man a kiss every five minutes.


I thought they would put us back in our room when everything was over but they decided on a sleep-over tonight. The four of us crammed into our parents’ bed with me and Richard sandwiched in the middle.


I remember falling asleep realizing mom and dad still had their weapons sitting next to the bed, hoping nothing will come for us in the night.

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A note from kosnik4

Thanks for reading, and stay safe out there.


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kosnik4

Bio: Just love a good story.

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